The Juice Is Loose

I said "juice," not "douche!"

I said “juice,” not “douche!”

It’s time to turn your ears on and your minds off, as it’s Monday again!  That day we open up the musty old trunk full of worn out 8 tracks and skipping 45’s to bring you another lost treasure from The Nest’s Dusty Vinyl Archive!  On this Columbus Day, we don’t have the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria… but we do have DJ Scratchy and her pair of Sponkies on staff to help introduce the New World to a little bit of the Old World.  Let’s proceed to party like it’s 1492…

dusty vinyl

When I say Juice Newton, you probably instantly think of catchy little song about playing with the queen of hearts.  Hey, I love that little piece of early 80’s country pop schlock just as much as you do!  It was a staple of the soundtrack that played at the local roller skating rink when I was a snot-nosed sixth grader in the mid 80’s.  Hell, who knows, they’re probably STILL playing it down there…

The joker ain't the only fool...

The joker ain’t the only fool…

“Queen of Hearts” is the kind of song that’s so cheesily good, not even the haters can keep it down.  But it was far from the only crossover hit Juice and her band ruled the adult contemporary airwaves with back in the post-disco days.  A year after she released the second greatest 80’s song about a playing card, Juice Newton doubled down on that recipe for success by scoring a hit with another sappy love gone wrong song with a really corny music video.  Here’s her lesser known 1982 #7 classic “Love’s Been A Little Bit Hard On Me”…

As amateur as the acting was in “Queen of Hearts” Juice really hams it up drama club style in this three minutes of phony madness and mayhem that features her lover trying his damnedest to collect on her life insurance policy.  While the bodily injury scenes may be even faker than anything me and my sisters once put together… the dramatic climax where a body cast clad and wheelchair bound Juice Newton takes a tumble down a conveniently located cliff raises the Oscar-worthiness of this video exponentially.  The way the clumsy ass boyfriend heroically tosses his boutonniere down the cliff once he realizes that all is lost (And he’s finally free to date women with slightly better luck than my Buster Possum) is done so well, that it’s a scene even Siskel and Ebert would have given two thumbs up to back in the days before rigormortis set in…

Sorry OJ, this Juice beat you to the punch by about seven years.

Sorry OJ, but this Juice beat you to the punch by about seven years.

I’ll be back next week with another lost piece of our music history that doesn’t include the phrase “hard on” in it…

Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh!!!!

Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh!!!!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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32 Responses to The Juice Is Loose

  1. I love this song… it’s so simple but I always felt beautiful and fabulous even with red hangover eyes and greasy hairs :o) thanks for remembering this gem!!! it sure was one!

  2. Loved the “Taylor Swift” of the 80’s! 🙂

  3. Holly says:

    As someone who owned and sang along to “Angel of the Morning” as a kid and had it on my ipod as an adult before the Deadpool movie repopularized it, I can’t even…

    (actually, I gave someone a Queen of Hearts earworm the other day…they were making an Alice in Wonderland reference and I turned it around on them 🙂 )

    • Some earworms make you want to have your head offed….. not that one, though. No way…

      I don’t really care for “Angel of the Morning”… though I’d rather listen to either classic version of it than that Shaggy abomination…

  4. Merbear74 says:

    I am the great cornholio, I need TP for my bunghole.

  5. Trisha says:

    I’d forgotten all about Juice Newton. I loved this one and Queen of Hearts back in the day!

  6. Wow. Every guy I knew back then had a mustache and a sweater like that. Holy crap we thought they were stylish and attractive.

  7. I always liked that video even if the handsome hero was a klutz.

  8. I actually (sort of) remember Juice Newton. I think she was around before I left the country, like in the very late 70s? And it’s just possible her hits made it across the big pond to Jerusalem. I think she did. Pretty sure.

    • Her country career began in the late 70’s… actually, her pop career was just an extension of her country career. Country-pop was a huge deal back then when the radio could play whatever it wanted to….

  9. draliman says:

    Every scene I was cringing to see what Mr Clumsy was going to do next. At least he didn’t bring his new shotgun round to the hospital to show her…

  10. That video was hilarious………….I thought Queen of Hearts was just plain too perky myself (my age is showing) but Love’s Been Hard on Me cracked me up big time. Bet it was fun to put together!


  11. Ally Bean says:

    You’ve mixed your 80s metaphors here, in a wonderful way. Why was her first name “Juice”? I remember the song [because I wasn’t brain dead and it was on everywhere], but I never knew why she had such a creative first name. Not that I really, really care…

    • You know, I don’t think I ever saw an explanation behind her stage name. I remember her first name is Judy…. though that’s still not a good enough excuse to go by the name Juice. 80’s R&B singer Oran Jones also went by Juice, so maybe it was just a hot nickname in the music business at the time…

  12. Piglove says:

    BINGO – BINGO – We have a winner here. Finally a song we remember… snorts with piggy laughter. XOXO – Bacon

  13. crimsonowl63 says:

    Another song I kind of like! I do remember this song. I was 19 that year. No mtv as I was married to a deaf man, so this is the first time seeing this hilarious video. The clothes were awful, but the acting, wow, really good. Nice choice!

  14. T. Wayne says:

    Oh my goodness…I was actually humming along as if it were still current on the radio. I remember Juice Newton…but I don’t remember much after this song and Queen of Hearts.

    • She had more hits than I’d have guessed when I looked up her Billboard showing…. but other than these two songs and “Angel of the Morning,” that’s all I ever knew her for as well.

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