Sexy And Seventeen

This week’s earworm is Pedobear Approved.

Have you been feeling the crush of your boring and mundane life, hoping for something sweet to put a cavity filled smile back on your face?  Well, forget about Pay Day, because the calendar says Monday, and that’s awesome!  Because it’s the day The Nest prepares to unwrap another expired fun-sized hit out of that malfunctioning vending machine of ear candy we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s doing her best Sammy Davis, Jr. impersonation… ready to give you some sugar that is sure to make you smack your lips, while the Sponkies are busy bouncing off the walls after eating a few too many Skittles.  It’s time to feel like a nut…

The late 80’s were rife with bands that played something resembling heavy metal while looking like they just stepped out of a beauty salon.  While a number of those dudes who looked like a lady are still rightly mocked to this day, perhaps none quite achieved the level of almost instant lameness that an outfit by the name of Winger did.  Forever associated with the wannabe cool kid Stewart Stevenson in the iconic 90’s cartoon Beavis and Butthead, Winger managed to fall out of public favor faster than a member of the Trump Administration… becoming the unofficial whipping boy of the soon-to-be disowned hair metal movement.  Even the person who wrote their Wiki article couldn’t help but get a jab in the second line by stating, “Winger almost gained popularity during the late 1980s and early 1990s.”  Damn, and Justin Beaver thinks everyone hates him…

Hell, even Stewart can’t stand Da Biebs…

Well, we here at The Nest would like to tell all the Winger haters out there to go get themselves fucked with a mascara brush.  They may not have been the second coming of The Beatles, or even Starland Vocal Band… but they at least recorded one of the greatest rock anthems about jailbait to ever put fathers all across America on high alert.  Here’s Winger’s 1989 magnum opus, “Seventeen”…

It’s hard to believe “Seventeen” couldn’t even make it to that spot on the Billboard Hot 100… peaking at a mediocre #26.  While the MTV video helped turn this song into the semi-hit it became… the creepy, ultra bright smile Kip Winger flashes far too often throughout this four minutes of utter schlock while wearing nowhere near enough shirt undoubtedly led to all of the image problems the band would suffer through while they were also getting their asses handed to them by the grunge movement.  At least Kip showed us all that he makes a believable predator…

Why don’t you have a seat over there, loser!

I’ll be back next Monday with another underrated act of lameness, if I can make bail…

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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29 Responses to Sexy And Seventeen

  1. 89 was the time of michael jackson and george michael… maybe there was not enough room for good music in the billboards… it was a great song and although the guitars sound aggressive it was a good song to relax after a sh*tty day while wishing all buggers to hell ;O)

    • Everyone was trying to copy Eddie Van Halen with the guitar back then. Luckily they could get a manicure for their worn out nubs of fingers while they were getting their hair done…

  2. Ally Bean says:

    I thought you were talking about Debra Winger, but then it turned out to be another band I’ve never heard of before. Oh well…

  3. Piglove says:

    I live under a rock and the depths of hell (well it feels like it with this weather!). This is another one that I have never heard nor my daddy. We have to get out more. XOXO – Bacon

  4. Merbear74 says:

    I loved this song! Poor Winger, getting the mascara wand shaft…

  5. jarnon says:

    Did you see my comment last Friday about Marvel superhero Squirrel Girl?
    Well, here’s an even bigger story … squirrel wanted by NYPD!
    http://abc7ny.com/news/warning-about-aggressive-squirrel-on-attack-in-prospect-park/2242421/

  6. Trisha says:

    I must admit, I loved this song. My love for it faded a bit once I saw the video though. Kip Winger always bugged me. Something about that cheesy smile of his always made me want to knock a few of his super-white teeth out. I always thought maybe it was his perpetual five o’clock shadow that bugged me until Tom Cruise and Ben Affleck came along. They annoy me in the same way, the smug bastards.

  7. fanrosa says:

    Hey, I loved Winger! (Because, of course I did….) In fact, this song started randomly going through my head two days ago or so, prescience for the win!

    Besides, Kip Winger is a badass. He used to play with Alice and you know that has to be hardcore. So I guess you could say he went from Seventeen to Eighteen and became street legal…..ha!

    • It wasn’t even on my radar until Music Choice 80’s played it Thursday morning and I realized it’s make a good DVA… so maybe you picked up on the vibes from my radiant aura. Once I found out Kip was with Alice, I’d have bet anything you’d mention that… only he’s actually age regressing since Alice came first. I wonder if Ringo has an opening in his All Starr Band…..?

  8. He really DOES look like a creepy child molester. EW. Ick.

  9. ody N biskit !!! yep…..de hair bands ~~~~~ glam rock !! de food servizz gurl rememburrz this one !!!!! 🙂 ♥♥

  10. For those days of hair and metal bands, this was not a bad number, 17 or otherwise 😁

  11. Ladybuggz says:

    Love hair bands!! Yeah eighties music!! 🙂

  12. draliman says:

    From your post title I thought you were featuring Tiffany this week 😦
    A lot of bands of that era couldn’t decide if they wanted to be “bad boys” or “pretty boys”.

  13. ! I’d rather listen to this than the song about Jenny’s telephone number…

  14. I’d rather listen to this than the song about Jenny’s telephone number… In fairness, I think most 80’s metal band members would fit that same description…

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