Force Play

Luke, I am your mother...

Luke, I am your mother…

picture dayIt’s that time of the week for The Nest to dig out the virtual photo album hidden under the stash of porn acorns and present my gentle readers with another round of eye torture we like to call Picture Day Wednesday.  Since it happens to be May 4th, and Star Trek Wars fans like to claim that day as their own, I decided to dedicate this weeks pictorial post to the one time in my life when the Lucas Empire and my camera crossed paths… and that would be the so-called Major League Baseball game I attended in Minneapolis between the Seattle Mariners and Minnesota Twins on September 20, 2011.

I drove 620 miles for THIS!?!?

I drove 620 miles for THIS!?!?

You’ve already seen a few of these pics on my blog in the past, especially if you caught my diatribe on the worrying trend of “theme nights” in a Picture Day post last September.  This time, however, I’m going to empty my album of every picture I took at that game that made you think you were sitting among a bunch of nerds watching an overrated blockbuster sci fi film rather than among a crowd of uninterested baseball fans playing on their phones rather than watching the game…

So pay attention, everyone!!!

So pay attention, everyone!!!

Long, long ago… in a ballpark far, far away…

I've done Photoshops that look better than this pathetic attempt at recreating the famous Star Wars intro.

I’ve done Photoshops that look better than this pathetic attempt at recreating the famous Star Wars intro.

A lackey for the dark side got a job as the Minnesota Twins director of marketing, and he hatched an evil scheme to totally ruin a meaningless, late September ballgame between two lousy teams by declaring it to be Star Wars night.  Everything would be made to look like a tribute to the six pack of films (sexogy?) that gave us heroes, villains, crazy aliens and intergalactic incest…

It's no coincidence that most of these players have already been run out of Major League Baseball.

It’s no coincidence that most of these players have already been run out of Major League Baseball.  But hey, at least someone finally found the Star Wars font under Wingdings69…

Darth Tickettaker knew that the same people who would spend a hundred bucks on a used Stormtrooper uniform and show up in line at the movie theater three months early would flock to this planetary travesty.  If you whore it, they will come…

Don't be shy... turn around so we can all properly mock you.

Don’t be shy… turn around so we can all properly mock you.

That's better.  Here we have Satan, a mental health care worker and The Rocketeer.

That’s better. Here we have Satan, a mental health care worker and The Rocketeer.

Even the littlest of Star Wars fans could not resist the temptation of spending their parents’ hard earned money…

Awrr-rawwar-rawwarrr!!!

Awrr-rawwar-rawwarrr!!!

But the cosplay hooligans were not content with just loitering through the aisles and using the Force to spill unsuspecting fans’ beers… no, they took over the scoreboard as well.

Hi Mom!  Wherever you are!

Hi Mom! Wherever you are!

And much dumbassery there was…

To hell Yoda go...

To hell Yoda go…

This poor young man was so traumatized, he will never go to another baseball game again…

You'll need to get yourself a droid that removes wedgies.

You’ll need to get yourself a droid that removes wedgies.

In the climactic scene of the night, an entire outfield full of Siths attempts to kill off the Twins ursine mascot…

Wait a minute... now this is getting to be enjoyable.

Wait a minute… now this is getting to be enjoyable.

FINISH HIM!!!!!!

Sigh... what do you expect from a Darth Vader who carries a pussy-pink lightsabre?

Sigh… what do you expect from a Darth Vader who carries a pussy-pink lightsabre?

Well, that’s about enough of why Star Wars and the great American pastime don’t mix.  Be sure to come back next Wednesday for something that’s hopefully a bit more visually pleasing…

Now's a great time to hit up the concession stand!

Now’s a great time to hit up the concession stand!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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29 Responses to Force Play

  1. Ugh! Tell me that is NOT a Jar-Jar lollipop type deal, please…*gack*…oh, I think I’m going to be sick…

    • It is! It was in a video one of my readers sent me earlier this year of an interview with Ahmed Best reminiscing about playing the character everyone seems to love to hate (But I am well known for having a huge soft spot for). Yes, even I consider the lollipop to be revolting, but just the kind of crude thing my blog is known for!

  2. I’m with the boy that’s too much force what’s probably not with me :o) but they the yopung man with the phone looks like Prince Harry, dressed this time :o)

  3. Piglove says:

    Oh dear have mercy. It’s Star Wars crap every where today. In fact, I may or may not have ordered something on line that deals with Star Wars with daddy’s credit card – evil piggy snorts. XOXO – Bacon

    • I hope it wasn’t a brand new Death Star! Those things cost a fortune and are so easy to destroy…

      • Piglove says:

        Snorts with piggy laughter. Nah – I don’t think dad’s credit card could hold that – HA! This was just a little something something for a certain pooch to wear around here. Insert evil snorts. XOXO – Bacon

  4. The Cutter says:

    I think every baseball stadium has Star Wars day now. We went to the Frederick Keys on Star Wars day a few years ago. It was mildly amusing to see the lightsaber fights and whatnot.

    • Probably… we had it in St. Louis at least once, but I was lucky enough not to be there for that. I have hit, however, Grateful Dead Day, Chuck Berry Day, and the truly wonderful unforgettable Christmas in July Day. Christmas music and baseball…. not a good combination.

  5. ody & biskit….we iz crackin UP at yur dadz play bye play …grate post !! 🙂 ♥♥

  6. Wookie bobble heads were given out at one of the first Sacramento Kings games this season. Yes, once again the Kings DID NOT make it to the finals, but we have a Wookie bobble head and we’re getting a new arena. But hey, what is up with those empty seats? Come on folks. This is BASEBALL! Take me out to the ballgame and all that stuff. Oh that is a sad sad thing to have empty seats at a ballgame.

    • Your Wookiee bobblehead beats my Wookiee Pez dispenser any day!

      Apparently even Minnesotans won’t show up for a late September game when the temp is in the 40’s and both teams playing are buried in last place. Star Wars night was the Twins 10th consecutive loss at the time… Ted Baxter has all the details at ten…

  7. fanrosa says:

    They can’t have May the 4th, it’s already taken! By a little known fellow named Horace Mann. What’s that you say? Horace Mann is actually little known on a good day? Crap. No wonder this county is in the shitter…..

    Meanwhile, I had to help Fantine cross the bridge Monday and this is probably the first good laugh I’ve had since then (or any laugh at all). Darth Tickettaker alone made it worth the trip….ha!

    • Damn, I’m so sorry.

      I remember you bringing Horace up on the Bored before, though I remember nothing about him or the context it appeared in….

      • fanrosa says:

        I went to Horace Mann Junior High School. On May 4th everybody would get the full A/B/C lunch periods and there would be a big birthday cake and whatnot in the plaza. Unless, of course, it was SNOWING….

        I like to think that Fanny and Spilly are busy trading stories and laughing their furry little bahonkas off right now..

      • I’ll have to see if Poopyhead’s ears have been burning lately…

  8. Trisha says:

    I’m not sure if I would have been amused or a little freaked out by being there for that. I’m uncomfortable being around people in costumes, always wondering just how in character they are. And what happens when you mix baseball game drunkenness with cosplay? Were there any light saber injuries?

    • Drunken lightsabre battles would have been a coup to get on film… at least from a distance. Heck, now that they have metal detectors at all of the gates, you probably couldn’t even get in with the toy props anymore.

  9. Quirky Girl says:

    Baseball and Star Wars… these two things obviously complement each other so well! Like peanut butter and jelly. And burgers and beer. And green eggs and ham!

    Nah, that doesn’t sound right. Huh. Maybe these two things don’t pair as well as I originally thought. 😛

    • It doesn’t seem to matter in this age where the value of getting people to buy tickets outweighs any possible relevance. I’d guess half the people who go to ballgames these days could care less about watching the game or even the sport itself. Stadiums are like glorified amusement parks now!

  10. You wouldn’t see this crap in Boston, no siree … We’re purists here. We lose like good ole’ Amurricans. No star wars, just bad pitching.

  11. Captain Kirk would shake his head….very…slowly….and….meaningfully…:-D

  12. draliman says:

    That looks awesome. I wish I’d been there 🙂

  13. reocochran says:

    This sounds like the best place to be if you are a Force follower! May the Force go with you into Cinco de Mayo, E.S. 🙂 ❤

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