Gossip Squirrel

Like, OMG, you won't believe this! I heard Evil Squirrel has an even bigger Pony collection than we do!

Like, OMG, you won’t believe this! I heard Evil Squirrel has an even bigger Pony collection than we do!

Avast ye mateys!  It’s land ho on another maritime Monday, and that means it’s time to unbury another scurvy earworm that’ll make ye wanna walk the plank from the Davy Jones Locker we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Arrrrrrrrrchive!  If ye landlubbers haven’t guessed yet, it’s Talk Like A Pirate Day… and Cap’n Patchy, er, Scratchy is steadfastly mannin’ the rudder while I make a seasick fool out of meself.  The peglegged Sponkies have jumped out of the crow’s nest and into the lost treasure chest of pop music bounty to find a seaworthy selection for this week from the “R” file.  X marks the spot for Pirate Bluemane’s lost gold, and anyone caught coverin’ their ears will be keelhauled at sundown…

dusty vinyl

Timex Social Club sounds like a snotty, high falootin’ place where elitist jewelers hang out and act all snobby and rude to each other.  But they were actually an R&B group that was at the forefront of the late 80’s New Jack Swing movement before Bobby Brown took all the accolades for it.  In 1986, they released the album Vicious Rumors, which spawned their lone Hot 100 hit… a bemoaning of the evils of idle gossip by the name of “Rumors.”  I heard it from a friend who heard it from a co-worker who heard it on a talk show that this song made it all the way up to #8 on the Top 40 charts, and here it is for your listening pleasure today…

“Rumors” also had a pretty cool music video you can watch here, but it contains a more tightly edited version of the song than the radio single I embedded here.

This song took a huge licking in ’86, but sadly did not keep on ticking as it is not a staple of most classic, variety, or even 80’s satellite radio stations today.  It’s a great song that, much like another classic of its time, has an epic second verse that could have only happened in the 80’s…

Did you hear the one about Tina?
Some say shes much too loose
That came straight from a guy
Who claims he’s tastin’ her juice

squirrel shocked

Did you hear the one about Michael
Some say he must be gay
I tried to argue but they said
If he were straight he wouldn’t move that way


Did you hear the one about Susan?
Some say shes just a tease
In a camisole she’s six feet tall
She’ll knock you to you knees


When Mecca Radio started back up this past October, it amused me that they occasionally played this song, and did so completely unedited!  While those lyrics didn’t faze us kids thirty years ago, imagine now having to explain to your 10 year old while shopping in the cereal aisle why some guy would be wanting to taste Tina’s juice…

Don't go starting any rumors! This is Tina's juice, not Michael's...

Don’t go starting any rumors! This is Tina’s juice, not Michael’s…

I’ll return next Monday with something slightly less scandalous and unsubstantiated…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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23 Responses to Gossip Squirrel

  1. Oh I love this song…. and the charts are probably manipulated anyway… I remember that the dance floor was stuffed with people when a DJ played this song… 1986 was a year of lame songs like Nikita or Jeannie or Brother Louie, so Rumors was a gem between all this trash…

  2. Holly says:

    What, no love for their inspired parody, “Roaches”? 😀

  3. The rumor I heard was that the group was sued over their use of “Timex” in the title. Then there was another rumor about in fighting with the band members which lead to a new group name, “Club Nouveau” who then took the music (damn near note for note) and released “Jealousy” At least, thats what I heard… 😉

    • I was wondering why Club Nouveau kept coming up in my lazy research of this group!

      Since I’m only familiar with their awesome cover of “Lean On Me,” I had to check out “Jealousy.” Yep, even my untrained ears could tell where that song came from!

  4. What a great toe-tapping way to start out the week!

  5. Merbear74 says:

    I heard the song “Stroke It” in the car the other day…maybe Mecca could add that song to the playmix.

    • I’m sure it’s already there… I hear it everywhere, though, so I don’t notice if they play it or not. There were so many 80’s songs that sounded like they were about masturbation….

  6. Trisha says:

    I remember this song. It’s one of those that’s impossible to tune out!

    • I’ve had it in my head since I wrote the post Saturday… and since I had the time, I also wrote next Monday’s post too, so I have THAT one infecting my ear as well. I can’t get too far ahead of myself, or I’d probably go crazy!

  7. crimsonowl63 says:

    The music sounds familiar, but I am sure I never listened to the lyrics since the music was, uh, not to my taste, shall we say. I wonder how long it will take to forget it this time. lol

  8. ody & biskit ~~~~~

    blimey buckoz; a draught two all ye bucaneerz N hearties spesh a lee sum nelsonz folly ~~~ ♥♥♥

  9. We are all a lot tighter in the ass than we were twenty or thirty (or forty!) years ago. Hard to believe, but a lot of the songs playing on the radio (radio? radio? what’s a radio?) were pretty racy … by today’s (radio??) standards. Interesting. Or, as Alice said, “curiouser and curiouser.”

    • I still have what amounts to a radio (It has an AM/FM dial with an analog knob that never manages to tune in exactly to the station), and sometimes I even turn it on and listen to it. Mainly when I need to drown out the noise of the neighborhood kids who listen to music on their fancy phones…

  10. I remember this one……..funny how back in the day I paid LITTLE attention to lyrics – we just didn’t need to as we jostled around the dance floor……nowadays everyone dissects and analyzes every word looking for something to complain about. Earworms just aren’t what they used to be!!


    • Imagine if we actually still had independent artists today like back in the day…. singer/songwriters who didn’t give a shit what the censors thought of their words. Now Miley and Justin just sing whatever pre-approved mess is put in front of them by their handlers. Man, I miss those days…

  11. draliman says:

    Another song the PC crowd would have a field day with. I kinda miss ye olden days…

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