The Gizzard Of Blahs – Part X

Where to find links to past episodes of The Gizzard

When we last left Mitzi Gale and her friends, they finally made it to the chambers of the Gizzard of Blahs, only to be thwarted by a stubborn guard Troll who was not about to let them gain entry…

TROLL: Not nobody!  Not no how!!!

CHIP: You know, that’s a double negative.  So because of your bad grammar, that means we really can go ins…

TROLL: (Puts his box cutter up to Chip’s throat) Do NOT play games with me!  I may be working this menial job, but I’ve got a college diploma hanging on my wall… so dammit, I was learned gooder grammar!!!

FUZZYWIG: This is going to be a tough nut to crack.

SNUGGLE: I’m about to crack his nuts if he doesn’t step aside!

MITZI: BFF’s!  Like, violets isn’t the answer!  Let Mitzi totally show you how to disarm a Troll!  (Turning to the guard) Yooooooohoooooooo!!!!

Troll just glares menacingly at Mitzi…

MITZI: You totally look, like, so kyoooot in that uniform!

TROLL: This isn’t a uniform!  It’s my jammies.  I got ambushed by a group of possum scouts yesterday and soiled my dress blues in action.

MITZI: Awwwwwwww, what a brave widdow soldier you are.  Why don’t you, like, totally come inside with me and let me totally give your other little soldier a white glove inspection!

TROLL: I…… um………errrr…….

TROLL: Don’t even think of sneaking past me while I’m….. errrr, questioning this bystander.  I shall return!

The door closes behind Mitzi and the Troll…

SNUGGLE: Dude!  I’ve been traveling with Mitz for about half this story now, and she never offered me any sexual favors!

FUZZYWIG: Ahhhhh, reminds me of the days of free love at Woodstock!

CHIP: Fuzzy, you were born an entire decade after Woodstock!

FUZZYWIG: I was?  Hmmmm, maybe I just watched it on TV…

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! ALERT THE CRAB PATROL! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

After many things I can’t discuss on this family blog, the door opens…….

TROLL: So…… yeah.  I think the Gizzard would be thrilled to have some company for a change.  Right this way…. be careful not to step in any of the fresh puddles.

Mitzi and the gang slowly walk through the hall towards the office of the titular Gizzard of Blahs….

FUZZYWIG: There’s that word “titular” again!

SNUGGLE: When I get my new set of nuts, I’m gonna go out and grab me the most titastically titular set of t…

CHIP: Dammit, Snuggle!  Are you trying to get us thrown off the air by the PC police?  You can’t go around these days grabbing women’s….

MITZI: Oooooooh Snuggie Wuggie Teddy bear, you can, like, totally touch my titastically titular…

FUZZYWIG: Greatest hits…

MITZI: Yeah, like, those!

The racy and irreverent conversation between the companions is halted suddenly by an explosion of fire and the roar of an angry voice…

CHIP: Is that….?

SNUGGLE: Holy shit!  It’s the fucking….

SHADOW: I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL GIZZARD OF BLAHS!!!

FUZZYWIG: Yeah, we can tell with the way your voice echoes in this mausoleum…

SHADOW: DO NOT MOCK ME, YOU LITTLE….

SNUGGLE: Dude!  We’re right here just a few feet away!  You don’t have to shout at us like a heckler in the bleachers!

SHADOW: SILENCE!!!!!!!!!  THE GREAT AND POWERFUL GIZZARD OF BLAHS DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR PETTY COMPLAINTS ABOUT HIS TONE OF VOICE!  NOW, STATE YOUR BUSINESS!!!

MITZI: Well, you see kyootie pie…. we were….

SHADOW: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL GIZZARD OF BLAHS IS NOT A KYOOTIE PIE!!!  SINCE YOU CAN’T SHOW ME THE PROPER RESPECT DUE MY STATUS, I’LL HAVE TO HANDLE THIS MYSELF.  STEP FORWARD, CHIP!!!!!!!

Chip nervously inches up to the front of the group to face The Gizzard…

CHIP: You know, sir, it’s not polite at all to talk in all caps…

SHADOW: DO NOT BOTHER ME WITH COMPLAINTS ABOUT MY ETIQUETTE!  NOW, YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COME TO ME ASKING FOR A ROLE IN A BETTER ACTING TROUPE, YOU CLINKING, CLANKING, CLATTERING COLLECTION OF CALIGINOUS JUNK!?!?!?

CHIP: Junk!?!?  I’ll have you know, sir, that I’m actually made out of some of the finest porcelain in the entire world…

SHADOW: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS MADE OUT OF THE FINEST PORCELAIN?  THE COMMODE IN MY EXECUTIVE WASHROOM!  AND AT LEAST THE TROLL KEEPS THAT CLEAN ENOUGH SO THAT IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT’S BEEN USED FOR DEFECATION LIKE YOU!!!

Chip retreats back into the rest of the group with a miffed look on his face…

SHADOW: STEP FORWARD, FUZZYWIG!!!

FUZZYWIG: Wow, I haven’t had a flashback like this since the day I OD’ed on Flintstones vitamins…

SHADOW: YOU DARE COME TO ME SEEKING LEGALIZATION OF YOUR DEVIL’S WEED, YOU MANGY, MUCKY, MOGUL OF MEDICINAL MARIHUANA?

FUZZYWIG: I knew you’d see things my way, dude.  You’re pretty hip, no matter what anyone says…

SHADOW: BEGONE, FOUL CRITTER!!!  NOW YOU…. FRONT AND CENTER, SNUGGLE BEAR!!

SNUGGLE: Wazzup?

SHADOW: YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED GALL TO COME TO ME WISHING FOR A BRAND NEW SET OF TESTICLES, YOU FREAKY, FELONIOUS, DUMPSTER FIRE OF FELINE FECES?

SNUGGLE: Yeah, something like that.  Look, can we make them at least (opens his arms) this big so that I can…

SHADOW: GET OUT OF MY FACE, YOU CREEP!!!  NOW… COME HERE, MITZI!!!

MITZI: Coming, Gizzy Wizzy!!!

SHADOW: YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO ASK THE GREAT AND POWERFUL GIZZY WIZZ… ER, GIZZARD OF BLAHS FOR…

MITZI: OMGOMGOMG!!!  Your eyeballs are, like, so totally fierce!!!  Can I, like, touch them?

SHADOW: YOU MOST CERTAINLY MAY NOT!!!  NOW BACK TO BUSINESS…

MITZI: (Moving closer) Maybe there’s, like, something else Mitzi can touch?  Can I peek under your gizzard’s robe?

SHADOW: YOU ARE…. MAKING THE GREAT AND POWERFUL GIZZARD OF BLAHS…. EXPERIENCE AN UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING IN HIS POKEBALLS.

Mitzi visibly licks her lips at the very mention of The Gizzard’s junk…

SHADOW: BACK OFF YOU WENCH, OR I’LL NEVER GRANT YOUR REQUEST TO GO BACK TO YOUR DREARY HOME!!!  IN FACT, I DON’T SEE WHY I SHOULD GRANT ANY OF YOUR RIDICULOUS REQUESTS!  THE PATHETIC DESIRES OF YOU MEASLY PEASANTS ARE NOT WORTHY OF MY POWERS!!!  BEGONE, ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!

MITZI: But, like…. you can’t!!!!

CHIP: He isn’t, Mitzi.  That’s the problem.

FUZZYWIG: You’re gonna fuck up this whole story, Voldemort.

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! WHAT WOULD HARRY POTTER DO? BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

SHADOW: MAYBE I HAVE BEEN A BIT… HASTY.  I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU.  I SHALL GRANT EACH OF YOU YOUR REQUESTS ON ONE VERY SMALL CONDITION…

SNUGGLE: Name it, dude!

SHADOW: BRING ME THE RAIN GAUGE OF THE WICKED BITCH OF THE WILD WILD WEST, AND YOUR WISHES WILL BE MY COMMAND…

CHIP: The WHAT!?!?

SNUGGLE: Dude!  She’ll kill us first!

FUZZYWIG: Bitch don’t let anyone touch that rain gauge.

CHIP: Please, sir, you have to reconsider…

Another burst of fire comes from the end of the chamber, and The Gizzard’s face is gone…

MITZI: Oh noes!!!!

CHIP: Trying to get that rain gauge would be suicide!

MITZI: We might even, like, die!!!

FUZZYWIG: (Whipping out his paraphernalia) This looks like a three blunt problem…

SNUGGLE: Fuck that good stuff!  I need a shot of the hard stuff!!!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED……

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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16 Responses to The Gizzard Of Blahs – Part X

  1. Well the intrepid travelers finally got to see the Gizzard but it seems he has given them a rather dangerous and possibly impossible task with that rain gauge-ectomy he expects in return for granting their wishes. I believe this is more than a 3 blunt problem…..or a one bottle of hooch problem…..!

    Pam

    • Yeah, the crew might just spend the rest of the story getting so high and drunk that they forget their wishes entirely and end up in Blahs rehab center. As fitting of a twist as that would be for SCT, it would also end things in just one more episode, and that would cause the moviegoers who bought a ticket to this disaster to riot…

  2. how bad that snuggles wish wasn’t granted… it’s probably because that gizzard is only a head without the important parts, right?

  3. Merbear74 says:

    This has brought me great, like, joysies. Violets isn’t the answer!

  4. Trisha says:

    So many funny lines! I think this was my favorite episode yet. I suspected Shadow might be the Gizzard but I didn’t expect him to be a floating head!

    • That’s how the Gizz… er, Wizard was presented in the movie… as a giant holographic head (And I’m a bit surprised that technology was even thought of in 1939!) Of course, that wasn’t the Wizard’s true form, and….. well, SCT may have a nice twist on that coming up near the ending!

      • Trisha says:

        I guess I never made it to that part of the movie! I probably got up to turn the dial to one of our other two channels once they started singing. I didn’t “get” musicals when I was a kid. My mom took me to see a play of Annie and I remember thinking “why do they sing all the time? This is stupid!” Lol

  5. draliman says:

    Love the picture of Troll after his “encounter”! The gang have some problems now, all right…

    • Thank goodness for Troll and Shelf Critter Theatre, so I can experience the joy of dressing and undressing dolls…

      I think the gang may be overstating things. I’m sure if they just ask Rainy nicely, she’ll gladly give them her precious rain gauge…

  6. The expressions on some of your critters is priceless.

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