Leo

leo hooly

es zodiacOh yeah, it’s Friday again!  That means it’s time for me to go back to work… but for you, it means you get treated to the next exciting chapter in my zodiac series!  After wallowing in the oversensitive misery that is the crab, we’re gonna do a 180 this week and look at one of the fiercest signs of the zodiac, Leo!  But even those dangerous lions out there won’t escape The Nest’s sarcastic wrath!

The Nest has only one resident Leo… but with a Leo like my perky little skunkette Hooly (August 11), there’s no need for another.  Hooly is one of my characters based on [Gotye]somebody that I used to know[/Gotye], and if ever anyone was practically a caricature of their astrological sign, it was the real Hooly.  It’s a sign I have learned to respect…. and fear.

Wuss!

I’ve unleashed a lion….

Naturally, Hooly was also my Leo in the 2010 zodiac art project I did…

leo

It’s time to bring out our foremost experts in everything starry, trippy, and far out, man… those stoner astrologers!  Let’s see what they have to say about Leo, beginning with the basics…

Leo comes during the dog days of summer, about July 23rd – August 22nd, right around the time all those cold weather hating people remember that heat and humidity suck just as bad as a polar vortex.

A perfect weekend for the beach!  If it hasn't turned into glass yet...

A perfect weekend for the beach! If it hasn’t turned into glass yet…

Leo is represented by the lion, who as Disney reminded us with Kimba Simba, is also known as the king of the jungle…

If troublemaking little possums don't drop them off a cliff first...

If troublemaking little possums don’t drop them off a cliff first…

The symbol for Leo is a little circle with a curly upside down U protruding from it to make a tail.  How cute, right?

Leo will get to the egg first...

Leo will get to the egg first…

Like Aries, Leo is a fire sign.  Get the two together, and, well…

Now you know why these two work so well in my comics...

Now you know why Skunkbitch and Oddball work so well together in my comics…

One thing you can say for Leo, is they’ve always got your back…. literally.  That’s where Leo is represented on the human body.

Lower, Leo!  Lower!

Lower, Leo! Lower!

Let’s take a glimpse at that dazzling Leo personality now, shall we?

Like the lion, Leo is the supreme ruler of their kingdom.  They give the orders to their adoring subjects… not the other way around.  Leo is always one people’s revolt away from the guillotine…

Keep letting them eat cake, Leo, and you might find your head on the next platter.

Keep letting them eat cake, Leo, and you might find your head on the next platter.

There is nothing Leo loves more than being flattered and told how awesome Leo is.  No sign of the zodiac has a bigger ego to stroke than Leo, making them the perfect Hollywood celebrity or politician…

Tell me how beautiful I am again, peasant!

Tell me how beautiful I am again, peasant!

Leo craves attention like your kitty cat craves Crave.  You would be wise not to ignore a nearby Leo, lest you be flattened by Leo’s intense gravitational pull and spoiled brat attitude.  It is a proven astrological fact that the universe does in fact revolve around Leo, forget what that hack Galileo thought…

Leo is probably responsible for the WordPress upgrades as well...

Leo is probably responsible for the WordPress “upgrades” as well…

Leo is highly charismatic, and often attracts a huge following of sheep admirers.  Everyone loves a Leo… at least until the first time they get caught up in the constant drama that Leo enjoys stirring up.  Still, it’s hard to resist Leo’s fiery charms…

skunk dragging squirrel

Face it… you are Leo’s bitch.

Leo’s regal and self-important makeup also contribute to a lust for the finer things in life.  No sign appreciates its luxuries quite like Leo… and sometimes even the best is not good enough for Leo.

skunk unicorn

Surely I can find a better companion than this plain, dull Rainbow Donkey…

Looking for a little lionlike Leo love?  Well, our stoner astrologers say that flattery is the key to winning Leo’s heart, and you’d best bring your A game if you want more than just a dinner date.  Leo wants a lover who will only have eyes for them… but that sure isn’t going to stop Leo from being the life of the party with others of the opposite sex.  While you’re trying to calculate how much of your life savings you’ll have to spend to keep Leo satisfied on Valentine’s Day, Leo’s probably preoccupied sleeping with your more attractive best friend…

Leo will gladly scratch your back, and also put a knife in the middle of it.

Leo will gladly scratch your back, and also put a knife in the middle of it.

And just in case you aren’t speaking with your BFF anymore to ask them, here’s what Leo is like between the sheets…

Sex With Leo:  First impressions would tell you that Leo is all about the kinky and novelty, but that is not so. They are deeply sensual and passionate and enjoy posh surroundings, such as candles and scented oils and lots of affectionate physical contact such as massages and rubbing. They like sex to be familiar, not necessarily routine, but they like to know what’s going on. This is because Leo always has to be the best and if there is a suggestion or something offered that they have never done before, they would rather pass on the chance then attempt it and be only satisfactory. Leo has mastered the moves by know, so do not be disappointed with the lack of novelty and variety, because Leo is very good at what they can do, they are the best.

That sound you hear is the air seeping out from Leo’s overinflated big head.  All of that bubbly, fascinating personality… and we find out Leo’s into boring sex because it’s all they can do well.  Check your ego at the door to the bedroom, Leo… you’re probably not as good as you think you are.

So, I hear you're not into buttplugs...

So, I hear you’re not into buttplugs…

Now that we’ve got all of those Leos out there ready to tear me into shreds like a helpless gazelle, let’s see where we can find Leo in the world around us!

Leo can be found regularly stinking up the Motor City gridiron…

Ouch.

Ouch.

Leo is coming soon to a theater near you…

We prefer the MTM logo better...

We prefer the MTM logo better…

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, Leo sleeps tonight…

Leo can be found drowning on a sinking ship…

The lead actor should always go down with the ship...

The lead actor should always go down with the ship…

And of course, you can find Leo on the Yellow Brick Road…

Don't cry, Leo.  it's only a sarcastic post.  Besides, your mascara is gonna run...

Don’t cry, Leo. it’s only a sarcastic post. Besides, your mascara is gonna run…

Well, if Leo only deserves the very best, then I’m gonna sure give it my all in this special horoscope just for you lions out there!

Today will be another super magnificent wonderful glorious day in the kingdom of Leo.  But if it isn’t, don’t blame us, we’re just trying to blow smoke up your ass flatter you so you don’t quit reading our blog.  You will find yourself in competition with Gemini for a promotion at work… yes, the same Gemini who insulted your regalness by only getting you some cheap ass gift card to Subway in the office gift exchange.  Show Gemini who’s boss by seducing their spouse.  You will be ignored once again by your public when you step out of your castle.  Draw attention by walking into a McDonalds and demanding breakfast after 10:30.  Leo gets what Leo wants, after all, and only Cancers and Virgos work in fast food, and they’re easy to intimidate.  Expect an important phone call from Capricorn wanting to sell you a prepaid funeral plan.  Listen to their pitch, but demand they refer to you as Your Highness rather than sir or madam.  Your lucky numbers: 8, 12, 23, 29, 2000-zero-zero, and infinity… not that even infinity is good enough for you, Leo!

Leo's going to bluntly assert their authority over me once this post goes live...

Leo’s going to bluntly assert their authority over me once this post goes live…

Next week I’ll feature the sixth post in my zodiac series…. but it’ll feel like the first time.

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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34 Responses to Leo

  1. after all it’s a cat :o) My dad is a leo and that’s not easy for him to live with two virgos (mom&me). I will mark the valentines day in her pawlender, for the satisfaction-thingy…. better safe than sorry :o)

  2. NotAPunkRocker says:

    OK, I am the mother of a Leo who was supposed to be a Libra. All chill, no drama, so not sure where the fire comes in. Will be interesting to see what it says about the sign he was projected to have originally. (Yeah, astrology, explain how we are supposed to figure that one out! Darn preemie kidlet!)

    • Maybe that was just an odd year for Leos. One of my nephews was born within a day or two of your kidlet (can’t remember which: before or after), and he’s pretty laid back for a Leo as well…

  3. Maxmatt says:

    Don’t mess with leo or she’ll spray you!

  4. fanrosa says:

    Get that skunkbitch off. my. THRONE!! Immediately, if not sooner…. (dadism!)

  5. JackieP says:

    I was laughing all the way through this because if you went male, you described my older brother to a T! (Aug 2) Well, except the sex part, because, ewwwww, older brother I just really don’t want to know! But everything else, oh yeah. He is one man that thinks the world revolves around him. If it doesn’t, he just lies and says it does. LOL

  6. I hate to say it, but you have Leo nailed. Actually, you’ve been dead on accurate on all of the Signs so far. You know more than you have been letting on. So do I, but I don’t like to let on either😀

  7. draliman says:

    Leo’s a push-over really. Chuck ’em some catnip and they’ll go down just like every other little kitty-cat 🙂

  8. Sometimes I think I am a Leo born in the wrong month…. and this totally sounds like me.

  9. Also, I died at the Titanic picture. That was a good one!

  10. 1jaded1 says:

    As a person born on Aug 20, I’m a Leo…only bc the astrological stoners say. Oh my fucking god…lions losing to random.girls hilarious. Next week, Virgo, the sign I was due in.

    • I found there are no shortage of good pictures on the internet when you look up “detroit lions suck”… and the one I chose was my clear favorite! It’s funny, the year my hometown Rams went 1-15, their only win was against Detroit… I guess the Lions didn’t want any company in the 0-16 season club!

      Virgo should be fun… heck, these are all fun!

  11. This is a sign that makes me almost believe in astrology. Going by what I have observed, some Leos use their Leoness for good and build communities and are heaps of fun and others don’t have any empathy and trample on people’s hearts. In all seriousness that post was actually HILARIOUS! 😀

  12. I’m so glad you said that Leo went down *with* the ship instead of *on* the ship.

    Yeah, I know, I have a filthy mind at times.

  13. T_Bone0806 says:

    Hey, not that he’s technically a character here, although he’s shown up in a couple of comics in the past, but that rock-n-roll bull is a Leo too. Ummm…did I just validate that Leo/ego thing? Oops.

  14. The Cutter says:

    As a Leo, I’m sorry I missed this. I don’t know about having a huge ego though. Everyone I know tells me I’m great, so I think my ego is appropriately sized! That makes sense, right?

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