The Right Envelope

We promise no fuck ups this time...

We promise no fuck ups this time…

Well, after that hot mess that transpired Friday…. it’s finally time to announce the real winner of the 2017 Contest of Whatever!  Of course, I had intended all along to announce the winner on March 5th… I just couldn’t resist a chance to play off that rather infamous incident that took place at that real awards show last week while I was announcing the field.  I’ll try not to keep you in suspense for too much longer…

Yeah, you'd never drag the suspense out ES... no, not you!

Yeah, you’d never drag the suspense out ES… no, not you!

But I would like to first state how absolutely thrilled I was with this year’s entries!  I admit to being a little scared when I first announced this year’s theme that some might find this challenge too difficult, too strange, or maybe even too time consuming.  But not only did a nice number of you humor me by making something for my contest… but you totally impressed me with your ability to let your imaginations run wild in doing so!  I loved every one of these nine submissions, and though I say this every year… you can rest assured that picking a winner was not an easy task.  I could easily justify naming the majority of these as the overall best entry… but I can’t do that.  I can only choose one….

This could take all night....

This could take all night….

And I have made that decision.  And I will have to live with it for the rest of my life….. even if the losers all gang up and kill me before I can regret it.  Ladies and gentlemen……. the overall winner of the 2017 Fourth Annual Contest of Whatever is…………………..

drum roll

Drum roll please, Hottie…


Hooray!!!!  A drink to our victory!

Hooray!!!! A drink to our victory!

After coming up a bit short in each of the first three CoWs, Juliette totally outdid herself in putting together this remarkable visual diary entry of her blog’s popular character Vlad the vampire!  The sheer amount of characters, props and detail that went into this story absolutely made my day… and I really enjoyed meeting the wonderful critters and curiosities that hang around Juliette’s home.  I mean, where else will you find unicorns mingling with a lynx, a raven, an armadillo, a group of drunk Barbies, and of course that supercute hellhound?  Congratulations, Juliette, and well done!  I hope Vlad is excited about this!

Time to bring out the vampire possum again!

Time to bring out the vampire possum again!

Don’t go reaching for those hankies quite yet, folks…. because as always, there is the random winner to find!  As usual, for that exercise, I’m taking the order I posted the entries in Friday and assigning each remaining player that number…

  1. Jenn’s Midlife Crisis
  2. Draliman
  3. Merbear
  4. Franhunne
  5. Trisha
  6. Phenny
  7. Ladybuggz
  8. Juliette
  9. Marilyn

Using the exact same deck of cards I’ve used for every other CoW random drawing, I brought out the ace through nine of spades… removing the 8 for Juliette.  Since the accounting firm of Ody and Biskit declined to participate this year, I had Mitzi stand in for them to make sure there was nothing shady going on during the drawing…

Wheeeeeeee!  I can, like, count to nine!

Wheeeeeeee! I can, like, count to nine!

I shuffled the cards up for about a minute, until I was absolutely sure I had no idea where any specific card would be in the deck.  Then I turned the deck face down in front of our supervisor, who carefully picked up the top card…

Careful not to get too much unicorn slobber on that card... it'll ruin the big poker game tonight.

Careful not to get too much unicorn slobber on that card… it’ll ruin the big poker game tonight.

And the random drawing winner of the 2017 Contest of Whatever is…………

I'm Number Ace, baby!

I’m Number Ace, baby!

Congratulations to Jenn!!!!!!!

Excellent!  More prize funds for my latest scheme!

Excellent! More prize funds for my latest scheme!

Chloe and her inept friends’ effort is a worthy consolation winner!  I’m not sure what she’ll do with a gift from my Cafepress shop… but hopefully she’ll buy a shirt to cover up those hideous moobs on Number One there…

And so Juliette and Jenn are entitled to choose any one item they wish from my Cafepress Shop that is valued at $20 USD or less.  Yeah, there’s a lot of old crap there nobody would want… but dig around and you’ll definitely find something you like!  And since CP is constantly changing what they offer… if you see a design you want on a $20 or less item that doesn’t show for that particular design, let me know and I can add it.  I can also upload any design of mine you’ve seen on this blog if you so desire.  You can send me your wish as well as your shipping address to my email that can be found here

Who doesn't love a Rainbow Donkey mug?

Who doesn’t love a Rainbow Donkey mug?

And of course, our winners also get this nifty badge to brag about their awesomeness!


And nobody who plays the Contest of Whatever ever goes away completely emptyhanded.  Along with the satisfaction of creating something you can be proud of, and getting a big smoochie from Mitzi… you also get to display this nifty badge on your blog!


Once again, I’d like to thank everyone who played along with the CoW this year!  As always, each entry was amazing and unique in its own right… and I can only imagine what you’ll all come up with next year!  We’ll do this again in February 2018 when Evil Squirrel’s Nest presents the Fifth Annual Contest of Whatever!!!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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30 Responses to The Right Envelope

  1. Dang…had I know there was a Rainbow Bronco mug in the prize mix, I’d have submitted something. Congrats to the winners!

    • I uploaded that to the shop long enough for a Coloradan friend of mine to purchase, then took it down to keep Mr. Elway and Co’ from trying to sue me for infringement! I also bought one of the mugs myself, which you can usually see in the background of my SCT scenes!

      That will give you a reason to shoot for the next contest! I’d gladly put it back up for a bit for anyone who wanted one….

  2. Congratulations to the winner and the almost other winner! I’m going to clap my ass off, then go somewhere and sulk for a while. Because that’s what the Oscar losers REALLY do. They smile, clap, then go home, get drunk, and sulk. But I’ll be back tomorrow! Never fear!

    • franhunne4u says:

      Let’s get drunk together … *crumples up “totally spontaneous” acceptance speech*

    • A good sulking never hurt anybody. I don’t believe anybody is ever a truly gracious loser who shows no disappointment or bitterness over their defeat…. and if they aren’t bothered at least a bit by losing, then they probably didn’t deserve to win anyway!

      There is always next year, and nobody has ever won a prize twice in the CoW…. so the odds will favor the winless once again!

  3. I promise to “play” next year………..time got away from me this year……..LOVE Juliette’s AND Jenn’s entries – they are amazing. Totally. Maybe it’s GOOD that time got away from me – I didn’t stand a chance!


    • The seven “non-winners” were pretty darn good as well! It was a great field top to bottom, and I’m sure it would have been even better if you’d have been able to contribute! Hopefully next year!

  4. Oh wow. I am so honored to have won 2017 The Contest of Whatever. This means so much to me. Thank you Evil Squirrel. And Vlad thanks you, even though he couldn’t make it today (I think he is sleeping in a dark room somewhere with his cats) I also want to thank Alice the dog for her surprise cameo as the Hell Hound.

    This was so much fun. All of the entries are great this year. Good job everyone – it was a challenge that we all met with great success. Congratulations to Jenn for your prize.

    The wonderful thing about this contest is that it makes all of us bloggers think, be silly, use our good humor, and go beyond our usually creative comfort zones. Wow. How cool is that?

    Thanks again Bill. I’m looking forward to the 2108 Contest of Whatever.

    • You have captured the joy of this contest for me in that third paragraph. I really enjoy seeing bloggers who don’t normally do crazy things on their blogs try it out once in a while. I will have a hard time trying to come up with a theme that tops this next year, but at least I’ve got another 11 months to worry about that…

  5. Merbear74 says:

    Congrats to the winners! I’m off to let Pinky and Sir Paul down easy…

  6. franhunne4u says:

    And I thought I was on the safe side with cats – the internet loves cats, don’t they? How could this happen?

  7. Pingback: I Won The Evil Squirrel’s Nest 2017 Contest of Whatever | Vampire Maman

  8. Trisha says:

    Congratulations to Juliette! And to Jenn! And well done everyone. It was really fun to read all these stories and meet new characters.

    • I’ll definitely be going back to read many of these again on a rainy day. And of course, looking at that picture of the poor, green creature as often as possible!

      • Trisha says:

        The green creature is so innocent looking that it kept me from subjecting it to the twisted ways of the creatures of your shelf. Of course, I don’t have a Mitzi or a Snuggle Bear to liven things up!

  9. congrats juliette…wooohooooo!!!…and a smoochie from Mitzi… after she had some snacks, of course… isn’t that fabulous?

  10. draliman says:

    I think I missed the after-party. Why was I not invited to the after-party? 😦
    The anticipation was lost on me this time as Juliette’s post entitled “I won the…” was just above yours in my inbox 🙂
    Congratulations to Juliette! Grandpaw’s sulking a bit but I’m sure he’ll get over it. Or go on a rampage. One of those 🙂

    • Well, shoot! I guess I need to broadcast these winner posts live somehow. Even if it is 3 in the morning in some part of the world… that shouldn’t stop people from being spoiled!

      I don’t worry too much about Grandpaw…. just those who are around him. Seems his “friends” all have a way of meeting premature ends…

  11. Ladybuggz says:

    Congrats to Juliette! and Jenn! Where’s the party?? !! Thanks for such a cool contest ES! next years will be soooo much better, we’re going to have to surpass Juliette, that will be hard, she’s raised the bar!! LOL… 🙂

    • My themes have usually raised the bar themselves each year, but the challenge is always met! I always tell those who didn’t win to take heart, because there hasn’t yet been a repeat winner in all the years I’ve run this contest, and you never know when it will be your year…

  12. Please thank you Mitzi so, SO much for picking our card! My associate and I had a great time, but Chloe has turned into quite a prima donna! Thanks again!! 🙂

    • Mitzi is quite excited for you, and she would certainly make another half-brained assistant for your little egomaniac! Getting a bimbocorn and a mimbo together in the same room may be catastrophic, though!

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