BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

I’m mad as hell! And I’m not gonna take it anymore!

I’m sure we’ve all had our encounters with an irritated squirrel, who wants to let the whole world know that he’s not a very happy camper.  I was inside my computer room minding my own business when the ruckus this squirrel was causing outside my window led me to investigate just what had him so freaking upset.

It turned out to be……… absolutely nothing.  Though opening the window and taking pictures of him suddenly made me the target of his relentless ire.

Here’s a batch of photos I took of this hotheaded cutie doing his best Fleabag the Shelf critter dog impersonation….

BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

What are you looking at!?!? BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

I can finally bark in peace up here!

Son of a bitch! The stupid human still won’t go away!

BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! GO AWAY! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

Unlike this week’s obnoxious Saturday Squirrel……. have a great weekend everyone!

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An Uncompensated Endorsement

He once climbed to the top of Mt. Everest…..

…..on a Segway.

He’s cooler…

…than the other side of his pillow….

He rides a unicorn….

…to take his dragon for a walk.

He once won a staring contest….

….with Mr. Fox!

He is….

THE MOST INTERESTING UMBREON IN THE WORLD!

SHADOW: I don’t always play contests.  But when I do, I play The Contest of Whatever!

SNUGGLE: Dude!  That’s not how it goes!!!  You’re supposed to be drinking this Mexican pisswater and banging a bunch of hot chicks while looking awesome as shit!!!

SHADOW: I beg your pardon, but I will not stoop to such a level simply for a lame advertis…

APPLEJACK: I guess we must be the hot chicks!

SCRATCHY: Damn straight we are!  And we’re hornier than a bunch of unicorns on a goat farm!

SHADOW: Please stop this at once!  You are giving me a very strange sensation inside of my Pokeballs!

LUNA: And what exquisite Pokeballs they are.  Fellow chicks, this one is coming back to our stable!

SHADOW: I will NOT!

TWILIGHT: (Tipping Shadow over) You are too!!!

The ponies drag the Most Interesting Umbreon in the World by his long ears back for a roll in the hay….

SNUGGLE: Lucky fucking bastard!  Stay thirsty, my friend!  Now I’m all worked up…… oh shit!  I better scram before YOU KNOW WHO shows up behind me!


This is the FINAL WEEK!!!!!  The 8th Annual Contest of Whatever closes next Thursday evening!  We have two entries in so far…. and we hope to get a lot more!  The contest is EASY!  Check it out here, and don’t be left out of the fun!  Just seven more days….

X marks the spot for the 2021 CoW!

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Share Your World – Week 112

I’ll save this photo for July when the heat index is about 150 in the shade…

The nasty, icky, nipple hardening cold from the first half of the month is gone… but not before I was able to get (somewhat accidentally) this really neat looking photo of one of the icicles hanging off my roof.  It makes me shiver just looking at that icy tendril.  It wouldn’t have lasted long the past two days when it’s damn near felt spring-like.  And at least I no longer have to worry about veering around Mt. Everest while backing out of my driveway…

Now it’s time to share our world, with questions, as always, provided by Melanie

Someone’s been using the mimeograph machine again…

Have you ever ‘butt dialed” someone?

I’m assuming this is a smartphone phenomenon, as I’ve seen countless people (mostly women and girls) strut around with their phones sticking out of the back pocket of their skin tight pants and have always wondered how they manage not to break the damn thing when they sit down…

It’s going to be embarrassing at the emergency room when they have to pick a hundred glass shards out of your ass.

I’ve never owned a smartphone, and for the past year and a half, haven’t even had a dumbphone anymore.  So you won’t have to be worried about getting butt-dialed by me.  And I won’t have to worry about glass in my ass….

If you were given 1000 acres of land, what would you do with it?

Put your hand down, Horshak! We’re not using it for…. THAT!

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen on-line recently?

Each January/February, I host a lyrics contest on the Millionaire message board I’ve been a member of for two decades now.  One of my bonuses for each game asks players to find an image online that somehow ties into the theme of that particular game… because as I’m sure you’re aware, I love challenging people to be creative and find ways to entertain me and make me laugh.  Just like here, my players there never fail to amaze me.  Here are some of my favorite “Image Bonuses” from this year’s game that recently wrapped up…

Theme: The letter Y

Theme: Silence (I actually based this game on Mr. Fox!)

Theme: The word “hold”

Theme: Reptiles

Theme: Glowing (Warning: Sick humor ahead!  Do not attempt this at home!)

Theme: Two things that go great together

Theme: Gym class

Theme: Pets

And one of my all-time favorites, submitted in the 2019 game…..

Theme: Farm living

Lesbian cows for the win!!!

Have you ever eaten something off the floor?  ‘5 second’ rule applies or not?

I’ve definitely taken plenty of pills that have fallen on the floor due to my clumsy hands, which if you’ve opened boxes and stocked shelves for a living as long as I’ve had, is quite often.  Those things are too hard and/or expensive to replace.  I don’t think I’ve eaten food that’s fallen on the floor before, but I’ve scarfed up plenty that’s fallen off the plate onto the table…. including at public restaurants.  Dirt/grime/hair/stuff that makes the food look nasty is what disgusts me.  Germs/bacteria/viruses/crap I can’t see is never something I’ve cared about…

Hey dude! I’m not eating this shit off the porch!

Feel free to share your gratitude with everyone in the form of a quote, a thought or an image.

Since we’re on a funny kick today, I don’t think any movie scene I ever saw cracked me up as much the first time I saw it than this fitting gratitude scene from Christmas Vacation

Yeah, it loses a little if you aren’t American and didn’t have to recite the Pledge in class every morning as a kid….. but as soon as the first words came out of her mouth, I about  shit my pants 30 years ago!

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Colour My World

a box full of junk

It’s time for the Wednesday feature on The Nest that is as unpredictable as whether it’ll actually appear every week.  Let’s delve into the depths of Google and my mind’s depravity with another edition of Random Image Inspiration!  Let’s see what numbers kick out of the Randomator when I stick this boot up its motherboard…

47, 63, 2, 87

The 47th (nope, too serious) 48th post in my Reader was this one by Melanie

The 63rd word in that post is “see”

The 2nd word in that post is “word”

Putting “see word” into Google Images brought this up as the 87th result…

The all-seeing eye of the color wheel gazes down upon a gray and desolate world.  “This will never do,” it thinks to itself, and slowly it begins to spin.

Spin, spin, spin…

The wheel’s prongs, representing every primary and intermediate color, begins to glow to life… releasing its vibrant hues in almost every combination imaginable onto its drab surroundings…

Spin, spin, spin…

Watching the colors come to life from the wheel was mesmerizing.  A brilliant azure blue bled away the monochrome, cloudy sky.  Lush greens and earth tones began taking over the scenery…

Spin, spin, spin…

Soon there was color as far as the eye could see, and still the wheel was not done spinning its rainbow of visuals!  There appeared a yellow sun, then a blue river!  Orange flowers, red birds, pink hearts, blue diamonds, green clovers, purple horseshoes…

CHIP: Fuzzy?  FUZZY!!!!

FUZZY: Huh?  What?

CHIP: Are you alright?

FUZZY: Man, I’m just enjoying the color show here…

CHIP: Um….. OK.  You’ve been staring into that fan for almost half an hour now.

FUZZY: I have?  Oh.  You mean the all-seeing color wheel, dude!

CHIP: And it isn’t even turned on!  Here, let me put it on high so we can clear this nasty reefer smell out of here….

FUZZY: I wouldn’t do that if I were you…

CHIP: Fuzzy, you are one weird….

CHIP: ….. critter.

FUZZYWIG: I knew this wasn’t just an acid flashback.  I just hope tie dye goes back into style…

CHIP: Fuzzy, your entire wardrobe already IS tie dye.

FUZZYWIG: Oh….. right!  Spin, spin, spin!  Prrrrrreeeeeetty colors!

CHIP: This better come out of my fur, or I’m suing The Nest…

Don’t forget The Contest of Whatever ends NEXT THURSDAY!  Be sure to get your entry together before then!

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Flute Rock

If we ever feature Zamfir on the Dusty Vinyl Archive, please lobby to have The Nest taken down…

Monday morning find you with a bad case of locomotive breath?  Well, The Nest will take care of that as it’s once again time for us to go living in the musical past by bungling in that jungle we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s never too old to rock and roll, while the Sponkies are being eyed with bad intent by some prevert sitting on a park bench.  Here’s another awesome lost hit that’s guaranteed to be as thick as a brick…

What do Pablo Cruise, Wang Chung, Molly Hatchet and Blondie have in common?  They’re all the names of bands, not the names of people in those bands as gullible music fans sometimes assume.  Maybe the king of all proper name bands is the British rock act named after the John Deere of the Isles, Jethro Tull.  Although not a proper hit single, the band’s most famous song is probably 1971’s “Aqualung,” which not only has one of the most iconic opening guitar riffs ever, but also one of music’s creepiest leading lines…

Sitting on a park bench
Eying little girls with bad intent

Tull had a pair of more contemporary hit singles that both made the US Top 20 in “Living in the Past” and “Bungle in the Jungle.”  But their song I’m going to feature in the DVA is a track that was exclusively released on the US version of their 1970 album Benefit.  It got some play on AOR and classic rock stations, and I came to love it!  Here’s “Teacher”…

The most unique thing about Jethro Tull was lead singer Ian Anderson’s instrument of choice he played for the band.  Early in the group’s history, he decided to give up the guitar and learned to play the flute… making Anderson one of, if not the only rock and roll flautist!

You gonna tell him only dweebs play the flute?

Amazingly, the original UK version of “Teacher,” which was released as the B-side to another single, doesn’t have the flute parts in it at all!  Unthinkable!  It just isn’t authentic Tull if it doesn’t have that flutey sound to it…

I’ll be back next Monday to blow you away with another lost hit…

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