This is the day where the (ahem) brain trust behind The Nest would normally answer the personal and probing questions posed by Melanie as part of the Share Your World feature. Well, we’ll still be doing the question answering part… but this time all the questions are smart-assed. I guess I’ve been a bad influence on the writer since joining this challenge at the beginning of the year….. oh no, wait. It’s in honor of April Fool’s Day yesterday… the only day of the year where it’s perfectly legal to be an asshole… though you still risk getting punched in the junk. OK, I have plenty of experience in being a smartasshole, so let’s do this!
Why is it called “beauty sleep” when one wakes up looking like a troll??
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road?
It’s only illegal if you get caught…
Did they purposely make dyslexia hard to spell?
Don’t you mean spell to hard?
(Rather naughty): If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
What are some things that are okay to do occasionally but definitely not okay to do every day?
What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever worn?
In your opinion, what’s the best type of cheese?
What are some fun ways to answer everyday questions like “how’s it going” or “what do you do”?
“Mind your own business!” or perhaps “Go fuck yourself!”
Have you ever sent a text message to the wrong person? Details please.
What’s a text message?
If you could make a rule for a day, and everyone had to follow it, what would it be?
Send me a quarter. Everyone should be able to afford a quarter… and I’d be a fucking millionaire by the end of the day.
You are about to get in a fight, what song comes on your mind soundtrack?
Though Beck’s “Loser” would probably be playing over the ending credits of any fight I got in…
Share a joke, if you know a good one!
Uh oh…. I think I know who’ll be taking this question.
Thanks Hung Lo. That joke gets worse every time you tell it…
And now that all of the tomfoolery is out of the way…. it’s time for The Nest to give its sarcastic gratitude nod of the week! That heartfelt, insincere thank you goes to the morning stocker in the frozen department at work who undoes the work we have to do bringing product forward every morning by pushing it all the way to the back as he stocks… and getting us in trouble to boot since it makes the manager think we didn’t do our job. Well done, poorly trained, stubborn asshole! Don’t be surprised if someone “accidentally” parks a pallet of rock salt in front of the freezer door the next time you go inside to get another cart…