Nothing can quite prepare you for the utter unholiness that is Shelf Critter Theatre on Fridays, but maybe we can help numb your mind a bit to the goings on of one of the internet’s most fucked up imaginary places with our Thursday Meet the Critters series. This week we’re going to break out the dreaded baby book and ooh and aww together at the messed up childhoods of the Shelf’s two newest arrivals, Zeeba and Bearcat. Here, you may need this napkin to clean up any unexpected breastmilk barf…
Oh, and I may ask for a volunteer to handle diaper duty.
NAMES: Zeeba and Bearcat
SPECIES: Zeeba is obviously a purple zebra with a hot pink mohawk… you know, just like you’ve seen in every National Geographic special ever. Bearcat is….. well, we’re not really sure. She’s officially a cat, but she could be a bear, she could be a dragon, she could be the result of what happens when your mother’s womb has more daily visitors than The Louvre. I guess it’s a good things hybrids are in vogue these days…
You own 13.69% of me, Dadio!
SHELF PERSONALITIES: Like pretty much every duo that has ever existed in the world of entertainment, these pair of twins have a wild, flighty member and a somewhat more rational and cunning sidekick. Zeeba fills the former role and Bearcat the latter. Zeeba’s the Beavis to Bearcat’s Butthead…
Huh huh huh! You said “liquor!”
RUNNING GAGS: Bearcat seems to have inherited most of her mother Mitzi’s charm, and is able to use it to her advantage to connive favors out of the other critters. Zeeba, meanwhile, has more of Mitzi’s brainlessness and only seems interested in showing off her pottymouth and jumping on the backs of other critters/objects to get rides from them.
Doggyback rides are totally worth the risk of rabies.
SCT PREMIERE: Well…. I guess the pair’s first technical appearance was in the episode where Mitzi surprisingly laid their eggs, “Expect the Unexpected.” That set up SCT’s only on-going plotline ever where the next two months were a wait-and-see until the eggs hatched right after Christmas… not only revealing what cute little critters Mitzi was “giving birth” to, but which unlucky Shelf males would be stuck with the Daddy duties. Fortunately for Mitzi’s male harem, that latter subtext hasn’t really been explored much further. “Happy Birth Day” was the episode where we first got to see the l’il Mitzies smiling faces…
They’re so much cuter before they’re born.
ICONIC SCT ROLE: The only full episode the two got is also one of their (and SCT’s overall) better stories, and that was the first episode of 2018 “Too Drool For School.” Mitzi puts her two one-week old kids in Miss Twilight’s third grade class, and all kinds of messed up hijinx ensue.
Look Sis! I think that’s Mommy’s tail under that desk!
WHAT’S IN A NAME?: Zeeba got her name from what Mitzi first called her upon the zebra hatching from her egg. Perhaps I also had a little Pearls Before Swine on the brain when I wrote that script as well. Bearcat got her name from the confusion over her species identity, though the bearcat is a real animal, as well as the mascot of a few American universities.
Mommy! Mommy! Look what we made in art class!
WHAT ARE THEY?: Zeeba and Bearcat are two of a wide variety of small, cute, collectible little critters in the burgeoning market of mini figurines. The eggs the two came in were park of a Hatchimals two-pack I purchased in early November of last year. The whole Mitzi giving birth scene was inspired by how often I had to stock the toy department that holiday season (See this post)…
No, not those kind of toys. Sheesh!
WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?: The Mecca I work at, of course. I personally stocked the package I bought, and these two cost me just under $5. I won’t tell Mitzi I saved the receipt…
CAN I GET ONE TOO?: Hell yeah if your local store either sells Hatchimals minis or you know how to find them online. It may take you a while to find an exact replica of Zeeba and Bearcat since there are literally over a hundred different critters in each series… but I found this interesting:
Trouble’s cuter cousin.
The Hatchimals themed board games that are also sold in the toy aisle all prominently feature BOTH of the critters SCT has helped make famous. Out of all of the possibilities that could have come in my double pack, the fact that I apparently got two of the main characters in the series is pretty…. well, it’s pretty something. I don’t know if it’s dumb luck or just dumb, but hey… Zeeba and Bearcat are even the stars of their own licensed series. Maybe they can use their influence to help their Mommy on her way to becoming the next Kim Kardashian…
They both may also get fired from their Hatchimals gig if the brass ever find out what Mitzi’s been teaching them.
I’ll have another unique and colorful critter for you to fawn over next Thursday…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
Since the dads haven’t been doing much child-rearing, you could do a SCT where they take the kids out for the day. Chaos ensues!
I don’t know if it would be a good idea for the kids to be hanging out with Uncle Snuggie, what with that big squirrel who keeps following him. The kids might really see something they don’t want to see…
You know some people, not naming any names, might suggest that you have a few too many critters on your shelves. While I’m charmed by the critter backstories, I can’t keep them straight. I cannot overemphasize the stress these Meet The Critters posts put on me. I worry that there’s going to be a test down the line, and I’m going to fail it. 😧
There will be no quiz, you can count on that. Not knowing some of the background info may leave you bamboozled if you attempt to read a SCT story, but that’s all. My shelf is full of critters who won’t even get a write-up because they’re not in the regular cast. Otherwise, this series could go on and on and on….
Whatever they are, they are pretty cute and definitely entertaining.
I just wish they weren’t so tiny and prone to falling over. They just scream choking hazard in the hands of the kids they were intended for…
They are really cute. Bearcat sure doesn’t take after her Momma in looks, making it seem very likely that Uncle Snuggie is the father, the poor little critter. Maybe that’s why I always feel more sympathetic toward Bearcat in the episodes. Or, maybe it’s because she’s less of a hellion than Zeeba.
Well, you just gotta love kids who would buy their mom an adult toy for Mother’s Day. They’d turn into a lot of trouble for the other critters if they ever grew up…
I love your tiny thing collection. I have so much stuff, I am probably the least tempted by any offer for any more of anything. All my tiny things are made of either pottery or some kind of metal. Bronze or zinc or unnamed steely stuff. Painted or otherwise. I need to remove them all from their shelves before the encrusted dust glues them to the plank.
I’m too much of a hoarder to turn down anything I find even remotely interesting. I’m bad….. hopefully not reality TV show intervention bad later in my life, but pack ratting is an issue for me.
In reading the comments to this, I’m almost tempted to start a “meet my stash” series and photograph the different skeins and balls of yarn I’ve got… Of course, Fuzzywig would misinterpret what I mean by “stash”! Has he been allowed to babysit yet?
I wouldn’t put it past Fuzzy to try smoking yarn if that was all that was available… it’s kind of like hemp, I guess. The mini Mitzies haven’t been introduced to the Good Stuff yet, but I’m sure Mitzi has already taught them enough to ensure they don’t turn out right…