News Flash!

This is not going to be just another Saturday in the park…

DATELINE: NESTVILLE PARK

Park rangers are advising citizens of Nestville to avoid the area around its local park due to the overwhelming number of small animal attacks that have been reported by victims over the past several days.  Officials were not wanting to release any details about the manner in which park patrons have been assaulted, or which protected critters were at the center of this reign of terror.  The Nest Gazette sent its crack reporting team to the scene of these ghastly crimes in an effort to learn new information about the goings on that have the entire city on edge, and………… well, our team didn’t return.  But Gazette photographer Dusty Lenscap did tweet us this chilling photo just prior to his disappearance.  We warn you in advance, the image you are about to see may be too graphic for some of our readers…

Reeeeek! Reeeeek! Reeeeek! Reeeeek! Reeeeek!

Our erstwhile cameraman took this picture of what appears to be a rather disturbed looking squirrel carrying……. is that…… yes, it’s a human finger in its mouth!  Could we be witnessing the beginning of the great squirrel uprising that Nostradamus once forewarned of!?!?  Have these bushy tailed little outcasts finally had enough of the oppressive people who have cursed their name and chased them out of rightfully claimed birdfeeders?  Can anyone save us from our fate of being chewed to death by razor sharp rodent incisors?  Will we…….. AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!  NO!!!!!!!!!  GO AWAY!!!!!!!  Please…… YEEEEEEEOOOWWWWW!!!!


And that, students, was the last piece of recorded human history which was written sometime way back in A.D. 2017 by an unknown archivist.  Believe it or not, humans once dominated our ancestors who were confined to city parks and suburban neighborhoods.  Looks like it’s almost time for the nut to ring.  We’ll learn more about the ancient race of humans that once existed before the Great Sciurine Revolution in our next class.  (RING!!!)  See you all bright eyed and bushy tailed next Saturday morning, boys and squirrels!

Have a great April Fools Day weekend everyone!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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22 Responses to News Flash!

  1. Now that was a great way to start the day, LOL!! Thank you (looks cautiously outside at the millions of trees in backyard – there are a TON of squirrels out there).

  2. Ha-clever! Happy April Fool’s Day and may all your pranks bring smiles and no chewed fingers.

  3. Ally Bean says:

    Funny! Tell Dusty Lenscap that his photo is chillingly perfect.

  4. Merbear74 says:

    You almost had me going for a minute….

  5. Look at the photo, it is a finger! Great story, everything is possible.

  6. Well! There goes my hopes for a Nestville Swat Team. You need new recruits! Better guns (especially better guns)! Cannons. Anti-aircraft thingies. Whatever they are called. You can’t just give up!

    Oh, and Happy April Fool’s Day ❤

  7. draliman says:

    Ha ha “Dusty Lenscap” 🙂
    I always thought squirrels looked at me funny. Now I know what they’re planning…

  8. Ladybuggz says:

    My brother in law almost lost his finger to a squirrel when he was a kid…it was on a log floating down a river and he jumped in to save it…he almost drowned and got bit!!!

  9. Trisha says:

    This makes me afraid to go outside, especially since I’ve been out of birdseed for days. If there’s going to be a squirrel uprising, it will be now! They’ll probably attack me on my way to the car when I go to buy more seed later. I want to keep my fingers! Maybe if I go barefooted they’ll take my toes instead….

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