Some Easter Thoughts

Hard to believe some of my artwork is six years old now... this was one of the first times I ever drew MBRS.

Hard to believe some of my artwork is six years old now… this was one of the first times I ever drew MBRS.

Thoughts in the mostly irreverent style of The Nest, of course…..

One of my favorite things about Easter morning back in the days when our Mecca was actually closed for the holiday was chasing customers off the lot as we left work that Sunday.  They would pour in at 7 AM, expecting our doors to be opening so they could scoop up the last last last minute Easter grass and candy they’d conveniently neglected to purchase for over a month, and get seriously bent out of shape when we informed them they were SOL.

Open that door THIS INSTANT!!!

Open that door THIS INSTANT!!!

While people like to be appalled that so many businesses no longer shutter their doors on major holidays, the finger of blame can be pointed to nobody but ourselves, because deep down we are just as greedy and inconsiderate as the soulless corporations who operate our favorite businesses.  These days, we demand a 24/7/365 world to bow to our every convenience.  While some would shudder at the thought of having to work odd hours, weekends or holidays, those same people would flip their wig if they couldn’t get important things done because the world only observed “regular business hours”.  If people didn’t shop on Easter, eat out on Easter, go to the movies on Easter, want to unwind at the strip club on Easter, etc., etc. etc…. none of these business would be open on Easter.

Daddy's going to visit the Easter Bunny kids... I'll be back tomorrow morning.

Daddy’s going to visit the Easter Bunny kids… I’ll be back tomorrow morning.

Peeps.  Seriously… what the fuck?  Peeps!?!?!?

I'd look sad too if I tasted like a sand covered turd.

I’d look sad too if I tasted like a sand covered turd.

You’d think Peeps were the food of the gods rather than the excrement of the demons.  Peep worship puts even bacon worship to shame, and it’s just mind boggling.  I have a saying, “Cockroaches and goddamn Peeps.”  You know what it means?  What will be the only two things to survive a nuclear war.  Do they even put an expiration date on Peeps?  If so, why?

Goddamn Peeps…

And yes… as you can tell, I’m obviously non-religious since I took the Lord’s name in vain on Easter of all days.

My handbasket is already reserved...

My handbasket is already reserved…

But of course, like its better known cousin Christmas, Easter has a secular duality that makes it an accessible holiday for peeps people of all faiths and non-faiths.  So my family was all in on the super fun egg dying and hunting tradition that somehow got tied into a holiday involving resurrection.  I miss being the big brother who hid the eggs for my sisters… and always made sure to put them in impossible to find places…

They never thought to look inside the cat...

They never thought to look inside the cat…

Easter can occur on our Gregorian calendar as early as March 22nd, and as late as April 25th.  If you consider that range, each year the holiday will fall either 2 or three weeks earlier than it did the year prior.  You may have heard before that Easter is “the first Sunday after the first full moon of Spring.”  That is not entirely correct…

Consider this the first full moon of Spring!

Consider this the first full moon of Spring!

Easter is officially calculated using something called ecclesiastical lunar months, which don’t necessarily coincide exactly with the astronomical lunar phases… and the first full moon after the Vernal equinox as reckoned by that fixed calendar, called the Paschal Full Moon, is what determines the Monday we mark down all of the leftover Easter candy.  If you are nerdy about the calendar like I am, check out that link… lots of fun Easter reckoning minutae there!

Besides goddamn Peeps, I hate pretty much everything else edible that’s associated with Easter.  Jellybeans, Cadburys, hard boiled eggs, ham…. let me know when it’s Thanksgiving, OK?

Let's move this nasty shit from Halloween to Easter.

Might as well move this nasty shit from Halloween to Easter, as well.

And finally, if you haven’t submitted a prompt yet for my newest Friday feature I unveiled a couple days ago…. well, what are you waiting for?  I’ve only got 5 entries so far, which will barely even get me into May!  I’d like to at least keep it going into summer…. so come up with something you’d like me to blog about already and submit it in the contact form of this post!  I’ve gotten some good suggestions so far, but I need more!

Have a Happy Easter everyone!  I’m ready to sleep this day off…

Nighty night!

Nighty night!



About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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30 Responses to Some Easter Thoughts

  1. Merbear74 says:

    I spit out my tea when I read “sand colored turd.” If you put one in the microwave though, it’s pretty cool.

  2. JackieP says:

    Peeps. I never understood peeps. Ugh.

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Peeps. Blech.

    Holidays are big money days for strip clubs (no I don’t work at one).

  4. I’ve never actually celebrated Easter, but I have dyed a few eggs in my time. And eaten a few matzoh. And watched The Ten Commandments. I think that sums it up for me.

  5. I just realized that I totally forgot to get some of those eggs and hide nuts in them for the squirrels. The squirrels were waiting for their food this morning. I don’t think they would’ve had the patience for plastic eggs anyway. Maybe next year! Did you try it with your squirrels?

    • I meant to pick up some cheap plastic eggs, but never did. Maybe we’ll still have some on clearance this week… squirrels and plastic eggs are a good topic for photos year round!

  6. JED says:

    The colored turds are available in multiple colors and even chocolate covered now. I’ve started seeing them popping up for other holidays as well.

    As bad as they are, if someone has an open pack and offers me one I eat it! I think maybe there is something in them, it’s the only explanation. Think it’s part of an evil alien takeover?

  7. draliman says:

    I’ve never heard of Peeps. They don’t sell them here. They look like they’d lure you in with marshmallowy goodness while simultaneously disintegrating your teeth.

  8. gentlestitches says:

    The Blood Moon was an amazing spectacle at Barwon Heads. Did you get to see it there? 😀

    • I saw it on TV, does that count? I don’t get to see many full moons because I’m at work most of the night, and a full moon would be low in the sky and to my back as I was driving to work. I see lots of crescent moons, though! I wonder if any of them can be bloody?

  9. Ally Bean says:

    Never been a big fan of Easter. So indecisive. “Oh, look at me. I’m Easter and I can hop around the calendar because I’m so special.” And that business of rabbits laying eggs? I dunno. It’s not what I’d call a reliable holiday, which might be why so many people want to go shopping on it. That’s something normal to do.

    • LOL, I like your description of Easter! And the flip flopping around the calendar is maddening… and not just from the perspective of my job. They should pick a date and stick with it!

  10. Mental Mama says:

    I’m one of those weirdos who is actually more likely to spend my money at an establishment if I know they aren’t open on holidays. I vote with my dollars.

  11. Happy belated Zombie Jesus Day.

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