Excuse Me While I Whip This Out

This may take a while…

I hope you’re ready for another dose of Monday madness to help get your week started off on a fucked up note.  It’s time for the next entry in my Top 30 Novelty Songs Of All Time countdown!  This week’s honoree will not be dug out of DJ Scratchy’s vault in the basement, but rather from the toy chest in the attic.  And we have the Sponkies on hand with the ruler to measure it….. yep, it’s just as big as we expected it would be.

#24. “Big Ten Inch Record” – Aerosmith

Congratulations to the pride of Boston, MA…. Aerosmith becomes the first and only act to have now earned a spot in each of The Nest’s three music countdowns.  It seems Steven Tyler and the boys are the masters of both really great and really shitty music… and now, really fucked up music.  Let’s drop to our knees and marvel at the glory of the band’s “Big Ten Inch Record”…

Yeah, they had you fooled, didn’t they…

The squirrel girls just love my big ten inch….. baguette.

Utilizing the same pregnant pause gimmick as in “Shaving Cream,” Tyler leads the listener  into thinking that his girl goes nuts over the size of his pecker, when in fact she just wants to hear his funky vinyl collection.  Of course, we know that in the 70’s you couldn’t explicitly sing about your dick on the radio… not to mention it’s a pretty good bet that if Tyler tried to sell the fact that he was packing ten inches to his lady friend, she’d probably tell him to dream on…

Dude looks like a lady…. down there, too.

This song was added to Aerosmith’s legendary 1975 album Toys in the Attic, but they didn’t come up with the gag.  Bull Moose Jackson and the Buffalo Bearcats first performed “Big Ten Inch” two decades earlier in the 1950’s… again proving that the good old days weren’t as innocent as the old folks would like you to believe they were.  While I still prefer the Aerosmith version… if you want to hear this song by its original artist, and with a bit more soul and a lot less screaming….well, here you go!

I’ll be back next Monday with another weird and wacky song you’ll need a tape measure for…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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20 Responses to Excuse Me While I Whip This Out

  1. I like steven tyler… he has something special what’s bigger than just 10 inches :O)))

  2. Sounds like Steven kicked his rocker roots in the ten inch for this cut, didn’t he?

  3. big aerosmith fan; and while I liked this song, it wasn’t a “gotta download on itunes” one; will have to give a listen to bull moose jackson’s !! 🙂 ♥♥

  4. Aerosmith really ARE the “hometown team.” Rare is a Bostonian who hasn’t bumped into one or more of them at some shop or local event. They are indeed very up and down as writers. Some really good stuff, some really AWFUL stuff, but they are our guys and they hang in there with Boston. Local kids made good!

    • I have to think Boston’s produced more big rock acts than any other city…. at least before the Seattle revolution of the 90’s. You had Aerosmith, J Geils Band, The Cars and of course…. Boston!

  5. crimsonowl63 says:

    I love Aerosmith. I like their version, but I’m going with Bull Moose Jackson on this.
    Great pick!

  6. Oh goodness. I remember when this song made grown men giggle like 8 year old girls.
    Another good novelty song choice.

  7. Quirky Girl says:

    You have an uncanny knack for capturing squirrels in their most unflattering moments! 😛

  8. Ladybuggz says:

    Can’t say I’ve ever heard that song. There’s nothing more impressive than a guy singing about his pecker!😣😂😂😂

  9. draliman says:

    Funny, as I was listening to the Aerosmith one I was thinking that it sounded like it belonged a couple of decades earlier.
    However, if you’re talking lyrics which sound naughty but “aren’t”, ACDC has that beat hands down with their song “Big Balls”. I do hope it’s included in your picks!

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