I Hate Big Butts

Don’t act like your anaconda don’t want none of this, hon…

As the saying goes, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.  But things are looking up, and it’s my TGIW!  Oh, that’s right…. the only thing you have to look forward to on Wednesday is discovering the latest mistake I’ve made in my Top 30 Iconic Songs I Can’t Stand countdown.  DJ Scratchy’s giving me the evil eye this week, and I have to admit, I have never heard a bad word uttered about the song I’m going to body slam today.  It may very well be one of your favorites, but it’s not mine.  And don’t worry, Sir Mix-a-lot…. you’re not the subject of this triple-X throwdown….

#8. “Fat Bottomed Girls” – Queen

When it comes to still having a large quantity of their greatest hits played on the lily-livered version of what constitutes radio today, maybe the only classic rock band that can rival the airplay still given to legends like The Beatles and The Rolling Stones is their fellow Brit act Queen.  Queen did a lot of weird shit with rock in the 70’s that was actually kind of cool… including making opera actually listenable.  Their biggest hits of the decade weren’t just songs… they were practically theatrical performances captured on audio tape.  Even if you were just listening to a Queen song on your crappy transistor, you could still clearly visualize Freddy Mercury singing it while prancing about on stage in something that was entirely too tight and gaudy…

Unless you were stoned, or something…

But even the masters will show their human side and occasionally make a mistake or two.  In 1978, Queen did a pair of related songs on its album Jazz that were released as a double-cut single.  While the first half (NSFW WARNING: Nude girls on bikes!) of that not-quite-“We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” pairing has largely been reduced to classic rock minutae… the second act is not only still going strong, but has somehow become one of the band’s most beloved songs…

The song starts off with that godawful fucking annoying “Ooooooooooooh, let me take you home tonight” harmony, and just doesn’t get any better from there.  I hated this song the first time I ever heard it, and my ears still cringe when it’s played today…. or maybe I should say OVERplayed today.  Despite being only a modest hit forty years ago, you can’t listen to classic rock or variety radio for more than a few hours today without this atrocity coming on.  This is the only Queen hit I absolutely can’t stand listening to.  Bicycle Race was easily the best half of this Freddie Twofer…

I want to ride my bicycle!

I think another reason I hate this song so much is that tagline that gets so oft repeated by people (like me) who think they’re hip and clever…. “Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin’ world go round!”  Maybe that’s true, and maybe it isn’t.  But like it or not, it’s still a blue eyed floozy kind of world….

See if we fat bottomed squirrels ever pose for another one of your stupid photos!

Come back next Wednesday when #7 is going to be anything but heaven….

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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30 Responses to I Hate Big Butts

  1. I find myself deeply grateful in having never listened the any words for any of these songs. They make ME cringe, too. Even though I definitely WAS one of the girls.

    • I don’t think it’s possible to hear this song and ignore the words since Freddie and his bandmates want to make sure we know that fat bottomed girls make the rockin world go round. I don’t even care about the message… the music and singing in this song just suck. Plain suck!

  2. franhunne4u says:

    I AM a fat bottomed girl (not that anything else on me wasn’t as fat, but let’s leave that alone for a second) – and I think this does not sound like rock – but like one of my music-genre pet peeves – Country ….

    • Country usually hits me as being lame. This is just annoying with all the over-harmonizing and shouting… and yeah, the rock backing it up is pretty crappy, though not quite country lame.

  3. for all their talent; this really wasn’t one of the better Queen songs in my opinion; I agree… and this makes up for last weeks Aerosmith dis !!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 ♥♥

  4. I gotta agree on this one. Ugh.
    And hint hint hint, I think I can guess song #7 and if I’m right then you’re absolutely right.

  5. You know…I think you nailed the criticism dead on. I can only surmise Freddy needed a quick payout and sold his soul out for this one. Well done, ES!

    • I would imagine even he didn’t realize what this song would become, because I think it was a decade after his death that it went from just another Queen song to its current status of classic rock staple. Other than it being maybe the only song ever done by a white artist to praise big butts, I don’t get its popularity….

  6. Trisha says:

    I didn’t expect this one either! Then again, I try to forget Queen ever existed. I’ve never been a fan of anything of theirs. I agree with your criticisms of this and will add one of my own: way, WAY too much cymbal crashing. Overly prominent percussion is a musical pet peeve of mine.

    • I tend to like songs with unleashed beasts behind the drums, and actually view this as a case where even THAT couldn’t save this song for me. Those harmonies and the lame ass attempt at guitar rock just kill this one and make my brain numb…

  7. You are absolutely tee-totally right about this song. I hated it from the first time I ALMOST listened to the whole thing on the radio. I couldn’t even get past the first 30 seconds. I was never quite sure what they were hoping to accomplish with this one…..other than destroy the brain cells of anyone who actually could listen to the entire thing. Have I made my feelings on this one clear? HAHAHAHA

    Pam

    • If I could program my radio to change the station the second that first “Ooooooooooooh” note was hit, I would do it. But with my luck, it’s probably playing on every other station as well!

  8. noelleg44 says:

    Love Queen but not that song!

  9. Merbear74 says:

    Not a fan of this song for I am not a fat bottomed girl…more like pancake.

  10. Rebel Girl says:

    Never was a fan of that one.

  11. fanrosa says:

    I….I…..I don’t even know how to respond….

    • I had a feeling you weren’t aware of my intense dislike of this song, since I don’t think I ever wailed on it in an LSWE game. But congrats, as (I think) this makes you the first one out of ten commenters to support what I was sure was a pretty unanimously liked song…

  12. yup not the bestest idea of Freddie… maybe even Freddie hat a bad-music day once?

  13. draliman says:

    Well, I rather like this song. But you already knew that, didn’t you?
    I see others are guessing the rest of the list. I’ll just put together my most favourite songs in the whole world and I expect I’ll be bang on 🙂

    • I would have been shocked and saddened had you agreed with the crowd on this one. There is one coming up (#5) that, based on a past comment of yours I just looked up, you actually should agree with me on… so it won’t all be favorites, I’m sad to say.

  14. I dislike that he was abused by a “naughty nanny” but I have to say, as a woman who is slowly becoming a fat-bottom girl, this song gives me a little hope that no matter how repulsive I become, someone might still find me attractive? I know…so ridiculously sad and needy! 😉

  15. Ladybuggz says:

    Let’s try this again (cat just knocked laptop onto floor and stepped on every help button available and closed all my browsers)!
    Ok, I’m going to let you tell me if I like this song… Since I used to get a lot of slapping my generous assets and I love Queen! Come on guess?? lol..

  16. I haven’t yet met a Queen song I didn’t like. So I cannot agree with you here, Mr Evil Squirrel!

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