A Gob Of Treet

Built to survive a nuclear armageddon.

Thanks to a program called Akismet, we miss out on a lot of the spam comments that shady people from around the world try to infest our blogs with.  Most of them are unintelligible gibberish with not so cleverly disguised links to websites that contain more viruses than a third grade classroom in the middle of flu season.  Since I think of “spam” as being garbage marketing sent to your email inbox, I like to bestow the title of “Treet” on these questionable blog comments instead since it’s the lost name brand in the lucrative slimy canned meat market…

Your dog can relate to this culinary atrocity.

Four times in the past (2012, 2014, 2015, 2017) I’ve posted some of the best of the worst Treet from my Akismet quarantine so we could all get a good laugh at someone’s lame attempt to drum up online business.  Alas, my folder was currently full of a lot of similar and unpostable crap that wasn’t going to be very entertaining.  But lost among the 3,000 word strings of links and graphically worded porn ads were two different comments by someone named “Gob.”  Yes, Gob!

Oh…. uh, hello there, Gob!

Gob’s two comments that weren’t allowed to see the light of day on The Nest were full of bizarrely worded sentences that are the hallmark of any good Treet comment.  The beauty of their randomness should not go unappreciated just because we like to discriminate against spammers.  So I’m going to post some of Gob’s words of wisdom for you today, while cutting out the various links that separated each witty nugget that led to Gob only knows what.  Enjoy!

Inside of this form of a problem it is just this coupon which permits All those inside carrying out grocery looking freely.

A coupon that lets you go in a store and carry out all the grocery you can haul freely?  Hell yeah!  I think we’d all like to find the form of a problem that coupon comes in.  I better start digging through all the junk mail in the recycling bin right now…

See this, bitch!?!? I’ve got a coupon that says I can carry it out freely! Got a form of a problem with that?

With a large number of makes use of, the USB automotive adapter is extraordinarily versatile.

Indeed it is very versatile.  It even has access to the app AutoThesaurus which inserts random, nonsensical synonyms into everything you type…

Over one million makes uses of!

Among these who are known as to free the world from tarrying navigation knowledge that may reveal earth’s location, is Navy Lieutenant Jacob Keyes.

Tarrying navigation knowledge is definitely a tarrifying terrifying concept, I think.  Heaven forbid anyone discovers the location of our planet… especially those pesky Russians.  Lt. Jacob Keyes, the fate of the world is in your hands…

This looks like tarrying navigation knowledge, and it must be destroyed.

If you wish to cheer up with your favorite player or crew in crowd and also to watch them reside in stadium, then you need to buy tickets.

I’d love to cheer up with my favorite player, but most of them can’t even be bothered to sign autographs for the kids before the game.  They don’t seem to care about us fans, but maybe that’s because we’re apparently trespassing on their residence every time we visit the stadium.  I wonder if I could sell tickets to watch the squirrels in my backyard?

You can cheer up with me!

That implies that it’s now hockey season, and it additionally implies that the gift-giving winter holidays are just around the corner.

But I can’t go to the hockey game to cheer up with my favorite player if nobody gives me a ticket for the winter holidays.  Bah humbug!

Cheer up with Buster!

There are several methods to find a superb neighborhood.

Yes, but one of them uses tarrying navigation knowledge… and I hear that method’s being outlawed to protect our planetary neighborhood from being located.

Here’s a reliable method for finding a superb neighborhood….. full of rich assholes.

All the things from domestic violence to assaults on metropolis streets, carjackings, house burglary home invasions, rapes, murders burglary, and robberies-you identify it!

Great Caesar’s ghost, the chamber of commerce for Metropolis has its work cut out for attracting tourism with a police blotter that full.  You know, if a city has a bad enough crime problem that it takes a superhuman being from another planet to protect its citizens from the bad guys… that’s probably a sign that you haven’t found a superb neighborhood…

Gotta bring in the bad guys to keep the superheroes from getting bored.

In each season there are plenty of stuffs which are produced, people buy and enjoy these products.

But what are we going to do with all these stuffs!?!?

A digital camera can be utilized to determine the dangerous guys catching them pink handed indoors or outdoors.

Pink handed?  Really?  It’s bad enough that all of the superheroes trying to stop the dangerous guys are all wearing shiny, nut hugging, form fitting tights.  Do we really need to have the criminals wearing pink gloves too?  Why do I have a bad feeling the final confrontation is just going to be one giant slap fight…

I caught you pink handed as the murderer, Mrs. Peacock!

Nonetheless, the vacuum cleaner in query must be alternatively simple to preserve.

You can preserve the vacuum cleaner for future generations if you want, but it’ll still suck…

Vacuum cleaners of the future will want us dead!

And finally…

At the moment there are complete shops that market largely if not only various kinds of pajamas. It is found that they help in creating creativity and nurturing the mental skill of the children.

Wow, who knew that pajamas were more than just something comfortable to sleep in?  Parents, remember that if you want your children to grow up smart enough to create creativity, get them a set of pajamas rather than letting them sleep in the nude.  Preferably from a store that ONLY sells various kinds of jammies…

It doesn’t get any more creatively creative than unicorn pajamas with clawed feet…

And on that warm, fuzzy note… I’d like to thank Gob for giving me this chance to create some creativity that you hopefully found to be superb.  It’s time to cover up the top of the Treet can with some foil and put it back under the sink with the Liquid Plum’r.  Don’t worry, Treet has no actual expiration date… so I can get it back out anytime I want for more laughs in the future!  That is…… assuming nobody finds the location of Earth before then.

Good luck, and Gobspeed Lt. Keyes!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to A Gob Of Treet

  1. ksbeth says:

    deep thoughts from gob

  2. These are priceless! I love good awful Spam…

    • I had to click back six pages just to find the first one of these Gob comments. The rest literally was nonsense or blatantly explicit. Funny spammers like Gob have become the exception rather than the rule…

  3. This is why those auto translators from the Ukraine don’t work. Then again, perhaps you need a coupon to get a hockey ticket? 🥅

  4. This is why those auto translators from the Ukraine don’t work. Then again, perhaps you need a coupon to get that hockey ticket? 🥅

  5. I had a good laugh over all of these. I don’t even read my spam anymore. I’ve been scammed, spammed, and hacked. I see anything that looks even remotely spammy? I run like hell screaming in fear.

  6. that was better than tv to read this post… I even printed one of the spam comments and have it in the drawer of my desk: not god, got hemorrhoid… and then a long like for nike shoes … maybe the poor spammer tried one of my baking recipes?

  7. I needed one long laugh this morning and you provided it – I giggled through this whole post and now you have me reconsidering just dumping my spam instead of taking a peek at it from time to time. It is annoying to have a load of this junk in my trash or spam files but who knew it could be entertaining? Thanks for the laugh. I’m wondering if a weekly blog feature called “SPAM-O-RAMA” might be entertaining…. 🙂 🙂


    • Back when most of the spammers sounded like Gob, I’d have had a ton of material to work with! But I hardly ever find good Spam in the folder lately…. just 1000 word long nonsense dumped on the same posts by the same people. Spammers need to get some new PJ’s so they can create better creativity…

  8. Ally Bean says:

    I never look at my Treet, but maybe I’m missing something. Clearly if I could find tarrying navigation knowledge I’d be a better person. Right?

  9. noelleg44 says:

    Funny funny post – loved the George Carlin clip. I miss his humor! With regard to ‘spam,’ did you know that there are something like 23 different kinds of Spam – I saw them in Hawaii where Spam in part of the diet!

    • I’m sure we sell a few of those different kinds of Spam at work, but I really don’t need to delve into the different flavors since it just looks so YUCK! I love 70’s and 80’s era Carlin… after he became edgy, but before he became so embittered about life that his routines were just angry rants. The guy was an observational genius and delivered with perfect comic timing…

  10. I’ve heard of red-handed but not pink-handed. I’ll have to remember that one!

  11. draliman says:

    Gob is indeed a prophet. If you could just dig out the link that led to his cult’s sign-up form…

  12. This was too much fun. Not that SPAM is fun. Your post is fun.

    I received one of those “you’re traffic is booming” messages a few days ago and of course had to check it out. It was all spam. Checked the filter and there were hundreds of messages, all on the same three posts. Sigh. I was once again fooled into thinking someone was reading my blog. But these SPAMMERS must be getting hits from some of this stuff. Aside from the porn and fake luxury brand SPAM I also get the weird “come join our vampire cult” spam. I guess that is to be expected. Sigh.

    • I hate those messages, because they’re almost always a spam attack or one stray person bored enough to actually stick around and click through my mess. I’m surprised at the number of high profile blog-like sites I go to which still allow blatant spam to make it through their comments section, so I guess we’re at least lucky that WP keeps 99% of it away from the idiots who give them hits.

  13. Unicorn pjs and all my other “stuff” needs to be cleaned out of my attic! Well maybe not the pjs 😉

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