Scratchy pulled her thick, possum-fur cover up and over her eyes and tried to fall asleep. No matter how much she tried to drift off into a dreamland of stocks, bonds and swimming pools full of quarters, she just couldn’t shake the image of the ghost of her former partner Luna from her head. She didn’t believe…. or didn’t WANT to believe what she had seen, nor did she want to lend any credence to the idea that three more spirits were on their way to visit her.
Despite the restlessness, Scratchy was on the verge of entering that strange middleground between wakefulness and sleep when the sound of loud clopping in her room caused her heart to jump up into her throat…
SCRATCHY: (To herself) You’re only hearing things… this isn’t real. I’m just…… hallucinating, that’s all. I’m….
GHOSTLY VOICE: Scraaaaaaaatchy!!!!
SCRATCHY: Wh-wh-wh-……. Who’s there?
SPARKLEPONY: Get your sissy ass out from under those covers right now, Scratchy!
SCRATCHY: GAH!!!! I thought Ponies from the 80’s were just an urban legend! Who… who are you!?!?
SPARKS: I am the Ghost of Ponies Past! I’m here to take you on a trip through miserable Christmases long long ago.
SCRATCHY: Now that line about “scary ghost stories” in “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” makes sense. Wait a minute… exactly how are you going to be showing me stuff that happened in the past? Is this going to be one of those dreamy flashback scenes?
SPARKS: Not with the crappy special effects budget for this production. We’re going there ghost style!
SCRATCHY: This is insane. It can’t really be happening. I better not be getting punk’d by one of my business rivals…
SPARKS: We don’t have all night for you to figure out what’s live and what’s Memorex, Freakshow. Let’s get going, right now! Hold on to my sparkly tail and we’ll be off to our first destination.
Scratchy reluctantly brought her front hooves up to the ghost pony’s tail, and before she could even get a firm grip they were off! Scratchy nearly lost her oats as she was dragged through the window and over the darkened streets of Equestria high above the ground.
SCRATCHY: Nooooooooo!!!! Let me down!!!! I’m not a damned pegasus!!!!
Scratchy closed her eyes for the rest of the journey, not opening them again until she finally felt solid ground beneath her legs. When she opened her eyes, she found herself gazing upon some sort of very festive holiday party.
SCRATCHY: OMG! We must really be in the past!
SPARKS: How can you tell?
SCRATCHY: Nobody’s on their cellphone! I attended many quaint gatherings like this myself back in my DJ days. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, this is the home of….
SCRATCHY: Yes! There’s the old bastard himself! Good ol’ Mr. Fuzzywig! He was the best boss I ever worked for, and always knew how to throw a hell of a party!
FUZZYWIG: Alright, everybody! it’s time to take this shindig up to the next level! DJ! Put on some Snoop Dogg and let the gin and juice flow! Remember to pass to the right, everyone!
SCRATCHY: (Sporting a nostalgic smile) Damn, I miss that old coon!
SPARKS: Seems like such a jovial sort of chap. What in the hell was he doing hanging around YOU?
SCRATCHY: (Turns towards Sparklepony, miffed) I was a little…… immature back in my day. Back before I knew what really mattered and how I had to conduct myself to become the wealthy pony I am today. I renounce this kind of tomfoolery now that I’m older and wiser…
SPARKS: You also wanna renounce the fella over there with the hella good hair?
SCRATCHY: Is that? No, it can’t be! It’s…….. (sighs) Clyde!
SPARKS: And look at that cute little unicorn he’s talking to…
SCRATCHY: That’s me!!! Oh, this must be the Christmas Eve party I met Clyde at! I never expected to meet such a strapping young stud at the office party… I’d never run across any of the stallions who worked in the warehouse before. It was love at first sight! Before you knew it, we were rubbing horns and all of a sudden I had an engagement ring on my collar.
SPARKS: And just how did that go?
SCRATCHY: We….. shit, you already know the story or else you wouldn’t be rubbing my nose in it like this….
The party begins to fade out and a new scene from several years later slowly begins to take its place.
CLYDE: Scratchy, there’s something I must tell you. I’m…. I’m going to have to call off our engagement.
YOUNG SCRATCHY: Did you say something, dear? And who’s this bimbo on your arm?
CLYDE: This is my new fiancée, Mitzi.
YOUNG SCRATCHY: You’ve replaced me with a bimbo?
CLYDE: I’m sorry, Scratchy, but it’s all over. You can keep the ring…
YOUNG SCRATCHY: I had already pawned it for money to buy an old record store. Why are you doing this to me, Clyde?
CLYDE: You’re never available to do anything anymore. Your whole life is business school and trying to make a fast buck. The warm heart I once knew has grown cold with avarice and greed.
YOUNG SCRATCHY: I’ll have to look up avarice in the dictionary, but I’ll probably get distracted by the picture of your new fianceé next to the word BIMBO!
CLYDE: I’m sorry, Scratchy. Let’s go, Mitzi…
MITZI: Do these implants, like, make me look fat?
SPARKS: He left you because you turned into an uncaring, unfeeling, money hungry bitch.
SCRATCHY: But did he have to turn to a brainless, slutty, plastic (NTTAWWT)…
SPARKS: A brainless, slutty, plastic pony who deeply loved him and provided him with the soulmate you could never be since you only had eyes for your bank account. Don’t you see the difference between what you once were and what you’ve now become, and all of the happiness you’ve missed out on in life because of this path you chose for yourself?
SCRATCHY: Are you saying I should have left college and become a bimbo?
SPARKS: I’m not saying anything. I’m just here to show you the past and the impact it had on your present. If you can’t process that through the credit card reader in your brain, then there’s nothing more I can do for you. Maybe your next visitor of the night can succeed where I have failed…
SCRATCHY: Next visitor? (Sparklepony begins to fade away) Wait, don’t go yet! I need to know what this all means…. I….
Scratchy’s surroundings began to fuzz out, and before long, she realized she had been magically transported right back in her own bed where she’d been before the Ghost of Ponies Past had kidnapped her. She gathered herself together and again wondered if she’d merely dreamed up the whole ridiculous scenario. Scratchy slowly brought the covers back up over her body… the words of the previous two ghosts warning of another visitor keeping real sleep from ever becoming a reality…
Well, that and another sentiment that kept freshly voicing itself through her head…
TO BE CONTINUED….