You never know what you’ll find in The Nest’s temple of doom…
I was digging for something to read on the messy bookshelf next to my computer Friday when something caught my eye that seemed out of place. Just from the tiny portion that was visible, I could tell it was one of my comic strip master drawings I made back when I drew ESN The Comic…. but I kept those all in a folder, and made sure to add the latest one as soon as I scanned it to my computer. Why was this one loose?
What happens when things get loose.
That was immediately answered when I noticed the date I had signed on it…. 9/21/17, or September 21, 2017 for those of you who read dates backwards. I knew the final strip I drew was dated September 14, 2017 (but posted on September 21 because I was a week behind at the time). Apparently, I had gotten started on the next strip… but hadn’t even gotten around to scanning it to my computer during my “weekend” of the 28th-29th. Before my next days off rolled around, my original computer I bought when I moved here in 2009 would bite the dust on October 2nd… and the combination of being now two weeks behind, not having access to my beloved old school MS Paint program, and just general disinterest in the tedious process involved anymore would officially kill off the beloved strip for good.
So for the lost Comic #282 of 9/21/17, all I have is this….
For the life of me, I can’t piece together what the idea was just from the blanks! And that pisses me off!!!!
I can tell I had set it in Mecca’s break room, as Lil, ES and Robbie (L-R) can be seen sitting at the table, with their boss (who was called…. The Boss) standing behind them. They’re obviously collecting money for something, the boss doesn’t like what he hears (the “triangle” in the second panel I believe was to be three speech bubbles) and goes on a lecture that makes the other three groan. And then the boss cheerfully digs in his wallet as ES and the gang seem to relent about… something. Argh! What was on my mind at the time!?!?
You can also see how little detail I actually drew on paper. Most of the finer details (Like the trio’s work badges, Robbie’s glasses, and the lines that strayed too far) were always added/deleted/cleaned up in Paint. New Paint and Photoshop couldn’t do clean lines without artifacts, which is why old Paint’s loss was the biggest blow in my continuation of the strip.
You coulda asked me to help with the Paint!
But, there’s something for your boring Sunday morning. A lost piece of Evil Squirrel’s Nest history! And sadly, an unfinished one that will likely remain an unsolved mystery. And if you were interested in how I drew these comics, check out this post from 8 years ago!
The squirrels I live around aren’t tame by any means, and they have a rightful mistrust of people. The only way to get pictures of them is to either be far enough away from them so they aren’t concerned with you, or in a position where they can’t see you. For a closeup overhead shot like the picture you see above, I obviously had to do the latter. Most of the squirrel pictures I take around my house are through one of the rear windows of my home… and once I’ve been there long enough, the squirrels tend to forget the voyeur in the window. Every once in a while, they’ll come close enough to the window to get a shot like this, where they’re almost right under me. It’s a unique view on the familiar eating squirrel profile…
The Nest will keep its eye in the sky looking out for more cute Saturday Squirrels…
CHIP: Ahoy thar, landlubber! Know where a sea rat such as meself can get a bottle of rum?
FUZZYWIG: Have you been nipping off of my home stash again, Chip?
CHIP: Nay, matey! Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day, and I’m gettin’ in on the fun! Arrrrrrrr!!!!
FUZZYWIG: Who are you, and what did you do with the serious, no-nonsense Chip? The Chip I know would never partake in silly holidays. At least, you wouldn’t toke with me on 4/20 Day.
CHIP: Thar’s nothin’ wrong with talking like pirates… or at least, what Hollywood’s completely incorrect stereotype of a pirate be. It isn’t the same fucked up nonsense me has to tolerate on this barnacle infested Shelf!
FUZZYWIG: Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts…
TROLL: ‘Tis I, Pegleg Troll! Scourge of the seas! May I take your order, please?
CHIP: Arrrr, ye ain’t wearin’ no pegleg, matey!
TROLL: Pegleg Troll accidentally amputated me mast while twirling me sword, so me pegleg became a pegwilly!
FUZZYWIG: And I thought that was just a parrot in your pants. Nice hat, dude…. er, matey.
TROLL: Pegleg Troll plundered it from a little sea monster in a booster seat at work, and was nearly keelhauled by the monster’s crab faced mother! Avast, ye scurvy dog!!!!
FUZZYWIG: That’s not scurvy. I’m pretty sure it’s just mange.
FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! I HAS A JOLLY ROGER! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
FUZZYWIG: Hush, puppy.
CHIP: Arrrrrr, me smells a rat! Or something that stinks to high heaven…
FUZZYWIG: Looks like our sea dog has turned the stage into a poopdeck. I think it’s time to put him on a slow boat to the Chinese buffet…
TROLL: Pegleg Troll will go fetch me deck swabbing tools…
BUSTER: Oh boy! Baby Ruths!
CHIP: Oy, me stomach may need to empty overboard.
FUZZYWIG: Buster….. that’s dogshit.
BUSTER: Mmmmm, goes good with the dead fish that washed ashore for breakfast!
CHIP: Buster, ’tis Talk Like A Pirate Day! Ye should get in the mood of the high seas!
FUZZYWIG: Did somebody say “high” seas?
BUSTER: Gee, that sounds swell! I mean, arrrrr, me loves the pirate culture! Bring on the adventure of the seafaring life!
CHIP: Um, did somebody release the Kraken?
FUZZYWIG: No, but I just released some gas.
BUSTER: Ooh, I didn’t know there was calamari on this ship! I think I still have room for…. oh wait! No! I can’t go swimming. I just ate an hour ago, and I’ll get a cramp and drown (BLUB!)….
FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! THE WRECK OF THE BUSTER FITZGERALD! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
CHIP: Avast! It appears Buster has a meetin’ with Davy Jones’ Locker…
SCRATCHY: Did somebody say Davy Jones?
FUZZYWIG: I try LSD one time…. ONCE…. and still, all these flashbacks.
CHIP: Where did that scurvy earworm come from, sea witch?
SCRATCHY: From pirate radio, of course!
HUNG LO: This is your captain speaking…
(Fleabag hides behind his master)
CHIP: And what ship be ye the captain of, blimey whale?
HUNG LO: Boeing 767 bound for Thailand. Only passengers going through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
FUZZYWIG: I’ve seen flying ships while I’m stoned, but not when I’m….. wait, I’m never sober.
CHIP: Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day, sea bass! Ye shouldn’t be flying aeroplanes, but guiding pirate ships!
HUNG LO: In Japan, L and R sounds both alike. Since Hung Lo is Shelf’s generic Asian stereotype, Hung Lo celebrating Talk Like A Pilot Day. Would you care for some in-flight fortune cookies?
FUZZYWIG: How many of them warn you your plane is going to crash?
CHIP: Those are nuts!
HUNG LO: No, they are legumes! Steering wheel on Hung Lo’s lap is driving me nuts! Ha! Ha! Ha!!!!
FUZZYWIG: Shouldn’t you be preboarding your plane now, Lindbergh? Preferably with my dog in the cargo hold?
From the airport to the carport….
SNUGGLE: ‘Sup, bitches!!!
FUZZYWIG: It’s another non-believer, Chip.
CHIP: Arrrrrr, ye drowned rat! It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day! You should…
SNUGGLE: Dafuq you call me!?!? You’re lucky I’m chillin’ out with Captain Morgan right now, or I’d clothesline you with my hook!
FUZZYWIG: Pretty sure that’s not Captain Morgan in that cheapass bottle.
SNUGGLE: Why waste money on the expensive shit? it all tastes like kerosene anyway!
ZAC: Oh boy oh boy oh boy!!! Talk Like A Pirate Day is here! Finally! I always wanted to be a swashbuckler on the seas! Clang! Swoop! Engarde! Thwack! Oh no, he chopped my nutsack off! There goes me jewels! Yo ho ho and a bottle of Red Bull! Let’s set sail for the Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini Islands and search for Pirate Douchebeard’s buried treasure! Arrrrr, mateys! Let’s sing some totally kickass sea shanties!
CHIP: Please shut up….
ZAC: Fifteen men on a dead man’s breast! Man, that’s gotta hurt! I’m having chest pains! Sixty-nine paces north-northwest and X marks the spot!
SNUGGLE: Yo, if you really wanna play pirate dude, why don’t you go walk that plank?
ZAC: Cool beans! A plank! Tie up the landlubber and throw him overboard! let him swim with the sharks! And the octopussies! And the catfish! And the otters!!! Mama, look at me, I’m walking the plank! Leader of the candy cane mutiny! Time to swim with the fishies….. (BLUB!)
MITZI: Like, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and stuff! It’s time to totally lower the gangbang!
CHIP: Nice to see ye’s on the program for today, sea lassie!
FUZZYWIG: If it isn’t the siren of the sea. Where’s your fish tail, toots?
MITZI: Mitzi, like, only wears her mermaidcorn outfit when it’s Enchantment Under the Sea day at the strip club! That way, Mitzi can, like, totally celebrate Pyrex day by shaking her booty!!!
FUZZYWIG: Now this pirate’s booty is the real treasure.
SNUGGLE: Fuck, I wanna plunder that booty!!!
BIG SCRAT: Me was thinkin’ the same thing meself!!!!
SNUGGLE: NOOOOOOOO!!!! I’m being attacked by a butt pirate!
BIG SCRAT: That’s Long Dong Scrat, the terror of the Hershey Seaway! It’s time to drag your scurvy buns up to the crow’s nest to be my personal cabin boy! Arrrrrrrrr!!!!!
SNUGGLE: (Grabs his bottle) Help! Captain Morgan, take me away!!!
BIG SCRAT: Ye can forgets the captain! I’ll put a little Big Scrat in ya!
CHIP: Arrrr, ye was right, Captain Cannabis. Talk Like A Pirate Day can get very fucked up indeed…
FUZZYWIG: You ain’t seen nothing yet, patchy…
ZEEBA: ARRRRRRR!!!! Captain Bloodbeard is out for BLOOD!!!! (Waves around a tiny saber like she’s having a seizure) Who wants to get stabbed first!?!?
BEARCAT: Settle down, sis! You’re gonna poke someone’s eye out with that.
ZEEBA: Good!!! Time to fuck shit up!!!
MITZI: Does mommy, like, have to totally wash her baby grrl’s mouth out with Summer’s Eve again?
ZEEBA: Captain Bloodbeard’s got you now, you bloody sea beast!!!
CHIP: I’m not so sure I’m in the mood for Talk Like a Pirate Day anymore.
SHADOW: Talk Like a Pirate Day? Foolish imbeciles. That made up occasion is tomorrow.
CHIP: What?
FUZZYWIG: Eh, Chip forgot it was a leap year.
SHADOW: Allow me to educate you on your phony holidays. Here is what we are celebrating today….
FUZZYWIG: You made that up.
SHADOW: Of course I did…. just like somebody made up Talk Like A Fictional Seafaring Thief Day, and it spread like the social disease it is. Well, let’s kick off the celebration, shall we critters?
CHIP: You’re saying we have to talk like….. like…..
SHADOW: Precisely!
CHIP: But the only fox expression I know is ………………………………….
FUZZYWIG: Sigh. It’s almost 4:20, my mouth will be busy with other things anyway. …………………….
Mid-September is one of the worst times of year for trying to drive home from work, with the sun directly over the road I have to drive just after 7 AM. The first thing I noticed Sunday morning when I exited Mecca was that while the sun was out… it was obscured to the point of just being a glowing orange circle in the sky. What looked off turned even more surreal as I reached the due-eastbound part of the road and saw that orange orb just sitting there right in my line of sight, but harmless as can be in its current state. Not being blinded while trying to drive two miles would’ve been something I could have put in the gratitude section, were it not for the fact that I discovered a couple days later just WHY the sun looked like that. The wildfires in the western part of the country have the upper atmosphere smoky even here, a thousand miles east, which is why the sun looks so dim while it’s still low in the sky…
You have just been gifted a magic wand that specializes in completing household chores. You can request the completion of only two household chores. Which chores would you assign your wand to complete?
We don’t do household chores at The Nest, and I’m pretty sure the magic wand would walk out if I made it clean my bathroom. Let’s have it empty the litter box and dust off my Shelf critters…
Make sure you, like, totally clean all of Mitzi’s cracks and crevices!
At the local Wizards-R-Us store there was a sale on handshake shockers, instant darkness pellets, and levitation pills. Which of these ‘party thrillers’ are you more likely to purchase?
Boy, wizards sure know how to party, don’t they? While all the cool kids are spiking the punch and playing naughty charades, the Hogwarts kids are electrocuting unsuspecting guests and turning off the lights. Party on, dudes…
This isn’t funny, Harry. Change us back to normal NOW!
In the alley behind Wizards-R-Us, there was a tradesman selling a Love Potion. The sales pitch was too much for you and you yielded and purchased one vial. What do you do with it?
Like Tone Loc at the end of the video for “Funky Cold Medina,” I’d probably just pour that shit down the sewer drain. There isn’t any magic more cursed to make you miserable than a damned love potion…
See, now you’re infested with cooties!
You are the Great Clearinghouse Winner of a new ‘good luck’ potion – Felix Felicis. It has to be used within the next thirty days or its potency becomes diminished. Do you use it? Do you give it to a friend in need?
A good luck potion? Please. I’m sticking to tried and true methods of improving my fortune…
Does the love potion come with a double your money back guarantee? I didn’t think so…
If everyone spoke their mind, would this world be a better or worse place? Why?
It would be interesting to live in a society where people didn’t lie and/or hold back their thoughts. The popcorn business would be booming…
OMG! He just told his wife she looks fat in that dress!
Can achieving nothing make a person happy?
Unless you are dead, you are always achieving something. Even if it’s just adding to the supply of carbon dioxide in the air…
And probably methane…
How do you know if you love someone enough to marry them?
I certainly don’t know the answer to this question. Nobody’s ever slipped me a love potion…
Well, the love potion isn’t working. Let’s try good old fashioned arsenic…
GRATITUDE SECTION
Let’s try some more classic Evil Squirrel’s Nest comics, shall we?
A number of my strips were set in Bernard’s Tavern. Let’s see the best of the ESN bar scene…
Let’s go on our weekly wandering through the park while surveying everyone’s favorite suburban wildlife. It’s time for The Nest to document its 18th trip to the park, which happened just a tad over a year ago on Thursday September 5, 2019. I must not have been spending much time on these park trips last year, because as short as the archive was for 2019’s first two trips, this one is a mere 24 photos in total! Still, it has its share of awesome pics, including one of my favorite squirrel reactions ever! Let’s see if I can get through this post without being called a pervert…
Way to keep that pretty tail on my side of the limb so everyone can see it…
There is no squirrel in this photo….. I think. But I took it to show off how plentiful the acorns were in this park oak at the time. If you can’t see them on your little phone screen, may I remind you that this is why Dog invented computer monitors…
Woohoo!!! Plenty of projectiles to throw at the squirrel pervert!
Yeah, you do that…
Nah, it’s a shame to throw away such good food when there are starving squirrels in China.
Good point. Assuming Sally Struthers hasn’t eaten those squirrels yet…
I’d like this monument to read “Kiss My Ass!”
I’m sure the children that play in the park will love that…
Leaf me alone!
Very funny there, Biff…
No, I’m not talking to you. You’re probably keeping a lookout for perverts…
Well, that’s an interesting view…
Hey there, little guy!!!
Huh? What!?!?
Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…
Dude! You almost made me soil my fur!
Sorry about that. Not like there aren’t any leaves in this park to clean up your bottom with…
Does he really expect me to wipe my butt with leaves?
Yes, you’re a squirrel. Stop acting so anthropomorphic…
Have we reached the end yet?
Unfortunately, yes. You’re the last photo for this trip. Next week’s trip will have a few more squirrels to peruse through. See you then!
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