Share Your World – Week 7

We at The Nest hope you had a wonderful Presidents Day.

Every Tuesday, The Nest goes the extra mile to share more than just our STD’s… it’s time to answer Melanie’s Share Your World prompt for this week!  Please be sure to salute the pretty logo…

Pick a globe, any globe.

If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

Geez, as if I don’t already have enough time on my hands (isn’t it obvious?), now I suddenly have another gob of hours I have to somehow keep myself occupied with?  This question reminds me of all those awful YOLO-themed songs all the trendy millennials are singing these days which get played entirely too often on Mecca Radio at work.  Songs like this piece of garbage…

Funny that Adam Lambert’s the voice behind this atrocity.  I always thought that was a girl singing it…

What job would you be terrible at?

Children’s book author…

See Dick. Does Mitzi see Dick? Yes, Mitzi sees Dick.  Mitzi is happy to see Dick.

When was the last time you climbed a tree?

I doubt I did much tree climbing past age 13 or so.  But I didn’t have much fear when it came to climbing things back then.  I only fell out once… and remember telling my best friend at the time how lucky I was I didn’t hurt myself, or else I’d have to miss baseball practice later that day.  So we went back to his house, and I face-planted on his sidewalk while we were playing whiffle ball, breaking a tooth and busting up my nose.  I missed baseball practice…

What a pathetic tree climber!

Do you count your steps?

No.  I live in a single story house on a slab… I have no steps.

(rim shot!)

Bonus question (just because it’s really silly)   What’s the dumbest way you’ve injured yourself?

Other than my answer to the tree climbing question?  I was one of those kids who deserved to be paddled until either the board or the parent’s arm broke off.  Constantly wandering away from my Mom out in public, constantly getting myself into all kinds of trouble and annoying the shit out of responsible adults.  While my Mom was checking out at the supermarket, I always had to go find something else to keep me occupied.  One of my favorites was helping to open the automatic doors for people coming in and out of the store by reaching underneath the door and pulling it open.  The last time I did that was when my fingers got caught while a door was opening and I skinned the hell out of my hands.  God, I was such an asshole…

Then there was the time I trapped myself in the ice bag freezer…

Melanie wanted to skip the gratitude question, which as I explained last week, I didn’t feel was right.  But, I figured this one time I would appeal to the hostess of this challenge (Who is doing a GREAT JOB, BTW) and have an anti-gratitude section instead.  Soooo… fresh off her popular appearance Friday, let’s give it up for Val the Grouchy Unicorn!

VAL: What am I thankful for?  Well, I’m really fucking thankful that this cheapskate decided to wait until I went on clearance to buy my ass to add to this mental asylum full of weirdos around here.  Oh, I’m also pleased as fucking punch to be attached to this extremely confining cup which is squeezing the living shit out of my entire back end.  If it weren’t for the pins and needles I feel in my nether regions, I’d never get off.  Oh, and thanks to whatever moron decided it’d be a good idea to cram a unicorn’s ass into a latte mug and pawn it off as a VD gift.  I hope someone stuffs your head in a toilet someday and tries to sell it as a Thanksgiving decoration.  Is this post about fucking over already?  I’m missing my damn soaps…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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21 Responses to Share Your World – Week 7

  1. I laughed so hard as I read about the childrens book autor sentence… I’m a child by heart and I enjoy your writing LOL

  2. And here I was, thinking you were all prim & proper (obscure reference to that comment/response thingie at some other time which escapes me)…The mildly R porn ‘twixt that rather slutty Unicorn (not YOU Val), the one who tried to make friends with you while you were still ensconced on the shelf in the store, dusty, and bitter. MITZI ! Ha (had one working brain cell this morning, still amazing to me) and any other creature who is stuffed.. uh, got off topic didn’t I?? Thanks for Sharing Your World. That whole tree incident MIGHT have taught you that not everyone belongs in the world of wood .. oh crud. My mind is just getting dirty and dirty… and just FYI, Squirrel of Evilness…my contribution to your contest for no reason is on it’s way. I’m snow bound here and what else is there to do?? And why does someone 32 (I read your bio..which might be construed as *STALKER ALERT* or not) living in a slab house of one level? That’s where us ‘golden agers’ hang out..

    • Oh and your grocery store hi-jinks? Feh. I once (I think I was three or four) was doing spins on those metal barriers that used to be by the exit doors (in my day. They’re gone now, I think a lot of law suits were the reason) .I was spinning around and gashed open my thigh on a broken bottle some idiot left in the window next to the bars. I still have the scar….. ♪♫♪ Memories…Misty water color ♪♫♫ Oh stop staring. There were generations prior to yours…with bad music perhaps..

    • 32!?!? What bio are you reading, and can I borrow that for my age? I was 32 when I created Evil Squirrel, but that was 11 years ago!

      I can’t wait to see your entry…. or any entry since there’s only been one so far and the contest only has another week to go. I hope it is fittingly disturbed and/or my terrible influence has rubbed off on you…

  3. I think your Unicorn has a strong position and should run for president. I’m not sure what his/her/their? national platform might be, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with cups and unicorns.

    Does she even HAVE a back end or is she half a unicorn with a rear-end cup? Just wondering!

  4. Childrens’ book author?……and I thought a unicorn stuffed in a coffee cup was mind boggling.


  5. draliman says:

    I bet you could do a great comedy fake children’s book, though.
    Awesome rim shot! Ahem.

    • I’ll bet my fake children’s book would be awesome! And I could have Snuggle Bear make the rounds of the kindergartens reading it to the little ones while he tries to bribe them with candy…

  6. franhunne4u says:

    No, Mitzi does not see Dick – Mitzi hides Dick.

  7. Ally Bean says:

    You have no steps. Nice wordplay.

  8. Adam Lambert is supposed to the the 2000’s version of Freddie Mercury with a wide vocal range. First off, he’s hetero and second, he’s no Freddie. That’s all I have to say about Mr. Lambert. Glad to know there is someone else who has bizarre accidents resulting in injury. But I am glad there is no photographic evidence of me and my daughter playing dog food hockey at the local market. My mom still hasn’t recovered from that embarrassment. 🤣BTW, I scored 3 kibbles in the first period.

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