Johnny Come Early

Geez, Hank! Please control yourself…

There is now officially less than one shopping day left until Christmas.  Need something special for that hard to please asshole on your list who probably isn’t getting you anything anyway?  Well, The Nest has something that’s sure to please everyone…. er, most people…. um, some people… and it’s the runner up entry in our Top 30 Novelty Songs of All Time countdown!  DJ Scratchy’s got another absurd song to play for you that is guaranteed to make your holiday merry and bright.  Just please make sure you’re wearing protection should you wander over by the mistletoe…

#2. “Jizz In My Pants” – The Lonely Island

To write a successful novelty song generally takes a generous dose of humor, so it’s no surprise that a number of the artists who have been featured in this countdown have a comedy background to go with their musical expertise.  The wacky trio of weirdos known as The Lonely Island is just the opposite… comedy writers who sometimes dabbled in music to accentuate their work.  The group was funny enough to be recruited in 2005 as writers for the popular sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live, where they wrote and produced their own skits for the show.

Geez, how have my creative talents in sketch comedy been overlooked for so long?

Andy Samberg and crew created many bizarre skits and music videos for SNL that are still cult favorites here in America… like “Dick in a Box,” “I Just Had Sex,” and “I’m On a Boat.”  These are all great, but when I was first introduced about six years ago to their video sketch that aired on the December 6, 2008 episode of Live, I knew I had discovered something that will continue to bring me joy and laughter for the remainder of my life, no matter how many times I watch it.  And believe me… that’s a lot.  Feel free to let it all loose, and enjoy The Island’s masterpiece ode to premature ejaculation, “Jizz In My Pants!”

There are some songs that just can’t be completely appreciated without also viewing the accompanying video, and “Jizz” is one of those songs.  The utter absurdity of both the situations and scenes coming together to tell about a subject I’m pretty sure you didn’t think could possibly be sung about at all is a work of twisted comedic genius.  The overly dramatic and goofy O faces and gyrations by singers Samburg and Jorma Taccone are good, unclean fun… and the self-recognition about just how awkward the subject is once the song starts spiraling out of control is the perfect bridge to the ending rap containing plenty of “too soon” innuendo while also providing a new and unique way to show your sweetie just how much you think about her…

Justin Timberlake isn’t cleaning this shit up…

Yeah, I’ve made the “Cleanup on Aisle Three” reference on my blog a few times in the past.  Now you know where it came from!

Be sure to come back next Monday!  While we won’t have Dick Clark around to rock your New Years Eve… we will have the greatest, bestest, most awesomest novelty song of all time to ring in 2019 with!  Don’t miss the party!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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14 Responses to Johnny Come Early

  1. So I’m wondering if that’s his real voice since it doesn’t seem to go with his features. Is this some sort of quick beat, Milli Vanilli?

    • They sing this song with an intentional British accent (The Wiki article mentions its the same kind used by the Pet Shop Boys in their songs, and it does sound alike). I’m sure they are lip synching the video, though… particularly when the chorus is playing!

  2. This was new to me. OK, to be honest I expected something totally disgusting. Wow. This was funny and they did it so well. I never thought I’d say that about a song called Jizz in My Pants, but I just did. Thanks again ES for novelty fun and weirdness.

    • OMG I think I’m the only mom who said to her 19 year old daughter, “come watch this.” Hey, I write a parenting blog (or pretend to) so I can do whatever I want. She’d already seen it. Then she showed me all of the Lonely Island videos. In fact she said she and her boyfriend were just talking about them last night. I’ve been laughing so hard. These guys are brilliant.

      • Ha! My parents absolutely would have shared this with me… where do you think my sense of humor comes from! In fact, the lady who introduced me to this video had three kids around the age of your children, and I’m sure they laughed together at this as well! Their stuff is great, but I’ve seen this particular video probably at least 100 times now, and it still makes me laugh OUT LOUD every single time!

  3. I admit it. I didn’t shop. Love will have to be enough this year!

    • I tried actual, real, honest to goodness Christmas shopping one year. Ever. 1999, to be precise. Never did it again. I don’t even get gift cards anymore. I just think the whole forced gift exchange thing people put themselves through this time of year is pointless. Be happy and enjoy the time of the year without having to go broke or feel pressure to get something “perfect.” Of course, if everyone was like me, I’d be out of a job…

  4. Oh man that’s priceless…..and hilarious…..and – well – slightly weird! In other words – GREAT!


  5. draliman says:

    Haha that was very good! The video did add a lot to it.

  6. Trisha says:

    That was hilarious! I’m glad I was alone when I watched it because it caused one of those uncontrollable laughing spells I get every once in awhile, with wheezing and crying. My favorite part was the breeze blowing in the window. So funny!

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