Birth of an Evil Squirrel

the birth of mbrs

I gave a brief summary of how Evil Squirrel came about in my second post ever on this blog, which you can find under the “Intros” category off the sidebar (Yes, I finally went through the trouble to categorize my posts, to help you find the right type of porn you are looking for, you crazy Taiwanese!).  But I didn’t delve much into his origins, including the prototypes that existed before ES was even named, let alone defined.  So today, just 3 days shy of ES’s fourth birthday, we’re going to dig way back into the archive to find out just where ES really came from, and how he was developed via my first major project, the portrait series…

ARTIST GENERAL’S WARNING:  Much of the artwork you are about to see here comes from my primitive period when I first began drawing again.  It is not good.  It hurts my eyes to even look at most of it.  As embarrassed as I may be to even post some of it here, it is lessened by the fact that without all those crummy pictures I drew over four years ago, I would never have become as talented with the mouse and Paint as I am today.  Just brave yourself, and please don’t submit any of this to the Museum of Bad Art

evil squirrel artist

You don't want to upset a passionate squirrel artist.

I have mentioned before, the vast majority of my early works centered around a portrait series I drew in secret for my pals on my main forum.  I started the series right around New Years 2008, and continued until there were 115 in total by March 2009.  These portraits were not drawn freehand in Paint like my current works, but were sketched out on copy paper first, scanned to my computer, then painstakingly colored in and retraced in MS Paint (Which is STILL my exclusive drawing program today…. yeah, take your fancy art programs out there and sit on them!).  The basic premise of these portraits was to include my anthropomorphized version of the particular member the picture was for in a scene themed around something that relates to that particular person, along with any number of props and anthro animal extras.  I also would include in some portraits a real animal sidekick or two, usually for some comedic effect.  This animal, more often than not, wound up being a gray squirrel….

Exhibit A

Here is the third portrait I drew in the series, and the very first in which that little grey squirrel appears in (You can click on any of these portraits to view them larger, though you will just be even more disgusted by my terrible early attempts at art).  There he is, just sitting there on a rock eating, who knows, maybe an acorn, and admiring Peacock as she expresses her signature line “Bite Me!”.  It would be another eleven portraits later before our little grey friend appeared again, but this appearance would amazingly foreshadow the circumstances under which Evil Squirrel would emerge as an icon on the message board….

sliver and annie

Run, ES, Run!

Ignore my terrible attempt to draw a car and check out how prescient this picture was to become.  It was drawn almost exactly 3 months before I even registered the Evil Squirrel name on my board that essentially created the official character.  Here is Annie Camaro, whose constant complaints about the evil squirrels in her backyard, helped inspire my portrait for her mother Sliver.  The pre-ES squirrel is merely filling in for the adventures his more defined successor would often engage in as he was establishing his early identity.  It was part of the inspiration for ES’s first ever official appearance, which you’ll see in the second part of this posting later this week….

The squirrel would continue to rack up appearances as the series went on.  Here he is in the very next portrait I drew:

There's the little guy up in the tree watching the postman do a little littering.

Here he is helping out a friend in need….

Anyone ever heard of a triple squirrel dare?

His next appearance came a few weeks later.  He damn near looks like early ES now, except for the solid color tail….

ES was a prevert even before he was ES!

Here’s the little guy again a month later.  Just two weeks before his official birth….

With spiffy looking white paws, no less!

He wouldn’t appear again until late May, one month after official ES.  He’s still sporting the white paws he had in the last picture….

Lots of inside jokes in this one.... don't ask!

Hey….. I see someone else familiar in this one!

Sandy's always been an exhibitionist...

And then, there is this…..

Squashed squirrel, anyone?

Kay (aka Kiki) is a character I haven’t really brought up as much as I should.  Anyway, it was her portrait that had the honor of being the first ever to feature the modern day Evil Squirrel in it.  He would become a fixture in almost every one of my portraits I drew in the second half of the series, but this was just a one time deal.  It wasn’t until portrait #73 that a spur of the moment addition turned into a tradition….

Yes, there really are ten little tadpoles...

Once again, there’s a lot of little inside jokes in this portrait that would take paragraphs for me to explain, but they’re neither here nor there.  We’re concerned about ES there peeking out behind Frogman’s legs.  This is the portrait that really led to ES’s appearance in all future creations in the series, and he was a completely throwaway addition to this one.  He does not appear in my sketch of the picture, and that’s because I literally decided to add him in after I had finished coloring the picture.  I added ES in several other pictures afterwards, sometimes much like this one, as a last minute addition to for comedic effect.  The portraits helped establish the ES character before I began drawing several-times weekly avatars in the Spring of 2009.

Even more foreshadowing!!! Poor ES...

So I’ve shown how Evil Squirrel traces his roots back to the portrait series and evolved through the later images.  But I didn’t begin unveiling the portraits until mid-August 2008, which was after ES was already known on the board.  So how was the first introduced to my ever captive audience?  We’ll find out ES’s birthday this Wednesday….

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Blaze and Sulphur

the squirrel twins!

One of the great things about inspiration is that you never know where and when it’s going to strike.  In March of 2011, a dry spell led to an outbreak of wildfires in Oklahoma.  As with many tragic events like this, there is the occasional heartwarming story that emerges, and my Oklahoma connection Sliver let me know of a couple baby squirrels who were rescued from the charred remains of a tree in a southern Oklahoma town.  The story was a blurb on one of the Oklahoma City news channels that doesn’t seem to exist anymore, or else I’d link to it here.

That got the wheels spinning, and I realized there was one thing missing from the cast of characters I had piled up over the years…. youngins!  So I drew the following avatar of ES rescuing the squirrel pups from their former home…

our hero!

We were almost fricasee!

I made one a boy and one a girl, and to pay tribute to the event that brought them life, I included black char marks on the tips of their ears and their tail.  That night’s chat session naturally centered around names for the new characters, which I always leave open to my friends since I am terrible at coming up with good monickers.  It was decided that the girl should be named Blaze, despite the fact that I had a pre-ES fox character of the same name and I really didn’t want to reuse it.

Yes, that's Sandy with her back turned away. She was quite a tramp in her day. And feel free to click the pic to see it much larger, it's one of my favorite drawings from my old sketchbook.

As for Blaze’s twin brother, that name was suggested completely by accident when Sliver mentioned having to make a trip to the town of Sulphur, and both me and Fanny instantly sprang upon that name for the little squirrel boy.  So with names in hand and a few artistic revisions (As well as the helpful suggestion to make Blaze easier to tell apart from MBRS), I drew up this picture to give the duo their official intro:

future arsonists

Smokey the Bear didn't look this cute on those posters.

And so became the two youngest members of the ES clan.  I did my best to work them into as much of my drawings as I could to get them established, generally whenever I had a theme calling for a couple of troublemakers but didn’t want to drag out ES…

fun in the freezer aisle

These are the kind of customers that drive me apeshit at work.

I never bothered to introduce them until today, however, because I hadn’t drawn them at all since I started this blog…. until last night when I needed them for the newest item in my ESN store….

i brake for squirrels

That's someone's bushy-tailed child out there, you know!

I created my first bumper sticker which can be found in it’s own section under Squirrels x3 right here.  I may have to order one myself for my little blue Neon.  It’s a great way to show your appreciation for the little guys scampering innocently around on the mean streets of your hometown, even if the guy behind you’s just going to slam into your rear bumper anyway because they’re too busy texting their BFF….

cell phones are evil!

How does this thing work again?

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XXX Marks The Spot

sandy squirrel

Not the squirrel you were looking for, prevert?

One of my favorite little tools in the dashboard of this blog tells how people stumbled onto this blog every day, and if the vehicle happened to be a search engine, what search terms they used that led them here.  Of course, this is awesome because people search for some of the funniest, strangest, and quite frankly creepiest things… and it never fails to amuse me some of the search terms that apparently pop up my blog or an image from this blog in the results.

i'm watching you!

Keep searching if you were looking for pictures of Buster Poindexter.

At some point in the future, probably at the six month or one year anniversary of my starting Evil Squirrel’s blog, I’ll do a special post on some of my favorite search terms that have brought people to The Nest.  But for today’s entry, I’d like to focus on one that seems to turn up time and time again… one which puzzles me and makes me fear for the survival of the human race.  At some point over the past 4 months, the following search terms all led some poor soul to my doorstep:

sandy spongebob nude

sandy squrrel nacked

spongebob sandy naked

spongebob squirrel porn

And of course, those search results all directed someone to this page in my blog, where I brought up Sandy the squirrel from the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon in my intro post for my Sandy Squirrel character.  Since I made that blog entry not even three months ago, at least four people out there were desperately scouring the internet trying to find a nudie drawing of this.

Wow.

Now, before all of you freaks out there zip your pants back up and decide to deliver me a stern lecture about minding my own business, hear me out.  I completely understand why there is a fascination out there with “cartoon porn”.  Cartoons generally shun reality, and the fantasy world they create is a natural entrance ramp for the wasteland of sexual inhibitions that live in many of our heads.  There are millions of boys out there (and maybe even some girls) who would give anything to see Wonder Woman out of uniform.  Who out there isn’t curious what Smurfette would look like with boobs?  And everyone knows that the Flintstones and the Rubbles were Bedrock’s most notorious swingers.

And the animators know these sexual fantasies within the cartoon world exist, and capitalize on it at every opportunity, creating female characters that are as gorgeous, voluptuous, and drop dead sexy as the most stunning real life model.

sexy kitteh

25 years old, and STILL the sexiest character in animation history.

If you grew up in the 80′s like I did, you probably caught the cartoon series “Heathcliff” at some point.  Every episode had a story centering around Heathcliff in the first half, and a story centering around Riff Raff and his gang in the second half.  Pictured above is Cleo, Riff Raff’s girlfriend, and she was the only reason worth watching the show (Unless you count the super cool rhyming fool Wordsworth).  Whoever the demented genius was behind Cleo’s creation, you can rest assured he knew full well he was creating a character designed to tug at the sexual fantasies of boys going through puberty.  The curves, the big hair hanging down over one shoulder, the leg warmers…. had tramp stamps existed in the 80′s you can rest assured she’d have some kind of feline design inked around a pierced navel.  And sure enough, if you dare go and look, you can find plenty of X-rated pictures on Google featuring Miss Cleo, as the boys who grew up drooling over her in the pre-internet days now have a new venue to show how badly they have suffered since no girls who look anything like Cleo have ever even talked to them.

furry freaks

Not even at Anthrocon.

Sexuality has been a part of the art world since the days of the caveman.  What high schooler didn’t get a rise out of getting to look the wide array of nudity in classical art without having to go to the principal’s office?  But the so-called normal person might be shocked to see just how prevalent it also is in the world of anthropomorphic art.  That’s just plain twisted enough that anyone who even has such thoughts should be committed and straightjacketed, right?

bang your head!

I'm a fox, dammit! It's not bestiality!

Here is the website I stumbled across way back in December 2007 that set me down the road that eventually ES and friends emerged from.  It’s kind of a storage area/museum for artists of the animal persuasion to show off their works.  I find the stuff there quite fascinating, and cool, and most importantly, very creative!  If you browse around there, you’ll certainly eventually stumble upon artwork that is not intended for younger audiences (A tamer, and I’d daresay quite cute example from an artist named Sarah Wheeler can be found here).  While there is a lot of stuff there that is really just vulgar and tasteless, there is also a fair amount of R to X rated work that is very well done and as pleasing to look at as any other cute doodle.

Of course, it’s pretty hard to mention all of this and not take a good, long look at my artwork and realize I’m guided by pretty much the same principles.  Many of my characters are female.  I always strive to make them the right combination of both cute and sexy.  I obviously do not cross over into nudes or porn because of my audience both here and on the message board I created my characters on, however that doesn’t mean I haven’t been tempted to do so on the side.  I’m not ashamed to admit that either, I think it’s natural and just goes hand in hand with having the creative mind of an artist.

The only animal porn you're going to get from me on this site comes from the zoo.

We’ve digressed a long way from where this blog post started, and we still haven’t answered the eternal question….

Who would really want to see THIS thing naked?

It makes me feel good to know there are those out there even more demented than I am.  I just wish they’d buy a t-shirt from me the next time they stop by for their Sandy Cheeks nudie fix…

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Friday the 13th!

it's your unlucky day!

Today is Friday the 13th, one of my favorite days of the year.  Of course, this is only the second of three occurrences of the day this year.  Only four times in the 28 year solar cycle will we get three Friday the 13ths in the same year, and this is the only one of those four times when it falls thrice in a six month span.  It won’t happen again until 2040!

Thanks to the phenomenon that is triskaidekaphobia (and the folks who brought you all of those Jason Voorhees movies), Friday the 13th gets a bad rap.  Thirteen happens to be my favorite number, and like a lot of people, it has to do with the fact that I was born on the 13th.  In fact, I’ll turn another year older the next time Friday the 13th rolls around in three months.

Birthdays suck.

Because of my fascination with the number 13, many people think I’m superstitious, just in an opposite way from most people.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Favoring the number 13 doesn’t make that my lucky number anymore than being a creature of habit makes me some OCD freak (Yeah, I get that a lot too).  People who are superstitious believe that good or bad things will happen based on certain events that have absolutely nothing to do with the outcome at hand.  Wearing a certain shirt isn’t going to make my team win or lose, getting a Bingo card with 7 and 11 in the corners isn’t going to make it any more or less likely I’m going to win or lose, and wearing my lucky underwear isn’t going to make it any more likely that I’m going to have a great day…

squirrel cheeks!

In fact, probably just the opposite if it's a lucky thong...

The truth is, I’m a big believer in the complete and utter randomness of the universe.  I hate when things are contrived or manipulated, and it bugs me to no end when people see unusual patterns in the outcomes of life as lucky or unlucky streaks.  Casino gambers are some of the worst violators of this.  If you don’t believe me, sit down at a blackjack table and start making all kinds of unconventional hits and stays, and see how irritated the other players start to get.  The cards were perfectly lined up their way, but you went and RUINED it by hitting on 19!  You’ve messed up the entire shoe now!

draw four!

It's MBRS's fault for playing that yellow Reverse card!

Back in the late 90′s, me and a few other relatives would meet out at my Grandma’s house every Friday evening to play a game we called blitz.  When my aunt’s boyfriend would get on a bad run early on, he’d sometimes resort to reaching out to the pile of cards after a round was finished and cutting the deck.  “There!” he would say, “I’ve just changed my luck for the entire night!”  That’s true in the sense that the outcome of every game played after that (as well as every game ever played with that deck of cards in the future) was just altered.  But there is no way of telling if that “luck” was changed for the better or not.  In his case, most often it wasn’t… but that didn’t keep him from continually trying.  How the cards are going to fall is completely random, regardless of whether their playing order has been manipulated or not, and there’s no way of telling how that altered outcome is going to affect you or not.

black cat

Um, excuse me, but weren't we talking about bad luck earlier?

Oops, that’s right, Biskit, we were.  Biskit is my other cat, an all black kitty I adopted from the vet’s office a few days after I had to put my beloved Spilly down last year.  I like the idea of having a black cat around, as it’s kind of a way to thumb my nose at the superstitious morons out there who think they bring bad luck.  I’ve noticed that prejudice against ebony felines is even present in the advertising world.  Next time you look through some ads, or go to a store and check out all the cat products, count how many black cats you see.  Unless you happen to be shopping for batteries, you’ll be lucky…. er, hard-pressed to find even one black cat anywhere.

So quit worrying about things you honestly have no control over, and enjoy this day just like the other 363 non-Friday the 13th this year has to offer.  Quit looking out for sidewalk cracks, don’t worry about walking under ladders, and believe me, if breaking a mirror brought 7 years bad luck, I’d have several millenniums of horrible karma built up after all my years working in a place that sells mirrors in crummy packaging.

iphone

I consider it good luck to smash a cell phone, though.

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A Wise Squirrel Once Said…

grab life by the nuts!

Just created this design today.  I couldn’t possibly be happier with how it turned out.  I slapped it on everything it would fit on over at CafePress, and it’s now available in my store in the Evil Squirrel section.  Two blog posts in one day is a rarity for me, but after all the work on that acorn pile, I was going to give this one a little publicity and show it off a bit….

In other shop related news, I’ve continued adding more bling designs, and have even gotten around to adding smaller, simpler designs for my zodiac section.  Yeah, I’ve still only covered the first five signs, and I’ve still only done the Aries design for the jewelry, but since they take so little time to create, I’ll probably do all twelve before I ever start the Virgo shirt design.  Anyway, here’s how the small Aries design looks…

As always, keep checking in at the ESN store as I am slowly but surely adding new designs all the time.  Thank you for your support!

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Holly

the possum hunter!

I’m way overdue on introducing another one of my characters, and I’ve long promised to give Holly her long-awaited write-up, so I’ll take care of both of those issues today!  Meet Holly, the hip, star-schmoozing, self-proclaimed Valley Skank with a possum problem on the side.  The coolest coonette this side of the Hollywood sign, you know you’ve won her affection if she refers to you as”Doll”.  She loves people, and people love her…

a star is born!

Thank you, thank you! You're all too kind!

One thing she doesn’t love, however, are those voracious creatures of the night.  Especially one in particular who likes to rummage through the trash cans and cat food.

I'm going back to Cali...

Buster, a rare male character who has found his way into ES’s inner circle, was completely inspired by Holly’s run in with a possum four years ago.  Through the miracle that is message board posts never being erased, here is Holly’s account:

July 15, 2008, 7:42 AM:

To round out a lousy day, late last night i hear some clinking among the cat food bowls – odd. Go to check and see an enormous rat (possum) eating out of the bowls. Took me about about an hour, 1 broom, 1 mop, and a hand-vac (for sound effects) to get him out. Meanwhile, what I thought were a bunch of dirty dust bunnies in the corner dropped from the broom, to my horror turned out to be stinky blops of crap- i literally scared the shit out of him. It wasn’t pretty.

Pupu platter, anyone?

9:37 AM:

ok, the kids are already terrified of the spiders so knew they’d be useless with a hissing marsupial. Hubby is distinctly unpleasant without his full 8 hours. Just relieved the neighbors didn’t hear the shrieks of “get ouuut” and call 911 (hmmm, maybe not…). It did play possum, several times, hence the hour it took. At one point it tried to blend in by hiding behind the fake black lab puppy- I knew we should have gotten a real one. The cats just layed around laughing at me. Went through a whole roll of Brawny and 1/2 a bottle of rug spray. Just bought a bag of latex gloves that morning. Serendipity!

Possum Hunter!

Possums don't give you a second chance...

July 16, 2:07 AM:

Have added a rake to the arsenal and am on tactical alert. So far, so good. Fighting off paranoia after nearly clubbing the tabby. Oops.

I recommend you guy not piss off Holly. She'll even wack her own kind...

And that was all she wrote.  But I got Holly’s image as The Possum Hunter out of it, and over the course of another 3 years, it eventually gave birth to ES’s twin troublemaker Buster, who I invited her to name after I included this cute little pic of him in a birthday card I made for her…

Adorable only because he's behind bars...

Happy Holly days, and make sure to keep that rake handy….

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Separated At Birth?

Reflections

My characters who have all been around for years have developed quite interesting personalities throughout the life of my artwork.  They generally start as some kind of stereotype, developing more in-depth traits as they appear more often in avatars, drawings, stories, etc.  It obviously wouldn’t surprise me that there are many people out there who could classify themselves as being like any one of my creations.  There are many naive innocents out there just like Angel, unashamed skanks out there like Skanki, devilish little troublemakers like ES or Buster.  Even the characters that were inspired by real people, like Hooly and Hottie, no doubt have plenty of other matches out there.  While everyone is truly unique, there are still generalized personality types we can all be slotted into.

laker socks

Well, most of us can anyway....

So when one of the ladies on my main internet home made a short, cryptic post about MBRS and Aubrey O’Day (from the current Celebrity Apprentice edition) being twins separated at birth, my first thought was obviously that O’Day fit into her personality mold.  Being the original brazen wild child of the modern ES world, MBRS is even more associated with the skankier side of the tracks over on the message board than I tend to portray her here.

Digression: One of my all time favorite comments involving MBRS on my forum was made by Sliver (aka Ms. Camaro) three years ago.  In one of those winding discussions that had nothing to do with the original topic itself, MBRS being associated with adult novelty shops came up, and Sliver uttered this classic line: “If there were a Rodent of Love Bus, MBRS would be on it, flashing her tatters and looking for tequila.”  Of course, if you didn’t connect that to the erstwhile VH1 reality fare “Rock of Love Bus”, or are even familiar with that past show (and don’t feel bad if you aren’t), you probably won’t get how wonderfully descriptive that comment is…

And most reality shows, even those where you’d think the skank role wouldn’t be necessary, usually cast it anyway.  Probably even on Toddlers and Tiaras.  Now I am pop culture ignorant enough to have never heard of Aubrey O’Day before I saw the twin comment this past Monday.  I don’t know anything about her, and I certainly don’t watch Celebrity Apprentice (or much else on TV for that matter).  When I went to check Ms. O’Day out on Google, I saw many pictures of a blonde chick pop up, who may or may not fit the MBRS role, but certainly wouldn’t make me think of her no matter how vivaciously wild and carefree their persona happened to be.

Ah, but Google is a look into the past, and as it turns out, Aubrey O’Day is no longer sporting the blonde look.  Another member posted a more recent pic of her after I noted my request for enlightenment on the MBRS/O’Day comparison.  Aha!  So she’s now a redhead!  According to her own blog, she just made the color change just a few months ago in late September.  Now the twin comment is all starting to make even more sense.

Everybody Hates Hooly.

But when I decided to add an image of MBRS to go with the redhead Aubrey pic posted, that’s when things started getting really creepy!  I focused on my most recent drawing of MBRS, which was the design I used to create the Personality Bling that featured her character.  I put the two drawings side by side, posted them in the same thread as the original “separated at birth” comment, and…. well, take a look for yourself…

Twins!

If Aubrey were ever interested in becoming a cartoon squirrel, that would be just what she'd look like!

Not only is it the bright red hair, but those bright green eyes and even her darkish, I’d daresay Snooki-ish orange tinted skin make her nearly a dead ringer for the one known as Miss Beautiful Red Squirrel.  And of course it helps that the poses in both the photo and the drawing are quite similar.  Now, I don’t claim to be any kind of gifted artist, and even if I were trying to draw a character to look like someone, it would fail miserably.  But I can’t get by just how wonderfully perfect these two images go together!

And as for the personality…. well, as I said before, I really know nothing about Ms. O’Day’s persona because I didn’t even know who she was until a few days ago.  I read over her Wikipedia page and peeked in on her blog which is linked from there, but since this was a comparison borne out of her appearance on Celebrity Apprentice, the only way to truly find out how valid a personality comparison is would be to actually watch the show itself.  Nahhh.  From what I can read of Aubrey, she seems to be a real free-spirited wild thing, and not necessarily in the negative light that type can have cast on them.  And really, that kinda sums up MBRS as well.  She’s just a squirrel out in the world looking to have a good time and enjoy life, and if that is how Aubrey O’Day would characterize herself, then I’d say she is a perfect match for the red-furred one.

i kissed a squirrel

And some even say Aubrey might be one who would kiss a squirrel....

And given the mysterious ways in which the internet works, should Aubrey O’Day herself happen to come across this post and read of my comparison of her to one of my characters, I hope she can see that it is all in good fun, and obviously MBRS isn’t trying to be a kopykat.  But if Aubrey just happens to also have a red heart tattoo on her left hip, then I’m officially starting up my own psychic network….

I foresee a stalking charge in your future!

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Bling’s The Thing!

Representin'!

A couple weeks ago, I finally decided to try out some of my designs on the selection of jewelry offered by CafePress.  The result was a brand new section in my Evil Squirrel’s Nest store I called Personality Bling, which features basic drawings of some of my characters attached to a different personality trait.  For the sweet girl for example, there is this Angel design.  Or for the not so sweet, there is this offering with Hooly.  And many others to choose from in a selection that I plan on growing throughout the year.

Woof!

All Evil Squirrel's Nest jewelry has the Sliver Seal of Approval.

In the Bling section, you will find necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and since it falls under the jewelry category for some reason over at CafePress, keychains!  For you or the special girl or woman in your life!  Find the personality that fits you best, and then show it off in dazzling, shiny, blingy style!  No word on when, um….. other kinds of body jewelry will be available….

pierced and proud of it

Sorry, Skanki....

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Mega Zillions

It's a bitch, squirrel.

Lottery: (noun) definition-  a tax on the stupid.

Mega Millions, one of the two major nationwide lotteries run in the United States, has not been won in approximately 7 years.  The jackpot has rolled over, and rolled over, and continues to roll over more often than your dog.  The latest estimate for Friday’s drawing now has the jackpot over $500,000,000…… that’s half a billion freaking dollars!  To give you an idea of how much money that is, if you stamped it all and entered it into Where’s George, you would have it all entered and stamped by about the time the sun exploded into a red giant if you hurried.

Enter, Mark, Scritch!

But think about that for a minute.  Sure, everyone dreams of having that much money, but would you seriously want to become one of the richest people in America overnight?  That’s a dangerous amount of money for someone to have attached to their name who doesn’t already live in a fortress way outside of civilization.  One of the members of my forum brought up this point last night, and I came up with a simple solution to break that jackpot down to something a bit more manageable…. find a bunch of your closest friends and claim jointly!

Or else hire this guy to keep away the riffraff...

I am hereby volunteering to help out anyone out there who happens to win Friday night’s jackpot by being a co-claimant of your ticket.  $5,000,000 is fine, I’ll gladly take a 1% split.

ES cares about your personal well-being!

So if you should find yourself half a billion dollars richer Friday night, just hit the Contact Me page up there on the header.  You will thank me and ES later….

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Let’s Rally!

Opening Day in Major League Baseball is always one of the greatest days of the year.  I have been a baseball fan since I was a kid, and always look forward to another great season of watching my fantasy baseball team scuffle to another horrible finish.  I already have both of my trips to other cities planned out for the year, and just yesterday purchased the tickets for my much lighter than normal slate of Cardinals games I plan on going to.  While I’m generally pumped up around this time of the year, something last October put a serious damper on my enthusiasm for the sport I love, and I just can’t work up the excitement this year.  It’s hard to explain, I mean, last year’s playoffs were some of the best ever, and the World Series was a classic the likes of which had not been seen in almost a decade….

Too bad I hardly watched it at all….

If you’re reading this from “Cardinals Nation” (And I can’t stand it when teams refer to their fans as a “nation”), you may know what I’m getting at here.  You see, this critter, as critters are sometimes known to do, scurried out onto the ballfield in St. Louis during both home games of the NLDS against the Phillies last year.  That critter just happened to be a squirrel.  As crazed fans are wont to do, they turned him into an icon…. and since the Cards kept plowing their way through the playoffs last year, despite being written off for dead in early September, the legend of the “Rally Squirrel” only grew…. nevermind the fact that the Cardinals never staged an actual rally at any point during the playoffs….

Oh wait…. they did….

Game 6

I still get sick just thinking about it…..

I’m probably the only non-Rangers fan who did not enjoy that game.  It validated the damn thing.  I was no longer the eccentric one who enjoyed squirrels, they were the popular thing in town, and I was just a happy bandwagoner.  I couldn’t even make a Squirrel o’lantern to put out every Halloween like I had for the past two years…

Glowing squirrel

And such a shame, because they looked awesome on my porch. Yes, that is really my handiwork from 2010!

But I’m not just upset that my squirrel love was co-opted by the local Major League franchise.  Hey, I’ve been fighting for squirrel awareness since I created ES, so that itself wasn’t a bad thing.  It’s just that….. well, I was drawing rally squirrels a full 2 and a half years before this one ever got its name in the papers.  And even though I know it wasn’t actually any kind of theft, it still pisses me off, you know?

The ORIGINAL, accept no substitutes!

The above avatar was drawn by me on April 24, 2009.  It was designed as a rally avatar for Fanny’s Denver Nuggets, who were about to face the New Orleans Hornets in the first round of the NBA playoffs.  ES is seen waving a Nuggets blue rally towel and stepping on the Hornets mascot, while MBRS cheers away.  As the Nuggs advanced in the playoffs, I changed the mascot ES was squishing to a jackass with a Mark Cuban jersey for the Mavs (A classic if there ever was one), and a palm tree for the Lakers, who eventually did stop Denver’s run in the Conference Finals, probably because of how lame that idea actually was.  The Rally Squirrels gained plenty of fame, and have reappeared in subsequent years for the Nuggets, as well as for the Colorado Rockies when they stormed their way into the playoffs in 2009 (none of which turned out very well, I’m afraid).

And I’m not saying there wasn’t outside inspiration for those rally squirrel avatars.  Did you notice the date timestamped on the photo I led off this post with?  That was just two days prior to that first Nuggets Rally Squirrel avatar.  And that photo was taken at, where else…… Busch Stadium.

A little background.  Since I generally attend games by myself, and thus buy single tickets, I tend to draw the same seat for most of the games I go to in any given year.  In 2009, that regular seat of mine wound up being in the first row of section 511, seat 10, which is the last seat before the opening to the concourse.  If you attend a lot of Cardinals games, you may be aware of a popular regular who has season tickets in that row, a sweet lady named Karen (I hope its spelled that way, and apologize to her or anyone who knows her if it isn’t) who has a whole litany of items and trinkets she sets up on the railing in front of her prior to the game.  One of those items is what appears in that first photo, a little stuffed squeaky squirrel outfitted in a Cardinals helmet.  I attended my first game that year on April 8th, and imagine my amusement to see that cute little squirrel perched on the railing not even a full year after I had created ES and became something of a sciurine aficionado.  After I had mentioned it to my mom, who attended the next game with me on the 22nd, she took a picture of it from where we were sitting for that game.  I never asked about the genesis of Karen’s “rally squirrel”, though if I were hazard a guess, I’d say it came from this game on September 4, 2007, which I also happened to attend, but since ES wasn’t even a glimmer in my mind at the time, I didn’t think much of.  Notice the notes at the bottom of the game summary.  The scoreboard operator at that game was going crazy flashing a picture of the thing on the scoreboard and calling it a….. yes, “RALLY SQUIRREL”, even though St. Louis never trailed in that game.

Anyway, after about 7 or 8 games sitting in that row with The Rally Squirrel Lady (as I always referred to her on my forum), I had concocted the idea to use ES and try to create something for her by the end of the season.  I hadn’t made anything resembling a real piece of art before, but I managed to cobble together a nifty little design printed out on photo paper, put in a hand decorated matted frame, and on September 11th of that season, I presented to her the first official rally squirrel artwork ever drawn….

And I'd say she loves it! I wonder if she still has it, though....???

Oddly enough, 2 weeks after I drew that, I took a baseball trip to Cleveland to take in a few games at Progressive Field.  Guess what one of the between innings promotions was during the second game I saw….?

Oh my God!

Can you believe that? I almost wet myself when it popped up...

Yes, the Rally Squirrel Shuffle was playing in Cleveland in 2009!  At least it was for this game on September 23rd.  That man won some booby prize for knowing which of these squirrels had the nut after they all diddy-bopped around on the Jumbotron for about 30 seconds.

The Rally Squirrel Shuffle amused me, but didn’t bother me….. because it was in CLEVELAND, which last I checked was about 500 miles driving distance from St. Louis.  But did it have to happen HERE?  And in such a glorious circumstance that it will never be forgotten and be around to haunt me for the rest of my life?  Not only was I so depressed that I couldn’t watch the playoffs after the first round last year, but I even quit drawing ES and all squirrel characters for about 3 weeks from mid October until early November.  Yeah, poor, poor pitiful me, right?  I can’t even try to capitalize by throwing a generic Rally Squirrel t-shirt in my shop, because it’s just all so painful!  Oh well, maybe by the time I attend my first game this year, I’ll put all this rally squirrel rubbish aside and be back in the old baseball spirit…

Just as long as some dumbass dressed in a squirrel costume doesn’t get within groin kicking range of me anyway….

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