99 Bottles of Beer

Really!?!?  We are so there!!!

Really!?!? We are so there!!!

picture dayHappy Humpy to you all, or as I like to call it this week, Mecca Liberation Day!  I’m gonna spend the next 9 days doing something close to nothing while getting paid to not do it, so you’ll probably be seeing a lot of me and my current nestguest Bashful over the coming week and a half.  Unless, of course, all hell breaks loose again like it tends to when I try to take a respite from having to earn an honest living.

One of the things I won’t be doing over this staycation is attending a ballgame.  But I did bring my camera to the most recent contest I went to back on August 24th when the Mets came to town, and got a few interesting pictures.  Here’s one for your Wednesday Picture Day perusal now…

I came to a bar and a ballgame broke out.

I went to a bar and a ballgame broke out.

Peanuts and Cracker Jack have become so associated with baseball that a couple of dudes who had never even attended a damn game before included them in the sport’s unofficial anthem.  But you need something to wash down all of those salty snacks with, and when it comes to the baseball fan’s drink of choice, it inevitably seems to be beer.  Throw in the fact that my hometown of St. Louis is notorious for being a beer town thanks to that big-named brewery of mass produced pisswater we have that is now owned by some European conglomerate, and sights like the one you see above are all too common.  In that one photo I took of the seats next to me near the end of that game, I can count 10 beer bottles that were consumed by only a small handful of fans.  I’m sure none of those alcohol impaired folks were driving home…

We're here to pick up the drunks in Section 197!

We’re here to pick up the drunks in Section 197!

Of course they were… because I’ve long thought of baseball games (and large sporting events in general) as the world’s largest drunk driver conventions.  A gathering of people from all over the area who could care less about getting behind the wheel anywhere from a little buzzed to shitfaced drunk.  Because like Billy Joel riding his motorcycle in the rain, they made it home alive before, and would never be the one unable to handle their liquor enough to take out a family of four by crossing the center line.  How dare I even question their ability to drive.  Driving and having cell phones are rights even more unalienable to Americans these days than that old “life and liberty” hogwash Thomas Jefferson once wrote about…

And you'd think the cost of those beers would be a deterrent as well...

And you’d think the cost of those ballpark beers would be a deterrent as well…

This teetotaler will be back next Wednesday with another sobering picture…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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24 Responses to 99 Bottles of Beer

  1. I never could go to a ballgame with you, I can’t drink beer without turning into a fountain… no idea why it’s the only booze I can’t stand :O) the drunken drivers are common here too, they ponder about alco-testers for all cars….

  2. fanrosa says:

    Whenever we go to a basketball game I go apoplectic over the cost of a bottle of water. If I drank, I’d buy the beer just because it’s a better deal.

    Storm of the Century? Bitch, please….. At the end of July I learned that there really is such a thing as tennis ball sized hail, Virginia. Broken windows, toasted roof and poor Mary Jean was totaled. And I got off easy compared to some houses just two blocks up at the crest of the hill….

    I’m giving this a like anyway just because of Prince. Not my favourite Prince song, but one of my favourite Prince lyrics.

    • Ouch. Orographic lifting is a bitch… someone needs to come out and remove those mountains for the safety of all Coloradans…

      It pained me to use a Prince lyrics since I generally hate his hits (including that one), but if it got me a Fanny like, it was well worth it. Plus, at least it didn’t include a 2 or a 4 or a u….

  3. The Cutter says:

    I’ve never been a big beer drinker while at games. Too damn expensive.

    I recall a couple of friends saying they wanted to do a “beer an inning.” I figured I had better ways to spend $80.

  4. Trisha says:

    As another teetotaler, this seems insane to me! We’ve become such a safety obsessed culture and yet no one seems to question the wisdom of serving alcohol and letting thousands of impaired people get behind the wheel. I can see knives and scissors getting banned before anyone suggests we stop this madness!

    • The last two active Major League players to die were both from the St. Louis Cardinals, and both died in drunk driving accidents. And did the team or its fans learn anything from their players’ deaths? Nope…

  5. I avoid liquids at ballparks and other sporting events as well as at rock concerts and probably other stuff I can’t think of right now. Why? I HATE standing in line to use the ladies (or mens, or “all of the above”) rooms. Besides, I miss too much of the game/concert/etc. while I’m in a line with other ladies doing the “HURRY UP” dance. Not pretty.


    • I limit myself to one (overpriced) soda before the game for that same reason. Even thought the men’s room lines are a lot smaller, you still can’t sneak in a potty break between innings without missing the action…

  6. At Fenway, they stop selling beer at the seventh inning stretch. Leaving a couple of innings to sober up? Of course there are plenty of folks who have brought a flask. Whenever we went to Fenway, we either left early or waited till the traffic cleared. It really IS the world’s largest drunk driver convention.

    • The beer cutoff here was moved up at some point in time to AFTER the 7th inning, by which time early arriving fans have had ample opportunity to guzzle down an entire case of beers given the breakneck pace at which baseball is played. Really, if the city ever wanted to collect a fortune in fines, they should breathalyzer every driver leaving the garages and lots after ballgames. Nobody would get home until about 3 AM, but think of all the revenue they could generate to keep the neverending road construction going!

  7. draliman says:

    And I bet you can’t bring your own budget drinks in with you either…

    • Soda and water in plastic bottles or cups is allowed, though there’s an extreme size limit on coolers. Despite how it may seem from the post, alcohol is too tightly regulated to be allowed to bring it in to any public place (BYOB is for private parties only). You not only can’t bring it in, but they stand at the exits and make sure you don’t take any beer out with you as well!

  8. Just stopped back for today’s blog post and I see my comment yesterday never “took”…..having that problem lately for some reason…..DANG THAT WORDPRESS! Anyway, now I can’t remember what pithy comment I made yesterday so pooey.


  9. We get frisked to ensure we don’t bring alcohol into the footy matches. You can buy it by the plastic cup for yuge prices at half time crush though. Thanks butt no thanks.

  10. Seriously? $8.50 for a bottle of crap beer? Sheesh…what a rip off. Oh wait, I guess that’s how they pay those ridiculous salaries to overweight ballplayers hitting a ball with a stick. *Sigh* On the plus side, enjoy the time off!

    • $8.50 was last year’s price! It hit the $9 mark this year. I only drink soda, but even it has reached the stratospheric cost of a ballpark beer! Given how tied in the brewery is with the team, that cost is probably 90% profit…

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