Avast ye mateys! It’s land ho on another maritime Monday, and that means it’s time to unbury another scurvy earworm that’ll make ye wanna walk the plank from the Davy Jones Locker we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Arrrrrrrrrchive! If ye landlubbers haven’t guessed yet, it’s Talk Like A Pirate Day… and Cap’n Patchy, er, Scratchy is steadfastly mannin’ the rudder while I make a seasick fool out of meself. The peglegged Sponkies have jumped out of the crow’s nest and into the lost treasure chest of pop music bounty to find a seaworthy selection for this week from the “R” file. X marks the spot for Pirate Bluemane’s lost gold, and anyone caught coverin’ their ears will be keelhauled at sundown…
Timex Social Club sounds like a snotty, high falootin’ place where elitist jewelers hang out and act all snobby and rude to each other. But they were actually an R&B group that was at the forefront of the late 80’s New Jack Swing movement before Bobby Brown took all the accolades for it. In 1986, they released the album Vicious Rumors, which spawned their lone Hot 100 hit… a bemoaning of the evils of idle gossip by the name of “Rumors.” I heard it from a friend who heard it from a co-worker who heard it on a talk show that this song made it all the way up to #8 on the Top 40 charts, and here it is for your listening pleasure today…
“Rumors” also had a pretty cool music video you can watch here, but it contains a more tightly edited version of the song than the radio single I embedded here.
This song took a huge licking in ’86, but sadly did not keep on ticking as it is not a staple of most classic, variety, or even 80’s satellite radio stations today. It’s a great song that, much like another classic of its time, has an epic second verse that could have only happened in the 80’s…
Did you hear the one about Tina?
Some say shes much too loose
That came straight from a guy
Who claims he’s tastin’ her juice
Did you hear the one about Michael
Some say he must be gay
I tried to argue but they said
If he were straight he wouldn’t move that way
Did you hear the one about Susan?
Some say shes just a tease
In a camisole she’s six feet tall
She’ll knock you to you knees
When Mecca Radio started back up this past October, it amused me that they occasionally played this song, and did so completely unedited! While those lyrics didn’t faze us kids thirty years ago, imagine now having to explain to your 10 year old while shopping in the cereal aisle why some guy would be wanting to taste Tina’s juice…
I’ll return next Monday with something slightly less scandalous and unsubstantiated…