It’s time to go to the principal’s office and pull out the permanent record of another one of The Nest’s Friday miscreants, as we get up close and personal with the Shelf critters.  This week we’re going to delve into the mysterious and magical world of the gang’s resident Pokecritter, Shadow the umbreon.  If Shadow thought the world of Japanese anime was fucked up, he should have been in for quite a surprise the day he landed in my nest of sin…

Wonderful! I was hoping for some Japanese food tonight!

NAME: Shadow

SPECIES: Umbreon.  What’s an umbreon, you ask?  Good question… my knowledge of the Pokemon universe is much like my familiarity with the current My Little Pony world… I’m mainly just aware that the characters exist because there is a lot of crossover between both series and the furry art world.  Umbreons are one of eight different creatures that can evolve from a Pokemon called the Eevee, and if you’re really curious (and I know you aren’t), you can read up on the fascinating Eeveelution process here…

If nothing else, you gotta admit they’re cute.

SHELF PERSONALITY: Shadow comes off as a vastly intelligent mystical creature who can come and go at will (usually in a “POOF” of snoke), and even shapeshift into any object or creature he so desires.  Believing himself to be a superior being, he tends to talk down to the hoi polloi of the Shelf and is generally disliked by the gang who sees him as a showoff and an asshole…

Everyone loves a trickster… not.

RUNNING GAGS: Because Shadow joined the troupe near the tail end of 2016’s Pokemon Go! craze, the stupid interactive smartphone game still gets referenced from time to time… often with Shadow being the Pokemon someone is trying to capture.  While he usually shapeshifts his way out of trouble, his concentration can get thrown off and cause him to transform into something unintended.  This often happens when one of the Shelf’s femme fatales gets a little flirty with him… because sexual tension makes Shadow very uncomfortable and gives him a strange sensation in his “Pokeballs”…

Oh, don’t act like you aren’t enjoying the treatment, Shadow.

Shadow has become part of another running gag each year during the Contest of Whatever, as he was chosen to help promote the contest in its waning weeks.  In episodes that appear in the latter half of February, Shadow usually interrupts a scene by appearing out of nowhere with a sign reminding people to enter the contest… giving the others yet another reason to hate his glowing yellow ass.

The Shelf’s version of a pop-up ad blocker.

ESN PREMIERE: Shadow’s debut appearance came in the penultimate Bashful episode “Gotta Catch ‘Em All,” where he becomes Bashful’s nemesis in a game of Pokecritter No!  Shadow’s superiority complex and devious trickery came out right off the bat, as the umbreon changes into Rainy just before Bashful can throw his Pokeball at him…

Oops….

WHAT’S IN A NAME?: Umbreon obviously derives from umbra, which in Latin means “shade” and from which the word shadow evolves.  Seems like a pretty obvious choice…

ICONIC SCT ROLE: Every quality Shadow has in his SCT arsenal all came together in last month’s episode “Imagination At Work,” where Shadow and the ponies attempt to create a sample Contest of Whatever entry in an attempt to show others how easy it is to be fucked up.  This time, the victim of Shadow’s wicked ways is Snuggle Bear, leaving little in the way of sympathy for the abused…

My work here is done! POOF!

WHAT IS HE?: Shadow is a large plush that was being sold with all the collectible shit you’ll find near the checkouts of your favorite big box store.  He was distributed by Tomy and was made in Vietnam…

WHERE DID HE COME FROM?: The checkout lane #1 counter in my Mecca store.  I was buying stuff that morning and there he was just staring at me.  The Bashful story wrote itself in my head before I even had him in the cart.  He went from store shelf to appearing on my blog in a matter of a couple hours.  It cost me about $12, and naturally a few weeks later they had smaller and less expensive copies of the same plush, but it’s OK.  I’ve always loved the umbreon’s design, and if I was going to own a non-squirrel Pokemon, it was going to be an Umbie…

Evil Squirrel’s Nest’s most wanted.

CAN I GET ONE TOO?: Sure.  My version of Shadow is all over the internet, if you want to pay outrageous prices for him.  You can probably find him for much cheaper in your local Mecca’s useless collectibles cubbyhole near the front checkouts, where all the weird people go to nerd out and spend their allowances…

Fortune smiles upon thee!

Come back next Thursday for another unauthorized peek at one of my randy Shelf critters…