I’ve been blogging for a little over four years now, and I’ve managed to carve out my niche in the land of WordPress while also building a small but loyal group of readers who I’ve somehow managed not to offend yet. But I got to thinking…. does anyone outside of my band of merry men really know about The Nest? And if not, how can I make sure I’m one of those household names that rolls off the tongue of everyone in the world?
While reading the blogs of those who already worship at my fuzzy feet, an epiphany hit me like a well thrown acorn from a tree. You know what would really get my name and website out there on blogs all across the sphere? My very own challenge that everyone would be jumping to get on board with! Think about all of the hundreds of links to The Nest that would generate on the blogs of those who participated. Hell, somebody might even click on one of them and generate me another useless hit! The more I thought about how this would help make The Nest finally go viral, the more I committed myself to brainstorming up the ultimate blogging activity that nobody could resist playing along with on their place…
You know what always captures the hearts of those you want to bamboozle into thinking you’re the swellest squirrel on the internet? A blogging award! They seem to be going out of style the last few years as more and more bloggers realize they’re nothing more than empty, sadistic timewasters disguised as something that makes you truly special. But maybe I can bring back this relic from the virtual past with my awesome WGAS Award!
To receive the WGAS Award, all one has to do is link back to my blog (Please make sure to spell it correctly!) and then list 13 tidbits about their life that nobody could really care less about. Did you once get a letter from Ed McMahon saying you might already be a winner? Tell the world! Does your cat like to hump your bowling ball? Everyone’s just dying to know! Did your significant other just come home with another STD? Hey, three down, 10 more stupid facts to go! Don’t forget to pass it along to all your favorite bloggers you want to get revenge on! This award is gonna be YUGE!
Speaking of sharing insignificant details of your life, I can’t help but notice the popularity of those coffee talk prompts and wonder if maybe I can cut me in a little of that action. But I don’t drink coffee, and I probably wouldn’t want to talk to someone who does. Besides, chatter over java isn’t really exciting… why not change the venue to someplace else where people hold stimulating conversations. Like public restrooms!
Hey, who hasn’t been trying to cut loose like a deuce before only to have the person in the next stall strike up an awkward conversation? Let your most uncomfortable thoughts out for all of WordPress to see five days a week in Evil Squirrel’s Nest’s Weekday Potty Share! If we were poopmates, what would you tell me?
Hey, you know what would be a good idea? I like to take pictures of stupid things and post them to my blog so that you all know I’m capable of operating a fucking camera. A photography challenge would be an excellent addition to my blog… but they’re a dime a dozen and mine would probably get buried by all the big shots out there. I’ll need to come up with something that really stands out from the crowd….. oooh! I take all kinds of crappy photos, so why not come up with a Shitty Photography Challenge! I’ll pick a ridiculous topic every week as a theme that will be sure to garner many horrific entries. How about we start off the first challenge with “Animal bodily functions!” Here’s my contribution:
This is what I came home to after a weekend trip to Oklahoma in 2013… a heaping helping of cat puke on my kitchen table courtesy of my furry volcano Ody. Now isn’t that a Pulitzer winning snap right there? What eye pleasing do you have to share?
Perhaps a themed challenge is too complicated for some people who still haven’t figured out how to circumvent the crappy new WordPress editor. How about something totally random and fun? Do you like pumping up your own stats with the works of your fellow blogger? Well, then you’re gonna love participating in The Nest’s Reblog Hop! All you gotta do is pick a victim from your follower list, find a mundane and/or poorly written post (bonus points if you can dig up something potentially embarrassing the blogger probably had forgotten they’d even posted), let them know about the challenge in the message and just hit the reblog button! You’ve not only strained an online relationship, but you’ve now tagged that blogger with the task of keeping the reblog hop going! First one to break the chain is a rotten egg!
These are all really clever ideas for instant gratification, but what about those who wish to think in the long term? A lot of bloggers like to keep track of a list of goals they have so they can keep reporting back how they haven’t accomplished a damned one of them yet. Well, I’m proud to announce Evil Squirrel’s Nest is going to help you out on the road to ruin with a weekly feature we call Nero My Hero! Why build Rome when you can just fiddle around while it all burns to the fucking ground.
Being a chronic procrastinator will never feel so good! Just start out with a set of goals you would really like to reach, but know damn good and well you’ll find every reason in the world not to get done. Be sure to check in every week and report your non-progress… or hell, why bother. You have more important things to do than rehash your dreams every week. Just post a weekly link to my blog and then treat yourself to a jelly doughnut!
I know that some of you enjoy a more robust blogging challenge. A longer commitment that will make you completely regret ever taking it up before you even make it to the halfway point. Well, The Nest hasn’t forgotten about you keyboard masochists! We have one of those daily month-long challenges we just know you’re gonna love to hate! I’m very happy to announce the arrival of the very first Fuck It February!
The goal for Fuck It February, which we’ll lovingly call FuYuBloMe, is to make it through every single day of the month without posting a single thing. Yes, we know that’s gonna be hard for those of you who constantly come up with blogging ideas while changing your spawn’s nasty ass diaper or while scrolling through the wall of unimaginative memes on your Facebook page… but just hang in there, and you’ll be surprised at how little you can post! And don’t forget this is a leap year, so you’ll have one extra day to hold off on starting that 50,000 word
monstrosity novel you’ve had brewing in your head about possum sex!
Do you have what it takes to be a FuYuBloMe Slacker? Will you help The Nest to achieve blogging greatness by taking up one or more of these creative, interactive challenges? Will everyone just unfollow me now that I’ve mocked their favorite blogshare activities? I think I need the wisdom and guidance of a true blog ho expert….