All Time Sandy Awards – Celebrities!

Here’s a celebrity I met 21 years ago today.

The Nest’s 10th anniversary celebration continues on this week with Part 2 of our look back at one of my favorite features to write for this blog, the Sandy Awards!  My annual look back at the best, the funniest, and the most fucked up search terms to lead people to my blog had to be retired this past year due to a lack of grist for the mill… but we’re doing an all-time edition taking into account the thousands of great entries my stats page saved for me over the past ten years!

As always, each one of the bolded terms below was really entered by someone into a search engine over the past ten years, with that search leading them to The Nest!

For our second category, we’re going to mock the best search terms featuring someone famous, whether real or fictional…

Some people wound up becoming famous for more than just 15 minutes.  It might take you longer than that to check out all of these fucked up celebrity search terms…

elvis in soviet union – Given what passes for rock music in the old CCCP, I’m not sure they’re ready for Elvis…

This lame meme will probably get me sent to Siberia.

weird al yankovic squirrels – After “Weasel Stomping Day,” I think Weird Al better just stay away from squirrels…

hairy body of anil kapoor – Hubba hubba…

You should see me during a full moon!

joan jett touch me – Give it up, fanboy.  She’s into chicks…

richard simmons reach – No!  Keep those sweaty hands to yourself…

Aw, c’mon! Just one little tickle?

samuel l jackson koolaid commercial – Keep your muthafuckin’ pitcher away from my muthafuckin’ wall!!!

darius sucks – Well, duh!

Now playing at a fruity western bar near you…

jack palance porn scene – Someone better ride back to town and fetch a shitload of Viagra…

what does the white guy do in the dazz band? – He gives them a more diverse look to appeal to a wider audience, of course!

Radical! Now we can attract that whitebread demographic we always wanted!

vidal sassoon squirrel – If the squirrel doesn’t look good, he don’t look good…

Vidal’s looking pretty damn awesome today…

gheorghe zamfir greatest hits – Zamfir and greatest hits are oxymorons.  Ergo, the existence of this album would destroy the universe…

fat tom lasorda – Fat?  Why, he still looks like he’s in playing shape!

Well, he’s in playing shape for the Goodyear blimp.

horny pikachu – Awwww, he just wants to catch ’em all too!

pikachu on meth – Actually, I think he prefers the good stuff…

Mind altering drugs is the only way to understand anime, dude!

marshall applewhite transparent – After decomposing for 25 years, he should be very transparent…

Hopefully his badass Nikes are still in good shape, at least…

malibu barbie linda blair – Barbie teaches girls that they can be anything.  Like demon hellpsawn that turn into a pea soup sprayer…

ronald mcdonald hug

Back off, Ronald, or Grimace will eat your ass.

miley cyrus bologna ass – Well, there went my appetite…

john candy wearing chaps – Some people have some very weird fetishes…

At least it’s more presentable than what he was wearing in “Armed and Dangerous.”

how can i get a lil jon voicemail greeting? – Pony up a few dead presidents, and rappers will do just about anything.

Yo! The bitch can’t come to the phone right now. Leave yo 411 and maybe she’ll give ya a hollaback… fo’ shizzle.

is the fray an evil band? – I don’t know, but “How To Save A Life” probably plays on loop in Hell’s waiting room…

george costanza zuiikin english – You tell me that’s not Jason Alexander with panties tied around his nose…

And you thought Kramer was the weird one…

mike tyson metamucil commercial – I hear human ears are high in fiber…

mike tyson image of back

Well, playing Punch Out isn’t going to help us out…

why isnt the original jay bush in the commercial for bush’s beans? – Who do you think’s in the beans?

Duh, I heard that!!!

bobby darin bubble bath – Nothing’s more relaxing than a nice, warm bubble bath with the dead…

Right Marat?

was john travolta ever in a reese’s commercial – Hopefully he didn’t get any peanut butter on his leisure suit.

elizabeth taylor husbands in order – Always remember the mnemonic…. Divorced, beheaded, died… Divorced, beheaded, survived.

Hey, where’s Michael Jackson?

kevin o’neill porn actor – Hey, I actually met two celebrities at my Millionaire taping!

Such a charming face hides such a dirty secret…

did lorena bobbitt use a ginsu knife? – Ummm… we are talking about for chopping veggies in the kitchen, right?

washed up butch patrick – Hey!  Leave Eddie Munster alone!

Someone’s gotta do the burger flipping…

jimmie walker is a douche – You just can’t handle all that DY-NO-MITE!

Not a douche. Just an annoying stereotype.

prairie dawn feet – What are you, some Muppet foot fetishist?

mitzi_luv 48dd – Because my Shelf critters are celebrities too…

Goodbye Mitzi Jean…

jar jar haters gonna hate – Yeah, take that!  Jar Jar IS the Star Wars franchise…

genesis rodriguez shows off boobs

Come on, dear. Help one of our readers out…

did jim stafford sing mississippi squirrel revival – Well, we know he doesn’t like spiders and snakes.  I’m not sure what he thinks of squirrels…

debbie gibson and duck dynasty

Name two things which nobody will remember in 2022.

does justin verlander shave or wax his arms? – Only because his wife makes him do it…

Seriously, he should just kick Kate Upton to the curb…

stewart winger shirt – Stewart Winger?  Who’s that?

Oh…. nevermind.

kool aid man on steroids – Now that’s a scary thought.  He might crash through the earth… oh yeah!

art linkletter contour chair how much did they cost? – More than your social security benefits will let you afford…

Government benefits deny the darndest things…

did clara peller do a clapper commercial? – Maybe if she could have turned the lights on, she would have found the beef.

carl barger head statue

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kill it with FIRE!!!!!!!!

Now that was an interesting scoop you wouldn’t even get from TMZ.  And none of those even won the Sandy Award for best celebrity search!  To find out what did take home the hardware, you’ll have to wait for the finale of this series on March 22nd.  Until then, tune in next Tuesday for the next category in our all time Sandy Awards extravaganza!

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Up To Eleven

EVIL SQUIRREL: Troll!  Shouldn’t you be scrubbing the toilets right now?

TROLL: Sorry sir, but Hung Lo just locked himself in there again… and he’ll probably be in there a few hours…….. or days.

SCRATCHY: I see you’re using your time to beg for change again.

TROLL: Oh this?  No, we’ve started a pool on which critter’s going to have the #1 song!  Wanna get in for two bucks?  The house only takes a 90% rake…

ES: Troll, I made up this list and I already know who got the top song!

TROLL: You’d be a cinch to win then, sir!  Especially when most of the critters picked themselves to win even though they were already chosen.  They won’t beat me, though… my man’s still in the game!

SCRATCHY: And that would be….?

TROLL: George!

GEORGE: Remember me?

ES: No, but I’m finally going to insist Mitzi go on birth control!

SCRATCHY: Sponkies!  Tell us who’s up next… and I’m sure it isn’t this clown.

SPONKIE 2: At number six is….

SPONKIE 1: Brother Bear!!!

SCRATCHY: What?  Why him?

ES: Why are you so critical about your fellow critters?  Lighten up and share the love!

SCRATCHY: Grunt!  Well, where is he?

BROTHER BEAR: (Waving) Yoohoo!  Over here!

SCRATCHY: Well, what’s the hold up, dude?  Get your ass over here!

BROTHER: Sorry, but you know I have a manufacturing defect and can only lay here.

SCRATCHY: Then you’re shit out of luck!  Let’s move on to number five…

ES: Come on, Scratchy, we’re going to have to go to him.

SCRATCHY: Are you out of your mind!?!?  I’m not lugging all of my equipment halfway across the stage just to accommodate some worthless stooge!

ES: And I’m not raiding the pension fund again to settle another ADA lawsuit against us!  Let’s go…

SCRATCHY: Grrrrrr… I need to hire a roadie.

BROTHER: Hello there!

SCRATCHY: Fuck you, Plank Boy!

ES: Let’s get this over with, Brother Bear.  You know I only put up with your shit so I don’t get slapped.

BROTHER: Of course!  I chose a song that really gets me moving on the dance floor!

SCRATCHY: You mean like you were “moving” across our stage?

BROTHER: You’ve never seen me do the lying man before?  All the chicks at the club really dig it!

SCRATCHY: Yeah, sure…

HEDDY: (Hopping aboard) OMG!  It’s THE Brother Bear!  You’re so cute all sprawled out and limp on the floor like that!

SCRATCHY: I’ll bet that’s not the only way he’s limp…

BROTHER: I don’t have a manufacturing defect there, miss!

ES: OK, this is TMI…. just play his damn song already!

While pop music may have taken a step back as the new millennium dawned twenty years ago, there were still plenty of great bands under the radar making a lot of really good music that didn’t get the same amount of radio airplay as Lady Gaga and Beyonce.  And once again, Celine Dion and Justin Bieber notwithstanding, it was our neighbors to the north who were sending their awesome rock tunes south of the border.

Finger Eleven formed in the early 90’s, but didn’t get noticed until their 2003 single “One Thing” made an impression.  Four years later, they were back with an even bigger hit that managed to get to #6 on the US Hot 100 and is definitely one of the better songs of the 00’s…

“Paralyzer” is about how out of place normal people can feel at a dance club full of hipsters dancing like maniacs to music with entirely too much bass.  I’m sure that’s the same way this song felt getting played on the same radio stations that in the late 2000’s were blasting out The Pussycat Dolls and Ludacris…

Of course, the most awesome fact about this Canadian group is that during their first seven years they were known as Rainbow Butt Monkeys.  Why they felt the need to change their name to Finger Eleven is beyond me…

Can I be on the album cover?

While that club will hopefully be closed in three weeks, this countdown still has five to go!  Come back next Monday as the SCT Request Countdown enters the Top 5!

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Weekend Threesome – 1/16/22

It’s time for The Nest’s Weekend Threesome, three short tidbits from my week that you could have lived without knowing, but why would you want to?

Yeah, that might send shudders down your spine if you live in the deep south… but that’s hardly enough to qualify as our first snowfall of the season.  That photo’s from Saturday morning, and as I type this three hours later, it doesn’t look any whiter outside.  The rain didn’t change over anywhere near as early as was forecasted, and with the ground still warm, what snow did fall this morning didn’t stick much.  I’m sure the squirrels appreciated not having to go out barefoot in the snow, but you were probably looking forward to more snow-squirrel pics, and I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you…

Kudos to the lady working the deli at the next-town-over Mecca I get my prescriptions filled at (No, not for mind altering drugs, as you might expect).  I picked up food for me and Mom to have for lunch Wednesday, and I always get some potato wedges because they are food of the gods if done right.  I asked for a pound of them, and on the very first try, the scale read “1.000 pounds” exactly!  We were both impressed with the accomplishment, which was one of those “couldn’t do it again if you tried” kind of moments…

You have to buy the whole dog at the Shelf deli…

And finally on this very short edition of the Threesome….

We have a few fire hydrants in town that were painted in some artsy way a few years ago in an effort to (cough, hack) brighten up the city.  Here’s one by the city park…

I’m not exactly sure if the design has any kind of meaning…… but, eh, I guess it’s art.

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Bundle Up

If only I had a wider tail…

If the forecasts are correct (LOL, says the former meteorology student), by the time this post goes live, we’ll be getting our first accumulating snow of the year in my area.  And as usual, the snow will be followed up by an arctic blast.  This little guy I met at the park on Wednesday seems to be preparing for the winter weather.  That’s a nifty use of his tail to shield his back from the cold… and he even has some extra length for that super cool mohawk style.

He may not seem very happy about it, but this week’s Saturday Squirrel is ready to face the elements anyway!

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 158

And now the Fleischmann’s Yeast musical hour presents, live from WESN studios, a concert with Justin Bieber and his swing band!

On this day, January 13, 1910, an opera concert from the Metropolitan Opera House in New York was aired live over the radio to….. well, probably no one since nobody had radios at the time.  But it’s credited with being the very first public radio broadcast ever, launching radio as a medium that despite being obsoleted numerous times over the next 110 years, is somehow still a viable way for music, entertainment and information to be broadcast to the masses.  Many of us in the pre-internet age picked up most of our knowledge of music from listening to the radio, and consequently, radio had frequently been the subject of pop music over the years for everyone from Queen to Wall of Voodoo to Everclear.  And to think, that all started with a few tenors and fat ladies in viking horns…

Radio’s not over ’til the fat lady sings…

And now it’s time to tune our FM dials to Melanie’s blog and answer her Share Your World questions for this week!

80’s album cover art in honor of good ol’ KWK and KHTR…

Who do you think is an example of a successful person?

Admiral James Stockdale.  Not only is he an American war hero, but he wound up being accidentally chosen as a Vice Presidential candidate for my favorite ticket of all time and in glorious fashion delivered the greatest quote in US pop culture history…

The Nest will always look up in awe at your success, Admiral…

Why are you doing what you’re currently doing?

Because the nerve impulses sent by my brain to the rest of my body are creating electrical reactions that are moving my muscles to force me to do what I’m doing.  No matter how much I think I might be in charge of my body, make no mistake that my brain is the one that’s truly in command…

This doesn’t apply to you, Scarecrow. Some puppeteer’s probably got a hand up your ass…

What is your personal theme song?

Two’s a crowd on my cloud, baby….

What do you think about tofu?

I couldn’t even identify tofu if you put that nasty ass shit in front of me.  As George Carlin once alluded to, just the names of some foods are unappetizing and just scream “YUCK!”

Keep your tofu to yourself, squirrel!

Where did you find bliss this past week?

Right next to its partner, Ignorance, as usual….

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