Who’s Crying Now?

Like, you totally need a tissue.

Music and Monday are both connected by the letter M… and thanks to The Nest, they go together in another awesome way!  That’s because Monday’s the day we sift through the alphabet soup to yank out another lost hit that went AWOL from that bag full of blank Scrabble tiles we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s always ready to say her favorite F word….. Funk, of course!  While the Sponkies try to learn their cursive letters that nobody even used anymore.  Time for another song that’s A-O-K…

The latter half of the 1980’s saw a new wave of R&B singers and groups steal the spotlight away from the synth pop and hair metal bands that were all the rage.  One such group that came out of New York City was a trio headed by Lisa Velez, who you may know better by her redundant stage name Lisa Lisa.  Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam were one of the darlings of the wild and crazy year in music that was 1987, scoring a pair of #1 hits in “Lost in Emotion” and “Head To Toe.”  Those two hits from Spanish Fly remain the only reason Lisa Lisa hasn’t been completely forgotten about today…

I said Lisa Lisa, not Pizza Pizza!

That was the band’s second album.  Their debut effort was the self-titled Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam With Full Force from 1985.  Full Force was an existing R&B group that the other two members of Lisa Lisa had come from, and they teamed up to produce the album that got the band their first public recognition.  “I Wonder If I Take You Home” was an international dance club smash, but it’s the awesome slow ballad from that album that was its biggest hit (#8), and one that I absolutely love!

I’m not sure if I’ve ever even heard “All Cried Out” played on the radio before…. even back in its day.  But VH-1 Classic introduced me to the video, and I fell in love with the song.  Though if you ask me, I don’t think this Fabio wannabe was worth crying over in the first place, Lisa…

Hoo boy…. Vidal Sassoon isn’t looking very good today, I guess.

Don’t cry… I’ll have another lost hit for you Next Monday!

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O Mighty Squirrel

Master of his domain…

From high upon his perch in the tallest tree of the land, this squirrel warrior surveys his territory.  Always on the lookout for any signs of trouble or unrest, he keeps a keen eye on all parts of the kingdom.  The stealthiest cat wouldn’t stand a chance of fooling this watchdog.  No yappy canine is going to corner one of his subjects while he’s on guard.  And if the threat comes from the air, this squirrel will be ready to fire acorns and spiky sweet gum balls at the invading hawk squadron.  This amazing sciurine eye in the sky can see it all in any direction.  One can only stop and stare in amazement as this…

Would you go away and leave me alone, creep!!!!

Yes, even the intrepid park photographer can not escape the attention of this mighty protector of the realm.  The dangers I will risk to bring you these fierce Saturday Squirrels in the wild…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 107

Geez, and I didn’t even have time to sweep the dust under the couch!

I like to begin my Share Your World posts with a random tidbit from the past week… something I often find myself at a loss for come Thursday giving my boring existence.  That certainly wasn’t the case this past week… as I experienced no fewer than four “There’s a SYW intro!” moments.

Tidbit #1: Friday night at work I found another interesting shopping list someone abandoned in my area.  It wasn’t the list itself that was noteworthy… it’s what it was written on the back of.  A set of stapled together papers that was someone’s discharge notes from a visit to a quick care center!  Name, birthdate, symptoms, test results, treatment and diagnosis…… vaginitis.  Who in the hell pitches that kind of personal stuff on a random counter in a retail store!?!?!?  Ewww!!!

Tidbit #2: Ever get that “Your Stats Are Booming!” notification from WordPress?  I got one of those Saturday evening.  Usually, it’s someone who’s bored trolling through your blog… but instead I found out that in the course of half an hour, I’d suddenly had an influx of over 1,000 visitors to my blog from search engines!  What were they looking for?

My post on the old Bud Light limo commercial featuring “Dr. Galazkiewicz.”  Apparently, Anheuser Busch is rerunning some of its classic ads during the football playoffs this year, and that one aired during Saturday night’s game.  I picked up nearly 1600 hits on that post over the weekend alone!

Tidbit #3: I received a card in the mail from Chewy.com yesterday, where I had to buy the flea medication to get the infestation I had last summer under control.  Apparently I had to enter the cats’ birthdays while I was filling out their information, because enclosed was a birthday card made out to…….. Biskit.

Nice to see someone still remembers me…

That might have upset a lot of people, but I managed to laugh it off.  As nice of a gesture as it is for them to send out pet birthday cards, it can also create a number of awkward situations like that where the card needs to be rerouted to the Bridge…

I’ll share Tidbit #4 in the gratitude section.  We better get on to the main event now…. SYW questions, as always, by Melanie

Amputated hands for the win!

Why do we dream?

I remember reading a theory before that dreams come about by our brain sorting out various memories while we sleep, with some of those passing through the part of our brain that processes vision.  That’s the only thing that can explain my completely random dreams that are a mix of the present and past, prominent and background details in my life, and that have no plot of even story continuity…

Kinda like my Shelf Critter Theatre stories…

Do you think a person’s name influences the person they become?

I have a boring, extremely common name… and became a boring, though extremely uncommon person.  So I’d say it’s half right…

Names driving personality only works with cartoon characters.

Does hardship make a person stronger?

Forget the gym… just have your life turn into a living hell, and you’ll have the body of a Greek god!

This is what four straight rough winters will do for you, weakling!!!

Why do we judge ourselves by our intentions, but judge others by their actions?

The answer to this is so simple, but most people are either oblivious or refuse to admit to it.  We can’t possibly know the intentions of other people… no matter how obvious they might seem.  But that doesn’t stop people from assuming they can apply what they know about themselves to people whose minds they don’t have access to…

This doesn’t apply to annoying customers, of course, who are just universally assholes.

Feel free to share some gratitude in the form of images, photos or writing.

January 21st is NATIONAL SQUIRREL APPRECIATION DAY!!!!!  And this year is the 20th anniversary of my favorite holiday!  Be sure to take some time today, and every day, to appreciate a squirrel near you!

Thank you, thank you! Please feel free to show that appreciation with a little food!

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Meet The New Boss

CHIP: Are you ready for the inauguration, Fuzzy?

FUZZYWIG: Almost.  I just need to freshen up this doob a little more…

CHIP: Fuzzy!  This is a very hallowed occasion!  Put that pot away!

FUZZYWIG: Say, you think we could move this from January 20th to April 20th?

CHIP: No!  And change out of that tuxedo T-shirt before the guest of honor shows up!  I’m so glad the weather held out… I was afraid it would rain out the ceremony.

RAINY: Like it would ever rain on this godforsaken Shelf!  And get this stupid flag out of my precious rain gauge!

CHIP: Rainy, you should consider it an honor to be presenting the colors for the inauguration!

RAINY: I’m going to present the color green from the rear flank in just a minute.

SCRATCHY: Yo, judge dude!  Any chance I could play something besides “Hail To The Chief?”

CHIP: That’s Supreme Court Justice Chip to you…

SCRATCHY: Whatever ,Diana Ross.  Would it be a’ight if I played my Presidents of the United States of America CD I shoplifted when I was 14?

FUZZYWIG: Here comes trouble…

UNCLE SAM: Good morning, citizens!  I hope I’m not late for my own inauguration.

CHIP: Sir, you’re leaving office!  We’re swearing in the new…

SAM: I am the new guy, son!  Can’t you tell by my youthful appearance?

FUZZYWIG: I thought that hair was spray painted…

CHIP: Sir, you’re definitely not the Shelf’s president-elect!  I’m going to have to ask you to…

SAM: Are you questioning the President’s honesty?  I’d hang you for treason if I could find a new rope.  I am most definitely the new president!  I don’t act at all like that buffoon who was in office for the last four…

SAM: Is that MARIHUANA, son?

FUZZYWIG: Sure thing, new guy.  Wanna smoke but not inhale?

SAM: I will not tolerate any dope smoking on my beloved Shelf!  Do I need to deport you back to Jamaica?  I mean….. you better have a medical permission to be smoking that filth!

SCRATCHY: Meet the new boss.  Same as the old boss…

CHIP:  If you’re the real deal, then raise your right hand and put your left hand on this book.

SAM: What is this?  That doesn’t look like the Bible to me!

SCRATCHY: The only bible on this Shelf is the kama sutra.

SAM: I am not swearing an oath before GOD on a book of trivia!

FUZZYWIG: But you’re the answer to question #69, who was the worst president of all…

SAM: Bring in a real Bible, heathen!  Or else…

SAM: (Turning towards Scratchy and her brand new retro turntable playing a record) What did they just say!?!?!?

SCRATCHY: I dunno….. bump?  Lump?  Chump?  Maybe a dirty word that rhymes with that?

SAM: I’ve had about enough of these silly games at my inauguration!

CHIP: And so have I.  You’re definitely not our new president.  (Talks into a 60’s spy gadget wristwatch) Security!

BUSTER: Secret Service Agent Buster Possum reporting for duty!

CHIP: I want this presidential impostor escorted off of the stage!  And preferably off the Shelf entirely!

BUSTER: Right away, chief!  (Turns towards Sam)  Sir, I’m going to have to politely ask you to follow me…

SAM: So I may be the OLD president…

FUZZYWIG: A politician told the truth!  Now I know I’m stoned out of my gourd…

SAM: …but you’re forgetting that means I’m currently STILL the shelf president…

CHIP: Not for much longer, thank Trivia God!

SAM: …which means I still have access to….

SAM: …THE FOOTBALL!!!

Audible gasps abound…

SAM: I’m actually surprised you didn’t lose it again, Troll, like when I needed it at that hostile press conference.

TROLL: No sir!  Not after you had the football zip tied to my scrotum.

SAM: Now I’ll just enter the launch code here….. and NO PEEKING!

CHIP: The launch code’s 1-2-3-4-5?

FUZZYWIG: That’s the same combination as my good stuff tote bag…

CHIP: Sir, it wasn’t necessary to atomize our guard.

SAM: He was a necessary casualty to protect our freedom!  Specifically, my freedom to continue to rule over this Shelf!  Now that I’ve put an end to this fake inauguration, the First Lady should be meeting me here any minute so we can depart on a taxpayer paid vacation to Costa Rica!

BIG SCRAT: Oh boy!  I’ve always wanted to go to Costa Rica!  Let me pack my mankini and tanning butter…

SAM: What is the meaning of this?  You’re not the First Lady!

BIG SCRAT: And you won’t be the Commander in Chief once we get to our little beachfront hideaway!  You’ll be flying second class on Scrat Force One all week long, and jet lag will be the only lag you’ll be experiencing….

SAM: (Being dragged away by the First Gentlecritter) No!  You can’t do this to the president!  I demand a recount!  And a rewrite!!!!

CHIP: Well, that takes care of the old guard.  But where’s out new leader?

SANTA: Sorry I’m late with the president-elect!  The presidential motorcade got delayed because my squirreldeer decided to take a shit in the middle of the road and caused a five car pile up!  And I mean a literal PILE up….

SCRAT THE RED NOSED SQUIRRELDEER: SQUEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!!!!

FUZZYWIG: Wonderful.  Maybe we can get this party over before my “refreshments” run out…

RAINY: Hooray!  This is the perfect candidate we unanimously voted for!

CHIP: Sir, please raise your right hand and place your left hand on the book…

CHIP: Do you solemnly swear to perform your duties as shelf president and uphold our constitution as written on a roll of toilet paper, so help you Dog?

PRESIDENT-ELECT FOX: ……………………….

CHIP: Congratulations!  I now pronounce you President of the Shelf!

FUZZYWIG: You may kiss the bride…

Yooooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

MITZI: Was, like, someone talking about smoochies?

FUZZYWIG: That’s a yogurt stain on your blue dress, right?

MITZI: Like, where’s Mitzi’s widdow Pwezzy Wezzy?

CHIP: He’s…… um…… being debriefed right now in Costa Rica.

RAINY: Mr. Fox is our new president now!  A critter of the critters!

MITZI: Yaysies!  Mitzi’s totally got fresh meat in the Oval Orifice again!  Now to totally grab an inaugural ball, or TWO!

CHIP: The First Lady is on her Fifth Guy now…

CHIP: It’s time for your speech, Mr. President!

MITZI: Woohoo!!!  Like, totally redress the nation, Foxy Woxy!

PRESIDENT FOX: ………………………………

FUZZYWIG: And that is why he won the election unanimously….

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Bigger Is Better

Well…… usually.

Ready to start the new week in a really big way?  Well, The Nest’s the biggest name in the Monday Muzak business… and this is the day we cast a wide net and pull out another whopper of a lost song from that skyscraper of former big hits we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s always large and in charge when it comes to forgotten earworms of the past, while the Sponkies are guzzling their milk so they’ll grow up to be big and strong… er, we won’t tell them that was all propaganda.  This one’s gonna be yuge…

Once upon a time, Peter Gabriel was a member of the British band Genesis.  In 1975, he decided to forge out on his own… and that split managed to turn out pretty well for both parties.  Genesis experienced its biggest commercial success with Phil Collins behind the mic in the 80’s, and Gabriel made a name for himself as a solo artist over the ensuing decades.  There may not be an artist whose best known songs I have more extreme and differing feelings for than Peter’s.  “Solsbury Hill” and “In Your Eyes” (The latter of which made my Iconic Songs I Can’t Stand countdown a few years ago) are utterly dreadful.  However, I really like “Games Without Frontiers,” and “Sledgehammer” was one of my favorite songs when it came out in 1986, and I still love it today!

The monkey is only shocked because he didn’t expect this to be one of his pet duties.

Another Peter Gabriel song I really love…. his followup to “Sledgehammer”… “Big Time”

Released in late 1986, “Big Time” worked its way up to #8 in the US… and even had a very memorable and artsy video.  However, this send up to the big shots of the world quickly got smashed like a watermelon at a Gallagher show due to the huge shadow the more pioneering music video for “Sledgehammer” cast over it.  It’s time to get this song back in the big time.  Maybe Nest favorite Amy Turner would like to take a turn at singing it?

My God, my Millionaire taping was 20 years ago today. I am so fucking old…

Please come back next Monday for another song that was once big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, BIG!

Hi there!

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