Here’s Looking At You

I'm really glad it wasn't the middle of the night...

I’m really glad it wasn’t the middle of the night…

Here’s a quickie for this week’s Picture Day Wednesday post… the above photo is exactly picture daywhat I saw when I lifted my large cup of soda from Church’s Chicken up off the table next to my computer last Thursday afternoon.  All cups with cold liquid in them get a lot of condensation build up on their underside, especially if there’s air moving in the room (My fan was on that day)… and Church’s cups for whatever reason seem to be the kings of leaving a big wet stain….

But holy shit!!!!  Is that a fitting sight for Halloween or what?  I swear on my squirrels’ stash of winter acorns that photo is 100% natural and I didn’t set that water “art” up in an way!!!!

You know, it kinda looks like the same expression Bashful had that day, which was his last at The Nest….

I’ll find something less bizarre and creepy next week…

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Witchy Women


Some of you (OK, one of you) have noticed that I let my Tuesday “Draw Me A Picture” series kinda slack while Bashful’s adventures were hijacking my blog.  While I can’t promise draw me a pictureDMAP will be anything other than hit or miss for the remainder of the year… I will eventually draw all of the ideas you guys have submitted to me, so don’t worry if you thought I’d forgotten about you (If you even remembered you sent me something yourself!)…

This week’s drawing was requested by longtime friend of The Nest Juliette, the Vampire Maman (I hear she shares a birthday with yesterday’s DVA honoree).  She wanted to see “vintage Halloween pinups of Hottie and her girlfriends.”  I’m not sure this directly qualifies, but it’s the best I got.  Hottie and her friends MBRS and Hooly going all bubble bubble toil and trouble on poor Buster.  Hottie’s a little too reserved to dress the part of a pinup girl, but the other two sure don’t mind.  MBRS will be in for a bit of a surprise when she sits on her tuffet….

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Just An Old Fashioned Love Song

It's time to take your weekly musical suppository, children.

It’s time to take your weekly musical suppository medicine, children.

Holy cow!  It’s Monday, and that means it’s time for The Nest to dig up something even rarer than a Chicago Cubs World Series appearance straight outta the room that once doubled as Al Capone’s vault, the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  You’ll find no goats in our studio, just one spunky unicorn disc jockey and a pair of sparkly hybrid helpers who are ready to make the call to the bullpen for the next lost treasure we’ve called up from the minors for your listening pleasure.  Batter up!

dusty vinyl

Last week, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame located in that other World Series city announced its list of nominees eligible for induction for the class of 2017.  The roll call of potentially lucky artists is the usual assortment of critical darlings (Pearl Jam), pop superstars (Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re nasty), groups who should have been elected years ago (ELO), groups nobody has ever even heard of before (Bad Brains), a whole bevy of shitty bands who were more influential than successful (Steppenwolf, Jane’s Addiction, Kraftwerk) bands who should only be allowed in the R&RHoF if they buy a ticket (Journey), and artists who instantly spring to mind when you think of the phrase “rock and roll”…

Excuse me, but I did sample Bruce Hornsby & The Range!

Excuse me, but I did sample Bruce Hornsby & The Range!

There are many, many legendary bands and musicians that deserve inclusion in the Hall of Fame who are lucky to ever even get a token nomination from the Rolling Stone reading music snobs that make up the ballot…. but do you know who the most egregious snub of them all is?  An artist who not only has never been nominated before, but almost certainly never will see his name included along with the likes of Joan Baez, Joe Tex and Chaka Khan…

Probably sold more albums than Depeche Mode.

Probably sold more albums than Depeche Mode.

Yes, I’m talking about living legend “Weird” Al Yankovic, who turned 57 yesterday!  Only the undisputed king of the song parody, one of the elite comic musicians the world has ever seen… and an artist who has been going strong for three and a half decades now!  What, you think writing “serious music” is difficult?  Any idiot can pen a song without constraints and have it be successful… go listen to “MacArthur Park” and tell me I’m wrong.  As an amateur parodist myself, I can tell you that the art of humorously mimicking anything takes a lot of creative talent and a twisted mind to keep your take fresh while also keeping the original source recognizable…

Charles Dickens is rolling over in his grave.

Charles Dickens is rolling over in his grave.

Unfortunately, nobody considers parody to be a serious art form… and that’s what Weird Al is known best for.  All of his songs that became popular were send-ups of radio hits of the day.  But dig deep into Weird Al’s albums, and you’ll find a whole treasure trove of original music he came up with.  These were the songs where Weird Al took on certain genres or the unique sounds of other musicians and wrote his own material to honor it.  My absolute favorite of these Weird Al originals is his spoof of 50’s doo wop that was included on the 1985 album Dare To Be Stupid… here’s an anthem for the heartbroken, “One More Minute”…

As usual with Weird Al productions, the video is just as hilariously ingenious as the song itself is.  I first found this song several years ago at the perfect time for it to really endear itself to me…

ripped heart from chest

Oh well, finding a full service pump outside of Oregon or New Jersey is pretty hard anyway…

Maybe if the Cubs can win the World Series, Weird Al can also finally take his rightful place among rock legends like Elvis Presley, The Beatles and Gene Pitney.  I’ll be back next Monday with another song that only gets played when Hell freezes over…

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Mr. Peanut

Sometimes you feel like a nut...

Sometimes you feel like a nut…

sqturday squirrel logoEvery once in a while I get on a shelled peanut kick and will buy the occasional bag at Mecca to snack on while I waste my life away on the internet.  Usually, by the time I get to the bottom fourth of the bag, most of the shells left are pretty small or crappy looking, and I’ll move on to a new bag instead of picking through remnants.  Rather than throw the uneaten nuts away, of course I save them up to throw out in the backyard when the spirit so moves me.  One such nut purge occurred last week, and for the first time ever, I actually got some photos of my squirrels enjoying my peanut rejects!

One man's trash is another squirrel's treasure.

One man’s trash is another squirrel’s treasure.

Boy, they sure were happy with yet another free meal I provided them….

Money for nothing and their nuts for free.

Money for nothing and their nuts for free.

Careful…. those shells have an awful lot of salt on them!

Look who's talking, high blood pressure boy!

Look who’s talking, high blood pressure boy!

Here at The Nest, we like our Saturday Squirrels to be just a little nutty!

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Leaving The Nest

Bashful’s six week stay at The Nest has finally come to an end, and the gang from the shelf gathers together to see their new friend off…


BASHFUL: Well, guys….. I guess this is it.  I have to go back to the Hotel Thompson now.  It’s…… it’s been fun, I guess.


BUSTER: Been fun, you guess?  Why Bashful, these past six weeks have been like nothing else I’ve ever seen here in all of my incarnations!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Buster’s right, Bashful!  We really enjoyed having you around…

SCRATCHY: …To use and abuse!


SNUGGLE BEAR: Dude, you were awesome!  Not many outsiders can be such a good sport for our deviously devilish brand of entertaining ourselves!

UMBREON: Indeed… you were quite the playmate, and didn’t mind when we handed your hindquarters to you a time or fifteen…

SEYMOUR: Maybe you can take some of the street smarts you learned here to put that evil brother of mine, Don Juan, in his place!

BASHFUL: Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind (Smiles, imagining all of the havoc he and Don will unleash back at Bacon’s place this December)


SQUIRREL CHILDREN:  Bye bye, Uncle Bashful!  We’ll never forget you!!!

YOUNGEST CHILD: Or that cool link to the squirrel porn site you gave us….

OTHER CHILDREN: (Each putting a paw over the youngin’s mouth and whispering) SHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Nobody’s supposed to know about that!


SPARKLEPONY: Well, I certainly won’t be upset to see Bashful go….

RAINBOW DONKEY: Come on now, dear.  Don’t be so hateful.  After all, when’s the last time someone actually hit on you in a bar…

SPARKLEPONY: Excuse me!?!?  Are you saying I’m not attractive enough to….

RD: Well, yeah….. I mean…… no!  Of course not….. it’s just that….

SPARKLEPONY: Someone’s gonna be sleeping out in the horse trough tonight…..

BASHFUL: I have to admit, I’m surprised by this outpouring of love.  I wasn’t expecting any of you to actually miss me!


SCRAT: Bashful, bro!  Do you realize how often we shelf critters appeared on this blog before you arrived on the scene last month?

FUZZYWIG: Almost never is the answer.  But you not only got us in the spotlight, you allowed us to show the creep who runs this blog just how much we deserve to have a larger role at The Nest!  We just found out we’re getting Fridays from now on to ourselves….. Shelf Critter Theater!

SCRAT: We’re gonna be superstars!!!


TWILIGHT: That’s right!  We’ll be used for more than just answering one of The Cutter’s prompt posts now!


LUNA: Feel free to stop by again if you want my autograph, or (flips the two finger phone gesture) just leave a message… maybe we’ll call.

SCRATCHY: Life’s been good to us so far!

BASHFUL: Wow, I had no idea I helped you guys out!  Geez, I just might let that go to my head and ask for some royalties…

MITZI: Oh, Bashful darling!  I’ve totally got to see you before you go!!!

Mitzi the Bimbocorn tromps through the crowd, squashing Buster under her huge, silicone enhanced chest as she stops at Bashful’s box to say goodbye…


Mitzi kisses Bashful, making the black rock blush bright red….

MITZI: Buh-bye my pretty Bashful!  I’ll miss you most of all!

BASHFUL: Aw, shucks plasticorn!  I’ll miss you too!  At least I wrote down the address to your webcam!

Mitzi retreats back into the crowd, and Snuggle Bear seizes the opportunity for a free meal in the squashed possum…


BASHFUL: Awww, guys… and gals!  I’ve been all over the world and have seen a lot of things… but I have to say I’ve never been to a place quite like The Nest before.  Y’all are evil, demented, deranged, mischievous, incorrigible, and downright fucked up!  And I mean that in the best possible way!  I might not ever see any of you again, but you’ll always have a spot in this rock’s soft heart!  (Fights back a tear or two) I’ll miss y’all, but I’ll never, ever forget my amazing adventures here!

SPONKIE 1: Are you ready for us to close the box, Bashful?

BASHFUL: Yes.  Close this up before they see a big rock cry….

SPONKIE 2: OK, down goes the hatch!


The Sponkies slowly lower the lid on Bashful’s shipping box as both he and the crowd of critters wave their final goodbyes…..

But the story doesn’t end here.

You know it doesn’t end here…..

“WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  DON’T CLOSE THAT BOX YET!!!!!!!!!!!!”


BASHFUL: (Softly) ohhhhhhh……….noooooooooo………

The crowd parts to allow the late arrival to the farewell party a chance to impart her final goodbyes to Bashful….

RAINY: I’m NOT done with you yet, Mr. Bashful!!!!

Bashful begins to grab at the top of the box himself in a furious attempt to seal himself off from the skunk who has been his nemesis during his entire stay at The Nest…. but Rainy scurries on up to the box and uses her rain gauge to hold Bashful’s container open.


RAINY: Mr. Bashful.  You did NOT think you were going to sneak out of here before I could say goodbye, did you?

BASHFUL: Wellllll…….. to be honest…… I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t…….

RAINY: Mr. Bashful… in all of my years on this shelf, I have never, EVER seen anyone as naughty as you are!  You are evil, Mr. Bashful!  You are despicable and odious!  You are a cad and a con and a huge PREVERT to top it all off with!

BASHFUL: (GULP!) Wh-who…… me?

RAINY: And do you know what else, Mr. Bashful…….??????

Bashful is sweating bullets as he sees the skunk reach out for him………


RAINY: I’m going to miss you SOOOOOO much!!!!!

The crowd erupts into applause as Rainy pulls Bashful in for a hug.

Bashful is obviously stunned, but returns the hug nonetheless… not tempting fate by using the opportunity to goose Rainy.

BASHFUL: Awwwwwww, Rainy.  I had a feeling you really liked me….

RAINY: I wouldn’t really say that, Mr. Bashful….

BASHFUL: And all those times you sprayed me… that’s how you skunks flirt, right?

RAINY: Mr. Bashful!!!  I was NOT….

BASHFUL: It’s alright, Stinky Pie!  I love you to, and if you’d like my number….

RAINY: That’s it, Mr. Bashful!!!  Sounds like you need one last dose of your medicine!!!!


Rainy turns tail towards Bashful and the nearby critters rush to scamper out of the range of fire!  Bashful acts quickly and pushes the rain gauge that was propping up the lid out of the way allowing the box to close safely and securely before he can get skunked yet again…

SNUGGLE BEAR: Awwww, dammit!  (Muffled by his chewing on Buster’s tail) I was hoping for one last laugh at Bashful’s expense!

RAINY: Is he shut away now?

SCRAT: Yeah!  I’ve never seen you miss your target before…

TWILIGHT: I think he’s already gonna stink for the next 15 years…

RAINY: Drat!  But at least there’s a bright side…


RAINY: Mr. Bashful was in such a hurry to leave, that he neglected to take along his bottle of booze!

FUZZYWIG: YES!  Now that the rock’s locked away, let’s REALLY get this farewell party started!!!!

And so the critters danced and partied and drank the night away while the guest of honor was trapped inside of his getaway box and could only listen in on all of the fun.  Safe travels back to Georgia, Bashful!

And thus brings an end to Bashful’s time at The Nest!  I hope you all enjoyed the look into my twisted mind he helped inspire, especially those of you who were unfamiliar with The Nest’s unique brand of humor before these Bashful episodes.  While my critters from the shelf will no longer have their favorite patsy to push around, thanks to the rousing success of this Bashful series, they will be appearing here regularly on Fridays to continue acting out all kinds of crazy shit for your amusement!  Hopefully the jolt of creativity I experienced with them can continue as a weekly feature…

A big thank you to Bacon for sending Bashful to “Camp Evil Squirrel’s Nest” for a six week stay, even though I was skeptical at the time that I’d be able to live up to the standard of adventure he’s had with other bloggers in the past.  Despite how it may have appeared at times, he made a lot of good friends here… and The Nest and its critters will always remember the time he spent with us!

Bashful and Company, one last time.  Yes, I have issues...

Bashful and Company one last time. Yes, I have issues…

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