Who’s Cheating Who?

I think we found someone who likes getting caught in the rain.

Death, taxes, and Monday earworms.  They are the only givens in life.  So with that being said, it’s time for The Nest to audit the shelves and deduct another classic hit from the lost song income bracket out of that treasury full of happy returns we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s preparing to e-file you blast from the past that got buried underneath a mountain of paperwork, while the Sponkies are wondering why I am claiming them as dependents.  Uncle Sam won’t be making a dime off of this muzak…

Chances are you probably know the name Rupert Holmes.  No, he wasn’t the dumber little brother of Sherlock… he wound up with a #1 song (The final #1 of the 70’s) that still gets heard all the time on radio today.  You know what it is, and might have even began singing it if you read the caption under the lead photo.  It’s a strange story about pina coladas and how two people can simultaneously cheat on each other and seem happy when they find out what the other was doing in the end…

Your classified ad was very convincing, dear. Here, have some of this completely unpoisoned coffee I just made for you…

Yeah, everyone knows The Pina Colada Song.  But it wasn’t the only Top 10 hit Rupert had before he went back being not much into health food.  He followed up that corny, ridiculous hit with another song about cheating… the 1980 #6 hit simply titled “Him”…

I don’t know what Rupert’s obsession is with cheating lovers, but this time he’s not so happy to find out his wife’s been sneaking around behind his back.  Maybe she didn’t want to be associated with someone whose former group wrote a popular song about cannibalism.  Maybe she just realized Rupert’s not going to be making any Sexiest Man Alive lists.  Whatever the reason, Rupert’s giving her the choice between him or HIM, and I think we all know who the lady will be picking…

I can’t believe it’s not pina coladas!

Rupert sure gets himself into a lot of fucked up relationships, and it’s hard to feel sorry for him given the double standard that exists in “Him” and “Escape.”  This makes Holmes yet another artist with two popular songs that seem to contradict one another.  Other members of this group…


“The Wanderer” can roam from town to town and lay all the girls he wants, but “Runaround Sue” gets chastised for being a floozy.  You don’t have to be a feminist to see there’s something wrong here…


Gloria Gaynor:

“I Never Can Say Goodbye” to you boy, but she sure as hell “Will Survive” without your lame ass…

I love you dear. Now get the fuck out of my life…

Sheena Easton:

Sheena sure loves being a willing toy for her baby who takes the “Morning Train,” but just don’t ask her to “Strut,” pout and put it out…

What do you mean I’m giving you mixed messages?

Michael Jackson:

Should we believe the anti-gang message of “Beat It,” or the be-a-badass-punk bragathon “Bad?”

beat it

Do whatever you want… I’m gonna go back to Neverland and blow Bubbles.

Feel free to add any other contradictory songs that were among the most popular for a certain artist in the comments below.  Meanwhile, I’ll be back with another song from the dunes on the cape next Monday…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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33 Responses to Who’s Cheating Who?

  1. Ally Bean says:

    I remember “Him.” Catchy pop tune, stupid lyrics. In other words, about par for the FM radio course.

  2. Piglove says:

    Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter. strut, pout and put it out. That’s the story of my piggy live here at the Hotel Thompson. XOXO – Bacon

  3. ody N biskit….gonna hafta have a listen two later; we due knot rememburr thiz one ! 🙂 ♥

  4. Trisha says:

    I don’t remember that one and it’s the Pina Colada song that will probably get stuck in my head because it gets stuck in my head every time I hear it or even think about it. But that will be okay if it gets the School House Rock tune The Preamble out of my head. Do you you remember that one? My husband was looking those up on YouTube last week and that one has been in my head ever since. It’s making me crazy!

    • I think Schoolhouse Rock was slightly before my time, because I’ve honestly never seen any of it. I’m familiar with some of the songs through the recollections of others, though. And then there’s this from Robot Chicken (The main inspiration behind SCT) which I absolutely adore…

      • Trisha says:

        Well now I feel old for remembering Schoolhouse Rock, which should be called Schoolhouse Shitty 70’s Style Folk Music. I will have to check out Robot Chicken, hopefully later today, if I survive the appointment I really should be getting ready for now.

    • crimsonowl63 says:

      Yes! The Preamble by School House Rock! You could hear everyone humming/singing it when we had to memorize it for a test. Hahaha I forgot all about that. But now that & that crappy Escape are stuck in my noggin. Bad

      • Trisha says:

        Oh no, sorry for putting the Preamble in your head! I hope it doesn’t linger there as long as it has in my head. It’s been a week and a half and it’s driving me batty!

  5. Merbear74 says:

    I fucking hate cheaters…

  6. I also remember “Him” and the tune was pretty darn good but the words – well – the words are pitiful. Those old Dion tunes sure take me back…..a long way I might add!


  7. Thom says:

    I have to disagree on your assessment of “Morning Train” and “Strut”..the tunes are not contradictory, they are indicative of a double standard. Sheena is not a willing toy, she is someone who apparently sits on her ass all day while he gets up early and takes the train to his job, where he works 9 till 5, then comes home where he then has to take her out for dinner and dancing until God knows when, then maybe gets a couple hours sleep until he has to get up and start it all over (“works all day to earn his pay, so we can play all night”). One can only presume that when the weekend comes, she then has him mowing the lawn, fixing the roof, and moving the furniture around…and then probably takes her out again. Poor guy probably can’t even watch a football game on Sunday so he can go with her while she shops for shoes at the mall. I’m guessing it was only a couple of years before she was spending the life insurance money…and yet, she couldn’t even strut for him once in a while. Tsk Tsk.

  8. Your yard looks like ours — like a damned rice paddy. I’m waiting for them to start shooting. AND they are running (slushing through the rain) the Boston Marathon.

    • That picture’s from last April. it’s actually dried up some this month. The only thing missing are the Spring temperatures… winter is clinging on for dear life and does not want to go away…

  9. franhunne4u says:

    I remember a similar song to Pina Colada
    Kate Bush’s Babooshka.

  10. He was involved with Timothy!!?!!! Wow. I am aghast. Donners at Sea.

    Lover Boy (watch the videos for the hair – it is awesome and so 80’s you gotta love it even if you hate the band) – Turn me Loose and Queen of the Broken Hearts

    Thanks again DJ Scratchy

    • Yes! Rupert was in The Buoys before he became the pina colada guy. I remember that song from the oldies station my parents listened to, and I had no idea what it was about until about ten years ago…

      Thanks for the addition. I’ll be working for the weekend tonight (And that is kind of a contradiction in itself)…

  11. I have to take exception with the inclusion of Dion on the “double-standards” list. I’ve always viewed “Runaround Sue,” “Lovers Who Wander,” and, “The Wanderer” as part of a “cheaters trilogy,” if you will.

    First, he goes and gets his heart broken by Sue: “People let me put you wise / Sue goes… down on other guys…” following which he joins a men’s support group wherein they discuss how they’ve been done down‘n’dirty by dastardly dames. Once he has emerged stronger from the other side, he becomes The Wanderer (not the U2/Johnny Cash version) who never settles down because he’s learned that attachment only breeds vulnerability.

    So it’s not so much a double-standard as it is an emotional travelogue. Yes, I’ve given this way too much thought.

    • The sandwich song in your trilogy is one I’m not even familiar with, so I would have never made the connection. I think Runaround and Wanderer are his two best known songs, though, and the sheer double standard that seems to exist between them always struck me as amusing…

  12. draliman says:

    Oh boy. For some reason I thought of “The Love Boat” when I got Alexa to play this song. And I never even saw it. I also got her to play “The Pina Colada Song” as well (fortunately she knew what I meant) and did recognise it, though I’ve never heard of “Rupert Holmes”.
    If you will excuse me, I’m off to Wednesday!

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