Oh boy! This is going to be a whole lot of fun…

So there will be a Picture Day Tuesday post this week… only it won’t feature a photograph, but rather a scan of an interesting relic I found in my Photobucket Archive recently while working on my next (MAJOR) blog project.  Above you see an authentic piece of junk mail I received sometime in the late summer of 2011.  It is from the local hospital, featuring two of their fine staff gynecologists standing in front of what appears to be some hideous implement of torture… but is allegedly just the latest technology (or, at least, WAS the latest technology seven years ago) that allows doctors to check out the dainty feminine parts of the body I would normally never mention on my family blog…

You can probably already see why I posted this… it wasn’t just generically mass mailed out to “RESIDENT” or “CURRENT OCCUPANT.”  No, this oversized postcard was addressed to ME!  And to make sure I noticed that they really, really wanted me to check out their new cave exploring equipment firsthand… it even contains a personalized message that reads “HEY, WILLIAM, COME TEST DRIVE ME!”

Well, at least JOHN looks excited to test drive it…

This is even more laughable than when your dog gets summoned for jury duty, or your two year old receives regular offers from Victoria’s Secret… because the NAME clearly does not match the qualifications one must meet to “test drive” this device!  I don’t know… maybe there are people out there named William who have a vajayjay…. or maybe there’s something hidden deep within my medical charts that I somehow haven’t discovered yet.  I can only imagine what would have happened had I made an appointment with their office and took them up on their offer…

This is what I get for being a smartass…

A big THANK YOU to everyone who has jumped on the Contest of Whatever challenge in this final week!  I’ve gone from zero to EIGHT entries now in the past 72 hours, and there’s still room for more in the contest’s last three days!  And the funnier you make them, the better the chance you have to finally off me since the nasty ass cold I’ve had the past few days has me so congested that I erupt into violent coughing spells from spontaneous laughter…

Goddamn lung boogers!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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25 Responses to Gyno-mite!

  1. Feel better soon. We need you to be in top form when you ‘experience’ the octopus contraption from smiling technicians.

  2. dogs for jury duty? … think they would send everybody to the dog house ;O)

  3. What a coincidence. I have the same machine in my basement. I thought it was new exercise machine. I was wondering why, my wife is afraid to come in the basement, my arms didn’t build any muscle, but my glutes are absolutely enormous.

  4. draliman says:

    Huh, I never get personally invited to guinea pig new and invasive medical procedures. Is there a list?

  5. Well, I’ve just tried and failed to spell “whilemena” so maybe they thought “william” was how you spell it?

  6. Ladybuggz says:

    That is just wrong…

  7. Sorry you’re sickly…..maybe you should let those doctors in the ad “work on you”…..tee hee.


  8. Mine isn’t funny, just really pathetic. I think I’ll just pass. I really wanted to do something, but I don’t seem to have my brain working in the right direction. Oh well.

    Why would ANYONE want to test drive that machine? Regardless of body parts.

    • I’ve got more than a quorum of entries now… but a few of them also thought their submissions were bad, and I thought otherwise. And besides, the loser of the contest gets to be the first one to test drive the machine…. it’s a bit of a risk.

  9. Trisha says:

    Seeing that machine must have made you feel more grateful than ever that you’re not a woman. That thing is terrifying! I’m betting they didn’t get too many people wanting to test drive it, even if they did manage to get some invitations out to the right gender.

    • I can’t imagine why anyone would be beating down their door to get invaded and probed like that! And they seem to be entirely too happy standing there in front of it. The only thing that could make it creepier is if I photoshopped Uncle Snuggie’s head onto one of the doctors…

      • Trisha says:

        Uncle Snuggie would probably enjoy impersonating one of those doctors, especially if they treat underage ponies!

  10. Merbear74 says:

    I’m not up to being hilarious right now, but I know you understand.

    • I assume this is in reference to not being able to come up with a contest entry, and not being able to laugh at the idea of me getting a gynecological exam…

      Yes, I can tell by the tone of your posts you’re not up to it. That’s not something for you to worry about right now anyway if you’re not feeling it. Hugs!

      • Merbear74 says:

        The idea of you having a gynecological exam is funny, I did guffaw.
        Thanks, ES. * hugs *

  11. Quirky Girl says:

    Phew! Your image of the Mucinex booger dudes safely helped maintained your status as a family friendly blog, after your less child-appropriate mention of vajayjays. 😂

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