Going Nuts

I’m coming for your nuts!

Hey, we’ve made it to the end of your week and the beginning of mine.  The calendar says this is going to be a Good Friday, as if all Fridays that feature another reader suggested topic aren’t already worth the generic modifier “good.”  It’s time for the latest installment of Prompt the Squirrel Fridays, Series Three!  That means its also time for me to get down on my knees and beg and plead with everyone who hasn’t done so already to send in an idea for me to turn into a PTS3 post!  There are currently 12 people on the good list, while the rest of you are all being very naughty!  Go here and use the contact form  (which will hopefully work) to get your prompt in right now, or you can forget about getting a visit from the Easter Bunny this weekend…

See how much better life is when you play along.

This week’s prompt comes from franhunne, who got right to the point about what she wanted to see me try to write about…


Well, that seems like a gift prompt for a squirrel…

Got mine!

I love having a nut in my mouth!

Show off…

Look at me, I’ve got three nuts!

Hmmmmmm…. wait a minute.  Are acorns even nuts?  They’re the most common foodstuff you’ll see a squirrel gnawing on, but I honestly can’t say that I’ve ever heard an acorn referred to as a nut outside of sciurine imagery.  Well, it turns out that they are indeed a nut, the nut of the oak tree to be precise, and perhaps the reason acorns rarely get referred to as nuts is due to the fact that people rarely eat them for a number of reasons.  The tannin content found in acorns will not only have your delicate insides for breakfast, but your taste buds will be the first part of your body to revolt.  If you thought drinking beer that wasn’t Keystone Light would give you bitter beer face, try chomping down a few acorns…

Those were acorns, not beer nuts!

Yep, better leave these nuts to the squirrels…

grab life by the nuts!

I think I once sold something with this design on it… probably not a pair of boxer shorts.

Did you know that a part of the male anatomy was named for a nut?

Well yeah…. everyone knows about the nuts!

No, I mean an actual medical term.  You know that……… um, shape at the end of the……. er, penis that makes it, you know, look like a penis.  That’s called the glans, and it directly translates into “acorn” in Latin!  How they came to name that after an acorn, gee, I can’t imagine….

Sorry, mushroom, you lose out again…

“Nuts” is also one of the many terms we have long used to describe people who are just a little cray cray.  And while all such non scientific words to describe people with a screw loose tend to be looked down upon by our pussified society of today, I think there are a lot worse things to be called than nuts.  I consider “nuts” to be a compliment because I find normal and expected to be boring…

quiet riot

I’d shake your hand if I could get out of this straitjacket.

American General Anthony McAuliffe knows a thing or two about nuts.  He found himself in command of the 101st Airborne during World War II’s Battle of the Bulge in December 1944 attempting to hold on to the town of Bastogne in Belgium.  The German forces vastly outnumbered McAuliffe’s squad and were kind enough to offer the General a chance to surrender before they stuck das boot up das behinds.  Upon reading the note imploring the US forces to surrender or be annihilated, McAuliffe reportedly crumpled the final notice into a ball and chucked it into the wastebasket… but not before he muttered “Aw, nuts!”  And that became the US’s official reply to the Germans

To the German Commander.


The American Commander

And you can sit on this grenade while you’re at it!

General McAuliffe may have been nuts to reply “NUTS!” to what seemed like certain death, but the threatened attack by the Germans never materialized and McAuliffe was recognized as a hero for refusing to cede the town.  All’s fair in love, war and nuts…

Salty nuts!

When it comes to famous nuts, it’s hard to top Mr. Peanut.  No, not former President Jimmy Carter, the Planters mascot who has been adorning peanut packaging and advertising for 100 years now.  Schoolboy Antonio Gentile first drew Mr. Peanut in 1916 and submitted the iconic legume to the Planters company for a whole five dollars (Hey, in 1916 that was, like, a fortune).  Corporate artists gave Mr. Peanut his trademark top hat, monocle, cane, gloves and spats (but no fucking pants) and lo and behold… a century later Mr. Peanut is one of the most recognized commercial mascots in pop culture history.

Oh dear. Mr. Blue Nuts.

Of course, I can’t very well do a post about nuts without devoting part of it to………. well, the nuts.

What do you mean by nuts?

Nobody likes to be kicked in the nuts, or have their nuts handed to them.  Here’s hoping you never get nut cancer or ever have to go through life with only one nut.  Hey, pirate!  Why do you have that ship’s wheel attached to your crotch?  “It’s driving me nuts!”  Don’t get your nuts in a bunch and please don’t scratch your nuts in public.  This isn’t the 1980’s, so please leave the nut huggers at home.  Remember that only squirrels bury their nuts, and that goes for whether your nuts hang to the left or the right.  And thanks to our love of turning nouns into verbs, nut is now a recognized euphemism for ejaculate.  Where were all these fun verbs to conjugate when I was a little nutjob in school?

A nutting squirrel is a happy squirrel.

Well, that post was certainly nuts, and I hope those of you with nut allergies didn’t develop a rash or expire from reading it.  Thanks to franhunne for the wonderfully nutty suggestion, and I hope to see you all back Friday for yet another reader planted nut that will likely germinate into something quite awful…

Anyone want their nuts cracked?


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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12 Responses to Going Nuts

  1. Merbear74 says:

    Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.

  2. franhunne4u says:

    You forgot a nut – one with which you screw … ahem – no, this is not a euphemism – I meant that one that comes – with a bolt … You know, it’s very advisable to be safe while screwing …

  3. We have some really big oak trees and on a serious year for acorns, some of them are more like walnuts. They actually leave dents in your car. Big NUTS in OUR trees!

    What is that huge green thing that squirrel is schlepping up that tree? A horse chestnut? It’s pretty BIG.

    • According to a commenter in the post I originally featured it in, it’s a walnut…. which seems strange, but that’s because we think of a walnut as the brown thing that lies inside of that big green outer shell. It was huge, and the funny thing is that I didn’t notice the squirrel even had it in its mouth at the time I took that picture. It was one of those “WOW” moments I had during the uploading process….

  4. How about Nut-N-Honey CRUNCH cereal – now that’s just plain painful to THINK about! That last photo of squirrels achieving nirvana is cute……the girl squirrel has her eyes closed in probable squirrel ecstasy (oops….that may not be a girl…..just sayin……). Thanks for a nutty post today.


  5. draliman says:

    That squirrel at the top looks like he’s in one of those American football huddles. That bit right before it turns crazy and everybody starts attacking everybody else 🙂

    • That was brought up when I first featured that photo that he looked like a lineman. I was more focused on how weird it was to get a picture of a squirrel running directly towards me. They’re usually turning tail…

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