Meet Troll

It’s time to put another of The Nest’s sweatshop actors in the spotlight for our Thursday feature on the Shelf Critters.  This week, we’re going to take a peek underneath the uncombed, unwashed rat’s nest of our beloved Troll.  Don’t worry, we will have our medical staff check you all for lice after this post is over…

No lice on me! Crabs, maybe….

NAME: Troll

SPECIES: Um…. He’s a troll

SHELF PERSONALITY: Troll is the outfit’s not so lovable loser.  Playing off his superhero outfit that says “Super Grad” on the front, Troll plays a ne’er do well who is always either unemployed or working in some low level, even lower paying job… despite being (allegedly) well educated.  Troll can be a douchebag, and generally gets paid back with instant karma when he acts like an asshole to someone.  He’s just the pitiful sort that many episodes of SCT needs somewhere in the script…

You may as well save Big Scrat some time and go ahead and remove the tights, Troll…

RUNNING GAGS: Troll fills many of the menial worker roles that come up in SCT plays… playing a fast food clerk, pizza delivery critter, waiter, jailhouse guard, dog catcher, and even a production assistant for the Contest of Whatever awards show last year.  He often fails miserably at his work and is duly punished… usually by having his “Troll balls” put in some form of jeopardy.

Um…. I have a confession, dear.

ESN PREMIERE: That would be what I believe to be my best post in the Bashful series… “Tales From the Rock,” where “Uncle Bashful” tells a fucked up version of the Three Billy Goats Gruff fairy tale.  I obviously needed someone to play the troll under the bridge in that story, and who better but the real Troll I lurking at the bottom of my shelf?  Troll’s typecast role as a down on his luck, hapless villain was born in this debut appearance.  That episode helped make stars out of not only Troll, but Mitzi and Tina as well…

A douchebag’s born every minute.

WHAT’S IN A NAME: Troll may have one of the most uncreative names of any of my critters that didn’t already come with one.  If you can’t figure out why he’s named Troll, you are probably too stupid normal to be reading Shelf Critter Theatre…

ICONIC SCT ROLE: Outside of his debut appearance, the only other episode Troll was one of the main characters in was the late first season episode “The Squirrel Upstairs,” where Troll confronts the brains behind the operation about his shitty roles in SCT.  It’s one of my best fourth wall breaking, series self awareness stories…

And the first time you got to see Troll in the nude…

WHAT IS HE?: Anyone who was alive during the 20th century will recognize Troll is one of the mangy haired troll dolls that first became popular in the mid 1960’s, and have been in and out as a fad since then…. peaking in the early 90’s in America.  Troll is a Russ Troll, which was the doll at the center of that popularity explosion 25 years ago.  Russ Trolls are also knockoff Trolls, as The Dam Company (Not to be confused with The Big Damn Band) was the originator of the Troll doll and eventually won back the exclusive copyright for them in 1994.

Nobody likes a copytroll.

WHERE DID HE COME FROM?: My Troll was a gag gift from my Mom for my high school graduation in 1993, which is why he’s a “Super Grad.”  I don’t know why in the hell I kept him all these years (other than the fact that I’m an incurable hoarder), but SCT would be all the poorer without his ability to be a schmuck…

The main reason to study hard…. Valedictorian gets first crack at the Slutatorian!

CAN I GET ONE TOO?: Fuck yeah, you can!  Finally, a copy of one of my critters is actually out there for sale and not out of stock.  For just $8.97 plus shipping and other bullshit charges, you can have your very own Shelf Critter Theatre Troll to play with and abuse like I do!  It makes the perfect gift for that special person you’ve been wanting to unfriend for years…

It will serve them right, too!

Join me, along with your new Troll, for another exciting look at one of your favorite fucked up acting troupe members next Thursday…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Meet The Critters and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Meet Troll

  1. Ah yes – he has that face that only a Mother Troll could love – and I think his belly button is more like a TARGET than a BB so he needs to stay clear of any airborne objects flying around the Shelf – which is not easy given the normal Shelf activities. Anyway, thanks for the inside scoop on another interesting resident of the infamous Shelf.


  2. Merbear74 says:

    You’re awesome, ES.
    Graduated in 93′? Oh, that’s right, I’m a year older than you…whippersnapper.
    My mom used to have an original Troll doll from the 60’s but unlike you, she threw it away years ago.

  3. joem18b says:

    good read.

    i left a Like in case you were trolling for one


  4. We’ve been away for a couple of days, but I love you SO MUCH, that I checked in anyway. Or maybe it’s your troll I love so very much. I have a flamingo, but I’ve never had a troll. I’m thinking that maybe that’s what’s wrong with our life, our failure to have a troll. Hmm. Would my flamingo be a happier camper with a companion troll?

  5. Quirky Girl says:

    I used to have a dozen of those goofy trolls, once upon a time. Some of them even had cool gems as belly buttons. 😛 I wonder where they all disappeared to…

  6. Ladybuggz says:

    Trolls are cute, I did used to have a couple! Who didn’t??

  7. I will order some trolls… I would like to unfriend some evil people for years… maybe it works not only for some years but forever?

  8. I had trolls in the 90’s. But then as someone who’s five years (or thereabouts) younger than you, I think being 13 in 1993 is a valid excuse for having had them back then!

  9. draliman says:

    Aw, I start to feel a bit sorry for the poor thing now. He’s spent his life as very much the under-troll.

  10. So will that lice check be covered under Medicare?

  11. Trisha says:

    I was curious about how you ended up with a troll doll. Now I’m going to look for the post on Snuggle Bear. Sorry I’m so behind on reading posts. Me clicking on WordPress seems to be an invitation for interruptions. Phone calls, family members coming home early, cats getting themselves locked in the garage somehow, it all happens when I try to read and comment.

    • I’m just glad you’re still around, because so many of the older followers I had who appreciated my sense of humor have moved on. There’s a menu on the sidebar of my blog that brings up a list of posts by category… the SCT character pages are all under the heading “Meet the Critters”

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