I Know About Popular

Long live the drama queen!

Long live the drama queen!

I’ve been blogging for a little over four years now, and I’ve managed to carve out my niche in the land of WordPress while also building a small but loyal group of readers who I’ve somehow managed not to offend yet.  But I got to thinking…. does anyone outside of my band of merry men really know about The Nest?  And if not, how can I make sure I’m one of those household names that rolls off the tongue of everyone in the world?

Offering out my slutty squirrels somehow haven't won me the internet yet.

Offering out my slutty squirrels somehow hasn’t won me the internet yet.

While reading the blogs of those who already worship at my fuzzy feet, an epiphany hit me like a well thrown acorn from a tree.  You know what would really get my name and website out there on blogs all across the sphere?  My very own challenge that everyone would be jumping to get on board with!  Think about all of the hundreds of links to The Nest that would generate on the blogs of those who participated.  Hell, somebody might even click on one of them and generate me another useless hit!  The more I thought about how this would help make The Nest finally go viral, the more I committed myself to brainstorming up the ultimate blogging activity that nobody could resist playing along with on their place…

This could take a while....

This could take a while….

You know what always captures the hearts of those you want to bamboozle into thinking you’re the swellest squirrel on the internet?  A blogging award!  They seem to be going out of style the last few years as more and more bloggers realize they’re nothing more than empty, sadistic timewasters disguised as something that makes you truly special.  But maybe I can bring back this relic from the virtual past with my awesome WGAS Award!

wgas award

To receive the WGAS Award, all one has to do is link back to my blog (Please make sure to spell it correctly!) and then list 13 tidbits about their life that nobody could really care less about.  Did you once get a letter from Ed McMahon saying you might already be a winner?  Tell the world!  Does your cat like to hump your bowling ball?  Everyone’s just dying to know!  Did your significant other just come home with another STD?  Hey, three down, 10 more stupid facts to go!  Don’t forget to pass it along to all your favorite bloggers you want to get revenge on!  This award is gonna be YUGE!

So huge, I might have to build a fence around my blog to keep everyone out.

So huge, I might have to build a fence around my blog to all my new followers at bay.

Speaking of sharing insignificant details of your life, I can’t help but notice the popularity of those coffee talk prompts and wonder if maybe I can cut me in a little of that action.  But I don’t drink coffee, and I probably wouldn’t want to talk to someone who does.  Besides, chatter over java isn’t really exciting… why not change the venue to someplace else where people hold stimulating conversations.  Like public restrooms!

Let's talk!

Let’s talk!

Hey, who hasn’t been trying to cut loose like a deuce before only to have the person in the next stall strike up an awkward conversation?  Let your most uncomfortable thoughts out for all of WordPress to see five days a week in Evil Squirrel’s Nest’s Weekday Potty Share!  If we were poopmates, what would you tell me?

Hey, stallbuddy!  Got a good remedy for a heavy yeast infection?

Hey, stallbuddy! Know a good home remedy for a heavy yeast infection?

Hey, you know what would be a good idea?  I like to take pictures of stupid things and post them to my blog so that you all know I’m capable of operating a fucking camera.  A photography challenge would be an excellent addition to my blog… but they’re a dime a dozen and mine would probably get buried by all the big shots out there.  I’ll need to come up with something that really stands out from the crowd….. oooh!  I take all kinds of crappy photos, so why not come up with a Shitty Photography Challenge!  I’ll pick a ridiculous topic every week as a theme that will be sure to garner many horrific entries.  How about we start off the first challenge with “Animal bodily functions!”  Here’s my contribution:

cat puke

This is what I came home to after a weekend trip to Oklahoma in 2013… a heaping helping of cat puke on my kitchen table courtesy of my furry volcano Ody.  Now isn’t that a Pulitzer winning snap right there?  What eye pleasing do you have to share?

Oh yes, this totally counts.

Oh yes, this totally counts.

Perhaps a themed challenge is too complicated for some people who still haven’t figured out how to circumvent the crappy new WordPress editor.  How about something totally random and fun?  Do you like pumping up your own stats with the works of your fellow blogger?  Well, then you’re gonna love participating in The Nest’s Reblog Hop!  All you gotta do is pick a victim from your follower list, find a mundane and/or poorly written post (bonus points if you can dig up something potentially embarrassing the blogger probably had forgotten they’d even posted), let them know about the challenge in the message and just hit the reblog button!  You’ve not only strained an online relationship, but you’ve now tagged that blogger with the task of keeping the reblog hop going!  First one to break the chain is a rotten egg!

Not only will you die, but it means you hate babies and puppies.

Not only will you die, but failure to keep it going means you hate babies, puppies, and our veterans.

These are all really clever ideas for instant gratification, but what about those who wish to think in the long term?  A lot of bloggers like to keep track of a list of goals they have so they can keep reporting back how they haven’t accomplished a damned one of them yet.  Well, I’m proud to announce Evil Squirrel’s Nest is going to help you out on the road to ruin with a weekly feature we call Nero My Hero!  Why build Rome when you can just fiddle around while it all burns to the fucking ground.

Eh, I think I'll just chill out and watch some Springer.

Eh, I think I’ll just chill out and watch some Springer.

Being a chronic procrastinator will never feel so good!  Just start out with a set of goals you would really like to reach, but know damn good and well you’ll find every reason in the world not to get done.  Be sure to check in every week and report your non-progress… or hell, why bother.  You have more important things to do than rehash your dreams every week.  Just post a weekly link to my blog and then treat yourself to a jelly doughnut!

Here comes the donut delivery girl now!

Here comes the donut delivery girl now!

I know that some of you enjoy a more robust blogging challenge.  A longer commitment that will make you completely regret ever taking it up before you even make it to the halfway point.  Well, The Nest hasn’t forgotten about you keyboard masochists!  We have one of those daily month-long challenges we just know you’re gonna love to hate!  I’m very happy to announce the arrival of the very first Fuck It February!

fuckitfebruary

The goal for Fuck It February, which we’ll lovingly call FuYuBloMe, is to make it through every single day of the month without posting a single thing.  Yes, we know that’s gonna be hard for those of you who constantly come up with blogging ideas while changing your spawn’s nasty ass diaper or while scrolling through the wall of unimaginative memes on your Facebook page… but just hang in there, and you’ll be surprised at how little you can post!  And don’t forget this is a leap year, so you’ll have one extra day to hold off on starting that 50,000 word monstrosity novel you’ve had brewing in your head about possum sex!

Damn, those possums multiply fast.

Damn, those possums multiply fast.

Do you have what it takes to be a FuYuBloMe Slacker?  Will you help The Nest to achieve blogging greatness by taking up one or more of these creative, interactive challenges?  Will everyone just unfollow me now that I’ve mocked their favorite blogshare activities?  I think I need the wisdom and guidance of a true blog ho expert….

This following post is Sparky approved.

This following post is Sparky approved.

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to I Know About Popular

  1. Haha. I prefer being poopmates over the coffee share. Even though I love coffee. Your way just seems more fun. Also, the look on that hyena’s face is disturbing. Hilarious

    • Well, they could always start serving coffee in public restrooms and then you’d have the best of both worlds! Just be careful not to spill any when you get a jolting dose of TMI…

      Gotta love a humping hyena who’s mugging for the camera mid-act! My Mom took that pic a few years ago, and its even better than my humping squirrels photo I took in my backyard…

  2. JackieP says:

    Hm, maybe you should start drinking coffee….ha! I think you’ve hit on everyone’s thing in one blog post! Congrats!

  3. Trisha says:

    Hey, great ideas! (Except for the awards. I can’t even joke about those making a comeback.) I would totally rock Nero my Hero and the Shitty Photography Challenge, especially if the theme was always animal bodily functions. My cats give me material for that theme on a daily basis. Although no one has puked in my shoe for awhile….

    • There is intricate beauty and symmetry to animal excrements that I think the world is missing on out just because people think it’s gross. Don’t forget to try out some macro shots! Fill the frame with cat puke!

      • Trisha says:

        LOL! That challenge might even be helpful for getting rid of problematic readers, although it might get rid of a few good ones too.

  4. Deborah says:

    You made my day! But I do like my coffee. 😉

  5. FuYuBloMe is SUCH cool name that I’d not do it, if I could but restrain myself. Which I probably can’t. Drat. But some of the others … random stupid triva about me? Hey, I can do that.

  6. I can contribute to the Potty Post because I almost peed my pants laughing while reading this post. I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to Fuck It February. I’m all in. I’ll tell all six of my readers. I’ll even send photos of my cat hanging out in my bathroom and barfing on everything that isn’t tile. Heaven forbid she hacks up anything outside. I’m up for Nero My Hero day. Bring it on Evil Squirrel.

    Of course on my semi popular blog that is only read by people who feel sorry for me. From now on every day will be BITE ME day.

  7. My cat once crapped in my daughter’s shoe because she didn’t clean out the litter box. I think I have a photo of that around here somewhere.

  8. 1jaded1 says:

    Who gives a shit award. You are killing me in a good way…i can’t stop laughing. Omg.

    • Every time I see a blogger accept an award I scream “Noooooooooooo!!!!” especially if it’s an experienced blogger who should know better. Now at least there can be one award that isn’t afraid to mock the whole genre…

      I need to cut loose with my sarcastic self like this more often…

  9. ROFLMAO!! The caption for the Trump photo just made my day! 😉 – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com

  10. Merbear74 says:

    I have tons of useless trivia about myself and I also poop on a semi daily basis! 😀

  11. Pingback: THE WGAS CHALLENGE SPONSORED BY EVIL SQUIRREL’S NEST | SERENDIPITY

  12. Oh what a YUUUGE post. I Have just the meme for February. http://reccashay.tumblr.com/image/5703756589

    • I saw that recently on someone’s blog… apparently, “zero fucks given” is now a real, certified phrase in our English language. I’d like to see that one taught in grade school! 😉

      • I do believe I agree with you. I have learnt from my son and his young friends to “choose my cares” Young ones get criticized by the media but I think they are wise in many ways. My lot are respectful, responsible and hardworking but not afraid politely say “I don’t care” if they don’t. ❤

  13. So I linked to you ten different ways to Sunday and I still don’t see the pingback. I even did TWO of them. That’s how much I admire you. I mean, really, ADMIRE.

    http://teepee12.com/2016/01/18/wgas-challenge/

    • Pingbacks go to moderation (At least they do for me), so until Mecca releases me to go home in the mornings, they must stay hidden in purgatory. I wasn’t expecting anyone to take any of my challenges seriously, so now I am extremely pumped and have to check out your contribution!

  14. draliman says:

    FuYuBloMe is such a cool name I want to do it but I’ve got my flash fiction challenges, so I could combine it with “Nero My Hero” and post about how I’m totally failing at the FuYuBloMe challenge all through February!
    I’m sure I have plenty of shitty photographs I can pull out of the recycle bin as well.

    • I wanted to throw in a jab at the Friday Fictioneers type prompts too… but in typical Nero My Hero fashion, I waited until very late in the morning to start typing this up and just wanted to go to bed… so skewering flash fiction got left on the drawing board. Maybe next time…

      I really hope nobody takes me seriously on FuYuBloMe since I’ll be running my contest in February!

  15. I’m glad you could take a photo before removing the recycled food. I mostly remove such gems immediately and while working on the contaminated area I think “ugggh…another blog post what never will be born” :o)

    • It was such an epic mess, I had to take a picture of it. And it had been on the table long enough to where it actually permanently stained the wood… so I figured another minute or two to capture Mount Barf for posterity wouldn’t hurt!

  16. Ally Bean says:

    I’ll just sit on the curb and clap as your parade goes by. Then when you become the most popular squirrel on the internets, I’ll be able to say I knew you back when… Best of luck with all of this.

  17. The Cutter says:

    Damn. You’re just murdering the blogosphere.

  18. Quirky Girl says:

    I think I just found your official theme song for Fuck it February! 😉

  19. Shame on me…1) I was half way through reading before I realized maybe you weren’t serious and b) my boss almost caught me reading it…Also we have only one bathroom so I get to experience Hubby’s “nightly potty share”, blow by blow, in living scent. Thanks for the offer! 🙂

  20. You could always hold an international Squirrel Beauty Contest – have entrants submit their photos of squirrels around the world. You pick the top 5 and have people vote. If the stars can shamelessly celebrate themselves, why can’t an Evil Squirrel?

  21. Well, I’ve not posted anything since May last year, so maybe my challenge for February, now I’m allowed to blog again, is to actually write a post? 😉

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