Gemini

gemini sully blaze

On a day when this was fittingly one of the top news stories on my homepage, it’s time for es zodiacThe Nest’s patent pending fucked up take on the third sign of the Western zodiac, Gemini!

This is one of the two posts in this series where I’m going to cheat a bit with which of my characters I use for each sign’s representative.  The Nest’s two true blue Geminis are my recent creation, the little skunkette Kati (June 19), as well as none other than Rainbow Donkey himself (May 27).  Don’t worry… I’m saving RD for a future sign that somehow none of my characters fall into… and besides, how could I use anyone to represent the sign of Gemini other than my pair of squirrel twins Sulphur and Blaze?  Who cares that they’re actually Pisces…

gemini

This is the Gemini artwork I drew for my 2010 project.  It’s another character I drew for someone from my Millionaire message board that never made the transition to The Nest.  Gemini never fails to be a fun draw, though… you can do a lot of interesting and clever things with twins.

But that goes without saying...

But that goes without saying…

Well, now… let’s see what The Nest’s favorite stoner astrology site has to say about the double trouble that is Gemini!

Gemini’s reign in the sun is from about May 21 to June 20 each year, putting it right in the latter third of Spring.  Of course, in America, where we’re under this strange notion that summer begins with Memorial Day weekend near the end of May, Gemini would more likely be considered to be a summer sign.  This, folks, is why the US is ranked around next to last in the world in education…

The Tongans would totally kick our asses at math... and then probably eat us for dinner as well.

The Tongans would totally kick our asses at math… and then probably eat us for dinner as well.

As I’ve already made perfectly clear, Gemini is represented by the twins.  I wasn’t sure which twins were the original Geminis, so I looked it up and it turns out to be a couple of lads named Castor and Pollux from the fascinating world of Greek mythology.

And, perhaps, really bad porn films.

And, perhaps, really bad porn films.

The symbol for Gemini is one we all recognize from shitty film sequels… it’s just a stylized version of the Roman numeral two.

Yes, Simon, you might want to pick that II up...

Yes, Simon, you might want to pick that II up…

Every zodiac sign has its element you won’t find on the periodic table, and for Gemini it’s air.  You’ll find Gemini soaring high above the clouds…

Much like our stoner astrologers...

Much like our stoner astrologers…

Gemini’s place on the human body is the upper appendages… that would be the hands and arms for those of you anatomically challenged.

Sorry, Venus.  You just weren't cut out to be a Gemini...

Sorry, Venus. You just weren’t cut out to be a Gemini…

So what kind of personality can you expect from a Gemini?

Geminis are extremely clever and imaginative.  Not only in coming up with exciting, new projects that they’ll likely never finish anyway, but they are also experts at getting themselves out of a jam…

Well played, Gemini.

Well played, Gemini.

Gemini loves to communicate.  In fact, Gemini will continue communicating with you long after you’ve totally lost interest in what they’re saying.  Once you get Gemini started, good luck getting their verbal diarrhea to stop…

Maybe you could get Gemini to look up the definition of "Shut the fuck up!"

Maybe you could get Gemini to look up the definition of “Shut the fuck up!” in their Funk and Wagnalls

This need to constantly communicate makes Gemini an excellent source for gossip.  If you really want the lowdown on who’s been sleeping with who at the office, go seek out the resident Gemini.

the squirrel twins!

Hey Sully, did you hear about what happened in the teacher’s lounge yesterday?

Gemini is notoriously superficial when dealing with people.  Gemini will judge your book by its cover, and then won’t even bother to read it in the first place.  Geminis make horrible doctors since they don’t believe in X-rays or CAT scans…

Your secretion is totally grossing out Gemini.  Just spray this twice and then don't call me in the morning.

Your secretion is totally grossing out Gemini. Just spray this twice and then don’t call me in the morning.

Are you searching for a love that will stand the test of time?  Then if you should be so fortunate as to meet a Gemini….. run like hell!  Gemini’s nice for a one night stand, but since Gemini is always looking for the next great thing, you might want to pocket that money you were planning to drop on an engagement ring.  Once you stop feeding Gemini’s neverending craving for new stimuli, you will find yourself placed neatly in the recycling bin of romance along with all the used condoms.

Gemini's outta here... have fun playing with your phone.

Gemini’s outta here… have fun playing with your phone.

And as always… the good part!

Sex With Gemini:  Gemini loves to experiment and sex with a Gemini is full of novelty and excitement, trying anything and everything nearly anywhere. Gemini is not for the faint of heart or the shy and secretive lovers!

Don’t everyone rush out to the nearest bar and find themselves a Gemini to take home all at once now….

OK, I guess I gotta have one Rainbow Donkey Gemini picture since it's so appropriate.

OK, I guess I gotta have one Rainbow Donkey Gemini picture since it’s so appropriate.

Now that we ended the flighty Gemini personality summary on a high note, let’s take a look at where we can find Gemini in the world around us!

Always starting off with the sports reference, Gemini can be seen on the baseball diamond…

Scott Diamond is actually a Leo... but that fits in perfectly with that Gemini duality.

Scott Diamond is actually a Leo… but that fits in perfectly with that Gemini duality.

Gemini can be found in classic NES games!

Hey!  This isn't fair... let me call up Protoman.

Hey! This isn’t fair… let me call up Protoman to make this even.

Gemini is a part of our retro TV commercial heritage…

Oh, Gemini!  It takes two of you to play one role on a sitcom…

And you can tell they're really Geminis (June 13) because they're already gossiping amongst each other.

And you can tell they’re really Geminis (June 13) because they’re already gossiping amongst each other.

We’re all gonna wake up to Gemini on the radio!

Gemini can be quite deceitful, as Hollywood showed us in the early 90’s…

Stick with "Crepuscular Man", Arnie...

Stick with “Crepuscular Man”, Arnie…

Before I get ganged up on two to one, let’s see what Evil Squirrel’s horoscope has to say for all you Geminis out there today:

Your day will be filled with fun and fulfilling tasks, not a single one of which you will bother to finish.  Multislacking in the the key to Gemini success!  Capricorn is busy saving your ass by picking up the pieces as you abandon them.  Show your appreciation by buying lunch, or agreeing to a quickie on the copying machine.  Entertainment can be found by changing the font on Taurus’ computer and replacing their coffee with Folgers crystals.  Stay in tonight…. no really, stay in for a change and give everyone else a break.  Nobody down at the club wants to hear you go on and on about your boring date with Virgo last night, or who Pisces is sneaking around with now.  Get yourself a pen pal instead, preferably one who doesn’t speak English.  You’ll also want to be prepared to talk your way out of a speeding ticket from Officer Scorpio.  Your lucky numbers: 7, 18, 31, 54’40”, 10 gazillion, and of course…. II.

Just another fun day in the life of a Gemini!

Just another fun day in the life of a Gemini!

Come back next Friday as I get a bit crabby about my own sign….

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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44 Responses to Gemini

  1. Ha! The first half started off ok and I was like, uh huh, yep, that’s me, in the second half I became a little embarrassed to be a Gemini, I’m not fond of gossip and I hope I am not superficial, that said, there are little traits of me in every bit…..damn you!! lol

  2. That’s totally true! My mom’s aunt is a gemini and they say that geminis have two faces… my mom said that’s not true, her aunt has 7 faces, because it’s a dragon…oh… did I say that loud?

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    My one, very unfortunate, semi-romantic relationship with a Gemini is an exact match with the paragraph on love (or “love”). Fortunately, I at least avoided that dumpster.

    I haven’t played Mega Man in forever, I might need to download it from someplace.

  4. Scott says:

    I’m not doing Gemini right, it seems.

  5. 1jaded1 says:

    Entertaining as ever. Double trouble. I wonder if the stoners are Gemini. Can’t wait to see what you have to say next week!

  6. Love the list of phone numbers on the fridge! I didn’t check, but did you create that cartoon especially for this post or was it one you’ve used previously?

  7. First of all, you have done the world a service by inventing a long needed but missing word in the English language: Multi-slacking. Def: To avoid multiple tasks simultaneously. Brilliant.

    You’ve actually got a lot of the Astrology typing pretty accurately. Funny, sure, but dead on, also. I don’t show up till the very end (yes, another damned fish person). I can hardly wait!

    • I can’t claim the invention of multislacking (I’ve seen it used before), but if I brought that wonderful term into your life, I have indeed done a fine duty! Use it well!

      I seem to have a lot of fishes following my blog… oh well, that makes sure most of you will tune in until the bitter end!

  8. Awww gee Evil Squirrel I realize that all of that volunteer work I did at the #$%$# elementary school was all for nothing.

    Castor and Pollux need a little talking to from their Mom. Boys you shouldn’t leave the house looking like that. I mean they’re beautiful but that statue makes me just a little bit uncomfortable. Kids put some clothes on.

    As a Scorpio through and through – I don’t give tickets but I sure can talk my way out of one with any small town Buba Pole-eece officer.

    This was fun and I learned a lot. Thanks Evil Squirrel.

    • I always wonder if everyone ran around in the ancient days just like they looked in the statues we have left from that era. If not, those two were definitely looking for trouble…

      And that volunteer work wasn’t all for naught! At least we aren’t dead last yet! 😉

  9. merbear74 says:

    Shit, I can’t wait to see what you come up with for Leo…
    Hey, I played that video game! The dude had a whip…what is it called?

  10. JackieP says:

    Have you already done Virgo and I missed it?? All virgos are not made the same. This is one that isn’t boring! Just ask me LOL Loved this. 🙂

  11. Lol! Funny thing is, this was probably a more accurate description of me than it was my Gemini husband. I am notorious for starting a ton of projects & not finishing them (the fact that I’ve stuck with running for as long as I have is VERY uncharacteristic of me, I tend to have a new hobby every few months)…and my Husband is a medical professional.

  12. Ally Bean says:

    I’m trying to remember if I know any Geminis so that I can apply your brilliant in-depth analysis to them. Sadly, I don’t think that I know a one. Still, good to know where I can find vital info on them should I encounter one in the wild.

  13. fanrosa says:

    Any Gemini that tries to change the font on my computer gets their asses handed to them…Pamplona style!!

  14. Wow! Making it onto an American refrigerator! 😀 VERY funny post and VERY funny cartoon.
    Shane is a gemini but definitely doesn’t like gossip. I don’t either so some of it is how you’re raised. Character assassinations are not executed in the gentlestitches house.” Multi slacking” is the funniest thing I have heard all year!!!! HaHaHaHa! (virtual as opposed to canned laughter)
    Seriously, it is a brilliant phrase! 😀

  15. calipatti says:

    I’m a Cancer, I will trade for a …
    not a Leo … Uh oh I don’t know!

    Great post Squirrel.

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