Superstition Ain’t The Way

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RAINBOW DONKEY: You kids need to put those video games away and go outside and play today!  It’s only slightly frigid…

SPONKIE 1: But Pop, we’re afraid to go outside today!

SPONKIE 2: Yeah…. don’t you know it’s Friday the 13th!  Something awful could happen to us out there!

RD: Nonsense!  Unicorns are naturally lucky creatures!  And since you’re both half unicorn, you should be just fine…

SPONKIE 1: I don’t know if I like the idea of only being half lucky…

SPONKIE 2: OK brother…. come on, let’s go.  Hey Daddy!  Aren’t you gonna leave the stable today?

RD: Me!?!?  On this day!?!?  Not on your life!  I’m holing up in my stallion-cave and binge watching old westerns until it’s Saturday….

And so the Sponkies ventured out on this unluckiest of days.  And since this was also Shelf Critter Theatre day, you know they ran into all kinds of fucked up stuff.  Like, for example…

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SPONKIE 1: Hey mister!  Whatcha doing?

FUZZYWIG: I’m trying to find seven leaf clovers… what does it look like I’m doing?

SPONKIE 2: Don’t you mean four leaf clovers?  They’re the lucky ones!

FUZZYWIG: There is nothing lucky about a four leaf clover.  You can only smoke the ones with an odd number of leaves.

SPONKIE 1: So, are you having any luck finding seven pointed…. er, leaf clovers?

FUZZYWIG: I’ve been out here since 4:20, and not a single…

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Do I really need to describe the picture?

FUZZYWIG: GAH!!!!!  What are you…..

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! TINKLE! TINKLE! BARK! BARK! BARK! TINKLE! BARK! BARK!

SPONKIE 2: I’ve heard there are cultures where it’s considered good luck to have a dog pee on you!

FUZZYWIG: The only lucky ones are going to be the customers at the Chinese buffet tonight who are going to indulge on fat, rotten mutt for dinner!!!

Fuzzywig chases his disobedient mongrel off the set, leaving the Sponkies to continue on….

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LUNA: Halt, peasants!  Stand back and let your Princess pass…

SPONKIE 1: What’s in the bag, Your Highness?

LUNA: I have just returned from a shopping trip for new shoes.  Don’t go there, because they’re out of stock now…

SPONKIE 2: Just how many pairs of shoes do you have in that bag?

LUNA: A few hundred, I think.  A goddess can not afford to have bad luck, so I wanted to make sure I had plenty of new lucky horseshoes for the palace closet.

SPONKIE 1: Just how many shoes do you have in that taxpayer funded closet?

LUNA: Let’s just say Imelda Marcos drops by the castle when she needs to borrow a pair… now, out of my way!

After the well-shod blue-blooded unicorn hauls off her bounty, the Sponkies press on to find a rather horrifying sight…

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TROLL: (Lining up his knife) Hold still, dammit!

SHADOW: You are going to regret this, horribly disfigured creature thing…

SPONKIE 2: What are you doing to that poor Pokemon!  Stop it!!!

TROLL: Back off, meddling foals!  I’m aiming to finally get some good luck in my lousy life by wearing this rabbit’s foot around my neck!

SHADOW: I’ve told you 69 times, I am NOT a rabbit.

SHADOW: Only rabbits and my old black and white Zenith TV have ears like that!  Now, let’s get this foot-ectomy over with…

The mystical umbreon begins to shapeshift…

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SCRAT: You better leave me alone now!

TROLL: Rabbit’s foot…. squirrel’s foot…. close enough for me!

Before the Troll can re-position his knife, his prey changes form once again…

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TROLL: (Looking up) Da……… fuq!?!?!

GIANT SCRAT: (Picking up the Troll’s knife and running his finger over the blade) My mother always used to tell me that Troll balls were a good luck charm.  I just hope this knife isn’t too big for the job…….

TROLL: I knew I should’ve never got off the park bench this morning…..

The Troll grabs his nuts and runs for his life, pursued by the giant prehistoric rodent seeking revenge…

SPONKIE 1: Well, that was something you don’t see every day…

SPONKIE 2: Oh, look brother!!!  Up in the sky!!!

shooting-star

SPONKIE 1: Wow!  A shooting star!  That’s rare for the middle of the daytime…

SPONKIE 2: We need to make a wish!!!

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SPONKIE 2: I wish for peace on earth and goodwill towards all critters!

SPONKIE 1: I wish for a life full of health and happiness for everyone!

BUSTER: I wish I had a big bowlful of piping hot chileh!

The three watch in awe as the shooting star comes crashing down to earth…..

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SPONKIE 1: Well, so much for my wish…

SPONKIE 2: Naw, that’s what he gets for wasting a wish on unimportant crap.  He’d never make Miss America…

BUSTER: (Moaning in agony) I wish I had a brand new spleen…..

The Sponkies trot along further down the road on this strange and mournful day….

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SPONKIE 1: OMG, Sis!  That was a black skunk that just crossed our path!

SPONKIE 2: Silly colt, all skunks are black!

SPONKIE 1: But isn’t that still supposed to be bad luck?

RAINY: I’ll tell you what’s bad luck… holding a rain gauge for your entire life and never getting the chance to collect any rain in it!  Just once, I’d love to have the heavens open up and come pouring down on my….

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BOTH SPONKIES: Oh…….. shit.

RAINY: Whose ball is this!?!?!?  Who destroyed my precious rain gauge!?!?!?!?

A group of baseball playing squirrel children show up and all timidly point the finger at the littlest pup.

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CHILD 1: He did it!

LITTLEST: Did NOT!!!!!!

CHILD 2: We warned him not to swing so hard!

CHILD 3: You got us in big trouble now, Squirt!

RAINY: I should say so…… you’re all going to pay for my broken rain gauge!

CHILD 4: We’re not even old enough to get an allowance, let alone jobs!

RAINY: I don’t mean that way.  I mean, you’re all going to pay in the seven years of bad stink you get for breaking a rain gauge!!!!!

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The thoroughly pissed off skunk even more thoroughly gasses the poor little squirrel children until they all run crying to their mommy, who spanks each one of them for coming home stinking.  Rainy picks up the jagged shards that used to be her rain gauge and stomps off in a huff…

SPONKIE 1: Well, Sis, I don’t see how this day can get any more bizarre…

SPONKIE 2: Yeah, I knew we shoulda just stayed inside and played…

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SPONKIE 1: Crikey!  What was that!?!?

SPONKIE 2: It sounded like………. Mom!?!?!?

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SPONKIE 2: MOMMY!!!!  What’s the matter!?!?

SPARKLEPONY: I was just sitting here watching Real Housewives of Tittybong when my back gave out on me.  I think it’s broken…

SPONKIE 1: Ma!  No!!!!  How did that happen???

SPARKLEPONY: One of you must’ve just stepped on a sidewalk crack.  I warned you all to watch where you walk when you go outside… but do either of you care for your poor mother who slaved her life away to raise her two children?  Nope, not my ungrateful little spawn…

SPONKIE 2: Mom!  We’re sorry!!!!  We thought that was just an old wives tale!

SPARKLEPONY: Well, now you know better, don’t you….

Snuggle Bear rolls up with the truck for the glue factory…

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SPARKLEPONY: Well, it looks like this is the end of the line…. goodbye, my Sponkies!

SPONKIE 1: NO!!!!!  Don’t take our Mommy away!!!

Snuggle scoops up the broken pony to deliver her to her final destination….

SPARKLEPONY: (Being shoveled off) Tell Daddy I love him, and don’t forget to wash behind your ears!

Both Sponkies are in tears at the sad scene playing out before them….

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SPONKIE 1: Dad!!!  We’re sorry!

SPONKIE 2: We didn’t mean to hurt our Mommy!

RD: It’s alright, kiddies.  She wasn’t a unicorn, so your Mom was bound to run into some bad luck eventually.

SPONKIE 1: But Dad!  This is unlucky for all of us!  Even you!

RD: Me?  Naw, I told you unicorns are naturally lucky.  And this is most definitely my lucky day!

SPONKIE 2: What are you talking about Daddy!?!!?

RD: Meet your new stepmother…

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SPONKIE 2: Father!!!!!  You can’t replace Mommy with some bimbo!

RD: Now now…. show some respect for your new mother.

MITZI: Yeah, like… I’m a Mommy now!  Who needs breastfed?

Sponkie 2 slaps her brother’s hoof down and flashes him a stern look.

SPONKIE 2: This isn’t right, Daddy!  I don’t want to be living with some plastic trophy bimbocorn pretending to be my mother!  I want my Mommy back!

MITZI: Awwww, little grrl!  All you had to do was ask!  I’ve got your Mommy right here in my Cucci purse….

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SPONKIE 2: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Shelf Critter Theatre and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Superstition Ain’t The Way

  1. it’s sadly no old wives tale… sigh….

  2. Trisha says:

    Aw, poor little sponkies! Although I guess Sparklepony’s Friday the 13th was even worse. Hauled off to the glue factory and immediately replaced by a bimbo. I hope she haunts Rainbow Donkey for this!

  3. ody N biskit…nice werk two day…we due knot think ya mizzed one crazee soooper stishunz !! 🙂

    heerz two a lemon tetra kinda week oh end two all ♥♥♥

  4. Quirky Girl says:

    Poor Sparklepony! Surely her misfortune had nothing to do with not being a privileged unicorn? And to add insult to injury, she was replaced in a heartbeat? What is this, Friday the 13th or something? I mean, bad things can’t possibly happen on any other day, right? 😝

    • I think Friday the Anythingth is always a day of bad luck for my critters. Poor thing, done in by her inconsiderate children. I’m sure Buster was glad not to be the only one to end up being made into something else this time..

  5. What a terrible story, this Friday was bad. And to have Mitzi as a mother….oh s**t

  6. So, if I want MY mommy back, have you got an spare one stashed somewhere? This is one of those weeks where I could use a mommy too.

  7. Merbear74 says:

    My day started out badly, I knocked over my coffee cup and had to clean up the mess with slitted eyes.
    I like that your critters swear.

  8. Ladybuggz says:

    LOL….Elmer’s glue!!! too funny! Oh..and don’t blame Mer for your swearing…it’s not her fault she’s so truthful!! LMAO

  9. draliman says:

    Noooo, not Sparklepony… 😦
    Oh yeah, and Buster. But he was pretty much a given.

  10. 1jaded1 says:

    Happy Saturday the 14th.

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