American Pie

Well, I figured nobody would deliver to a tree...

Well, I figured nobody would deliver to a tree…

picture dayIt’s time for another visually impaired installment of Picture Day Wednesday here at The Nest.  I must warn you that today’s post features food, and I can not be held liable should you suddenly find yourself craving pizza….

Yes, pizza.  For many years, I was one of those really weird people who would rather chew on a sweaty sock than munch on a piece of pizza.  I stopped eating pizza at some point in my early childhood and don’t even remember why.  It didn’t matter to my Fussy Eater mentality, my brain considered that all-American Italian pie to be swill, so it told my mouth we wanted no part of that sliced up shit on an oversized cracker…

pizza the hutt

Watching Spaceballs several hundred times as a kid may not have helped…

But pizza is nevertheless wildly popular in America, and that makes it one of the more popular “treats” we get at work for special occasions or when they think we need a morale boost that won’t show up on our paychecks.  The anti-pizza demons in my soul continued to rule my mind for most of my adult life, but every once in a while I’d cave and have a slice or two…. because why the fuck not?  It’s free, and you can’t beat that, right?  Well, on Friday the 13th weekend last month apocalyptic ice storms were predicted to devastate the area all three days… and even though the meteorologists got struck out by Mother Nature since it never got cold enough for freezing rain, that still scared many people who apparently think this is the South into calling off work.  So those of use who showed up got treated every night, and that Saturday night featured the ubiquitous pizza reward…

Well worth skating in for...

Well worth skating in for…

And so I threw all caution to the wind and indulged myself on the cheap, slightly overcooked deli pizzas our manager threw in the oven for us.  I made more than a pig of myself and found the second half of the night a huge challenge trying to move around with four slices of pizza in my belly.

Thanks to that weekend of shitty weather prediction, I’d just officially re-added another food option to my limited repertoire, opening up another possibility for those many non-workday meals that almost always see me eating out.  I found a great pizza deal through Domino’s that provides me two meals for the price of what I’d pay for one at most fast food places, and have worked it into my “weekend” routine.  And I’m not the only one who’s happy…

pony-pizza1

Yeah, I’m gonna need some help eating this thing fillies… but dammit, Scratchy!  You’re getting pony germs in my lunch!  And I think Luna’s going to kick your ass for picking the Princess’ chosen slice…

OK, now that I’m done typing up this post…….. LET’S EAT!!!!

pony-pizza2

Oh, those poor ponies.  They’d never cut it living in a college dorm.  Well, except for Applejack, but she’s a farm mare and eats like a horse.  Hopefully she doesn’t crap like one as well…

I’ll be back with something else that smells like anchovies next Wednesday….

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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27 Responses to American Pie

  1. ody N biskit….leest yur dadz place oh employ givez em a ree ward ore treetz em…wear de food gurl werkz; employeez iz luckee ta be spoken two if passed bye in de hall…. !!! N doodz….tell yur dad we iz glad him ree diz covered de gratenezz oh de pie !! 🙂 ♥♥♥

    • They usually want happy looking people in retail, so every once in a while they feel obligated to give us something. That sucks that you can’t even get a hello let alone a piece of pizza from work!

  2. I laughed all the way through this.

    Part 1: Garry didn’t eat pizza. Until, like you, he rediscovered it and now, he could happily eat it every night, especially with the improvements to frozen pizza that we can cook in our little convection over. And oh, that stuff crust. Happy people, happy dawgz. Happy, happy, happy.

    Part 2: The High-Tech Pizza Rebellion of 1999. Probably like every other high tech group in the known universe,my bosses believed pizza was THE solution to getting The Team to work extra super extended hours to complete whatever project was running late. This sort of thing was not a rare event. It was actually a monthly event, often more often. \

    One day, Olga (Russia) stood up and said “I do not want pizza.” Sergei (also Russia, mate to Olga) echoed her sentiment. So did I. Then, one by one, each of the 14 members of the company admitted the truth. We were “pizza’ed” out. We were a slice over the line. Cheesed off and saucy. Except … no one else delivered. Bummer. And no one wanted to go out to bring food back.

    We ate pizza.

    • It would take a better bribe than pizza, or any other food for that matter, to get me to work super extended hours. I did enough of that back in the day when my overtime rate was less than what I make now on a regular basis, and am glad I get to go home at 7 AM regardless of whether everything’s finished or not…

      I am also picturing Olga and Sergei sounding like Natasha and Boris from the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. Fearless Leader has served his last pizza….

    • My former boss used to order super disgusting pizza from his favorite place. It tasted like cardboard with stale hot chili sauce covered with some sort of red mystery meat made of plastic oil flavored circles. My coworkers who were always on the most recent cult diet would always scrape the toppings off and throw away the crust as they’d complain about yet another pizza lunch. Then they’d tell the boss how wonderful the pizza was (they were so passive/agressive.) What puzzled me was that there were so many really good pizza places in the neighborhood. I have to side with Olga and Sergei on workplace pizza.

  3. Haha, yes, why is it that employers think a pizza a couple times a year will improve morale? And whenever there are vegetarian pizzas included in the mix, that variety is the first to be consumed despite the fact that 99% of all employees are non-vegetarians! Oy

  4. Pizza really does taste a lot less like cardboard than it used to – they’ve come a long way baby. Some of the frozen ones are downright GOOD (never thought I’d admit it but I do). Anyway, I’ve stuck with the more traditional toppings but lately I’m wondering, “can ham and pineapple actually be GOOD on a pizza?” – I may have to try that out.

    Burp………….
    Pam

  5. Pizza, so loved and hated. I eat some pizzas, mu husband doesn’t even touch a pizza. He says that fillings are picked up from a garbage. But a pizza is easy, you can buy it everywhere, and eat almost everywhere…

  6. we love american pizza… but we will not call it american pie… then I always have the picture of Jason Biggs and the apple pie in my mind LOL

  7. draliman says:

    Well, you know how I feel about pizza. Nom nom nom.

  8. Welcome back to the Cult of Pizza. Nom nom nom. My child and I are discovering all of the best pizza places in our travels – from California to Nebraska we’re making a point of finding the good places. I’ll have to share some on my blog (which would be weird, considering, you know… but hey, it’s my party so I’ll have pizza if I want to.)

    The photo of the squirrel with pizza is fake – right? On the other hand, I often wondered why the pizza deliver guy was always in my backyard.

    • I am the king of not needing to stay on topic with a blog, so I encourage you to share your pizza experiences!

      I’ve seen squirrels take enough weird stuff up trees to believe it could be real. The text is mine, but the photo itself I got it off an old blog I used to follow called “Squirrel Sciuridae” that posted a lot of great squirrel pictures…. like this one!

  9. Ladybuggz says:

    Ok, you busted the bubble that kept me/us thinking all American pizza looks like the crap on TV, soggy dough with just tomato sauce and cheese(you see it in shows and movies all the time)….I love pizza and it always made me think never buy a pizza in the states! Your Domino’s pizza looked good! 🙂

    • I’ve never noticed (Not that I watch much TV or movies), but you can get pretty much any kind of pizza you want here depending on where you are. There are a ton of regional variants and I’m not sure there’s any one kind that could be considered “American” pizza. The preferred pizza where I live is very thin crusted (Almost like a cracker) while just 250 miles northeast of me in Chicago, they love deep dish. The pizza chains like Domino’s, though, are pretty standard everywhere… maybe that’s what could be called American pizza.

      • Ladybuggz says:

        In one restaurant I worked I had to teach a “French Chef” how to make a Canadian Pizza, his was just awful…. Thick crust, Tomato sauce, Ham & Pineapple and green peppers! my fav!! and maybe a few black olives! and pepperoni & tons of cheese, Motza & cheddar!! LOL… Oh and…your making me hungry!! 🙂

  10. Oh, pizza, how I love thee… Let me count the ways!!

    I’m glad you’ve re-discovered the wonderful loveliness that is pizza. It’s actually not to difficult to make your own either. Just buy ready-made bases and stick on them whatever you like and cook in the oven for about 10 minutes at 200 degrees C/gas mark 6 here in the UK. Might save you some money there! 😉

    • I would have to get my oven fixed to do that. it’s been broke for six years and I’ve never missed it enough yet to pay for the repairs. As long as I can continue to get someone else to make a large pizza for under 9 bucks, it’ll probably stay out of order…

  11. Kat says:

    I didn’t eat Chicken McNuggets for 20 years after getting sick on them.

  12. TechBook says:

    I love pizza and it always made me think never buy a pizza in the states! I have been assimilated by the pizza gods…

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