The Hedge Trimmer

Posted on November 28, 2020 by

If you don’t get rid of all of this annoying brush, I will!

I guess this week’s Saturday Squirrel doesn’t care for all of the weedy overgrowth near the base of my oak tree.  He doesn’t look too happy peering over the jungle at me, and those talons on that paw of his would put Freddy’s Krueger’s glove to shame.  I could spray some herbicide on that for you if you’d like, but I have a feeling you prefer your acorns without toxic chemicals.  So just get used to having to clear your own path, buddy.  Besides, you look cute even when you’re pissed off and have your claws out…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 99

Posted on November 26, 2020 by

Would you like dark meat or mystery meat?

Sliced possum, anyone?  Welcome to The Nest’s Thanksgiving feast, sponsored by Tums and Pepto Bismol.  This year, the talk around the table will be our answers to this week’s Share Your World questions, hosted as always by Melanie.  Fortunately, my family already knows I’m a bit of a nutcase…

Would you please pass the planet pie?

What is worse than a dentist with bad breath?

Having a Siamese twin with B.O.

That’s it, brother… I’m dragging you into the shower with me!

Have you ever been rejected by someone that you liked, or been told that you were not good enough for somebody else?

I am a rock, I am an island.  I’ve never even tried to dip my toes into the relationship waters…. at least in real life.  I’ll never end up like Robbie…

Did you ever want to have toast for breakfast, only to find that all your bread was covered in green mold?

Unless I have a yen for burnt toast and know I’ll polish off the whole loaf in a couple days, I don’t even buy bread for the very reason that it molds so quickly.

Though I’ll bet burnt mold doesn’t taste that bad…

Did you ever sneeze so hard that your whole body hurt?

Yes, because my sneezes tend to be of the ten tons of dynamite type of explosions.  I’ve always puzzled at the people whose sneezes wouldn’t even be heard in a library.  How in the hell are they even expelling whatever is irritating their nose?  And for that matter, I can’t imagine little toot sneezes like that could possibly set off the chain reaction of pain that comes with a Big One…

There’s that honey glaze that makes the turkey look so good!

Did you ever buy clothing on the internet that did not fit, but you wore them anyway, since you didn’t want to pay the $5 shipping charge to send them back?

I rarely buy physical products online (working in a store where I get a discount, it doesn’t make sense), and clothing-wise, a couple batches of polo shirts is all I’ve ever gotten online.  The most recent batch several years ago didn’t have the pocket, as advertised, but I kept them anyway…

Expired online orders should just be sold to McDonald’s.

Gratitude Section:

Since my comic strip I used to draw appeared weekly on Thursdays, that means there was always a Thanksgiving edition annually during its 5 year run.  So to add some cheer to your holiday (or non-holiday), here’s Evil Squirrel’s Nest’s five Thanksgiving Day comics, tinged with numerous Black Friday references since you know where I work…

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Baby Come Back

Posted on November 23, 2020 by

Stop it Snuggle, she’s too young to understand love songs.

Ready to get your week started with another forgotten gem from the old days?  The Nest has you covered since Monday’s the day each week we dig up the yard to extract another perfectly preserved hit from that earworm infected time capsule we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s ready to drop the needle on another song so old that it actually was issued on vinyl, while the Sponkies look up the 1980’s in their ancient history textbook.  If George Orwell had known the music was going to be this good in 1984, he’d have never wrote that stupid novel…

While the States embraced a number of overseas acts 40 years ago as part of the MTV-fueled Second British Invasion, one redcoat who didn’t quite make it into the US’s pantheon of 80’s legends was a strapping young lad by the name of Paul Young.  At the same time the US thought Lionel Richie was shit the shit, Paul Young was one of the biggest things going over in Europe.  (Fun fact I didn’t even think of before I made that comparison… while Richie led off the opening voice of “We Are the World,” it was Young who sang the first lines of the original feed the world song “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”)

Sorry Paul, you just weren’t…. um….. this cool back in the 80’s.

Young did eventually infiltrate the US market and picked up a quartet of Top 40 hits, including the #1 that nobody ever plays anymore “Every Time You Go Away.”  While that 1985 Hall & Oates cover served as Peak Paul in the Western Hemisphere, his first impression on the US charts came a year earlier with a song that only made it up to #22.  Despite being the lowest scoring of his four hits, it’s still his second best known song in America, but that isn’t saying much…

“Come Back and Stay” is easily my favorite Paul Young song… and hit just as my family got cable and was able to watch MTV for the first time.  While this video, shot on the white cliffs of Dover or something, apparently isn’t the officially endorsed version by the artist’s YouTube channel… this is the only one I know, and love.  In the same year Annie Lennox wailed like a banshee in “Here Comes the Rain,” Paul Young’s backup singer put her to shame…

Wail away. Mermaids don’t need sleep…

I wouldn’t think of tearing DJ Scratchy’s playhouse down…. I’ll have another cool lost hit next Monday!

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Life In The Gutter

Posted on November 21, 2020 by

I’ll clean this shit out if I can take it back to my nest…

This Fall has been full of many mild, sunny days that has really yielded an abundance of squirrel activity.  I can step outside just about any time with my camera and capture one of them doing something.  Thursday, I waiting in my front door for one of them to come scampering out somewhere in my view, when I caught some movement out of my peripheral vision… and not in a place I was expecting!

You act like you’ve never seen a squirrel on someone’s roof before.

I haven’t!  It’s a space I’ve long been waiting to cover on my squirrel photo bingo card.  Up until I had the trees in my yard trimmed last December, my roof was used by squirrels all the time as an overpass from my front yard tree to the backyard oak.  But I was never in a position to get a picture of one of them up there.  So I was really surprised to see this guy had invaded my neighbor’s roof.  Their backyard tree is practically the squirrel projects, and has been for many years, and it must have rooftop access now, as that’s the only way he could have gotten up there…

I wonder if there’s any good shit in here?

Well, would you lookie there!

Squirrels aren’t picky.  They’ll happily scarf up a treat right out of the gutter…

You can eat it, but it tastes like shit!

Hey everyone down there! Come check out this free buffet and salad bar!

I think I have a new favorite restaurant!

Whatever, pal.  Who would have ever thought I’d have to scrounge through the gutter to find another spunky little Saturday Squirrel…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 98

Posted on November 19, 2020 by

Your totally random intro image for this week’s SYW.

In digging back through my blog’s media archive for an intro blurb, I found this image I created for a contest Merby held six years ago to make a post out of one of five titles to Beatles songs.  Of course, I did all five and tied everything together with an Evil Squirrel/Angel skit.  This was the best of the five images I came up with…. although I’m not sure Lil would want to be called Lucy, or be associated with hallucinogenic drugs.

And with gratuitous blast from the past out of the way, it’s time for my answers to this week’s Share Your World questions, provided as always by Melanie…

Don’t give me no hand me down world…. oh wait, that was The Guess Who, not the Beatles.

Is cereal soup? Why or why not?

I guess if you’re one of those disgusting people who would dump it out into a bowl and pour bovine lactation on it, you could call it soup.  And if it was Alpha Bits in a bowl, you could even say it’s alphabet soup.  Cereal was meant to be eaten straight from the box, though…. so no soup for me.

Welcome to the soup kitchen…. er, bathroom!

What are some interesting ways to answer everyday questions like “how’s it going” or “what do you do”?

Well, there’s always the smartass solution…

“What’s up?” …. “The sky.”

“How’s in hanging?” …  “A little to the left”

“How are you doing?” …

Fine AND dandy!

I generally stop these insane greeting questions in their tracks by answering them honestly and with gory details.  Nobody really wants to know how you’re feeling…

What was your favorite toy growing up?

Between myself and my four sisters, we pretty much destroyed most of our toys within months and sometimes weeks of getting them.  Board games would have numerous vital pieces go missing, parts off Transformers would get broken, Barbie would somehow end up on the porch roof, the dog would shit on the Rubik’s Cube.  Stuff like that.  So there were never any toys around long enough when I was growing up for one to become my favorite…

Mitzi always takes good care of her toys… and they take good care of her.

If you have a pet, and you could ask it three questions, what would you ask?

#1. How come you come crying to me about being hungry when there’s still food left in your bowl?

ODY: That “stuff” you dump in my bowl that is made out of processed roadkill is NOT food.  I don’t even think it is edible.  How about you open up another can of that good shit while YOU eat that dry crap on a cracker you attempt to poison me with.

#2. You lay around here all day and sleep… but when I want to go to bed, that’s when you start poking and rubbing at me trying to wake me up.  What’s up with that?

ODY: Who said you could sleep?  You’re supposed to stay awake all day and tend to my every need.  Besides, that’s MY bed, not yours.  Why don’t you sleep on that furry flying saucer you expect me to lay my precious ass on…

#3. Why do I even put up with your shit?

ODY: Because you fucking love me, that’s why.  I’m cute, soft, and the only one who won’t judge your weird ass, and that’s only because I can’t talk or type.  Now I’ll just take this mouse away from you so you can focus on giving your cute master some belly rubs…

What’s one simple thing society at large could do to improve our world?

Everyone untwisting their knickers would be a good start…

Need any help with that, dear?

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