Mr. Jones

Please refrain from throwing objects at your computer screen while reading this post.

Now that the flowers have wilted and the chocolates have stained your teeth, are you ready to get back into the grind of another fun and exciting week?  Well, The Nest can help you get through Monday at least, since that’s the day we stroll down the record store clearance aisle and find another one of yesterday’s fads straight out of that heart shaped box of moldy nuggets we like to call The Dusty Vinyl Archive!  It’s not unusual for DJ Scratchy to be decked out in something totally inappropriate while she’s playing her records… she’s no lady, after all.  While the Sponkies have their pushbrooms out to take care of any lacy debris that ends up on the stage.  Here’s what’s old, pussycat…

For those of us in the US who are of my generation, we probably heard of this musician named Tom Jones from our mothers and grandmothers as they gleefully told the tales of how they screamed and cheered at the sexual god’s concerts all while throwing their unmentionables up on the stage at him.  I guess that’s not a bad thing to be known for… although I imagine it could get a little dangerous as your target audience gets a little older…

Aw, it looks like Nana’s on her way to the Tom Jones concert!

Despite his popularity, Tom Jones hasn’t had a Top 40 hit in America since 1971… but his career sure in the hell didn’t end there.  The dude has been going on almost nonstop releasing new material from when he first hit the scene in 1965 right on up through his 72nd birthday in 2012!  And you don’t stay in the music business for almost fifty years by being a one trick pony.  Mr. Woodward had a rather successful career as a country artist in the 80’s, and moved on to dance music and collaborations with other artists in his later career.  I already featured Tom’s excellent 1988 rendition of the Prince hit “Kiss” as the #5 song in my Cover Songs Countdown in 2015.  And I guarantee you nobody was throwing panties onstage at Prince while he was whining out his wretched take on the song…

Unless they were aiming for his annoying piehole.

Which brings us to… 1994.  I was wrapping up my freshman year in college that Spring when a rather interesting song with a very familiar voice was getting a LOT of play on the college radio station.  Was that Tom Jones…… rapping?  Yes, Grandmaster Woodward was in the fucking house letting it loose with “If I Only Knew.”  After the prior tragedies of Vanilla Ice and “Marky” Mark Wahlberg… white rappers were forever redeemed.

I fucking love this song.  The video, which was actually a part of MTV’s “Buzz Clips” alternative music feature during the early Beavis and Butthead era, is also pretty cool.  The young man featured in it is practically a grunge era stereotype who is a perfect time capsule of that weird era in fashion.  And you’ll especially enjoy it if you love dogs, and who doesn’t…?

Who are you calling a bitch, bitch?

I’ve referenced this song a few times in the past on The Nest, but finally got around to giving “If I Only Knew” it’s proper DVA showcase.  I’ll put another long lost song in DJ Scratchy’s spotlight next Monday…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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20 Responses to Mr. Jones

  1. I like Tom Jones a lot… and last year I nearly saw him at a Festival in UK… nearly, if my husband wouldn’t be Ebenezer Scrooge who said 300 pounds for a weekend ticket is daylight robbery…

  2. Hilarious video – what a cool “invention”…..haha…..I was never a Tom Jones fan but he was “IT” for a lot of ladies that’s for sure.


  3. I’m afraid I’m at a loss to understand the Tom Jones appeal. But then I’ve never felt the need to toss my underwear at anyone, so it might just be me.

  4. Love Tom Jones!! “You can leave your hat on” is one of my favs 😉

  5. Now that’s what I call a toe-tapping song on a cold Monday. The man still has a set of pipes.

  6. ghostmmnc says:

    That was a new one for me. I like some of his songs.
    haha love the video of the dog walking invention. 😉

  7. Ally Bean says:

    Huh? This is Tom Jones for real? Never heard this before.

  8. draliman says:

    Ah, Sir Tom Jones OBE. I like some of his songs but haven’t heard this one before.

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