APPLEJACK: Mail call!
SCRATCHY: Dafuq is this shit?
PRINCESS LUNA: Knowing the hideous squirrel who inhabits this house, it could be almost anything. Viagra…. a bomb… Jimmy Hoffa’s body…
SCRATCHY: Dude, there might be some really nasty sex toys in here (I hope, I hope!)
TWILIGHT: Well, there’s no use taking wild guesses as to what this surprise is. We need to open it!
AJ: Got that taken care of, Sugarcube!
Applejack proceeds to gnaw on the corner of the package
AJ: Mmmmm, this tastes better than envelope glue!
TWILIGHT: You know, silly filly, there’s a better way to open the box!
SCRATCHY: Cuz I’m TNT! I’m Dyno-mite!!!
TWILIGHT: No no no! Evil Squirrel works at Mecca, and you know what all Mecca employees have!
TWILIGHT: Maybe…. but they also have box cutters!
LUNA: It’s a wonder our national security hasn’t been threatened already by this million man army of box cutter wielding working class commoners.
Twilight uses ES’s box cutter to undo the packing tape and opens up the box to reveal the mystery…
AJ: “Read this snorts!” Hey, I think this note’s from my Gramma!
TWILIGHT: It’s addressed to ES. Maybe we shouldn’t….
SCRATCHY: (Opens the note) I gotta see who’s sending that dork for brains a love note!
LUNA: Ahem! We goddesses take a rather dim view on snooping! Unless we’re using our omniscience to spy on potential popular uprisings…
TWILIGHT: Let’s see what else is in here…
LUNA: Well, you know that isn’t for us.
TWILIGHT: “Made from real salmon.” As opposed to, say, goldfish or brine shrimp?
LUNA: I will personally gore either of those feline creatures with my horn if they dare touch this pouch of divine treats made from real dead fish.
SCRATCHY: Holy shit! BOOZE!!!!
TWILIGHT: Hmmmmm, I thought ES didn’t touch this stuff.
AJ: Aw, he musta been holding out on us so he didn’t hafta share! That’s OK, he doesn’t know about my moonshine still either!
SCRATCHY: What!? You’ve got shine and you haven’t been sharing with your bestie BFF’s?
LUNA: I am in the process of summoning the ghost of Eliot Nag and his barrel busting hatchet as we speak…
TWILIGHT: Well, this must be the centerpiece of this rather odd shipment. I wonder what could possibly be inside of this little container?
SCRATCHY: Yep… made from scratch, oatmeal and hayseed cookies.
LUNA: My royal mouth is watering in anticipation…… open it up!!!
TWILIGHT: OK, here goes…
BASHFUL: Howdy folks!
AJ: Aw, shucks! That ain’t cookies!
TWILIGHT: Who are you?
BASHFUL: My name is Bashful! Pleased to meet y’all!
LUNA: WHAT are you?
BASHFUL: I am a rock!
SCRATCHY: I am an iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisland!
TWILIGHT: Soooooo, what brings you to our neck of the woods?
BASHFUL: Bacon the pig and his friends at the Hotel Thompson sent me here to hang out with you guys for a while!
SCRATCHY: Damn… they must really hate you there to pack you in a box and send your igneous self hundreds of miles away.
BASHFUL: Not at all! They just know I’m the adventurous type of rock that likes to see the world! So I’m loaned out to Bacon’s friends all over the globe to have lots of fun!
AJ: Boy…. you don’t even know what you’re getting into here at The Nest.
LUNA: I will tell you exactly what he’s getting into! Absolutely nothing!!!! (Luna jumps on top of the lid and traps Bashful inside)
TWILIGHT: Your Highness! What are you doing to our new friend?
BASHFUL: (muffled sounds)
LUNA: Nobody consulted me, the Goddess of the Night and the most powerful figurine in this entire ES kingdom, before bringing some wayward hunk of charcoal with beady eyes here for us to rock-sit!
SCRATCHY: That’s our Luna. The High Bitchess of all Equestria.
LUNA: Go fetch me the tape and some unpopped bubble wrap so we can send this intruder back to….
BASHFUL: (Pops the lid back up and sends Luna flying…. without her wings) Howdy again, y’all!
AJ: YAY!!! You’re back!
TWILIGHT: Don’t let that high horse get to you, Mr. Bashful. We’re going to love having you hang out with us for a while!
SCRATCHY: I may prefer dubstep, but I gotta say I love me some classic rock as well. Hey, mares! It’s selfie time!!! You want in on this, Princess Loony?
LUNA: (Picks herself out of a crumpled heap and dusts off her tiara) Sigh……. very well. I’m such a pushover for gratuitous social media exposure.
SCRATCHY: Everyone say “Cheez Whiz!”
Yes, Bacon’s well-traveled companion rock Bashful has wound up in my charge. He’ll be hanging out with me and the rest of my furry and imaginary gang for the next few weeks, and I’ll be sure to post the adventures he has here at The Nest… which should be plenty noteworthy if you know what to expect from my demented den of
absurdity creativity. And there’s your Picture Day Wednesday entry for this week… Scratchy’s selfie with her equine friends and our esteemed guest Bashful. Stay tuned as it promises to be a very interesting time for our southern rock… and no doubt it’ll be just as exciting for my assorted critters and trinkets as well! Thank you Bacon for choosing me to be the next completely unqualified foster home for the most interesting rock in the world!
And if you aren’t following Bacon and his staff at the Hotel Thompson yet….. do it, now!!!