Critters And Cake

EVERYONE: Happy birthday!!!

ME: What?  You critters hang around me enough to know I don’t care about my birthday.

TROLL: But we care about it!

SNUGGLE: Damn straight we do, dude!

BEARCAT: Check out this awesome cake we made for you!

ME: That’s not a cake, it’s holiday treat carrier…

FUZZYWIG: It’s a birthday cake, dude.  Use your imagination!  And I made it with my very special cake mix.  You can have a piece at 4:20…

CHIP: I just want to state for the record that I had nothing to do with any of this…

RAINY: You better appreciate what we did for you, or you’ll need to order an entire case of Glade spray for this hellhole of a room.

ME: OK, OK, fine.  Thanks guys.  How come the candle isn’t lit, though?

FUZZYWIG: I needed the last match to light something else…

SNUGGLE: Don’t worry about that, dude!  We’ve got another surprise for you!

ME: Should I be worried?

ZEEBA: It’s, like, totally inside the cake!

BEARCAT: Now close your eyes and pucker up!

ME: Oh, I get it.  You know, I think I’m a bit too old to be kissing stuffed unicorns…. but I guess if it will make you all happy, I’ll play along.  I sure hope nobody’s watching this, I might get sent to the real nuthouse.  (Closing eyes and puckering up) OK, Mitzi, let’s get this over with….



ME: GAH!!!!  What the fuck!?!?!?

Lots of laughing can be heard

SNUGGLE: Yes!  Sweeeeeeet revenge!!!

ME: You assholes!

CHIP: I told you, I had nothing to….

ME: Get your asses back on the shelf, NOW!  Every last one of you!!!!

TROLL: (Working his phone) This is so going on Facebook!

Well, that was a shitty birthday surprise…. not that it’s been a banner day thus far anyway.  I’ve already managed to somehow knock something out of whack in my left shoulder which has me in a world of pain, and why I didn’t feel like trying to come up with a more proper SCT story today.  But oh well.  I think I’m going to sleep this one off… and I better not have nightmares about Big Scrat.  Where in the hell IS Mitzi anyway….?

MITZI: Are you, like, sure it’s your birthday today, squirrely whirly?

EVIL SQUIRREL: Of course it is, babe!  I have a lot of birthdays every year…

MITZI: OMG, that’s, like, so cool!  Are you totally turning 29 again?

ES: I had a number about 40 places higher in mind, hot stuff!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Critters And Cake

  1. Ladybuggz says:

    Happy Birthday E.S. !! 🍰🍰🍾🍾🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂 It’s just a guess of how many candles on your cakes! ❤ Have a great one my friend! ❤

  2. Merbear74 says:

    Happy 43rd birthday, ES! We’re the same age for just over a month!

  3. franhunne4u says:

    Oh, hello little fledgeling, did you finally come out of the egg-shell. Admit it, you LIKED the kiss with the hairy, burly Scrat. Many happy returns – and of your birthday, too.

  4. Well every Evil Squirrel should have a special day all his own to celebrate his hatching and apparently THIS IS YOUR DAY! I hope it’s special even though your shoulder is out of whack and Mitzi wasn’t available to make your dreams come true but I bet you’ll find SOMETHING to keep yourself occupied and happy on your day. Try some of that “good stuff” purrrhaps? Tee Hee

    Seriously – HAPPY BD! Pam and Teddy

  5. You can do a “Jack Benny” and move all the way up to 39. My mother never made it past 39. It was her permanent age. If it’s your birthday, have a very happy one. If it isn’t, have a happy one anyway. If it isn’t your birthday, it COULD be your birthday, so go with it.

    • Thank you. The number doesn’t bother me, just the physical things that come with the age. I really do seem to feel older each year… and at this rate, I may be an invalid by the time I’m in my 50’s.

  6. Quirky Girl says:

    Happy Birthday!!! Sure looks like Mitzi is ready to celebrate! 😛

  7. crimsonowl63 says:

    Happy birthday, man! You are so fxcking funny! See that x makes it ok. I laughed through the whole post 🤣 I wish I could send you something to make you laugh, but I’m only funny accidentally. This is your Birthday weekend! Enjoy it!
    Watch, like Animal House, Blazin’ Saddles. Whatever makes ya laugh man! That was said in a bad Scottish accent. HB ES

  8. draliman says:

    Happy birthday for yesterday! I hope your shoulder recovers.
    At least ES is getting some…

    • Thank you. It’s feeling better, though I worry when body parts decide to go out on you just for using them. I may use my rehabbed shoulder to smack ES around a bit…

  9. Arlene says:

    Happy Birthday! I hope your shoulder improves and the your special day gets better.

  10. *♪ღ♪Happy★Birthday, dude ♪ღ♪* Here’s a real cake and one without calories or weirdos. 🎂 Hope your day was grand.

  11. 1jaded1 says:

    Happy Belated Birthday.

  12. ghostmmnc says:

    Well, here I am late to the party again. Happy Birthday! At least the critters remembered. 🙂
    Hope your shoulder is better today.

  13. Trisha says:

    Oh no, I missed your birthday! Sorry about that. I knew it was coming up soon too. Sorry it was full of unpleasant surprises like injured shoulders and creeps like Scrat jumping out of your cake! I hope your shoulder is doing better.

    • The shoulder was one of those weird out-of-nowhere things that only lasted a day…. but man it hurt! Thanks! The critters have missed you too! They’re doing the Wizard of Oz now, which should be a real trip!

      • Trisha says:

        Those out-of-nowhere things that only last a day are so crazy. How they can hurt like hell one day and be gone the next is such a mystery! I look forward to catching up with the critters in the Wizard of Oz! I could use a trip like that.

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