Thoughts in the mostly irreverent style of The Nest, of course…..
One of my favorite things about Easter morning back in the days when our Mecca was actually closed for the holiday was chasing customers off the lot as we left work that Sunday. They would pour in at 7 AM, expecting our doors to be opening so they could scoop up the last last last minute Easter grass and candy they’d conveniently neglected to purchase for over a month, and get seriously bent out of shape when we informed them they were SOL.
While people like to be appalled that so many businesses no longer shutter their doors on major holidays, the finger of blame can be pointed to nobody but ourselves, because deep down we are just as greedy and inconsiderate as the soulless corporations who operate our favorite businesses. These days, we demand a 24/7/365 world to bow to our every convenience. While some would shudder at the thought of having to work odd hours, weekends or holidays, those same people would flip their wig if they couldn’t get important things done because the world only observed “regular business hours”. If people didn’t shop on Easter, eat out on Easter, go to the movies on Easter, want to unwind at the strip club on Easter, etc., etc. etc…. none of these business would be open on Easter.
Peeps. Seriously… what the fuck? Peeps!?!?!?
You’d think Peeps were the food of the gods rather than the excrement of the demons. Peep worship puts even bacon worship to shame, and it’s just mind boggling. I have a saying, “Cockroaches and goddamn Peeps.” You know what it means? What will be the only two things to survive a nuclear war. Do they even put an expiration date on Peeps? If so, why?
And yes… as you can tell, I’m obviously non-religious since I took the Lord’s name in vain on Easter of all days.
But of course, like its better known cousin Christmas, Easter has a secular duality that makes it an accessible holiday for
peeps people of all faiths and non-faiths. So my family was all in on the super fun egg dying and hunting tradition that somehow got tied into a holiday involving resurrection. I miss being the big brother who hid the eggs for my sisters… and always made sure to put them in impossible to find places…
Easter can occur on our Gregorian calendar as early as March 22nd, and as late as April 25th. If you consider that range, each year the holiday will fall either 2 or three weeks earlier than it did the year prior. You may have heard before that Easter is “the first Sunday after the first full moon of Spring.” That is not entirely correct…
Easter is officially calculated using something called ecclesiastical lunar months, which don’t necessarily coincide exactly with the astronomical lunar phases… and the first full moon after the Vernal equinox as reckoned by that fixed calendar, called the Paschal Full Moon, is what determines the Monday we mark down all of the leftover Easter candy. If you are nerdy about the calendar like I am, check out that link… lots of fun Easter reckoning minutae there!
Besides goddamn Peeps, I hate pretty much everything else edible that’s associated with Easter. Jellybeans, Cadburys, hard boiled eggs, ham…. let me know when it’s Thanksgiving, OK?
And finally, if you haven’t submitted a prompt yet for my newest Friday feature I unveiled a couple days ago…. well, what are you waiting for? I’ve only got 5 entries so far, which will barely even get me into May! I’d like to at least keep it going into summer…. so come up with something you’d like me to blog about already and submit it in the contact form of this post! I’ve gotten some good suggestions so far, but I need more!
Have a Happy Easter everyone! I’m ready to sleep this day off…