The End Of The World As We Know It

Be thankful, dinosaurs. At least it means you won’t be around to listen to shitty music like this…

It’s been a McDLT kind of winter, and after a couple days on the hot side of the box, now the eighty inches of rain we got the last couple days gets to freeze on the cold side.  Oh well, may as well make a Chamber of Torture Commerce day even better by ripping on another horrific song whose popularity makes me question the future of humanity.  It’s Wednesday, so The Nest is moving on down… er, up the list of dreck that is The Top 30 Iconic Songs I Can’t Stand countdown.  It’s the final countdown, and it has reached #9….

#9. “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” – Aerosmith

One of the key elements that made the 90’s the pop music graveyard it became was the fact that there were so many big names from the 80’s who extended their musical careers at least a decade too long.  U2, Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams, Madonna, Janet Jackson… almost everyone who was popular in the 80’s but Weird Al Yankovic helped bring about the 80’s nostalgia trend in the late 90’s a decade before the normal cycle said it should have happened simply because these artists seemed to completely lose all of their talent and we wanted to listen to their old stuff instead.  But make no mistake…. the undisputed kings of completely stinking up the 1990’s was that Boston quintet with the unstoppable loud mouth, Aerosmith.

Thanks a lot, Run DMC…

Steven Tyler and the guys who try to play music over his maniacal screeching completely went in the toilet when the shitty ass pussy rock the 90’s was all the rage.  Their 1993 album Get A Grip was an absolute travesty that gave us the amazingly similarly unlistenable trio of “Cryin’,” “Crazy,” and “Amazing.”  Apparently, Stephen Tyler wanted to see if he could outdo the infinite ear bleeding factor of that hot mess before the decade gave way to Y2K, and he somehow managed to succeed in ways that would make Kim Jong Un proud…

Because 2000 was a nice, big round number that hadn’t been seen in a thousand years, humans decided to have an irrational fear that life as they knew it was about to end.  And other than nutty fake news reports about the latest Y2K bug bullshit, the best way we found to cope with those feelings was to fill our theaters with disaster movies.  Thus how the got the heartwarming tale of an asteroid about to smoosh a nice chunk of the earth in 1998, Armageddon.  And because Liv Tyler was one of the movie’s stars, she used her nepotistic influences to get her daddy to sing on the soundtrack.  And what better way to pay tribute to an apocalyptic astronomical event than with a pansy ass love song that even Paul McCartney would say was beyond silly…

This does not look like the face of someone who is singing a love ballad. In fact, it looks like a good target for the asteroid.

Holy fucking space rocks, Steven!  Any touchy feelies people may have been experiencing from this pathetic attempt at poetry is going to get sudden impacted by that mushroom cloud of a fucking voice you’re screaming your love with.  God, just shut the fuck up already and assume the emergency position so we can all kiss our asses goodbye!  Somehow, “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” not only hit #1, but debuted there.  This song was one of the few things that made 1998 completely suck, and when it got played on the radio every six seconds or so, it made me almost wish that there really was a killer asteroid about to take out all of civilzation… which would be our due punishment for allowing certified ass like this to make it on the radio.

At least it got its due recognition by being nominated for a Razzie Award.

Make sure to tune in next Wednesday for what might very well be the most surprising song I’ll rip on in the entire countdown…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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28 Responses to The End Of The World As We Know It

  1. mission completed bleeding ears everywhere… 1998 was probably THE year of bad music… celine, ricky martin and run dmc…

    • 1998 was my reintroduction to current music (Thanks Mecca), so I was right in time to catch this garbage. Celine was already off the radio. Ricky would come next year and (Shhhhhhh!) I like both of his hit songs. 1999 is actually one of my all time favorite years for new music…

  2. ghostmmnc says:

    Well, I like this one. I know it’s the trio of ‘Crying-Amazing-Crazy’ that all sound about the same, so I like all of these. I think SNL did a spoof of them all together one time, and that was funny. I do like a so called ‘power ballad’ now and again,

    • I think, all in all, I’m apparently not a fan of the power ballad. There are a few good ones, but most of them don’t stand up to that band’s more rockin’ hits…

      • franhunne4u says:

        When it comes to Power Ballads you cannot go wrong when you deal with the Scorpions – the earlier Scorpions, not the Wind of Change kind of Scorpions …
        But apart from theirs I am not a fan of Power Ballads.
        Still loving you, Holiday, Born to touch your feelings – now those are ballads I can get behind. But there might be a sting of localism behind my adoration … they are from Hannover.

      • Still Loving You isn’t that bad… and I actually like Winds of Change. Though their rockers are still their best… I love Big City Nights in particular.

      • franhunne4u says:

        I have to admit, I only have their ballad collections. One is a very old collection on which they have the recording of a Japanese Folksong.

  3. One of the best bands live in concert ever. That said this song makes my ears bleed. Good choice ES.

    On another note: When my husband is an old man I’m going to talk him into growing out his hair, wearing nail polish and my jewelry – just like Steven Tylor. HA HA HA. Seriously just kidding. But Steven, dude, you look like my grandma but I guess whatever rocks your boat.

    • I remember noting that Steven looked like a grandma in that photo the first time I used it… that’s just trying to hard with the androgynous look. It’s the rock star equivalent of whatever the heck happened to Michael Jackson’s face…

  4. ody N biskit; theez R fitin werdz heer !!!! ☺☺granted thiz song waz a loooooong way frum the 70’s and all their total lee awesome hits……..aerosmith still kicks ass; alwayz have…alwayz will ~~ ♥♥

    • I actually like a lot of Aerosmith’s 70’s and 80’s songs…. it’s just their 90’s catalogue that is horrific. And as I mentioned, it wasn’t just them… almost every 70’s and 80’s artist that kept going in the 90’s turned into a pumpkin.

  5. I honestly cannot recall this song and my only question is whether or not Steven washed his hair during the 90’s at all? And I seriously have to wonder who exactly was riding whose coat-tails. The daughter or the dad?

  6. Today and yesterday, the temperatures hit 70 degrees. It will be snowing and bitterly cold tomorrow. But NOT to worry — it will be spring by Monday. Until Tuesday. I’m wondering how bad the drought’s going to be this year!

    • Feel free to have some of our rain if it’s a little too dry for you. It rained Monday, Tuesday (changed to ice overnight), Wednesday, is sprinkling off and on today, and will rain tomorrow and Saturday at least from what I’ve heard. Don’t know if it’s headed your way or not, but I’m done with it either being too wet or too cold on my days off this year! I wanna get out of the house and maybe take a few pictures… which has been why I’ve been ignoring my photo feature…

  7. crimsonowl63 says:

    I had to listen till the chorus before I recognized the song. It’s awful. I didn’t like much after Dude Looks Like A Lady.

  8. draliman says:

    Thought it sounded familiar, I watched Armageddon only last Saturday!
    The way things have been going, I’m guessing that by “most surprising song” next Wednesday you probably mean “my favourite song of all time”. Whatever that is.

    • I don’t know of anyone who dislikes next week’s song… so if there’s a long chorus of “Yeah, I hate that song too! Good choice!” I’m going to officially believe people are pandering to me in the comments. At least I know you are honest, and I think you probably like this song… so we’ll see next week!

  9. The Cutter says:

    I loved Permanent Vacation and Pump. Get a Grip had some good songs, but the oversaturation of the Alicia Silverstone trilogy killed the band for me. And yeah, this song sucks.

  10. Trisha says:

    This is one I didn’t see coming but I should have. It’s been way, way overplayed. Aerosmith is a band I’m pretty neutral about. I don’t listen to any of their songs on purpose, other than Dream On once in a blue moon, but I don’t get annoyed when they come on the radio either. Of course, maybe that’s just because my husband changes the station whenever they come on and I haven’t had a chance to get sick of them!

  11. Blame the film for making this such a big hit… I thought it was an OK song, but not worth quite so much of the hype. Of course, it’s now stuck in my head! Gah!!

  12. Quirky Girl says:

    Poor Steven Tyler. 😆 I love Aerosmith, but the up close and personal music video doesn’t do much to give anyone the warm fuzzies. 😂

    • It’s not for me to judge, obviously, but I don’t think Steven realizes just how much of a toll all those years of sex, drugs, and rock and roll have taken on his wild boy (or girl) looks….

  13. Ladybuggz says:

    I agree Steven looks pretty haggard, almost as bad a Mick Jagger, but I protest! I’ve always listened to this song wirth my eyes closed and it’s a great “Fucking Song”! (literally) ! HaHaHa!!

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