Hello Down There!

You all look so tiny from up here!

Another happy, but goofy Saturday Squirrel to help make your weekend just a bit more cheerful!

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 118

That was a heck of a brainstorming session!

Without any available material, I decided to go to the random fact well for this week’s SYW intro.  The first tidbit I got from the first random fact generator I found on Google informed me that my brain is 80% water.  And if that water is anything like the local tap I regularly imbibe on, my grey matter is so full of dangerous and toxic chemicals that it’s no wonder I come up with the disturbing garbage you see on this blog.

Oh well…. down the hatch!

And now for our feature presentation…. this week’s Share Your World questions, as always, provided by our gracious host, Melanie.

The earth is 75% water, and 25% Green Dye #6.

Do you think psychic abilities exist?

I knew you were going to ask this question.  Psychic abilities are a steaming load of BS…

You don’t need a Magic 8 Ball to know Buster’s going to die…

How would you describe peanut butter to someone who didn’t know what it was?

Damn, you’ve finally stumped me.  I can’t think of a normal or smartass answer for this question.  I’m as frustrated as that guy in the Aaron Burr commercial…

Why does an octopus squirt ink?

MITZI: Mitzi’s octopussy’s, like, totally 80% water and squirts something else!  Like, lookie while Mitzi totally demonstrates!

Oh dear…. sometimes we’re better off when the questions DO stump me…

And that does look like ink.  Now I know where all my missing pens have been going….

Who are two of today’s greatest entertainers in your opinion?  (can be actors, musicians, singers etc)

I don’t keep up on pop culture at all anymore, so I have no opinion here.  I do like comedians, so here are two of the funniest entertainers I know in a battle of witty one liners…

HUNG LO: Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok!

HUNG LO: Hmmmm.  Tough crowd, must all be in bathroom.  Maybe wasn’t good idea to serve my genuine canine dragon balls to audience.  OK fox, knock ’em dead.

MR. FOX: ………………………………

HUNG LO: Well played, fox.  Comic timing is impeccable.  (Retrieving cleaver from his sumo thong) I wonder what vulpine chop suey taste like?

Please feel free to share a moment of gratitude in your life!

I am grateful that I still have 20% of my brain that hasn’t turned to mush yet…

Oh wait, nevermind, that 20% is just a tumor…

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Joy And Pain

One critter’s happiness is another critter’s sadness…

Does your Monday morning feel like a rotten egg?  Well, The Nest has the perfect way to put that hop back into your step.  This is the day we dig underneath all that fake plastic grass to bring up another sweet piece of ear candy from that giant Easter basket full of lost goodies we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s rocking her bunny suit she wore at the Playboy Mansion, while the Sponkies are still coming down from their sugar high.  Here’s another golden oldie for all of my Peeps…

The late 70’s saw the rise of punk and its completely wild and anarchistic style in the UK.  One band that was formed from the new sound was a quartet named Joy Division, who would tame punk’s sound to make it more approachable and…. well, quite frankly, more listenable to an audience who preferred their fine china not be tossed all about the place by youngsters with spiked hair.

I promise not to break anything, ma’am. I’ll only slightly dent things while slamdancing.

Joy Division is considered one of the more influential bands of its era despite the fact that it didn’t exist for very long.  Much of this was due to the struggles and ultimate suicide of its lead singer Ian Curtis.  Curtis, needless to say, was not having a good time of things.  His marriage was failing, he was diagnosed with epilepsy, and both of those conditions only got worse when Joy Division suddenly found themselves becoming rock stars.  Before Curtis ended things in May 1980, he did compile all of that pain into one of most famous songs of the post-punk movement… and one which is more of an obscurity in America because it was never a hit here.  Sit back and enjoy the poignant, yet eclectic song “Love Will Tear Us Apart”…

Joy Division recorded two different versions of this song in early 1980, and while I don’t think this was the original version that was a hit in the UK, it is the version I came to know and love… and is much more uptempo than its sister track.  It wasn’t released as a single until a month after Curtis’ death at the young age of 23.  The instrumentation on this song is excellent, particularly the drumming and bass… and all accompanied by the haunting and unique voice of Curtis.

It’s easy to see why they named themselves Joy Division.

Love may have torn them apart, but Ian Curtis’ suicide did not.  The rest of the members carried on, but decided to drop the Joy Division name and became noted new wave band New Order.  This is a fact I was completely unaware of until I did the research for this post!  I’ll have to feature a New Order song at some point on the DVA since they’re about as well known here in the US as Joy Division was despite having a trio of recognizable songs…

The Ty D Bol man assures us that it will be a Blue Monday…

I’ll have another lost song for you next Monday when routine bites hard…

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Jumping In The Shadows

Squirrel in motion.

Because when I actually manage to capture one of these guys in midair, I just have to show it off….

Look out above for flying Saturday Squirrels!

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 117

UNCLE SAM: Good morning, citizens!  This is your Shelf President Uncle Sam interrupting that stupid daytime talk show you’re watching with a very important message for all of you peasants out there.

TROLL: At least this isn’t pre-empting Paw Patrol!  That’s my favorite cartoon!  I got such a mad crush on Skye….

SAM: Since today is Troll’s Day…

TROLL: Um, sir… don’t you mean it’s April Fools Day?

SAM: Like I said, today is Troll’s Day.  And in honor of this glorious occasion, I have issued an executive order dictating that this week’s Share Your World questions will be answered by the great critters of this Shelf!

TROLL: Oh boy!  Do I need to change out of my jammies for this?

SAM: My brilliant idea is going to make this Shelf great again!

TROLL: Sir… wasn’t that the tagline of the previous administration?

SAM: It sounds like one of my interns wants to spend the weekend hanging upside down by his nutsack in Guantanamo Bay again….

TROLL: Oh please sir, no!  I’m still purple down there from the last time!

SAM: Wonderful!  Let’s get this World Sharing over with so I can go back to hogging it all for myself again.  Questions provided, as always, by Melanie…

What is knowledge?

SHADOW: What is…. knowledge?  What kind of an asinine query is that?  It figures most lowly humans don’t even know what knowledge is.  If any of you even had a minuscule amount of the vast intelligence I possess, you wouldn’t be asking such basic and banal questions about one of the most fundamental elements of existence itself!  A superior being such as myself would never stoop to…

TINA: Hey Einstein!  Instead of avoiding the question, why don’t you answer it for us lowly critters?  Just what IS knowledge, egghead?

SHADOW: Sigh…. if I must to satisfy the obvious gaps in your alleged education.  Knowledge, my dear imbecile, is simply……………. uh, it’s basically……………. er, I mean, it’s………………….. um……. well, stuff you learn.

TINA: OMG!  “Stuff you learn!?!?”  If I totally put that on one of my third grade assignments, I’d get a D-minus and get sent to the principal’s office!  That’s the dumbest answer I’ve ever heard!  I’d expect better from such a vastly superior dork as yourself!

SHADOW: I don’t have the time nor the patience to be teased by some juvenile little schoolgirl…

TINA: I haven’t even started teasing you yet, big boy!

TINA: (Giving Shadow a better view of her Elsa Underoos) Cuties like me just totally heart nerds like you!  Maybe you can teach me some knowledge about…. you know… OTHER stuff I can learn?  How are those Pokeballs of yours holding up there, cutie pie?

SHADOW: (Sweating profusely) Not…… very well…….. I’m afraid.  Please……. young girl, get out of my life!

SLIDER: What’s going on here!?!?

TINA: Nothing officer!  This older critter was just going to take me behind the bleachers and teach me some knowledge from a book called the Kama Sutra!

SHADOW: What!?!?  I did not….

SLIDER: Yeah, save it for the gang members in prison who love assraping pedos like yourself.  You’re coming with me, creep!

The vastly intelligent Umbreon is tased, cuffed, and led off to a life in prison… where he will have plenty of time to learn what real knowledge is while he’s tossing salads.

How do you define consciousness (self awareness)?

BUSTER: The ability to interact in a mental and physical way with the world around you!  Consciousness is knowing of your existence and the very fact that you’re ALIVE!

SNUGGLE: Oops!  My bad!

Is it possible to prove that other people besides yourself have consciousness?

SNUGGLE: Sure it is!  See this possum carcass here?  He definitely doesn’t have consciousness!  I’mma prove it to you now….

SNUGGLE: See, he’d deader than a doornail!  No consciousness at all!  Just another tasty item on Hung Lo’s Chinese buffet!

SNUGGLE: What do you want, dude?  We already know you don’t have consciousness either!  You’re just an empty husk dressed up in orange fur and creepy eyes!

SNUGGLE: AAAAAAAAA, SHIT!!!!  What the fuck, dude!!!  I’m getting out of here!!!

MR. FOX: (Answering the question): ……………………………………………….

Would you be able to tell if time had been altered in some way?

FUZZYWIG: Huh?  Could you repeat the question?  You see, I was a little preoccupied getting my materials together for my favorite time of the day….

FUZZYWIG: All of that jumping better not be more fleas from my stupid dog, or he’ll be chop suey by tomorrow…

FUZZYWIG: What’s the meaning of this!?!?  I know it was just 4:20!  I haven’t even started smoking yet, so I couldn’t have passed out.  Someone’s been altering time!  Or maybe it’s that LSD I tried at that party back in 1971?  Dammit, now I gotta wait until tomorrow for my daily medicine….

Do you like potato chips?

MITZI: (Talking with her mouth full…. of something different this time): Mitzi, like, totally luvs tater chips!!!  Just like when Mitzi’s in the football team’s locker room, Mitzi can’t eat just one!!!

MITZI: Like, hai Fuzzy Wuzzy!  Want some of Mitzi’s, like, sloppy seconds?

FUZZYWIG: I’ll pass, thank you.  I don’t have the munchies today for some reason.  I must have done the time warp again…

On this side of the world it’s coming into Springtime.   Celebrate Spring by sharing an image or anecdote that shares “Spring”!   Alternatively, it’s coming into Autumn on the other side of the world.  Please do the same for Autumn!   Thanks!

RAINY: What is there to celebrate about Spring?  It’s just as awful and depressing as all of the other seasons.  There are never any April showers on this Shelf!!!!

Awww, poor Rainy.  Here, let’s just skip to the May flowers!

RAINY: This is NOT a flower, and get it out of my precious rain gauge before it grows roots!!!  You think this is funny, taunting a pluviophile such as myself who never gets to enjoy a Spring rain!!!  You know what I think about Spring…..???

No, Rainy!  Not so close to Earth Day!  There go the Spring blooms….

MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SHELF….

HANK: Happy Autumn, brothers!

JIM BOB: Wow, I’m not used to the leaves fallin’ in April!

CLETUS: I reckon it’s ’cause we went too far south trying to get back to The South!

HANK: We’re definitely in that thar Southern Hemi Sphere!  I saw the water in the outhouse spinnin’ the other way when I flushed!

JIM BOB: Does that mean it’s Spring back  on the farm in Alabammy?

 

CLETUS: I reckon yer right, there, Brother Jim Bob!  Tha darn skunk done went off agin’!

HANK: (Cough, choke!) Dagnabbit!  Now I’ll hafta take a bath before my date t’night!

JIM BOB: You lucky son of a gun!  Who’s the lucky critter?

HANK: A cute little Tasmanian devil I saw eatin’ a dead possum on the side of the road!

JIM BOB: Those tazzies are mean!  She’ll tear you up!

CLETUS: I reckon that’s what Brother Hank’s into, Brother Jim Bob….

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