Word Crimes

Vhat do you mean by "irregardless?"  Dammit, that isn't even a verd!!!

Vhat do you mean by “irregardless?” Dammit, that isn’t even a verd!!!

Happy Wednesday to you all out there who stumbled upon my blog today not realizing you picture daywere going to get treated to more of my shitty photography in the latest weekly installment of The Nest’s Picture Day.  Hey, happy anniversary to my folks out there who have been together through better and worse for 43 years now!  Today’s picture is going to honor a different couple who were probably by each others side for even longer, and it will also show off just how intelligent their descendants are…

First off, you should know that our local park will let citizens with donation money burning a hole in their pockets honor loved ones through memorials that can be found throughout the grounds on benches, under trees, on the fountains, and probably even in the john.  Here’s one such touching tribute I came across while there last Monday…

Do not sit on this bench... those nameplates are probably made from pure, toxic lead.

Do not sit on this bench… those nameplates are probably made from pure, toxic lead.

Now I’m far from a grammar nazi.  I believe people should speak as it is natural for them to talk.  So long as others can understand what they’re trying to say, who the hell cares if they let their participle dangle or say “me and so-and-so” rather than the awkward but technically correct “So-and-so and I.”  That said, there are still a couple of English no-no’s that will bristle my bushy tail up like a bottle brush.  Like when people I work with spell “stationery” (as in the office supplies, back to school department) like the word that means not moving.  Another huge one that kills off 69 of my brain cells each time I see it is when people put apostrophes before the S in words that are plural!  Can you imagine what the conductor from Schoolhouse Rock would think if he saw “Son’s” and “Daughter’s” plastered on this bench?  Imagine no longer…

Please don’t make me have to hit any of you with a sandwich board like I would if I met Bert and Lena’s “Grand Children”… apostrophe-S is only used for contractions or to indicate possession!  Never Never NEVER use apostrophe-S for fucking PLURALS!!!

What can we say?  Our grand children grew up to be dumbasse's...

What can we say? Our grand children grew up to be dumbasse’s…

Think of how many grammatically incorrect grand children the Skinner’s must have unleashed unto this world via their nine non-grand children.  Super familie’s like this a century ago didn’t get shitty reality show’s like they do today, they were practically the norm.  This is why our country has been able to survive 200 year’s of deadly childhood disease’s and major battle’s every other decade or so to still have the thriving population we have today who is afraid to have their kid’s properly vaccinated and wants to declare war’s on every geographic entity, culture and inanimate object in the world they don’t like.

The land of the free and the home of the squirrel's!

The land of the free and the home of the squirrel’s!

I’ll be back with another picture that will make your old Language Art’s teacher shit her pants next week…

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Two To Tango

possum trot

draw me a picturePam and Sam over at One Spoiled Cat requested that I draw ES with a partner of his choice doing a “totally torrid tasteless tango.”  Complete with the tacky rose between the teeth.  I had actually drawn this exact scene a long time ago (see below), but came up with something different this time.  I have a feeling that Buster was NOT ES’s partner of choice to do the dance of love with, but that blonde wig covering up Buster’s mangy possum locks was a pretty good disguise… or at least was a good enough disguise to fool cartoon characters.  Undoubtedly, many of ES’s friends are in attendance snapping photos of this dirty dancing and blowing up social media with the irrefutable evidence of a night that ES will never be able to live down.  Something tells me this tango will not be continuing once the dancing is over…

My original ES tango drawing with Sprots, a character nobody who doesn't populate my Millionaire message board will even know...

My original ES tango drawing from 2011 with Sprots, a character nobody who doesn’t populate my Millionaire message board will even know…

A few notes on the submissions I’ve received so far…..

–Unlike Prompt the Squirrel, you can submit as many ideas as you like!  Please keep those ideas coming early and often!

–About half of the drawing suggestions I’ve received so far are more movie scenes like last week.  That’s fine, but I’d like to keep some week to week variety with this series so they’ll be spaced out appropriately.

–Someone, who knows who he is, didn’t read the rules and submitted a suggestion asking for the whole gang.  These should be quick, relatively easy pics for me to draw that take no more than 30-45 minutes.  I’m not going to dedicate hours to drawing anything for this series.

Ain't happening.

Ain’t happening.

–Have fun!  And I’ll draw something else for someone next Tuesday…

Posted in Draw Me A Picture | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Ferry Dust

Yeah, that's cute Tinkerbell.  Now go put on some clothes.

Yeah, that’s cute Tinkerbell. Now go put on some clothes.

Welcome in to another exciting Monday morning in the neighborhood.  You know what that means… it’s time for The Nest to clean out the carrots and potatoes in your ears with a wire brush of a forgotten favorite that’s spent far too long buried in the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  Our Sultan of Swabbing DJ Scratchy’s got a most excellent musical Q-Tip loaded on the turntable for you this week, and the Sponkies are all ears.  You don’t have to be Vinvent Van Gogh to lend us yours as well…

dusty vinyl

Chris de Burgh is one of the lesser known artists of the British New Wave that invaded radio playlists in the early 80’s.  Chances are if you’re American, you only know him for one song.  One horrible….. pathetic…. oh so goddamned fucking awful piece of skunkshit lousyass motherfucking waste of perfectly good vinyl song.  You know what piece of explosive musical diarrhea I’m talking about…

Why don't you tell us how you really feel about my favorite song, Squirrel?

Why don’t you tell us how you really feel about my favorite song, Squirrel?

Lady in Red” was a soft rock abomination that somehow reached #3 on the US pop charts in 1986, and in many circles full of music fans who are obviously deaf and maybe even lobotomized, that song is used to classify de Burgh as a one hit wonder.  Nothing could be further from the truth….

That’s because four years before he recorded that sappy mess, he actually dented the charts with his only other US Top 40 hit…. and it was a far cry from the schlock that made women melt into gooey puddles of red M&M’s.  Here is Chris de Burgh’s awesome #34 hit from 1982, “Don’t Pay The Ferryman”…

This song was getting airplay here right at the time my seven year old self was starting to pay attention to music on the radio, and it’s the very first song I ever remember taking a strong liking to.  It’s inconceivable to me how the same person who rocked out this lost gem could have not only done such a pussified sleeping pill like “Lady in Red”, but had that be what people chose to remember him for.  Then again, taste in de Burgh music seems to be about as scattershot as a preliminary outline of one of my blog posts.  You know which two countries his Wiki page claims Chris de Burgh music is most beloved in?  Norway and Brazil.  You figure that out…

Good game.  Shall we meet up later tonight to listen to Chris De Burgh albums?

Good game. Shall we meet up later tonight and listen to Chris De Burgh albums?

I’ll be back next Monday with another song that’s rocking the UN.  And I might even run out of insults for that nauseating box of boogers “Lady in Red” by then………. maybe……

Posted in Dusty Vinyl Archive | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Meet Mikey

Look what I found!  A Box of Boogers!

Look what I found! A Box of Boogers!

sqturday squirrel logoRemember Mikey, the kid from the old Life cereal commercials whose asshole friends loved to take advantage of him because he’d “eat anything?”  I think we all knew at least one kid like that when we were growing up, and now I know a squirrel who is the antithesis of a fussy eater.  This was the final critter I encountered when I went on another photo shoot at the local park this past Monday morning, and as you can see, he’s got….. um….. something in his mouth.  I’m not sure exactly what that is, but it’s definitely not a nut or anything else that looks even remotely tasty.  It looks like he’s got a mouth full of seaweed or something…

Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it!

Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!

OK, little buddy.  I’ll just take your word on that….

OmNomNomNomNomNom...

OmNomNomNomNomNom…

Ahhhh, Deeeeeeelicious!

Ahhhh, Deeeeeeelicious!

Squirrels will eat just about anything to get exposure on The Nest’s Saturday Squirrel feature….

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #226 — 8/25/16

comic82516

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