Secret Ingredients

It’s time to dig around in the world’s largest tampon box full of photos to fish out the next piccy that will help write another prize winning post at The Nest.  This is the Wednesday game we like to call Random Image Inspiration!  Let’s see which numbers random.org pulled for us today…

16, 97, 100, 14

The 16th post in my Reader was this one by Erin.

The 97th word in that post is “really”

The 100th word in that post is “in”

Typing “really in” into Google Images yielded a photo of our (cough, hack) beloved leader for the 14th result.  No, I’m not going there.  But this tasty image was just two results after that one…

Geez, the question in the image is just ripe for a post, don’t you think?  And I’m sure it makes those from my late Gen X age group immediately think of You Can’t Do That On Television’s Barth and “Who do you think’s in the burgers?”

Duh, I heard that!!!

We’re going to tackle this RII challenge the Shelf Critter way.  Of course we are.  Meet SCT’s own celebrity chef…

Belly Hung Lo, master of questionable Asian cuisine…

HUNG LO: Welcome to Hung Lo’s Almost All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet, home of the ten piece dragon balls special!  What can we make for you today?

SLIDER: I’m not interested in eating any of your “food,” I’m only here to look at it.

HUNG LO: This is Chinese buffet, not a “see food” restaurant.  Get it?  Ha ha ha!!!

SLIDER: Sorry, but I have no sense of humor.  I’m the Shelf health inspector, and lately there has been an epidemic of patrons of your eatery coming down with a nasty case of the possum trots.  I want to know what ingredients you are using in the meat you are serving here!

HUNG LO: Hung Lo only uses the finest ingredients in all food.  Come, I show you…

HUNG LO: All natural pork!

SLIDER: Are you sure this pig is fit for human consumption?

HAMMY: Achoo!

SLIDER: Aha!!!  Just as I suspected, the swine flu!

HUNG LO: USDA Choice ground beef!

SLIDER: That is not a cow!

APPLEJACK: Howdy Sugarcube!  I mean, moo!

HUNG LO: Nothing wrong with horse meat.  McDonald’s has over one trillion served…

HUNG LO: Our special ingredient!

SLIDER: You can’t cook dog in this country!  What would Sarah McLaughlan say!?!?

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! THIS RESTAURANT IS NOT CRUELTY FREE! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

SLIDER: No!  Don’t tell me you grind unicorns up for meat as well!

HUNG LO: No kill unicorn.  Unicorn does provide very important ingredient, though…

HUNG LO: Excellent!  That batch will feed a family of 69!

SLIDER: You put unicorn poop in the food here!?!?  There are laws about the maximum amount of animal droppings that are allowed in meat!

HUNG LO: Unicorn droppings add rainbow flavor for the kids menu.  Very popular among tween girls.

SLIDER: Now I know why there are so many vegetarians… (Pulls out clipboard and starts writing) this is not going to bode well on my report!

TROLL: Oh boy!  More toys for the Crappy Meals!

SLIDER: Why is this employee handling food without wearing gloves?  And where is his hairnet!?!?

TROLL: I can’t find one my size, OK?  The type of net I’d need to cover these luscious locks is being used by tuna fishers to snare dolphins and stray scuba divers in the Caribbean right now!

SLIDER: (Writing) So we have horse, dog, unicorn excrement, and now Troll hair in the food.  Anything else I should know about before I close this joint down?

SLIDER: Raccoons too?  At least most other diners I inspect wait until they’re splattered all over the road first before cooking them…

FUZZYWIG: What’s this about splattering my cute little face all over the road?  I’m just a delivery boy with the most important ingredient of all for any fine dish…

HUNG LO: I assume this batch actually fresh this time.

FUZZYWIG: You have my word, Wang!  I just harvested this shit yesterday.  Be sure to preheat the oven to 420 degrees…

SLIDER: I’m pretty sure this ingredient is still illegal on this Shelf!

HUNG LO: Our senior menu caters to glaucoma patients.

SLIDER: Who is this madman!?!?

HUNG LO: This is our head cook, as well as the house butcher.

SNUGGLE: Yo boss, what’s up?  Find any more living things wandering around the alley you need me to cut up for the next batch of eggrolls?

SLIDER: I’ve seen enough!  (Begins furiously scrawling on his clipboard) I’m not only recommending that this restaurant be shut down for numerous egregious violations of the health code… but I’m going to see to it that this place never opens for business again!

HUNG LO: Before you write up report, perhaps you’d like to know Hung Lo’s most secret ingredient that makes food so delicious?

SLIDER: Oh, and just what, pray tell, is that….?

SNUGGLE: Diced health inspector!!!!!!

HUNG LO: Ah, looks like we have all the ingredients for another successful dinner rush!

SNUGGLE: I fucking love this job!!!

TROLL: Yeah, YOU don’t have to mop up the place before you leave!  Dammit, I’m gonna be here all night again!!!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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13 Responses to Secret Ingredients

  1. we are hungry now… but we are afraid that we end on the table instead at the table if we visit your restaurant ;O)

  2. Blood Bath Buffet…….Hung Lo might consider changing the name of his restaurant???????

    Pam

  3. Buster’s got some interesting company in this week’s buffet.

  4. You are attracting the vampire crowd. You’re making them laugh too.

  5. draliman says:

    I’m glad they weren’t closed down, I’m feeling rather peckish. Do they deliver, do you know?
    Eating possum gives you the possum trots, I’ve heard…

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