Share Your World – Week 13

I pity the fool who doesn’t like April Fools Day, fool!

This is the day where the (ahem) brain trust behind The Nest would normally answer the personal and probing questions posed by Melanie as part of the Share Your World feature.  Well, we’ll still be doing the question answering part… but this time all the questions are smart-assed.  I guess I’ve been a bad influence on the writer since joining this challenge at the beginning of the year….. oh no, wait.  It’s in honor of April Fool’s Day yesterday… the only day of the year where it’s perfectly legal to be an asshole… though you still risk getting punched in the junk.  OK, I have plenty of experience in being a smartasshole, so let’s do this!

Huh huh huh! It says “member!’ Huh huh huh!

Why is it called “beauty sleep” when one wakes up looking like a troll??

Hey! I resemble that!

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Habit

Don’t worry, your infection will go away in a few minutes!

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?

It’s only illegal if you get caught…

Or run over a possum…

Did they purposely make dyslexia hard to spell?

Don’t you mean spell to hard?

(Rather naughty):  If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Ummmmm, is this multiple choice?

What are some things that are okay to do occasionally but definitely not okay to do every day?

Give blood

Give till it hurts…. or you pass out.

What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever worn?

This was horrifically creepy even forty years ago…

In your opinion, what’s the best type of cheese?

Anyone who answers with anything else is just wrong.

What are some fun ways to answer everyday questions like “how’s it going” or “what do you do”?

“Mind your own business!” or perhaps “Go fuck yourself!”

And there’s always the Rainy response.

Have you ever sent a text message to the wrong person?   Details please.

What’s a text message?

Help, please?

If you could make a rule for a day, and everyone had to follow it, what would it be?

Send me a quarter.  Everyone should be able to afford a quarter… and I’d be a fucking millionaire by the end of the day.

Well, I guess I’d need help taking 300,000,000 quarters to the bank.

You are about to get in a fight, what song comes on your mind soundtrack?

Though Beck’s “Loser” would probably be playing over the ending credits of any fight I got in…

Share a joke, if you know a good one!

Uh oh…. I think I know who’ll be taking this question.

Confucius say: Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Thanks Hung Lo.  That joke gets worse every time you tell it…

And now that all of the tomfoolery is out of the way…. it’s time for The Nest to give its sarcastic gratitude nod of the week!  That heartfelt, insincere thank you goes to the morning stocker in the frozen department at work who undoes the work we have to do bringing product forward every morning by pushing it all the way to the back as he stocks… and getting us in trouble to boot since it makes the manager think we didn’t do our job.  Well done, poorly trained, stubborn asshole!  Don’t be surprised if someone “accidentally” parks a pallet of rock salt in front of the freezer door the next time you go inside to get another cart…

Dammit, he’s still laughing at me!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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20 Responses to Share Your World – Week 13

  1. love it!!! I’m glad you had to wear something embarrassing too once and I was not the only sad kid with the wrong costume, my mother thought I ill make a good sun and I used waterproof markers to make my face yellow… fun for days…

  2. Well you absolutely did a grand job with all the questions (eek), but that costume definitely is the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. And they actually sold that in stores???? Never seen a costume with an identity crisis before. Hung Lo cracks me up every time with that joke – I guess that says a lot about me right? That processed cheese was pretty danged good. I pretty much lived on that stuff for a while in my “tough days” in the early 70s !

    Pam

    • That costume is a relic from the 70’s when the creepy looking H.R. Puffenstuff style was still in vogue. Why it had to still be around in the early 80’s for me to get stuck with one Halloween, I’ll never know….

  3. Heh heh heh…I didn’t have E.S. in mind particularly when I wrote this version of Share Your World, but in hind sight (not a fun way to view ANYBODY), it’s perfect.; Thanks Squirrel for Sharing Your Snarky and Wildly Hilariously Funny World with us. And that joke? Is gonna be stuck in my brain pan until the end of my days. Thanks! Bwahahaha!

    • Not that I can’t turn any set of questions into a snarkfest, but thanks for all of the softballs this week! I can’t take credit for making that joke up, but it’s been so long since I first heard it that I don’t even remember where I came across it… but it will always make me laugh. Hell, Bangkok is the best name for any place ever!

  4. Ally Bean says:

    If I’m feeling snarky when asked the “what do you do?” question I’ll reply: “as little as possible.” It tends to stop further inquiry from busybodies while at the same time makes slackers laugh out loud. It’s a bit of relationship litmus test, really.

    • I’ve always hated the questions because they’re never meant to be answered honestly, and I don’t like saying I’m fine or everything’s okie dokey if it’s not. And nobody wants to hear a long list of someone’s woes when they ask how you’re doing… as I’ve discovered.

  5. Merbear74 says:

    Hung Lo, that cracks me up every single time…

  6. And there I was assuming that all you underpaid and overworked lads helped each other out. But those “stockers” are a pain in the ass to shoppers, too. They block the aisles, move everything around so you can’t find what you’re looking for. When you ask them a question, all they ever do is say “I’m just a stocker, I don’t know nothin.” I would like to run over them with my cart, but then they would arrest me and haul me to court. DRAT!

    • We have no control over stuff getting moved, those decisions come from way over our head. We do tend to turn the store into a warzone that I’ve heard more than a few complaints about in my two decade tenure… but like road construction, it’s the price of progress. Where I work, we only have six hours of the night we’re not open and that’s not enough time to “tear it all up” and be ready when we open. And unfortunately, us stockers really don’t know much about actual store operations… at least on overnights. That’s what the customer service people are supposed to be for, but they get sent home before the store closes…

  7. noelleg44 says:

    The woman who cleaned my lab when I first arrived at the university often gave us huge chunks of the government cheese she had – too much she said for just her family. I have to admit it was some of the best cheese I’ve ever tasted!

    • I remember we had some when I was a kid, and I’m sure I ate it since I didn’t mind cheese back then. Cheese is one of the many foods I dropped from my picky palate as I grew up… but there’s something about the legend of government cheese that will always be funny to me!

  8. ghostmmnc says:

    haha that costume! Blow up head gear! One of my kid’s friends wore one of those one year, while one of my daughters dressed as Madonna, and the other was Carrie from Stephen King’s book. They were in Jr. High at the time.
    Good answer…everyone send me a quarter! 🙂
    We used to love the commodities food package…that cheese was so good! 🙂

    • The stock Halloween costumes from my youth were so cheesy and creepy looking! God that Wunkin Punkin was even more awful looking than I remember it… and I have no idea how I could stand having that goop on my face. I hope the candy I got that year was worth it..

  9. draliman says:

    Snuggle seems to have spent most of this post covered in blood…

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