Mystery Pony Theater 3000

This post has the official Bronyman Cutie Mark of Approval.

This post has the official Bronyman Cutie Mark of Approval.

prompt logoIt’s the funnest day of the week at The Nest…. Friday!  That means it’s time once again for one of my beloved readers to pick up a pointy stick and prompt the squirrel!  The good news is that I gained a couple more prompts over the week to get the amps up to 11… which means this series will last until at least June 19th now!  The bad news is…. there’s still a bunch of you who haven’t joined in on the fun yet!  Come on, it’s quick and painless…. submit a prompt for me via the contact form in this post, and get your day to be my inspiration!  I like a lot of the suggestions so far… and even the more challenging ones should still be a lot of fun once it comes time to put keyboard to editor…

Dammit!!!!  What moron suggested this anyway!

Dammit!!!! What moron suggested this anyway!

Upon looking at the suggestions in my mailbag, this week I decided to pull out the one sent to me by The Cutter.  Cutter’s gravatar stands out for its awesomeness… a silhouette of Rainbow Dash with the word “Brony” written over it.  Cutter adopted the stigma term when he realized just how down he was with the current iteration of My Little Pony due to the incessant viewing of the series by his daughter, The Cutlet.  And naturally, he turned to his fascination when he decided to prompt me…

“It’s gotta involve ponies in some way.”

Well…. (turns around to look at the critter shelf)… I think I can take care of that.  I’ve become quite familiar with the characters through the proliferation of Bronies in the furry art world that I follow, and as it would turn out, I have a small handful of them staring down the bald spot in the back of my head as we speak…


From left to right, that’s Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Vinyl Scratch (DJ Scratchy as we like to call her at The Nest), and Applejack.  From the cheerful looks on all of their faces, they obviously have no idea what kind of torture I’m about to put them through for this post.  I’m going to have the mares check out what fun things insomniacs can watch on TV at two in the morning on a late Thursday night!  OK gals… let’s dim the lights and see what the boob tube’s playing at this ungodly hour…


AJ:  Mmmmm, food glorious food!

VINYL: What in the hell kind of name is Wolfgang Puck?  Puck Puck bo Buck, banana banna bo Fu….

TS: That’s not quite the food of the gods, is it Luna?

LUNA: Shiiiit, Celestia couldn’t cook a sinner in boiled oil.  We’d starve at the palace if it weren’t for the hired help.


TS: Hey, that cutie in the middle looks familiar!

AJ: Oh my gosh!  That’s… that’s….


VINYL: It’s Joey Fucking McIntyre from New Kids on the Block.  Seriously… if I woke up and saw that at 2 AM, I’d never be able to sleep again.

TS and AJ: Swooooooooooon!

VINYL:  You two are pathetic!  Luna, why don’t you tell them….

LUNA: (panting)

VINYL:  Oh, for Celestia’s sake, put your highness’ tongue back in your highness’ mouth…


TS: Now there’s a bargain!  A silver dollar for fifty bucks.

LUNA: How stupid mortals must be to buy shit like this at a time when they’re not awake enough to do the math.

AJ: 1988?  That was way back before us ponies got cute!

VINYL: I’m a Seoul Man…. dunna-da-dun-da-dun-da-da, I’m a Seoul Man!


AJ: I dunno about y’all, but I could definitely go for a less frizzy mane.

LUNA: But it’s only 90% less frizzy.  Who did the calculations on that anyway to determine the exact percentage?

TS: Actually, there’s a formula to figure out frizziness… d(x) = f(x³ – y²) / pi….

VINYL: Nobody asked you, Egghead.


AJ: Hey Luna!  If we’re all descended from a common pony, why do we all have different DNA?

TS: Mutations

VINYL: You mean like Maury Povich?

LUNA: Why is all of the stupid shit on after the sun goes down?  As the Princess of Night, I demand that only quality television be aired after dark!


AJ: Because WHO asked?

LUNA: As a goddess, I do not find this to be amusing.

TS: I still have faith in you, Princess… even though you made me into a bad Mecca cake decoration.

VINYL: If I had a hammer, I’d hammer goddesses heads in the morning, I’d hammer goddesses heads in the evening, all over Ponyland!

LUNA: (glares)  Hell will be too good for you, heathen unicorn!


LUNA: Oooh, only $112.80 for a pair of fucking shoes.

TS: But they’re so cuuuuuuuuuute!

AJ: So are my cowboy boots, and they’ll at least keep me from breaking a hoof next time Big Mac drops a bushel of apples on my foot.

VINYL: That looks like some shit Octavia would wear.  I need to go wake her up…



AJ: Even the dudes in the background have all nodded off!

TS: The pitcher of water always cracks me up.  Who wants to drink tepid tap water while discussing military capabilities in the Pacific?

LUNA: I feel the magical capabilities in my horn welling up. I’ll change that pitcher to beer…. that’ll make C-SPAN more interesting!


VINYL: Let’s get physical!  Physical!

LUNA: I got a pair of yoga pants just like that… and I look quite heavenly in them, if I do say so myself.

TS: The dude that’s eying her up is kinda creepy looking… is that a tank top with glowing stars?  He’d get his ass kicked in a real gym for wearing that.

AJ: Why are there so many balls in the background?

VINYL: Heh heh heh!  Balls!


LUNA: Well….. anypony?

VINYL: Like you wouldn’t know, being all omniscient and shit.

TS: I…. I gotta pee.  I’ll be back….


AJ: Wow!  I haven’t seen this creature since I was a l’il filly!

LUNA: I thought I banished this fiend to the glue factory back in the 90’s!  I have no words to describe the anguish he put so many young foals through during his heyday.

TS: I love you….. You love me…. hey, don’t hate!  I love Barney!

VINYL: Open the door, get on the floor.  Everybody kill the dinosaur!


TS: Ummmmm… “School of Rock?”  I think AMC needs to look up the definition of the word “classic”…

VINYL: The acronym doesn’t mean anything anymore.  All cable channels have done the KFC thing now… they’re just letters left over from a past existence that mean absolutely nothing.


AJ: Mmmmm, Jack Black’s got my cider boiling.


LUNA: Well… nothing quite spices up the night like a nice, romantic kiss.

AJ: And all the fun stuff it leads to!

VINYL: I kissed a girl and I liked it…

TS: You probably have before, Scratchy.

VINYL: Just ask yo’ mama, Twi….


LUNA: Now I know what to get you for your birthday, Scratchy!

TS: Giggle!

LUNA: Expensive, sure, but I could dip into the palace’s treasury…

VINYL: I swear… if anyone gets me some shit from Keith Urban… goddess or not, I will gore somepony with my horn!

AJ: Yeehaw!  We country mares luv ya, Keith!


VINYL: OK, anyone up on their Brit politics to have any idea what this means?

TS: Given the margin of error, it mathematically means dip diddly squat.  And shouldn’t that be “errour?”

LUNA: Goddesses like myself allow no margin for errour!  This is also why we abhour democracy in our ponydom!

AJ: I wonder who the Others Party is?  5% of the people like their mysterious platform to the rest of the candidates.


AJ: FORE!!!!


TS: Pick it up!  It’s a gimme!

LUNA: I love to see all of the green space we created on this planet be put to such important use as hitting a tiny ball around until you lose it in a hole.


LUNA: So, if ES had someone pay him to make a post on his blog, he wouldn’t be responsible for the content it contained or the opinions it expressed?

TS: I call bullshit on that, Princess.  What if they were selling faulty transvaginal meshes, or raising money to resurrect Hitler?

VINYL: Then everyone would quit reading his blog, and I could go back to playing decent music rather than shitty covers and shopping muzak.

AJ: The opinions and views expressed by my three unicorn friends do not reflect those of the staff at Evil Squirrel’s Nest.


LUNA: Dammit, if it isn’t another coin show ripoff!

TS: Wait a minute!  “Kenndy!?”  Hey, maybe it’s a typo that really is worth a fortune!

AJ: Sold out from the mint… yet the shopping channel has beaucoup of them in some secret vault.  At least they have a satin finish.

VINYL: Coins in white satin… never meaning to spend….


AJ: Is it really theoretically possible to save a child’s life for 92 cents a day?

VINYL: AJ, for the price of a cup of cider, you too can feed a starving child in Bumfuckistan.

TS: What happened to the fat chick who used to do these commercials?

LUNA: I banished her to the same unholy place as the purple dinosaur.  That probably means she’s on another channel right now chowing down on the flies circling some poor waif’s head.


VINYL: Bum ba bum ba bumpa bum…

AJ: The beat goes on!

VINYL: Bum bum ba bumpa bum…

TS: The beat goes on!

VINYL: Bum bum ba bumpa bum bum bum…

LUNA: Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain!

AJ & TS: La de da de de!

ALL: La de da de da!!!


AJ: I don’t get this commercial.

TS: That’s because it’s told from the perspective of humans who think that a talking horse is impossible.

VINYL: Oh Celestia!  You mean humans can actually talk!?!?  I thought they just shoved probes up their behind to get them to move their lips on TV…

LUNA: You know, I could sure go for a stud like that right now….

ALL: ❤ Siiiiiiiiiiigh……..


AJ: Is that Alex Trebek pitching life insurance?

LUNA: Don’t forget to phrase your claim in the form of a question.

TS: And yet another geriatric celebrity in the mold of Art Linkletter

VINYL: My life’s in Jeopardy, baby!  Oooooooooooh!


AJ: Speaking of game shows…

VINYL: That’s Springer!  Good to see he’s still hanging around with trailer trash.

TS: This is that dating show called “Baggage.”  She’s about to find out what her potential dates have wrong with them….


VINYL:  It’s EVIL SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TS: It can’t be… he couldn’t get a date if every other man on earth dropped dead tomorrow.

AJ: Who else has that many unicorn figurines in his room?

LUNA: 250 unicorn figurines is kinda exaggerating a bit, don’t you think?  I mean, there’s three unicorns here… Rainbow Donkey…. the Sponkies…. George…. the unicorn head….. um….

VINYL: Yep, it’s ES!  Don’t pick him, girl!  You can do better than that!

OK… I’d heard enough out of these four.  Back onto the shelf they went along with their 247 other companions.  The remote was seized, the television was turned off, and another Friday prompt was successfully executed.  Thanks again Cutter for inspiring this mashup of ponies with Beavis & Butthead.  I’ll be back next week to answer to yet another Friday prompt…. maybe yours!

I am quite upset that I got looked over for this challenge!

I am quite upset that I got overlooked for this challenge!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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36 Responses to Mystery Pony Theater 3000

  1. Oh that was great to watch tv with ya… I want the guitar… I wonder why it is only 299… a bubble gum of Robbie Williams was 50k on eBay once… (probably there the selling fees are much higher?)

    • Well, Keith Urban is no Robbie WIlliams. Robbie got played a lot on old school Mecca Radio, especially “Angels” (which I really like), and I wouldn’t know who he is otherwise…

  2. draliman says:

    Hee, fun! Well, not for the MLPs.
    Thanks for posting the current YouGov polls for the election. I’m sure I should be paying attention since I have to vote next month but it’s all rather boring. At least now I know the figures 🙂

  3. Mental Mama says:

    Dude, I need to teach you how to knit. It’s way better than watching tv when you can’t sleep.

    • Usually when my TV is on, I have a Music Choice channel playing in the background or baseball. My cable box probably appreciated the workout it got last night actually getting to see some of the channels I pay for that I never watch,,,

      • Mental Mama says:

        I watch very little TV. Usually it’s Chopped, Criminal Minds, NCIS, or something random on HGTV or Food Network.

        Why yes, I am a 39 year old suburban white woman, however did you know? 😉

  4. Merbear74 says:

    I’m glad I take drugs at night so that I can sleep. This was hilarious. LOL

  5. Ally Bean says:

    Ditto what Mental Mama said. This stuff is on TV at night? I’d rather stare outside into the gaping dark void that is night than watch such nonsense. Especially that stupid commercial with the horse. I don’t get it either. However, excellent job answering the prompt. You done good.

    • I still remember the days when all of the local channels would sign off for the night. And on cable, most of the channels repeated their programming from the evening or just had some kind of all night show. And then there were reruns… 90% of my knowledge of 50’s – 70’s TV comes from late night rerun watching in my younger days…

      • Ally Bean says:

        Clearly all that late night TV watching has made you the person who you are today. You know/remember so much about TV that I’ve long forgotten. I’m impressed… and occasionally worried.

  6. The Cutter says:

    And here I was, ready to do Pony for my “P” day of the A-Z challenge. I’ll probably just reblog this instead.

    Awesome job, although I didn’t realize that the Ponies were that into NKOTB.

  7. NotAPunkRocker says:

    So much to love on in this post, no time to type about it.

    Oh, to answer the question:

  8. Trisha says:

    I like the ponies more now that I know how cynical and sarcastic they are!

  9. Trisha says:

    I have a picture to send you for a prompt but I don’t see a way to attach it to the form. How can I get it to you?

  10. Um, …. say the darnedest things. Um … spangled ponies are snarky beasts. Um … I was wondering if you might … um … y’know … make me a cartoon character … sort of me-ish, but more fun and less sickly. Oh, never mind. Bad idea.

  11. gentlestitches says:

    We don’t have the TV so that was very educational and hilarious and a reminder why we don’t have the TV. We do have a big screen that bigafys the PC though. HaHa Balls. I think one could do things to the big screen to allow the TV but I hate the way the people shout at you from the TV. So nah. The boy could have it if he wanted it but he is too busy making a psycho mask from Borderlands to wear to the comic con. You should visit aussieland one day and see our mad house for real. 😀

    • Ha! One of the comic cons was at the convention center across the street from where me and Dad each lunch every Friday. While we were waiting for them to open, a middle aged lady walked down the road dressed up as Rainbow Dash, and I thought how humorously appropriate that was given my post!

      If I ever end up down there, I will be sure to swing by! Sounds like it’s always Madness at Aunt Sharon’s! 🙂

      • gentlestitches says:

        THAT WAS SUCH A FUN CLIP! I can’t wait to show the boy. I think someone has been spying and filming us. You have inspired me to post the 3 boys dressed in their costumes. Also Shane got me a picture of himself with Nichelle Nichols. (first lady of sci fi) ❤

  12. Cute – and funny.

    What those figures mean is that the UK is screwed.

    And it’s error. I think the rule is that if there’s a double consonant, then it’s only “or” at the end, not “our”.

  13. The Cutter says:

    Reblogged this on The Cutter Rambles and commented:
    As part of the Blogging From A-Z challenge, I was going to write something about My Little Pony for my “P” day.

    But since Evil Squirrel wrote an awesome post about ponies yesterday, I figured I’d avoid being redundant, and just re-blog what he wrote.

    Or maybe I’m just being lazy. Either way, enjoy!

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