The Purple Menace

The Prince of Rodents

Express yourself, emo squirrel!

It may be that strange and surreal lost week that falls between Christmas and New Years, but that doesn’t mean The Nest is letting our regular features use up their remaining vacation time.  So on this final Wednesday of 2017, we’re carrying on by throwing some more ice cold water on another song that’s a little too big for its britches in the Top 30 Iconic Songs I Can’t Stand countdown!  We’ll fittingly end the year with our 17th most overrated song, while our spokesponies will promise tidings of even worse hits to come in the new year.  I think this is a resolution we can keep…

#17. “Kiss” – Prince & The Revolution

I never really imagined myself as a Prince non-fan for most of my life.  He was big in the 80’s, and I LOVED the 80’s.  But when The Artist Formerly Known As Some Unidentifiable Symbol went to that great big purple studio in the sky last year, I learned amidst all of the countless tributes that poured out just how much I actually dislike and even loathe many of his biggest hits.  I’m not going to say Prince wasn’t some kind of musical god…. you don’t get a legion of diehard fans that number in the nine digits by being some talentless hack.

Well…… usually you don’t.

But the fact of the matter is that there’s little Prince did in my wheelhouse decade of the 80’s that makes me want to turn up the radio.  So there was no doubt a song from one of the most iconic artists of all time who I didn’t care for was going to have to slot somewhere in this countdown….. the question was which song would it be?  I don’t know if there’s a Prince hit that towers head and shoulders above the rest as his signature song.  I almost chose to dishonor “When Doves Cry,” which makes birds of every feather cry AND bleed when they hear it…… but no.  I really don’t think there is a more annoying pre-Symbol Prince song than this whiny piece of shit…

OMG!  Prince songs are on YouTube now after many, many years of being held hostage by their creator!  Well, there goes the internet…

Dearly beloved, here’s another crappy song from Dr. Everything’ll Be Alright on the house!

If you were around for my previous countdown two years ago, you already knew I despised this song…. and one of the main reasons is the fact that it got an amazing cover version done by the last two artists you’d expect to redo a Prince song!

Sing it Tom!

That’s how you sing about romance without sounding like the cat’s got a hold of your balls!  Or, maybe, while having something else done to you…..

Fingerprints? I don’t think so…

Come back next Wednesday, next year, for the next awesomely horrific song in the countdown!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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32 Responses to The Purple Menace

  1. Yep – sign me up on the “never liked this one” tally sheet. The high-pitched voice he chose to sing this one was the BIGGEST irritation…..I was always a fan (mostly anyway) of the dance routines, etc. in his videos but nothing was gonna save “Kiss” from being a disaster. I must say though that I DID like a lot of his music – just not this and several others……they were simply – well – “overdone” productions.


    • This one and When Doves Cry are awful. Little red Corvette is only slightly better. Purple Rain is ehhh. 1999 and Raspberry Beret are OK to tolerable. Let’s Go crazy ain’t bad. I really like Delerious, but it hardly gets played compared to those other hits. There is an 80’s Prince song I do really like that, now that I know his videos are on YouTube, will be a future DVA post!

  2. Will I be stoned to death if I say there aren’t any Prince songs I particularly like?

  3. crimsonowl63 says:

    While reading this I had no idea what Prince song this was. I saw the Tom Jones cover and thought it had to be I heard it from one of your posts. Clicking through to the older post, yep, there he was and there was my pretty much same comment I have today. Not a Prince fan. I knew some people in the early 90s who would cut you if you said that within their hearing. I do like the Tom Jones version. I do still think What’s New Pussycat? when I hear of him though. Or It’s Not Unusual or She’s A Lady. I don’t think Prince remake. But he has kept current and as usual I have not. This song can only be heard by dogs is my guess.

  4. Merbear74 says:

    Not a huge fan of the purple one or his music, although I get why he was a big deal and all.
    This song hurts my eardrums.

  5. Yeah, I’m with you…definitely not a fan and didn’t get on board the Prince train. Sure I liked 1999 (I mean who DOESN”T like to party?) and didn’t go completely ape bananas over Little Red Corvette but this piece of excrement…no thank you. Happy last Wednesday of 2017.

  6. Thomas Bonafede says:

    Three weeks in a row I am in complete agreement with you! I’m starting to get worried! Really, though, this song was hate at first listen for me. Time has not mellowed my opinion either. Good call.

    • Make it four weeks in a row (Unless you missed the Dead or Alive post last week, and I’m pretty sure they aren’t quite your thing). Like I said, you were gonna get off easy in December. I will be shocked if you are not outraged by my next two picks, though…

      • Thom says:

        Oops..forgot about that…but believe it or not, I don’t mind that DoA song…as long as I don’t have to watch the video. Nonetheless, I wasn’t outraged by your selection of it, as I can certainly understand how people could hate it, and I don’t like it enough to start a protest march over its inclusion on the list. So, 3 out of 4 weeks in total agreement and 4 weeks straight of not having any issues over the selection. You have me frightened for the next two weeks though lol

  7. I missed the 1980s. I really did. So I missed pretty much all of these songs and the only ones I recognize are those that made it in the 90s or somehow, made it across the seas to Israel. Is this a good thing?

  8. Ladybuggz says:

    I like Prince (I’m so sorry) But I don’t like that screeching song, Tom Jones does it much better….like a man! My fav Prince song is ” Masturbating with a Magazine”! listen to it if you will….LOL !! The question is…What magazine will you use?? LMAO!!

  9. Trisha says:

    I think you picked the right Prince song to dishonor! There only a couple of his songs that I can stand but this is the only one that makes me makes puking faces and gestures. 🤢 This is one that I didn’t grow to hate from being overplayed, I hated it from the very first time my ears were assaulted by it. Great choice!

  10. Piglove says:

    Shuffles hooves. Okay my evil friend… mom says she has to disagree with you this week. Don’t ask me why but mom can often be seen dancing around the house cleaning or driving her Jeep listening to certain Prince songs – and this one is one of her favorites. I know. I know. We don’t understand it either. She’s weird. XOXO – Bacon

    • I would have thought people were just pandering to me if everyone agreed with me on this one, so I’m glad there are votes of dissent! Too many Prince fans out there…. I’m just not one of them.

  11. draliman says:

    Yeah, I’m with you on this one. Finally we are in agreement!

  12. fanrosa says:

    Dude….it’s Prince!!!!1 You’re only getting away with this one because you like the Tom Jones version. Btw, I was in the car today for like 10 minutes and Kiss came on the radio, which reminded me that I hadn’t commented on this yet. Ha!

    Fun Fact: Prince didn’t meet the girl in the video until right before shooting and he didn’t want her in the video because he didn’t think she was beautiful enough, but there was no time for a replacement. That’s why she’s in a veil and shades. Ironic, since he’s singing through the whole song about you don’t have to be beautiful, cool, rich, etc….

    Bonus Fun Fact: This song has no bass line in it. Go ahead, listen again! You never notice it until you know it isn’t there (and this is coming from a bass player). That is the musical genius and only part of the brilliance of Prince

    • I was beginning to wonder, because I knew there was no way you couldn’t comment on this! FF1 sounds so totally Prince and doesn’t surprise me. FF2 is close to something I heard once that said this song was very bare bones music-wise. I’ll take a bass line and cut the track of Prince actually singing from it… that might work for me!

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