A Toast For The Winners

Just be lucky we aren’t serving everyone O’Douls.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen!  The moment you’ve been waiting over a month for.  We had a veritable flood of entries this year, and now it’s time to reward two of those creative souls for their hard work and ability to follow simple instructions.  This is where I shall reveal the winners of the Sixth Annual Contest of Whatever!

Some of you may wish to remain anonymous. I understand…

First of all, I want to thank all eleven bloggers out there who played along!  After four straight years of single digit player pools, I was very pleased that we at least tied the participation record from the inaugural Contest in 2014.  That includes three people who played the CoW for the very first time.  Taking the time to show off your creative skills and humoring me with your weird and wonderful imaginations is greatly appreciated by this squirrel… and from the looks of the comments everyone left on each others’ entries, by all of your fellow players as well.  You guys and gals all rock!

These Alyans fans salute your efforts!

I say this every year, and I mean it every year.  Picking a winner was not easy.  But this year…. it was damn near impossible.  In all five previous Contests, I’ve either had a pretty good idea who I was going to choose by the time I created the post of all entries, or at least had two or possibly three I was debating on.  Until I sat down this morning to begin the arduous task of picking a winner, I still had no clue who I was going to choose, or had even eliminated any of the entries.  So I read them all again and put a star next to the name ONLY if I seriously thought it might be a worthy winner among the entire bunch.  That narrowed my choices down to……. six.

OK, eeny meeny miney moe….

I hemmed and I hawed and I did all kinds of other indecisive things.  If I were rich, I could simply let everyone win a prize, but such isn’t the case.  I had to choose one… and I finally did it.  For better or for worse, I picked my victim winner of the best overall entry in the 2019 Contest of Whatever.  And that winner is…………………….

drum roll

Drum roll please, Hottie…


Mama! Does this mean you won’t have to sell yourself to the slime factory now for my college fund?

It is always cool to come across someone else in this vast wasteland of WordPress who has an imagination as sick and twisted as mine is… and I was laughing myself silly as Melanie used the bar theme to introduce me (and the world) to some of the strange and wonderful critters who inhabit her home.  This would have been a major contender for the Shelf Critter Theatre theme of the 2017 CoW!  The weird and colorful background she worked in to the pictures was one of the touches that put this one over the top.  Congrats Melanie on being the first rookie to win the overall CoW award since everyone was a rookie in the first game!

You’re a winner! yes, YOU!!!

Don’t go ripping up your entries and saying the contest was rigged just yet!  We still have a second winner to find… and that’s the random drawing that awards just showing up!  I’ll assign everyone a number based on the order I presented the entries in on Friday…

1 – Merby
2 – Jenn
3 – Juliette
4 – Ally Bean
5 – Melanie
6 – Draliman
7 – Ghost
8 – Mandy
9 – Pam
10 – Ruth
11 (Jack) – Cat On My Head

Using the same deck of cards I have used to choose every past CoW random winner… I picked out the Ace through Jack of spades, removing the five for Melanie.

MITZI: Oooooooooooh!  Are we, like, gonna play strip poker?

Ummm, no, Mitzi.  I just need you to supervise the drawing.  Please just watch as I shuffle the cards long enough to have no idea where any card might be.  Besides, you’re already naked anyway.

MITZI: (Looking at herself) Wowsies!  I, like, totally am all nakies!  So…….. wanna do it instead?

Sighhhhh…… no, Mitzi.  Really, that would be extremely weird.  And possibly illegal in some states.  Would you just please pick the top card off the deck?

MITZI: Can Mitzi at least have a smoochie before…

You can bug Draliman for smoochies later!  Just.  Pick.  The.  Card!!!

MITZI: You’re, like, totally no fun!!!

And the winner of the random drawing is……………….

MITZI: Like, does this mean we can have a threesome?

Congratulations to Juliette…. the 2017 overall winner who finally breaks the jinx of nobody having ever won a CoW prize twice!!!!

Nuts and vampires are cute.

So Melanie and Juliette may visit my Cafepress shop and choose one item valued at $20 USD or less as their prize for being the 2019 CoW winners.  Send your prize request as well as mailing address to my email (which can be found here) and I will have your goodies ordered and on their way as soon as possible!  You are both also entitled to display the winner badge for this year’s contest on your blog for perpetuity….

And of course nobody ever leaves the Contest of Whatever completely empty handed.  Besides the smoochie from Mitzi, you also get the customary and totally cool loser badge to show off to everyone!

Once again, a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who played this year’s contest!  It was, in my estimation, a very big success… not only in quantity, but most importantly in quality!  The creativity of my readers never ceases to amaze me!  Be sure to join me next February for the Seventh Annual Contest of Whatever, where the theme will be….. well, who knows!

Must contain Blood!Blood!Blood!!!!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to A Toast For The Winners

  1. ghostmmnc says:

    Yay! Congratulations to the two winners! I know I loved y’all’s entries!
    Thanks again for hosting this fun contest!
    I’m grabbing my participant badge now, and can’t wait until next year’s COW! 🙂

  2. Is that bottle anything like Dog Perignon? Congrats to all winners and participants. Seeing as how I don’t follow rules, let alone read them, I failed to submit an entry. My bad.😕

  3. draliman says:

    Congratulations to Melanie 🙂
    I can totally win next year if there’s going to be mandatory bloodbloodblood…
    Oh, and thanks for telling Mitzi she can bug me for smoochies… I’ve already received 69 texts from her…

    • Oh yeah, I’ll bet you’d have the Zeeba contest in the bag. Looks like another job for Grampa Bear…

      Be careful when those texts begin turning into naughty selfies…

  4. WOW!!! I am totally blown away (and not because them bears have been tokin’ it up in the back room…) Mitzi? Papa Bear (or RV) would like to invite you to join them any ol’ time. Just beware of Mama Bear. She gets grouchy in the spring. Well how would YOU like to be cooped up all winter in a tiny cave that smells of failed green spirit and bear sweat? What? That’s turning you ON? Well g/f…get yourself over. Just turn left at the Rocky Mountains and go west (if you hit Albuquerque, you’ve made a wrong turn). Sees ya! And seriously (from the ‘creationist’ who did the post – aka Melanie) Thanks so much for brightening up a rather grim period in my life. I KNOW I scared the neighbor’s cat when I shrieked. And of course. I’d like to thank all the little people (no not THEM, the ones who helped…although this was a solo effort, so isn’t that kinda narcissistic of me? Whatevs.) *sobs dramatically into a lace edged hanky. Mascara is everywhere…shoot!* My email addy is on the way. Thank you sincerely!

    • That was a great entry! I think your characters may have out-trashed my characters… and that’s really hard to do with a nympho unicorn, a creepy pedo bear, and a strung out raccoon. Of course, now that you’ve introduced us to Squirrelena and the bears, you’ll have to give them more face time to keep their new fans entertained. Or….. other kinds of time in the case of Slutty…

  5. Ally Bean says:

    Congrats to Melanie and Juliette. They did their best, in their own ways– and so did you, evilsquirrel13. I always enjoy your Contest of Whatever and am thrilled to have my own badge.

  6. Merbear74 says:

    Congrats to the winners. I had fun making up a fucked up story about poor Norbert, so thanks for the prompt!

  7. Pingback: WoW!!! I won the C.o.W. | sparksfromacombustiblemind

  8. Oh my goodness! Twice now and with Vlad both times. Thank you ES for another fun and exciting Contest of Whatever. I laughed so much at these entries. Each and every one was great. It was so much fun. I have so much fun doing this every year. I’m looking forward to the 2010 COW.

    • This was definitely one of the best contests in its short history. I loved the angles everyone took on the prompt! Vlad is going to be cute AND sophisticated with all that ES bling…

  9. This was a fabulous contest this year I agree……I loved reading everyone’s entries and CONGRATS to Melanie and Juliette – your entries were amazing. I know it had to be tough for The Squirrel to do his thing (well….not THAT thing but the OTHER thing….HAHAHA). Anyway, onward and thanks again Monsieur Squirrel for running the contest – it was WILD.


    • It was very tough… and the only bad thing about getting so many people to play this year was how tough it made it to pick a winner! Hopefully things will be just as WILD next year…. well, they certainly will be if Mitzi’s a judge again.

      • How about next year the theme is “Mitzi Has A Baby”……talk about the “Return of the Alien”…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I bet we could all come up with some great scenarios for the Queen of Unicorn Porn………

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