An Offer You Can’t Refuse!

It’s a totally boner-fied offer. You can trust us!

It’s time for our weekly dose of photographic madness we like to call Picture Day Wednesday at The Nest.  This week’s episode revolves around this intriguing piece of junk mail I received late last week that featured a claim that would force anyone to do a double take.  “200 smartphones, FREE!”  Wow, where do I sign up for that?  As my avid readers know, I absolutely detest smartphones and the entire culture they’ve created… yet even I wouldn’t be able to resist the chance to add 200 portable computers to my collection of junk at no cost!

Naturally, Fuzzywig and Snuggle Bear… being the two most (ahem, cough, gag) honest members of The Nest’s troupe of critters, felt right at home helping me spread the word about this amazing offer.  I’m not sure why Uncle Snuggie’s holding that sucker, could he be trying to tell us something?

Buy one, get 200 free! Even Billy Mays can’t top that offer…

This probably doesn’t seem like the kind of credible offer that the smartphone oligopoly would make available to the general public, and you’re right.  As it turns out, long long ago, The Nest used to be home to a private practice chiropractor… and even though it’s probably been at least two decades since he lived here (the neighborhood was a lot swankier back then), I still get all kinds of business junk mail sent here in his name.  So cashing in on those ten score free genius phones is probably gonna involve setting up a costly business account.

I’m still not convinced that these two shysters aren’t trying to pull one over on me.  We better get out the spectacles and check out the fine print…

No, no, ma’am! You don’t have to read that fine print! It’s only there to make our lawyers happy!

Let’s have a look at those fine details they apparently ran out of bold print for….

There is no such thing as a free smartphone…. let alone 200.

Gee, I wonder what the sales tax would be on 201 smartphones?  And how much you’d have to pay for activation and service of 201 smartphones?  And how much that price gets jacked up for those who aren’t in the privileged class of “well qualified customers?”  Oh, and what an unsightly bill that must be that would immediately come due for the unpaid portion of 200 smartphones if you had to terminate your 24 month signed-in-blood agreement early…

I think we’ll have to say “No thanks” to this offer…. and maybe call the Better Business Bureau while we’re at it to put these two crooks behind bars where they belong…

Anyone want to trade a sucker for some ciggies?

I’ll be back with something else that’s too good to be true next Wednesday…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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22 Responses to An Offer You Can’t Refuse!

  1. I only have menthol ciggies…no deal, huh? I will ask next week again… maybe then the time is right ;o)

  2. Ally Bean says:

    Weasel words. It’s always about them. Too good to be true, then it ain’t true. Although I’d consider 200 smartphones to be more of a curse than a blessing to begin with…

    • 50 years from now, on some futuristic episode of Hoarders, they will delve into someone’s trash bin of a house and find they had a stash of 200 smartphones (Which, in 2067, worth about as much as a black and white TV) buried under 50 years worth of newspapers.. Someone may dig up this archived blog post and discover where those phones obviously came from….

  3. ody N biskit……200 cell ewe larz on de underground could rake ewe doodz in sum cash …..go for it !! 🙂 ♥♥

    • I’ll have to get some sunglasses and a trenchcoat and load it up with free smartphones and go out propositioning innocent civilians. Psssst…… check this out. (Reveals inside of coat filled with phones). Fifty bucks each!

  4. draliman says:

    Good job you read the small print… imagine having to juggle 201 Twitter accounts simultaneously.

    • That’s what I have a staff of critters for… in fact, I think that’s what I’ll do with my 200 free smartphones. Let the gang all go nuts on social media. It could only help with publicity…

  5. I think that flyer was sent to you because someone thought you might need a little more TRASH in your trash can. Nice of them don’t you think? DUH.


  6. Merbear74 says:

    I don’t have an ciggies, but I do have a shank….

  7. Merbear74 says:


  8. Uh huh, uh huh. Yup. “Well-qualified” consumers are no one I know and certainly, not me.

    201 phones? Ye gods. It boggles the imagination.

    • Yeah, I’m not even sure there are 201 well qualified customers in the entire world. I’ll bet they’re high quality smartphones, though, with exceptional voice quality and….. no, they’re probably only useful as paperweights for the well-ly qualified….

  9. Trisha says:

    You probably should keep a close eye on Snuggle Bear and Fuzzywig. They might steal your identity and sign you up for that crazy offer! I wonder how long Snuggle Bear could post to a Twitter account before getting it shut down for posting something perverted and creepy?

  10. Ladybuggz says:

    Always read the fine print…and it should always say in big letter…may need a magnifying glass!

  11. Better Business Bureau? I think the state AG’s office might be a better option. Sheesh. With some of these companies I just want to scream, “Yo dude…I might have been born at night, but not LAST night!” 🙂

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