The Nest’s maid hates it when we do a winter scene.
If you’ve manage to read along the past few months of Thursdays without either falling asleep or losing interest, you’ve met and got to know most of the critters who get undeserved face time in our episodes of Shelf Critter Theatre. But they can’t do it all by themselves. No… along with needed me to help them get into position for their scenes, they also need non-anthropomorphic inanimate objects to lend a false sense of legitimacy to the show. SCT prides itself on telling a story with minimal props, but nonetheless needs some of those things I have taking up space in my hoarder’s den to make the scenes work. This final installment of Meet the Critters will look take a closer look at some of the Theatre’s recurring props, because even they have backstories. Yes, I lead a hopeless life…
This bear also pisses in the woods.
Every good troupe of fucked up thespians needs some booze to keep the awkward ad libs coming. For someone who has never drank alcohol in his life, I have a pretty impressive collection of used liquor containers around the house. The Popov vodka bottle is my favorite, and is usually my go-to for Snuggle or Troll. When I was a kid, my Granny’s brother (I guess that would be my great uncle?) lived with her, and poured down the cheap vodka like it was water. At some point 30 years ago, I snagged this bottle out of the trash can literally brimming with Popov bottles and kept it as a souvenir of one of my more embarrassing relatives. It actually still has a very small swig in it if anyone’s thirsty…
The most interesting creep in the world.
Another bottle I like to drop in on scenes involving more than one drunk is the empty Dos Equis beer bottle I salvaged from the parking lot of our local Ponderosa steakhouse a few years ago. Dos Equis is known in America (Maybe worldwide, I don’t know) for its Most Interesting Man in the World ad campaign it launched almost ten years ago, which is one of my favorites…. thus why I picked up this trash as a keepsake.
Snuggle Bear gets all the cool props, it seems.
This model version of legendary NASCAR driver Dick Trickle’s (Yes, that really is his name) 1997 Heilig Meyers stock car serves as the official transportation of Shelf Critter Theatre. Snuggle Bear uses it most often as a substitute for a real windowless pedo-van. However, it can also be accessorized….
Options extra.
With this funny looking thing to serve as a plow…. usually for scooping Buster’s dead carcass into the wastebasket (Which itself is a frequently used prop). And that scoop, incidentally, belongs to this…
The tree of knowl…. er, fucked uppedness.
I can’t even remember what this tree thingy was, or even where I got it from. probably as part of some squirrel themed gift given that the bottom of the tree looks like an acorn. And during the holiday season….
Who says I don’t decorate for Christmas?
I have a mini-strand of blinking lights that is actually a necklace that can be worn with your ugly sweater at Christmas parties. That came in the token gift bag my Dad would always get at one of his doctor’s offices. I’m glad it still works to help keep things jolly and bright for the annual Bad Santa episodes…
Share, but never bogart.
Fuzzywig just wouldn’t be Fuzzywig without his pipe and bag of “The Good Stuff.” The bag, as I revealed in my Viewer Mail episode, is actually a half used mini packet of catnip… which has many of the same effects as the Good Stuff. The pipe was a find from a box of old junk in the family storage shed, and most likely used to belong to my Grandpa, who I know smoked pipes. He’d be pleased to see my critters aren’t putting his old pipe to waste…
Mitzi, proving how sexy the right pair of glasses can make anyone look.
This photo contains two recurring props… the extra, extra long receipt from one of my “I worked Black Friday and survived” vouchers I cashed in a few years ago, which usually appears as Tina’s very long list of Christmas wishes she presents Santa with each year. Also, the pair of fake glasses that we were handing out at Mecca a while back for some Harry Potter book release event. Mitzi usually gets out her spectacles anytime she needs to read something, and Buster made good comic use of the oversized glasses in his tribute to a very famous Twilight Zone episode.
You can’t beat 20th century telecommunications technology.
My current (!) cellphone and the one it replaced (bottom right) get a lot of SCT time whenever calls have to be made, or I’m humorously having one of my critters do smartphone things on a dumbphone.
Both phones being used for their most practical purpose.
The bulkier 2006 model phone also makes a good booster seat when one of my critters is positioned behind some sort of counter, and a support stand that allows for some of the flimsier characters like Seymour the Elf to pose.
I’m shocked to find out there is gambling going on here!
The Nest even has one of those ultra classy decks of nude showgirl playing cards, which get broken out for boys’ night out. This is the kind of gift parents who used to re-purpose empty tampon boxes as Christmas gift packages bring home for their son when they go to Vegas. Don’t worry, I always make sure to blot out any of the more delicate anatomy that would offend the many prudes who come to my blog for all of my sophisticated content…
Smile for the camera!
This toy movie camera, usually operated by one of the Sponkies, was a very old McDonald’s Happy Meal toy, if you weren’t able to tell by the arches logo on the reels.
Boozing it up with the godfather of Shelf Critter Theatre.
The small bottle of Margaritaville came packed with Bashful when Bacon sent him to The Nest two years ago, and is seen here with one of my vast collection of souvenir shot glasses that also appear frequently.
Aunt Scratchy, this music SUCKS!
Another former gag gift turned SCT prop is this cassette tape of former Tonight Show bandleader Kevin Eubanks’ seminal work “The Heat of Heat.” I have never listened to it before, and have no desire to look it up on YouTube, but I can image it’s fucking awful.
Anyone got change for a $1,000,000?
This million dollar bill looks awful authentic, but it’s actually a church recruitment leaflet I found at work. If I ever get my Photoshop issues fixed, it will be seen in the next SCT episode…
There are so many other props that get appear from time to time, that I could easily make this the longest post on my blog… but instead, let’s wrap this up with SCT’s most versatile prop that shows up all the time and that you may not have even paid much attention to…
Words to live by.
“Huh?” you may be saying to yourself. “You know, I actually do read your stupid Shelf Critter Theatre stories, and I don’t ever remember seeing that sign in one of them!” True… you’ve never seen the front of this sign before. But you see the back of it in probably half of my SCT productions…. you just didn’t know what that was. I’ve used this sign as a counter…
A desk…
A door…
A fence…
A podium…
Don’t let my washrag drapery fool you, that sign’s underneath there!
And maybe even some alternate uses I’ve long since forgotten about. But the until-now unseen squirrel sign may very well be Shelf Critter Theatre’s most important prop!
Hey! That’s no way to treat such an important piece of SCT history!
And so that concludes my Thursday look at the critters and other wonderful things that help me create the magically insane universe that is Shelf Critter Theatre. With my photo countdown starting tomorrow, Thursdays will be covered for a long time… so there’s no need for filler like this now. I hope you enjoyed this behind the scenes peek at your favorite guilty pleasure…
Who doesn’t enjoy taking a peek at this guilty pleasure?
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
Props are just as important as the players when creating a “theatrical experience” aren’t they…..and if you ever need to supplement your stash of props, there’s always the dumpster fleet behind Mecca or your local shopping center. People throw away the most amazing things. A good friend whose husband owns a car wash (the do it yourself kind) next to his shop caught an idiot on security camera who dumped off an old toilet the other night in the car wash bay. Left it right there – perhaps his idea of a porta-potty????? Thanks for the behind the scenes look at the Theater!
Pam
Don’t tempt me to go out looking for more junk! I’m a hopeless pack rat always on the lookout for the next useless shiny object I can bring back home and add to my growling collection of crap my heirs will one day have to deal with. Fred Sanford would think I have a junk problem…
I’m impressed at your ingenuity. Sick and twisted wins the day after all…
I am impressed by the fact that there are people who actually enjoy my twisted sense of humor…
Fun props! I’ve enjoyed the behind the scenes and introduction series of your critters & props. 🙂
Thanks! I never knew I had so much versatile stuff around here until I began these shelf critter plays!
You sometimes remind me of being a little kid and playing with our little Ginny dolls. We walked them around, dressed them up, pretended to talk for them. They fought and build fortresses.
But — unlike you — we grew up 😀 Now, we merely chat with our dogs. And because we are mature, they answer us, too. Don’t judge me.
I had Ginny dolls! My grandmother made clothes for them, and because I didn’t play as much with them, they actually survived. It’s nice, since my grandmother died when I was 14.
My kids and I like to walk toys around and dress them up and pretend talk for them. I’m an adult and they are teens. Don’t judge us! 🙂 Oh, I am also Sparkle pony’s creator.
I think everyone needs to retain a little bit of the child in them, because all adult all the time is boring. That said, though, I now play with my toys for the entertainment of others rather than just my own satisfaction.
I think there is even something written in the books of books about If you are not going to be like the children, you will never go to heaven – or some such …
I think my decision skills actually do rival that of a squirrel crossing the street. Should I be concerned?
Only when those decision making skills get suddenly stopped by the impending rubberized steamroller. Remember to stop between the tires and duck…
I love the history of all your props. I think besides Sparklepony and brood my fav character has to be Snuggle the pedo bear. It’s so wrong, and yet so right!
I enjoy flirting with the limits of good taste in this series. It’s the only thing on this blog I do completely uncensored and without regard for anyone’s delicate sensibilities. And everyone already suspected Snuggie was a creep anyway…
True. I mean just look at that face.
Hahaha “Dick Trickle”.
I love how you replaced your old mobile phone with an equally old one.
At least the name of the service provider on my current phone is still in business…. as opposed to the 2006 phone, which I was still using 10 years after Cingular got gobbled up by AT&T. It was like owning a working piece of ancient history…
I marvel at your creativity using stuff around the shelf as ongoing props. Well done!
You should see me brainstorming and digging through my house for anything that might pass for what I need in a scene. I once lamented that I had used up all the rat poison because I wanted to put it in Uncle Snuggie’s candy bowl for a Halloween episode…
Ha! What’s that expression…an idle mind is the devil’s playground. Particularly if you’re looking for a prop!
Pole dancing, huh??
I like how you shared this metal sign in so many ways, you are always creative and never boring. 😀
I’ve often wondered what conveniently-sized object served as the desk and counter in SCT. And I love your creativity in using the base of the tree to make the race car a snow plough!