SNUGGLE: Dafuq, dude!?!? The only reason I volunteered to help on your farm was so I could squeeze the udders!
JIM BOB: Sorry, I’ve got the milking under control! If you like squeezing things, you could always help Brother Hank collect bull semen!
SNUGGLE: Man, fuck you!
MITZI: Like, Mooooooooooooooooooo and stuff!!!!!!
The Nest turns ten in a few weeks, but since I don’t expect anyone to buy any presents for me, I’ll be giving the gifts to you! And wrapped inside your next tampon box full of fun are my favorite squirrel photos I took in 2017… our sixth full year on WordPress and far and away one of the most interesting…
2017 was the year I retired my comic strip after 281 weekly editions. It was the first full year of its replacement, Shelf Critter Theatre, which ended the year with its only recurring story line over just what was in Mitzi’s eggs. It was the year I presented some of the random treasures in my photo archive A to Z style. It was the year I launched a countdown of some of my least favorite iconic songs. And it may have been The Nest’s best year ever at producing random silliness, whether it be bad Japanese late night shows, Soviet pop concerts, setting possums on fire, stupidly bad popular toys, or having my fascist blog threatened by Antifa…
Lost in all the madness that was 2017 were all of the great squirrel pics it produced! Let’s look back at the sciurine year that was…
Alright, that wasn’t a great way to start off the year!
Yo dudes! Wanna smoke?
A little…. well, HELP please?
Come on in and stay for a spell!
The fierce Rawrasquirrel!
Ambush!
Nope, I haven’t been digging in your yard, sir! Pay no mind to that dirt on my paws and nose!
Walnuts are good shit!
If you can chew through that giant green husk, that is…
Squirrel at attention!
This squirrel found itself some fake cheese!!!
SLURP!
Mmmmm! Good to the last drop!
This squirrel has chosen to eat healthier…
While this squirrel is eating……. a finger!?!?!?!?
Yeah, you can see right through most of my BS commentary…. like this squirrel’s transparent tail.
What’s a squirrel photo montage without a little “action?”
Hey buddy, wanna play?
The real evil squirrel controlling things from upon high…
Keep plastic bags out of reach of squirrels…
This squirrel was part of a great Saturday Squirrel skit I put together with Sewie…
Squirrel, view from below…
He looks like he got his nose stuck in that nut!
Not us! The humans left their trash on the ground!
Golden tailed squirrels are cuter!
And finally, the runaway squirrel of the year for 2017….
BATSQUIRREL!!!!
What, doesn’t everyone eat their nuts upside down?
Join me next Tuesday for the best squirrel photos of 2018!
CLETUS: Say thar, pardner… I reckon you ain’t seen a little lost piggy around these parts that escaped from my farm?
HUNG LO: Sorry, Hung Lo busy frying bacon in wok for almost all you can eat buffet. Care for a slice?
CLETUS: I reckon I am purty hungry after all that huntin’ for ol’ Hammy and am really hankerin’ for some vittles! It better not be made outta hound meat, though! I heard about these dog butcherin’ oriental buffets!
HUNG LO: Not this time….
EVIL SQUIRREL: EEEEEEK! A spider!
SPIDER: Relax critter, I mean no harm. I just wanted to meet DJ Scratchy!
SCRATCHY: Hey, I’m popular and shit!
SPIDER: I used to be a deejay too back in the 90’s!
SCRATCHY: Lemme guess, your idol was Spinderella?
SPIDER: You know it, honey! I was the hottest thing going on the club scene spinning eight turntables at the same time!
ES: So why did you quit?
SPIDER: The exterminator showed up one day to spray the kitchen and I figured I better scram. Arachnid lives don’t matter…
SCRATCHY: Why don’t you do the honors this week, L’il Spin?
SPIDER: Sure! Sponkies, who’s got the next request?
SPONKIE 1: The number twelve song in the Shelf Critter Request countdown was chosen by…
SPONKIE 2: Big Scrat!!!
BIG SCRAT: Hooray! I made the Top 12!
ES: You just stay on that side of the turntable, you hear me!
BIG SCRAT: Sure thing, chief! But I can’t help but get excited to get to play my…
The Hamster Dance begins playing from Big Scrat’s back pocket…
BIG SCRAT: Excuse me, I need to check this!
SCRATCHY: Is that…..!?!?!?
BIG SCRAT: Aw, it’s a dick pic from my Snuggie Wuggie Teddy Bear!
ES: I always thought he enjoyed those intimate scenes more than he let on.
BIG SCRAT: Or it could be that my number’s just one away from Tina’s. But I like to think he’s trying to get me horny!
SCRATCHY: (Pulling Big Scrat’s song from the envelope) Dude! You do realize this song is about chicks, don’t you?
BIG SCRAT: Sorry, I didn’t hear you… I’m busy texting back a photo of my anaconda!
Trivia time! What do the first three rap songs to ever top the US pop charts all have in common?
Here’s a hint!
Yes, they were all performed by white artists! Deborah Harry’s epic rap in 1981’s “Rapture,” Vanilla Ice’s travesty in 1990, and Mark Wahlberg’s Funky Bunch with “Good Vibrations” in 1991.
1992 marked the year that black rappers took their beloved hip hop back, but it still took a heavy dose of novelty to make that happen. The first #1 rap hit by black artists came from the thoroughly (lame) child novelty act Kris Kross. And that was quickly followed up by one of the most popular novelty songs of my generation…
On the Fourth of July in 1992, a Seattle rapper by the stage name Sir Mix-A-Lot penned one of the most epic odes to the female booty that will ever exist. The song was immediately popular and has never really fallen out of the American public’s love in the three decades that have transpired. Sir Mix-A-Lot captured the black male’s obsession with large asses while at the same time dissing the long standing norm of wafer thin equaling female beauty.
Get that anaconda over here, honey!
Obviously, the song was not without its share of controversy. While not explicit, it made very clear and direct references to big butts and what Mr. Mix-A-Lot planned to do to those big butts. And the highly judgmental out there had no idea whether to praise the song for breaking down the Weight Watchers barrier of skinny being beautiful, or to condemn the song as yet another blatant objectification of women. First world problems, you know…
None of which has stopped people of all types from dancing to it for 30 years…
Big Scrat likes big butts and he can not lie. We’ll see what another critter likes next Monday…
BROTHER BEAR: So, shouldn’t there be five other bears laying down with me?
MITZI: Ooooh, how kinky! Like, we can totally make five more bears! Let Mitzi show you how she totally does a’laying!
BROTHER BEAR: Oh boy! Having a manufacturing defect has never felt so good!
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And got a guest post out of it!
I was First Commenter on Sammy’s Teaser of 6/14/16. It's mine, mine, MINE... and nobody can ever take it from me!
Evil Squirrel's Nest 