Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

And clown possums.

And clown possums.

prompt logoWe’ve finally made it to Friday!  Well, you finally made it to Friday… I was in no hurry to go back to work after having the last four nights off.  That’s OK, because as always, the treat is for my faithful readers… and what better way to reward you all than to pull another hairbrained suggestion you sent in to my virtual mailbox for my Prompt the Squirrel series!  I only have six bullets left in the chamber, but if you haven’t jumped in yet and want to ensure this game of WordPress roulette continues on for a while longer, please shoot send me a prompt!  I promise to go on about almost anything and everything…

Within the guidelines of common decency, that is...

Within the guidelines of common decency, that is…

There are two prompts patiently awaiting my insight dealing with subject matter I have absolutely no earthly notion about.  I’m going to tackle the easier of the two this week, which was sent to me from Jenn at her Midlife Crisis in Sassy Green Boots blog.  Here is what she sent to me:

What are your thoughts on the Scaredy Squirrel series? I like the books…and I’ve tolerated the animated series. Inquiring minds want to know….

Who!?!?!?

Oh, sorry.  I didn't see your nametag.

Oh, sorry. I didn’t see your nametag.

Scaredy Squirrel got his start as the title character of a book written by Canadian author Melanie Watt in 2006.  Six books in all have now been published in the series.  He also was spun off into his own animated series a few years ago which supposedly is/was aired in the US on Cartoon Network.  While I can’t say I haven’t come across the name of this character before, I’ve never seen either his books or his cartoon… but being the resourceful squirrel I am who is not scaredy of a little challenge, I’m just going to totally wing it and offer my take on what I can dig up on this questionably drawn critter from the internet!

Or basically, the same quality of crack reporting you can usually expect from me.

Or basically, the same quality of crack reporting you can usually expect from me.

Note: All italicized quotes that follow come from the Wiki page for Scaredy Squirrel….

The books often follow the same format: the titular protagonist Scaredy Squirrel identifies his fears, shows how he avoids them at all costs, and develops contingency plans, which usually involve an emergency kit and playing dead till the threat has passed. Scaredy is inevitably faced with the fears he tries so hard to avoid, eventually learning that it is not as bad as he initially imagined. However, he only slightly alters his strict daily routines after these experiences.

So Scaredy’s main fear is the fact that he might have to break one of his ridiculous OCD habits.  There’ nothing wrong with always having an emergency kit in case somebody predicts the next Y2K or something, but the playing dead trick never works well for possums, who usually just get squished or eaten while they’re lying helpless.

Anyone have an emergency spork handy?

Anyone have an emergency spork handy?

The first book, “Scaredy Squirrel,” introduces the main character, a nervous squirrel, who is afraid of many things and keeps safe in his tree, following an intricate routine. One day he has an unexpected visitor, which he thinks is a “killer bee”. The terrified squirrel takes a leap into the unknown and discovers to his surprise that he is a flying squirrel.

There are a great many things we do not find out about ourselves until later on in life.  I’m pretty sure the ability or non-ability to fly would be one of them.  Where were Scaredy’s parents to pass along this bit of vital information to him?  Were they maybe too scared to have “the talk” with him about flying?  Was he unknowingly just a misfit of science?  If someone is afraid killer bees are knocking at their front door, wouldn’t they probably also be too afraid to leap from tall distances before they found out they could fucking fly?

I'd rather end up a tangled heap of dog food than get stung to death by a little bee.

I’d rather risk ending up a tangled heap of dog food than get stung to death by a little bee.

A sequel, “Scaredy Squirrel Makes a Friend,” was published in March 2007 by Kids Can Press. In it, Scaredy decides to leave his nut tree and find the perfect friend; he must be germ free, toothless and completely predictable. With meticulous planning and preparation Scaredy sets off with rubber gloves and air freshener in hand, but the friend he finds is not what he had in mind at all.

Oh gee, what a shock that our obsessive compulsive rodent is also a germophobe.  I’ve been watching squirrels for years and have never seen one spray down an acorn they just dug out of a pile of doberman dung with Lysol before eating it.  I can also assure you that the only toothless critters you are going to find out there probably have lots and lots of germs to thank for their gummy mouths.

I take that back... this is the perfect friend for Scaredy.

I take that back… this is the perfect friend for Scaredy.

Just what are some of the specific things that scare Scaredy shitless throughout the book series?  Well, they include…

Green Martians

I'd be more scared of pantless ducks.

I’d be more scared of pantless ducks.

Tarantulas

But they're so cuuuuuuuute!!!!

But they’re so cuuuuuuuute!!!!

Poison Ivy

To each their own, Scaredy...

To each their own, Scaredy…

Biting

Needless to say, Scaredy is not a Knicks fan.

NOOOOO! Marv, NOOOO!!!!

Walruses

Germs will give you diabeetus.

Germs will give you diabeetus.

Beavers

Bet Scaredy's even afraid of pussies.

Bet Scaredy’s even afraid of pussies.

Pirates

OK, I'm with you there, Scaredy.

OK, I’m with you there, Scaredy.

Jellyfish

I want to know what kind of trees Scaredy's hanging out in.

I want to know what kind of trees Scaredy’s hanging out in.

Falling coconuts

Less dangerous than kids eating Cocoa Puffs.

Which are less dangerous than hyped up kids eating Cocoa Puffs.

Dragons

Beware the fire breathing possum.

Beware the fire breathing possum.

Fairies

Oh no!!!  I'm surrounded!!!

Oh no!!! I’m surrounded!!!

Bats

batting skunk

That squirrel is going, going, gone!!!

Unicorns

OK, Scratchy.  Lose the fucking steampunk glasses.

OK, Scratchy. Lose the fucking steampunk glasses before you give anyone else nightmares.

Ants

It's always best to make squirrels confront their fears.

It’s always best to make squirrels confront their fears.

Confetti

But he looks toothless.

But he looks toothless.

Ponies

We're coming for you, Scaredy!

We’re coming for you, Scaredy!

Porcupines

And the feeling is mutual.

And the feeling is mutual.

Skunks

Which would explain why Scaredy's best friend in the TV series is a fucking skunk.

Which would explain why Scaredy’s best friend in the TV series is a fucking skunk.

Quicksand

Drop the snake, Toad!  Drop the snake!

Drop the snake, Toad! Drop the snake!

The Three Bears

We'll teach you to share our porridge!

We’ll teach you to share our porridge!

Penguins

And zippers

There's nothing to fear, as long as you make sure Woody's out of the way.

There’s nothing to fear, as long as you make sure Woody’s out of the way.

OK, that took a while.  Where was I?  What was I talking about?

Good question!

Good question!

Aw, fuck it!  I think I did a good enough job making another prompt look lame.  Thanks Jenn for the chance to talk about a squirrel’s fears.  Come back next Friday for the start of what looks like it’ll be the final month of your prompts… and they promise to only get sillier.

Oh my God!!!  It's full of germs!!!

Oh my God!!! It’s full of germs!!!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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28 Responses to Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

  1. yes… zippers are dangerous…. I so agree :o) like the killer-bee and the polka dot monster :o)

  2. Ally Bean says:

    I’ve never heard of Scaredy before. What kind of message is he supposed to be sending? He sounds like the Casper Milquetoast of squirrels, not a good role model for today’s vibrant, in-your-face kids. Optimus Prime he ain’t.

    • Maybe it’s a kind of public awareness program for the benefit of OCD squirrels? Other than that, who knows. Scaredy sounds like one of my trademarked fucked up messes..

  3. Mattmax says:

    I’ve seen the show once, but he wasn’t even afraid of all that, who’s afraid of ants?

  4. I never understood books about skittish sheltered immature children overcoming their fears. It is really the parents who are afraid. Anyway, enough philosophical shit – this was funny. Thanks ES.

  5. JackieP says:

    I is scared now! Of everything! ACK!!! hehehe

  6. That list of fears was so good I had to read it three times and I still only remember … never mind. I don’t remember much except porcupines. Which reminded me of the Pogo character Porky Pine. But he was one of the good guys. You did give me a cool idea for a strange pos … like … weird things you or I am afraid of. Other than bugs, I don’t think I’m afraid of very much. Except falling off the world when gravity fails or being audited by the IRS. You know gravity is going to fail when the big mother ship comes, right?

    • The law of gravity is only as good as those who enforce it. And Congress could always decide to repeal it someday. Newton’s ideas are pretty outdated for our modern society…

  7. Mental Mama says:

    So I was going to say that the pic of Mel Gibson with a beaver hand puppet was the most frightening and disturbing thing I’ve seen in a long time. And then you stuck in a pic of some woman (I think?) with a warped looking Woody sticking out of her zipper. My good sir, you have well and truly done it now. Pardon me whilst I go apply the eye bleach and vomit, simultaneously.

  8. Trisha says:

    Scaredy Squirrel doesn’t sound like the best book idea but I’m glad it’s out there so you could write this post because it had me laughing all the way through! I, too, would like to know what kind of tree Scaredy is hanging out in to meet up with a jellyfish. I absolutely LOVE the piglapossumcorn and would like to see more of it! 🙂

    • The Piglapossumcorn was something I threw together as part of a cartoon challenge last year. Given that he’s made up of three of my more challenging characters to draw, that may be the only image of him that ever gets drawn. It may be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever drawn… which is really saying something!

  9. goldfish says:

    Damn you and your clown possums.

  10. reocochran says:

    Okay this was wild and bizarre. So many fears and you have spread them into my sub-conscious mind! Thanks a lot for this, Evil Squirrel.

  11. a hilarious, smorgasboard of fear and phobias. Spiders and celebrities! LOL!

  12. Tres bien, mon ami. I didn’t even know Scaredy was Canadian…that probably explains a lot. And that coming from a Canadian! Thanks for tackling my suggestion! That was fun!

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