APPLEJACK: Howdy, y’all!
SCRATCHY: Well, this is weird!
TWILIGHT: Why? Because we’re talking pony toys?
SCRATCHY: No, because the four of us are never together anymore like we used to be!
LUNA: I remember those days… sarcastically mocking anything that got in our way. It felt good to act like an asshole for a change…
SCRATCHY: For a change!?!?
TWILIGHT: Yeah… but ever since Cutter quit blogging, we ponies just don’t get the screen time we used to.
AJ: Cutter! Come back, Sugarcube!!!
The pony reunion gets interrupted by an actual plot development…
SCRATCHY: Dafuq? Dude, this is our scene…
SHADOW: I’m afraid not, my little mares. I, Shadow the Umbreon, who STILL hasn’t gotten his own Thursday spotlight feature….
LUNA: Join the crowd, peasant.
SHADOW: …Am here on official business! I have a message for all of the readers of this blog…
TWILIGHT: I’m sure everyone out there is just quivering in their straitjackets to find out what it is.
SHADOW: Ladies and gentlecritters, a reminder…
SCRATCHY: Not again… your constant reminders weren’t funny last year, and they aren’t funny this year either!
TWILIGHT: Speaking of… isn’t that last year’s card?
LUNA: We’re on Year Five, moron, and the deadline is March 1st this year!
AJ: I’m just a simple farm mare, and even I’m not that stupid!
SHADOW: I will not stand here and allow you to challenge my vast intelligence!
SCRATCHY: Says the dude who always changes into the wrong thing.
SHADOW: I… I get distracted when I’m in…. situations like this when I’m surrounded by four females…. it….
LUNA: Please do NOT give us the line about your uncomfortable Pokeballs. There are little foals reading this whose folks can’t afford parental control on their computers.
Shadow does a Terrell Owens and pulls a Sharpie out of thin air…
SHADOW: Is THIS better!?!?
TWILIGHT: Way to save a tree there by recycling!
SCRATCHY: The gag is still lame, though…
SHADOW: It is very important that everyone out there is reminded that the Contest of Whatever is going on. If nobody played, Evil Squirrel might get distraught and shut this blog down and donate us all to Goodwill.
SCRATCHY: Good! I’m hoping to pop some tags…
SHADOW: As the self-appointed spokescritter for the CoW, I would like to spend some time showing people who may be intimidated just how easy it is to come up with a winning entry based on this year’s rules!
LUNA: I’m pretty sure employees of Evil Squirrel’s Nest, LLC are not allowed to enter.
SHADOW: This is just for demonstration purposes only… otherwise, I’d obviously win. Now… the rules say we need to make something out of three different images ES found on Google. Here’s the first one:
LUNA: How indecent!!!
TWILIGHT: I think some people like their bacon just a liiiiiiiittle too much.
SHADOW: We just need to start with some inspiration from this lovely image…
Shadow concentrates harder than frozen orange juice, and the first elements of his sample entry appear out of thin air!
SNUGGLE: Dafuq!?!? Why am I naked in this tub with an audience!?!? I might shit in the woods, but I demand privacy when I’m polishing the jewels!
AJ: Shouldn’t there be some water in that tub?
SHADOW: I shall summon the water bearer…
RAINY: Yeah, sure. I’ll just dump all of this nonexistent rain out of my gauge into the tub. Careful not to drown on all this air, dumbass!
SHADOW: I guess we’ll just have to pretend there’s water in the bathtub. Now, on to the second image…
LUNA: There must be some mistake. This image is too wholesome for the usual level of humor on this blog.
SHADOW: I’m afraid we have to work with what we have. Now… how can we draw inspiration from this picture to add to our contest entry?
AJ: Awwwwwww…. love! The bear needs a companion!
SNUGGLE: Fuck yeah!!! Me and Mitz taking a bath together! Awesome idea! Now we just need someone with a Polaroid camera!
MITZI: Oh, I’d, like, totally love to skinny dip with you in the tubby, Snuggie Wuggie Teddy Bear! But Mitzi’s gonna be late for her shift down at the titty bar, and there’s, like hundreds of one dollar bills just waiting to be stuffed in my C string!
SNUGGLE: But Mitzi! I need my crack…. er, back scrubbed!
Mitzi exits Stage Strip Club.
TWILIGHT: Well, now what are we gonna do? Mitzi was a natural for that scene!
SHADOW: Silly pony. As the wise Yoda once said in a rare moment of good grammar… there is another.
SNUGGLE: You BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!
SCRAT: Rubber Snuggie you’re the one! You make bath time lots of FUN!!!
SNUGGLE: When I get out of this tub, I’m gonna run your Pokeballs through the wringer…. YEOWWW!!!!!
AJ: Ooh la la!
LUNA: Well, I haven’t been this worked up since the last time I saw Brokeback Mountain.
TWILIGHT: I must say, it’s good to finally see some nice stallion on stallion entertainment for a change.
SCRATCHY: Yeah! Push it real good!!!!
SHADOW: We still have another image to consider to complete our extremely unorthodox entry…
SCRATCHY: Dude! Enough with the Oxford vocaulary. Just call it fucked up, OK?
AJ: How are we gonna work that picture in!?!?
LUIGI: Did’a someone’a call for me?
TWILIGHT: Our hero!
SCRATCHY: Yeah. Off with the overalls and in the tub, plumber boy!
BIG SCRAT: The more the merrier! There’s enough Big Scrat to go around…
LUIGI: Mama Mia! I’mma not’a gonna stick’a my ‘a Italian sausage inna there!
AJ: But you MUST!
LUNA: As an official Princess, it is your duty to save me… and I need to win this contest so I can order me a new pair of designer horseshoes!
LUIGI: Ahhhhhhh…. maybe, uh…. my brother!
MARIO: Here I am to save’a the day!
SNUGGLE: HELP ME!!!!!!!
MARIO: Leaping Linguini! The Princess issa under attack by a sabertooth Koopa!
SNUGGLE: I am NOT a princess! I…
Big Scrat makes Snuggle Bear squeal like a little girl.
MARIO: I must’a save the Princess! But’a I don’t’a have a fire flower handy!
FUZZYWIG: You need some flower power, dude?
MARIO: Mama Mia! That’s a strange’a looking flower!
FUZZYWIG: You gotta light it first, Guido. Then prepare to be warped to Level 420.
Mario takes a big inhale of Fuzzy’s “Good Stuff” and his wardrobe magically changes colors…
LUIGI: Hey’a, brother! Don’t’a bogart the power ups now!
MARIO: Prepare to be’a burned to a crisp’a, you evil Koopa!
Mario uses his newfound powers to conjure up a fireball, which he unleashes at Big Scrat…..
SCRATCHY: Well, that goof up was totally expected.
SNUGGLE: And you call yourself a hero! Where’s Samus Aran when you need her….. SHRIIIIIEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!
MARIO: I’ll’a be back, you evil Koopa Kritter!
LUIGI: (To AJ) Hey’a cutie, wanna go’a back to my place’a for a plate of spaghetti? Lady and’a the Tramp’a style?
AJ: You bet, Sugarcube! Do I get to be the Tramp?
SNUGGLE: (Still being abused) Mommy!!!!
SCRATCHY: Best Contest of Whatever entry ever!!!
SHADOW: See how easy it is folks? Now get creating!
BIG SCRAT: Anyone else need a deep cleaning?