Meet Mitzi

My new Thursday series taking a sneak peek behind the stories of your favorite Shelf Critters continues on.  And with this being the day that Goldfish once declared to be Unicorn Appreciation Day, who else but the shelf’s most popular uni-horned pony should get the honor of being featured today?  Step forward and take a bow, Mitzi!  And please be sure not to show more than the maximum amount of fake cleavage as allowed by FCC regulations…

There will be nobody throwing tips on the stage during this post…. well, maybe not, anyway.

NAME: Mitzi

SPECIES: Bimbocorn Unicorn

SHELF PERSONALITY: Mitzi is the shelf slut, there’s no sugarcoating it.  To go with her promiscuous and provocative personality that has led to her being caught in compromising positions with nearly every shelf male, Mitzi is a full on airhead and plastic bimbo.  Her vocabulary is a cross between an 80’s valley girl and a millennial who grew up talking in textspeak and emojis.  Mitzi is goodhearted and well-intentioned, if not always suitable for young audiences.

Unicorn pasties, a new fashion statement.

RUNNING GAGS: Let’s see…….. ummmm……

And of course….

Round, round, get around… I get around!

Mitzi is constantly horny (Shouldn’t all unicorns be?) and is always up for a good time with whoever may come by.  You can usually tell when Mitzi is about to enter the episode when she utters her trademark “YOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!” upon trying to get everyone’s attention.  She frequently misuses four-bit vocabulary words by confusing them with similar sounding words (Like when she attempts to guide someone to starvation rather than salvation).  Mitzi is always up for giving anyone a smoochie, but beware that her mouth may still be covered in “snacks” (Thanks to Phenny for helping make that a running gag)…

A clean unicorn is a happy unicorn!

Mitzi expectedly unexpectedly laid two eggs in a recent November episode, and SCT’s first ongoing dramatic sequence was created in wondering not only what kind of creatures were inside of those eggs, but just who was going to end up pegged as the father(s).  That suspense was finally solved in the final episode of 2017 when Zeeba the zebra and Bearcat the….. well, whatever it is both hatched.

Mitzi’s spawn wouldn’t be anything short of adorable…. and fucked up.

ESN PREMIERE: Mitzi was first used out of desperation in Part II of my Pony Christmas Carol miniseries.  Young Scratchy (Scrooge) was engaged to Clyde, and I needed a new love interest for him during the breakup scene that was also a unicorn… and that big plush unicorn I’d had sitting on my shelf for a year and a half unwanted and unloved was the only one I had left.  So I dropped her into the scene and played her off as a bimbo because that’s all I could think of with her wild pink frilly hair and “legwarmers”…

A star in the making. Who knew? Not Scratchy, I’d guess…

WHAT’S IN A NAME:  To match the bimbo personality of the new unicorn in the above scene, I gave her a fitting name and the first bimbo name to spring to mind was Mitzi.  I never figured I would use that name, nor critter, again on my blog.  Another throwaway term I used in that story was Scratchy referring to Mitzi as a “Bimbocorn” which totally (ha!) stuck as Mitzi’s nickname when she broke out as a superstar…

Anyone up for some, like, strip poker?

ICONIC SCT ROLE: Mitzi’s deep, deep spot on the unicorn depth chart actually managed to come up again when I needed a big, big sister to Tina and Scratchy for my fucked up take on The Three Billy Goats Gruff… which was one of my best and favorite of the Bashful sketches I did in the Fall of ’16.  I kept the name and personality I gave her the year before, and when I wound up having her seduce the confused Troll at the end of the story, her spot as an A-lister in my Shelf Critter gang was solidified.  She’s done many, many more unspeakably hilarious and naughty things since then, but this scene will always be her coming out party…

Goodbye Norma Jean, hello Mitzi!

WHAT IS SHE?: Mitzi is one of those overly cute plush animals you can find in your favorite store right now as sweetie gifts for Valentines Day.  She was part of Mecca’s collection of unicorn plushes for VD of 2014.  I did not buy her….. no, I’d have never dared by something like that four years ago.  My Mom saw it and bought her for me in the aftermath of all the Rainbow Donkey hoopla on my blog in 2013.  Of all of the embarrassing things my Mom ever gave me, Mitzi had to be somewhere near the top of the list.  At least I didn’t throw her away, because can you imagine Shelf Critter Theatre without Mitzi!?!?  She is the ultimate underdog story in working her way up from unwanted gift to the biggest star on my blog right now.  Thanks Mom…

There’d be a lot of stuffed blue balls without Mitzi around to take care of things…

WHERE DID SHE COME FROM: Quite possibly the very store I work at.  Oh, and China.  Mitzi was assembled in a sweatshop, and now has to work in mine…

CAN I GET ONE TOO?: Possibly, if you really, really dug for someone selling one on eBay or someplace like that.  The search results I found all led to dead links or already completed sales.  The only information on Mitzi’s tag is that the company that distributed her was called Best Made Toys.  I can’t find one on the internet with Mitzi’s white and hot pink color scheme, but I found a couple Mitzi clones on Pinterest with pastel colors that I remember us carrying as recently as last Valentines Day…

Awwwww, this one looks so innocent, she could be Mitzi’s good girl alter ego!

Could you imagine a bizarro Mitzi from an alternate dimension in SCT?  Damn, now I wish this one was for sale.  Oh well, another critter will be up next Thursday to be exposed before everyone…. though maybe not quite as lewdly as Mitzi.


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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20 Responses to Meet Mitzi

  1. they should… they have a horn so they have to be horny ;O))) if I ever find a girl for life (or just one night) it must be like Mitzi …

  2. Piglove says:

    Possibly – and just maybe – there is an unicorn living in my magical backyard. Really, there are some awesome sounds that come from the woods. I couldn’t imagine your critter shelf without Mitzi. I think she educated Bashful just a smidgen during his visit. XOXO – Bacon

  3. There’s only one Mitzi (thank heavens) and she’s got it ALLLLL going on. I love her unpredictable predictability (good luck figuring that one out) and the fact she’s not afraid to let it all hang out (literally). Mitzi is the original good time girl on steroids. Definitely a keeper and I say be on the lookout for that “alter-ego” Mitzi – she’s out there…..she could be “Ditzi”……hahaha


  4. Nice to get a bit of background to everyone’s favourite bimbocorn!

  5. I used to have a really HUGE collection of tiny beanbag stuffies … and some just stuffed stuffies. But tiny ones. Really cute. Some of them were knitted or crocheted … others looked like they were made from leftover cloth when the dress was finished. I gave them away over the years and I rather wish I’d saved them. They’d have been great gifts now!

    My first ever cat was named Mitzi. My mother though Mitzi was a cat’s name and I think she named ALL her cats Mitzi!

  6. draliman says:

    Plucked from shelf obscurity to become one of the best-loved (by everycritter) characters. Does your mum know what you’ve done to her?

    • She does read my blog, but may very well have long forgotten she ever gave Mitzi to me. She did demand the Kool Aid pitcher she bought me a year ago appear on my blog, and it did just once in your favorite photo of Mitzi and Snuggle Bear….

  7. noelleg44 says:

    Go, Mitzi! I love a horny stuffed animal!

  8. Quirky Girl says:

    Hooray for Mitzi, the pastie-clad bimbocorn! She adds such…uh, entertainment value to Critter Theatre. 😁

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