A Very Sponkie Halloween

trick1

DING DONG!

The unicorn of the house opens the door…

SPONKIES: Trick or treat!!!

GEORGE: Oh my… well aren’t you two just darling little….. um, whatever you ares.

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SPONKIE 1: Cantcha tell, mister?  I’m dressed as a Mecca employee!

SPONKIE 2: And I’m Santa Claus!

GEORGE: You can’t dress as Santa for Halloween!  That’s just wrong…

SPONKIE: Why not?  Santa costumes are all you can find at the store this close to Halloween!

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GEORGE: OK, you sold me.  I can’t refuse any kid on Halloween…. even ones dressed in lame costumes.  Here’s a couple boxes of Nerds that zero out of five dentists recommend as the perfect treat for nurturing young teeth!

George drops the candy in each Sponkie’s pail and the two sparklecorn children gallop on down the sidewalk to the next house without a porchlight on…

DING DONG!

The ringing doorbell immediately alerts one member of the household…

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After about 15 seconds of having their eardrums assaulted by the dog’s barking, someone can be heard shuffling to the door, and the sound of a rolled up newspaper thwacking a skull changes the loud canine racket to a distinct sound of whimpering…

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FUZZYWIG: What do you kids want?  Can’t a critter enjoy a little peace and quiet in his own den?

SPONKIES: Trick or treat!!!

FUZZYWIG: Oh….. is it Halloween already?  Gee, my calendar must have stopped sometime back in August.  I don’t usually cater to beggars of your kind…

SPONKIE 1: We’re not begging, mister.  We just want some candy!

SPONKIE 2: Or some kind of treat!  It’s October 31st, you hafta!

FUZZYWIG: Hafta, huh?  Well, let me see what I’ve got in the home stash for you little leeches.  Ahhhhh, here’s a treat fit for a couple growing kids.  How about some brownies?

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SPONKIE 2: Ummmmm, what’s the “special” mean?

FUZZYWIG: You’ll see.  Save them for after school tomorrow.  Like….. say, around 4:20?

SPONKIE 1:  OK…. thanks, mister!  We’ll be on our way now.

FUZZYWIG: You two just do that….. (mumbles a whole string of expletives to himself as the dog pees on the rug)

Onto the next house the Sponkies go….

DING DONG!

No answer, despite there obviously being somebody home…..

DING DONG!

Still no response.  Desperately, both unicorn foals hammer at the door with their hooves… finally getting the door to open.

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SCRATCHY: Dudes!  I expressly wrote on the invitation that if the stable’s a rockin’, don’t bother knockin’!

SPONKIES: Trick or treat!!!!

SCRATCHY: Oh, crap.  I wasn’t expecting any kids.  Can’t you two see I’m hosting an adult Halloween party here?

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SPONKIE 1: We don’t want to attend your party, ma’am.  We just want some candy!

SPONKIE 2: Yeah, with just this Santa hat and work badge, I can see we’re both overdressed for your party anyway.

SCRATCHY: Ehhhh….. since you already bothered me, I might as well find something to put in your pails.

Scratchy retreats back into the house and comes back with a couple treats…

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SCRATCHY: Alright… best I could do since I spent the candy budget on Jello shots.  A bottle of booze that’s too fruity for my crew, and an old Kevin Eubanks earworm from my archive that even the moths wouldn’t eat.  Enjoy, muchachos…. adios!

Scratchy slams the door, which can barely be heard over the reverberating bass shaking the structure to its foundation.  The Sponkies move along…

DING DONG!

SPONKIES: Trick or……..

SNUGGLE BEAR: Heyyyyyyyy, kiddies!  Uncle Snuggie’s got plenty of goodies just for you!

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The Sponks take one look inside the bowl and run as fast as they can to the next house….

DING DONG!

SPONKIES: Trick or treat!!!

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COUSIN ITT: Edidqwinwhokjcfweiopfjfsajfwpefjweoafj….

SPONKIE 1: What did he say, sis?

SPONKIE 2: I don’t know…. but he looks familiar.  I think I’ve seen him on TV!

ITT: Hsqwiqwidfwehjepowqdttuthewgrg….

SPONKIE 1: Do you have any candy?

THING: (snaps his fingers and runs off to retrieve something from the cellar…)

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Thing leaves a dead possum in front of the Sponkies…

SPONKIE 2: Oh wow….. for us?

Thing gives the OK sign…

SPONKIE 1: Thanks… I guess.  Give my best to Uncle Fester!

Moving along to the next house…..

DING DONG!

SPONKIES: Trick or treat!!!!

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TROLL: Dammit!  What do you two want?  I’m a very busy troll right now…

SPONKIE 2: It’s Halloween, and we want some treats!

TROLL: Sorry, glue sticks, but right now the treats are all mine.  Mr. Troll’s got a ladyfriend keeping him company tonight, and the longer I waste time with stupid kids dressed up in Goodwill’s finest, the less the chance I might score for the first time since the Berlin Wall fell…

LADY FRIEND: Hey Sugar Britches!  Who’s at the door?  Come on back to….

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SPONKIE 2: MOM!?!?!?

SPONKIE 1: Is that you????

SPARKLEPONY: WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE!?!?  Shouldn’t you be out trick or treating or something?

SPONKIE 2: That’s kinda what we’re doing Ma!

Sparklepony is sweating so profusely now that glitter is trickling off of her onto the Troll’s dirty floor…

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SPARKLEPONY: Look, children…. I know this looks bad…. but you Mom….. see, you Mom has this thing for trolls….. and trolls….. well, there are ways that trolls are even better than your Daddy….. and so I….

SPONKIE 1: Mom, what in the heck are you talking about?

SPONKIE 2: And why are you dressed up in those skimpy jammies that show off your teats?

SPARKLEPONY: Kids, we’ll talk about this when I get home.  NOT A WORD to your father, you hear?  Mommy’s just spending some quality time with a friend she met tonight…. that’s all!

TROLL: (Calls out from the bedroom) Hey Sparklepuss!

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TROLL: I’m fresh out of KY, so will motor oil do in a pinch?

SPARKLEPONY: I will see you both in the morning before school….. now run along and let Mommy have her time now…

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SPONKIE 2: Well…… that was kind weird and awkward.

SPONKIE 1: So, are we gonna tell Dad?

SPONKIE 2: Not until we see how much blackmail we can squeeze out of Mom.  I’m really looking forward to having McDonald’s every night!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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23 Responses to A Very Sponkie Halloween

  1. clever kids… they made the best out of that situation :O))) I’ve got a bottle of beer once from a guy, in europe trick&treat was brandnew in the 80’s :o) I was stupid that time and gave it to my father :o(((

  2. Piglove says:

    At least you didn’t get pennies – why and who gives out pennies these days to Trick and Treaters? How lame is that…. I can’t even buy my toilet paper for them later with pennies if you know what I mean – snorts with piggy laughter… And you posting about brownies, that explains why Basful keeps asking for the special brownies. XOXO – Bacon

    • OMG, I hope people aren’t still giving out pennies today! At least when I was a kid, the corner stores still sold penny candy. Now I am thinking I know a great way to get rid of some of my spare change this year!

  3. franhunne4u says:

    I am so glad that after Bashful’s visit I have decided to follow the Evil Squirrel’s Nest. I have come across it before but never bothered to follow. But after Bashful there was no second option. I just had to follow – and this is my treat for doing so.

  4. draliman says:

    Yerk! Bit awkward for mum 🙂
    That’s a funny spelling of “Mecca” on your ID there… almost looks like…

    • I coulda just scribbled across it like I did the box of special brownies, but there was already so much tape covering the name, I figured why bother (I wore that badge for a good 8 years or so)…

  5. Trisha says:

    Halloween is sure a lot more interesting at the Nest than it is around here! We’re got the barking dog and the reluctance to answer the door but no special brownies, adulterous ponies or adult parties going on. Thankfully, we don’t have an Uncle Snuggie. His menacing bowl of candy really cracked me up!

    • Uncle Snuggie’s bowl would have looked a whole lot more tempting if I hadn’t used up all that D-con a few years ago to kill off the mice in my garage! I thought I still had it, and was cursing when it wasn’t still in the cabinet! This is why I never throw things away!

  6. JackieP says:

    Ah, the joys of going door to door on Halloween. ha! Glad I don’t get any kids here. Not a one. That way I and the troll won’t get interrupted. LOL 😉

  7. If I knew there were special brownies to be had in my neighborhood I’d dress up and go out trick or treating……oh wait……they don’t make costumes in my size…….there’s always the old “sheet over the head with eyeholes ghost costume” – one size fits all!

    Pam

  8. Quirky Girl says:

    It’s true- you definitely would have a lot better luck finding a Santa costume than an actual Halloween costume this close to Halloween. Unless you’re willing to settle for one of the less-popular costume options. Like a hotdog. 😛

    • I love walking out cheap costume aisle just for the laughs…. even worse than a hot dog is the banana… a costume that apparently never goes out of style because we have it every year! Or maybe it’s the same one that keeps coming back because nobody will buy it…

  9. You have reminded me in full, gory detail why I’m SO VERY GLAD we don’t get trick-or-treaters here. I remember, when we lived in Boston, we were in a “safe” area, so they used to bring the kids in by the (literal) truckload. I’m normally okay with kids, but it was ‘orrible. And you have to keep being nice for hours and hours and hours. But here, in the country, we can turn the lights off and not worry about all the little demons. OH yay.

  10. fanrosa says:

    Although I hate Halloween, I’m giving you a like just for the sheer labour intensitivityness of it all…..

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