Twenty Questions

It’s time to open up my hermetically sealed mind.

Last Wednesday, I invited everyone to drop ONE question in the comments of my ES 10th birthday post which I would answer for you the following week (that would be today).  I didn’t title this post “Twenty Questions” since that happens to be the name of a really annoying interrogative game… you all literally gave me 20 questions to ponder over!  The response was overwhelming, and also means that I don’t have time to craft some overly wordy, unnecessary intro to this post unless I want to type up a novel.

Ain’t nobody got time to read that.

So let’s go straight on to the questions, presented in some semi-random order!  I will try to come up with an informative, while also concise answer to every question… likely with some added dose of silliness and sarcasm.  Remember, I promised you answers, but they may not always be what you were expecting…..

Question 1: Have you always owned cats…er I mean have cats always owned you? – Tails Around The Ranch

Since I ventured out onto my own, yes.  Though that’s only been nine years now (I can’t believe I’m saying only nine years… damn, I’m so old).  Ody and Biskit would like to take exception to the “owned you” part, since I’m not quite the willing master cats like to think they will get to serve their every whim.  Especially when I’m cheating on them with another feline…

So this is your new mistress, huh? Why does she get fed better than I do?

Question 2: Can you make a weekly cat-feature on Wednesdays? – Franhunne4u

While I have almost as many stockpiled cat photos as I do squirrel pictures, they’re mostly of the same cats.  And since about every third Picture Day post has cat photos in it, I’ll probably just leave Wednesdays open for more random stupid stuff like this…

Or my next shitty music countdown…

Question 3: After having watched your countdown and expecting this song (“My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion) to pop up, what is your opinion of it? – Faith Hope Chocolate

I can’t remember if I put that song up for consideration or not when I was drafting the list for my Top 30 Iconic Songs I Can’t Stand countdown.  But while it is a thoroughly wretched song by one of the 90’s most thoroughly wretched artists, I haven’t been exposed to it as much as it seems many others have… which is likely what spared it from my poison keyboard.

Let’s drop Celine Dion in the North Atlantic.

Question 4: that last photo in your post of Frank Gorshin as the Riddler – Obviously he just completed some sort of “dreaded exam” on someone with that finger of his and I want to know is that a sterile glove he’s wearing? – Pam

Well, there is only one way to find out… and I’m not going there.  Any volunteers?

Who wants to smell my finger?

Question 5: In a lot of your posts you mention Mecca as where you are employed. I’ve never heard of it before, so…what is it, and what do you do there? – ghostmmnc

Since it is not wise for people to directly refer to their employer online (And EVERYONE has bad things to say about the place they work, I don’t care whether you’re the worker who stands and holds the SLOW sign at a road construction site all day long, or you spit shine bidets for a living), I’ve used the code name Mecca since it had already been established as a nickname for the company that keeps acorns on my table on my other internet hangout.  Mecca likes to be known as The World’s Largest Retailer, and I have been an overnight stocker there since I started in May of 1998.  My 20th anniversary of servitude is this weekend.

Hmmmm, I wonder where the Sponkies got that badge from?

Question 6: What’s the one word would you use to best describe yourself? (Besides smartass.) – Merby

It is so difficult to sum up a personality in just one word… unlike the characters I create that are very much caricatures.  Maybe just the generic “abnormal” would do it.  There are many, many ways I’m not like other people…

Besides just staging scenes of unicorn porn.

Question 7: Why EVIL squirrel? I love the name, mind you … but squirrels are so NOT evil. Was it the natural contrariness of the name? – Marilyn

I could get into a long, complex, and probably even controversial discussion about “good and evil” as it relates to humans and animals… but I’ll just state that as a squirrel lover, even I would recognize that many people DO consider squirrels to be evil.  That’s actually beside the point, though…. why Evil Squirrel?  Well, WordPress isn’t the only place on the internet where people post as their pets.  That happened on my Millionaire message board as well, and one of the “dogs” there used to constantly complain about the “evil squirrel” in her yard, and I created the Evil Squirrel alter ego to interact with her.  The Evil Squirrel personality just seemed to perfectly suit a little grey squirrel I was drawing at the time, so the name and the personality transferred to it.  Outside of that context, ES would have almost certainly got a different name…

One possible suggestion from my vast image archive.

Question 8: When did you discover your admiration of the bushy-tailed critters? And why? Also, do the cats ever get jealous? – Jackie P.

Whoa, easy there!  Only one question per customer!  So I’ll answer the first one since it’s related to the preceding answer.  That Evil Squirrel became the primary critter in my cartoon stable directly led to my fascination with squirrels.  I barely paid attention to squirrels at all before that happened ten years ago.  I would like to think that Walt Disney developed an affinity for mice as well…

Walt’s Monday Mouse feature would be to die for!

Question 9: What are you most passionate about? – Randomly Erin

The things I have been most passionate about have come and gone through the years… but the one thing they all have in common: creativity!  My quirky and fucked up sense of creativity, that is.  It’s something everyone has, but many people criminally under-use it… which is why it’s the main component of the Contest of Whatever I run every February.  It’s almost paradoxical that the insane things my mind comes up with actually help keep me sane… but the imagination is a playground, and I spend a LOT of my time there since I really have nothing better to do…

The cats won’t play chess with me.

Question 10: How do you feel about the Menendez brothers (killed their parents) being moved to the same prison & same, uh, block (not sure that’s correct word, but you know what I mean)? I am against it. Bad boys, bad boys. – Crimsonowl57

The Menendez Brothers are still relevant?  Wow, who knew?  The prison version of the Doublemint Twins is a frightening visualization to behold…

Those soft fuzzy sweaters are going to be a hit with Bubba and Big Scrat…

Question 11: Why iz PI …de onlee dessert ….. ta get an equation… – Da Tabbies Of Trout Towne

Well, keep in mind that only defective pies not fit for eating can be used in math class.  After all, the formula states that Pi R Squared, and who wants to eat a square pie?

The Three Stooges would never stoop to throwing something like this at each other.

Question 12: Were there any critters, real or cartoon, that you were crazy about as a kid? – Trisha

So many pets came and went during my childhood, it was hard to get attached to any of them.  The three pets from my younger days that stand out are a black lab named Midnight, a black cat we rescued from near the river named Tinkerbell (After the belled collar it was wearing… and it was a male cat!), and a torty cat named Fluffy who is maybe the toughest broad I have ever known.  She was basically dumped on us by a neighbor kid thirty years ago (This week!  What’s with all the anniversaries in early May for me?) at about four weeks old… and she not only managed to survive away from her mother, but lived another 12 years as a primarily outside cat who routinely beat the shit out of dogs ten times her size and gave birth to enough kittens to make Bob Barker have a stroke…

Fluffy and one of her many broods. Ah, the joys of motherhood…

Question 13: If you could travel back to any time period when would it be? – Juliette

I’m not sure if I’d want to visit a time period I did not live through.  I mean, when your only perspective of a certain age is what historians have chosen to remember and immortalize about that particular time, you just know there’s going to be a whole lot of unforeseen surprises, not many of them good.  Every single period of my life that had its good times I recall well was also filled with shitty things I’d rather not experience again.  Maybe we can just set the DeLorean for January 18, 2001 so I can have another shot at whooping her butt…

Nah, I’d just get skunked all over again…

Question 14: Had snuggle bear always THIS facial impression as in the photo above or do you think it just happened as he… well ya know… – Phenny

That would be a reference to this famous photo…


And I’d answer that it’s hard to tell, because oddly enough, he has that same expression when Big Scrat is giving it to him from the other end…

He can’t even pretend he doesn’t like it.

The next question is addressed to our resident bimbocorn…

I better, like, put my testicles on to look totally smart!

Question 15: Mitzi, if you could, like, choose any profession besides, like, being the village harlot and stuff, what would you, um, do? And would, like, any of your current fellow creatures, you know, be your cohorts in your new, uh, adventure? – Quirky Girl

I’d, like, totally be a uranusologist so I could check critters’ weewees every day and prescribe Viagra!  And there’d totally be free in-office testing out of the samples as well!  Everyone would be coming to see Dr. Mitzi to, like, get their pipes checked!  And cleaned!

Another satisfied customer of Dr. Mitzi!

Question 16: If you didn’t write about squirrels here, what would your blog be about? – Ally Bean

I don’t know that The Nest really has much of a theme anymore.  I write about squirrels, music, cats, put on strange theatrical plays with inanimate objects.  And in the past there were comics, TV ads, 80’s stuff, and other assorted potpourri.  I probably wouldn’t blog at all if I had to stay on any one subject because I’m too ADD…

Maybe I would write about unicorns. There aren’t enough unicorn blogs.

Question 17: You’re in a store and you are buying only four items. These four items have to be something that would make the cashier remember you from all of her other customers for the day. What are the four items? – Bacon

Let’s see what memorable products I can pull out of my archive…

  1. A fat unicorn

I’m going to have to look inside and see if you’re trying to shoplift anything.

2. Unbelievable This Is Not Butter

I like a little mystery in my life.

3. Urkel O’s cereal

Who cares if it’s been expired for 25 years?

4. Shit Glitter

Because gold shit doesn’t stink!

Question 18: Are there any movies that have actually brought you to tears and I mean sad or happy tears not just because it was a shitty movie tears? – Ladybuggz

Between not being much of a movie watcher, nor an overly emotional person, the answer is absolutely not.  Interestingly enough, though, a TV display was set up near where I was working earlier in the year, and they decided to put the classic animated film Bambi on constant repeat… including at night when no little kids were around to be traumatized by Bambi’s mother getting shot.  I’d never seen it before and never really knew what its plot was.  I got to see (or really, hear) it’s circle of life theme get played out over and over again for weeks… and after a while, well it does kinda get to you.  But I don’t cry…

I’d hate for my mascara to run while I’m at work…

Question 19: you seem to like (o)possums quite a lot. You have posted that picture of those hideous babies several times. So why did you choose Buster, your possum character, to keep dying horribly? I’m not complaining, it’s funny, just asking… – Draliman

I didn’t choose Buster, nature just took its course (as it usually does with possums trying to cross the road).  Like with any good running gag, it started off just being something that happened to him a few times in my comic series… and it got to the point where somebody noticed Buster seemed to get killed a lot, and that’s when it became a more conscious theme.  Given Buster’s creepy, non-pleasing personality in my comic series, his deaths could often be chalked up to karma’s revenge.  It’s a shame his reformed and jovial character in SCT is forced to endure the same fate…

Naw…. it’s funny as hell even when Buster dies with a big smile on his face.

And last but not least, an unofficial question that never got replaced….

Question 20: Will you marry me?


Ok, I will try to think of a legit question later. Try, being the key word there. – Holly

Wait, that wasn’t a legit question!?!?  Well, I guess this squirrel’s relieved then…

So much for forever holding your peace.

Thank you everyone who played along and made this an even bigger success than I could have imagined!  This would get very tiring as some kind of regular feature, but as something to do a few times a year… I think it would be a nice break from the regularity of my other features.  So… we may try this again in a few months.  Start thinking about your next probing question right now…

And I’ll start thinking of my next smartass answer…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to Twenty Questions

  1. oooh please lets go shopping together… I can not wait to see golden urkel-o cereals…

  2. Piglove says:

    Who knew!! Shit glitter…. I gotta have some. Can you imagine dad’s look on his face when he sees me start pooping gold glitter?! I would surely be safe here at the Hotel Thompson from him then. Snorts with piggy laughter! I LOVE IT!! XOXO – Bacon

  3. crimsonowl63 says:

    Great answers! Wow. Unbelievable This is Not Butter. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is looking to imitate butter. Now this, uh, product is looking to imitate a product trying to taste like butter. Okaaay. I found out there are a LOT of crazy names for knock-off I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. You learn something new every day & this was important for me to know!! 😉

    • That was from my collection of ICBINB ripoffs I found while doing my tribute to the world’s most famous butter imposter a few years ago. There’s some real funny and strange ones out there, particularly in foreign countries (I think Unbelievable is from one of the Eastern Asian countries)…

  4. JackieP says:

    Sorry I asked more than one question. I’m old, so I don’t follow directions. LOL Great answers and questions! I smiled all the way through. 🙂

  5. Ladybuggz says:

    I’m surprised all your answers seemed so honest, it’s a nice trait! 🙂 Shit glitter? Oh My! lol…

  6. ghostmmnc says:

    So now we know! Interesting questions and funny pictures! Happy Anniversaries X however many you have coming up! Loved reading your answers. Aww Fluffy! Torties definitely have that ‘catitude’ going on I know, as we had one. 🙂

    • She was a feisty one. I think Gyspy has a lot of Fluffy’s attitude in her… I already know she’s capable of standing her ground against three different male cats!

  7. Merbear74 says:

    Abnormal is the new normal, man!!

  8. ody N biskit… lee awesum post two day; grate questshunz and even grater anzwerz !! ….for sure we say tell dad ta due thiz again….we all reddy haz R next questshun in R mindz eye 🙂 ♥♥

  9. Trisha says:

    It was good to see a picture of the legendary Fluffy, who looks like she’s ready to fly right out of that photo and kick a dog’s ass just for looking at her babies for a second too long.

    I enjoyed reading all your answers but the one that made me laugh the most was Mitzi’s dream of being an uranusologist!

    • I wish I had a better picture (Or really, ANY picture) of some of our old pets. I had scanned that photo of Fluffy ten years ago, and resized it as a message board avatar… so I blew it back up for this post and that’s why it looks really crappy.

      Mitzi is quite a gem. If she had a blog, it would be much more popular than mine…

      • Trisha says:

        Not having better pictures of pets and everything else is one of my big regrets. That would be my answer for that time travel question – I would go back in time and gift myself a digital camera with a huge memory card!

  10. There are a lot of people who seem to hold it against squirrels that they like birdseed. Why is a bird more hungry than a squirrel? The only creatures that TRULY think squirrels are evil are dogs. But that’s DNA.

    I think the word ought to be urinologist, otherwise, you are probably studying the planet Uranus or something like that.

    • I completely agree with you on the birdseed thing, and it really pisses me off that there are so many bird elitists out there. Any while many of the “offenses” that causes people to have such a hatred for squirrels are insignificant in my mind (If you want to grow a garden, you’re just going to have to deal with all the animals who want to eat it), it’s a big deal to a lot of homeowners.

      As for Mitzi, she’s a little flighty and has trouble with such big words…

  11. Great job…….! You got quite an interesting crop of questions which seem to clearly show that your audience here at ES is every bit as whacked out as you are which makes (in my opinion) for a perfectly perfect combo. I’ll put my thinking cap (or latex glove) on to come up with another whopper for the next time you submit yourself to questioning!


    • It would be great if the variety and weirdness of the question was just as good next time around. I even liked that one of the questions was for Mitzi… boy the things she could reveal about herself!

  12. Ally Bean says:

    Thank you for answering my question. I feel that I have a better understanding of your life, your mind, and your process. You are, as I’ve always suspected, a true wack-a-doodle, sir.

  13. Thanks for answering our question. Trust me, the cats own you, whether or not you acknowledge it…so I’m told. Regarding #15 (and I realize it’s technically another question so perhaps it’s disqualified on the grounds it’s after the questioning period and you answered ours), isn’t that what dear Mitz already does?

    • Well, not in an official capacity. I mean, she has no license or a medical degree… even from Sally Struthers University. She does love being an amateur uranusologist, though…

  14. draliman says:

    So much revealed! “Unbelievable – This Is Not Butter”, hah. At least they’re being truthful about it not being butter.
    So poor Buster just sort of fell into the role. And off buildings and such. Thanks for not posting THAT possum babies picture again.

    • Some people strongly react to the guy eating cereal out of the toilet. You react strongly to the cute box of possum babies. it is a strange and wonderful world…

  15. Quirky Girl says:

    Mitzi never fails to disappoint! Although I do have doubts about a uranusologist as a legitimate profession, it probably suits her better than being a boring ol’ uranologist…

  16. I suspect “My fart will go on” didn’t spend as much time in the charts with you as it did over here… Another hit that did the same was Bryan Adams’ “Everything I do”. Brilliant song but after 14 weeks (or more it may have been) at number one, it did get somewhat stale.

    • Both of those songs came during the time when I was exclusively listening to oldies/classic rock stations… so by the time I was exposed to new music again, they’d already tested the patience of everyone. Neither song gets played much anymore… in fact, I can’t think of the last time I heard either on the radio.

Jabber Away...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s