Search And Find

a box full of junk

The universe always conspires against The Nest on Wednesdays, because that’s the day we dig through the dumpster of old Polaroids to find something I have to blog about in another exciting edition of Random Image Inspiration!  Let’s fire up the Randomator…

11, 86, 75, 46

The 11th post in my Reader was this one by Melanie

The 86th word in that post is “colour”…. yes, the international “-our” spelling!

The 75th word in that post is “from”

Entering “colour from” into Google Images brought this up as the 46th result…

Yeah, way to make this all about you, Google…

The menus under my header are a laundry list of regular and special series I’ve done on this blog over the past seven years that have come and mostly gone.  The one I have probably had the most fun with is a feature that I only do once per year… and have put together at the conclusion of every full year this blog has been clogging up precious bandwidth.  That would be my New Years Day tribute to those crazy search terms that somehow help people find our blogs which I call the Sandy Awards

Hi! I never get to appear here in April.

Being the world’s most popular search engine, Google is obviously one of the biggest drivers of search traffic to my blog.  Unfortunately, at least for people like me who treasure the strange things people scour the internet for, Google began encrypting most search term information back in the summer of 2013… turning what used to be a treasure trove of search term absurdity into more of a finding change in the couch cushions kind of reward.  And the terms that actually get through the filter to wind up on my stats page turn more and more into a trickle with each passing day.  Come on, Google… you mine the hell out of our search data, yet you don’t want to let websites know the batshit crazy word strings that brought them their traffic?

can you make a tooth pick from a possum penis” will always be the greatest search term to ever bring someone to The Nest.

So for today’s RII post, I thought I’d treat you all to the Top 50 search terms that have brought people from all over the world to The Nest since we opened shop on December 24, 2011.  There will obviously be a bias towards the first couple years of blog content since the overwhelming majority of search terms to come in the past six years have been classified as “unknown.”  Let’s start off by looking at the top 10!

You may have noticed the picture of the, ummmm, pleasantly plump gentleman on my sidebar before.  It is not a joke… he alone has brought all those strange “xxxxxxxxxxxl” searchers to my blog since I uploaded the pic five years ago.  4,111 times, accounting for 2% of The Nest’s lifetime hits, have resulted from searches for eleven X’s followed by an L!  The Nest is also your leading authority on possums, Russian squirrels, and the sciurine nightlife…

Especially if you’re a crappy band like Alyans.

Let’s move on to #11 through 20…

Back in 2012 when I posted a send up to some of my email spam, I didn’t even know what Instagram was.  But a lot of other people must have also got that spam and wanted to check out a squirrel blog to see if it was a legit offer.  Ed Toutant was one of the contestants on the episode of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire I appeared on in 2001, and I apparently have one of the few, if not only, behind the scenes takes on the controversial question about glowing vegetables that etched his name in game show lore.  Sadly, Ed passed away last year from cancer.  You can also see how the Sandy Awards got their name due to all of the people searching for pornography of Spongebob Squarepants’ resident sciurine under the sea…

Who wouldn’t want to see this naked?

#21 through 30…

Here’s a real mixed bag of odd details from past blog posts that Google likes to steer my way.  That “John Candy in drag” and “Joan Jett bikini” are tied with 20 lifetime search hits on my blog is quite fitting in some very disturbing ways.  My 2013 post on the erstwhile Strongheart dog food continues to get the occasional comment from random strangers to let me know a bit more about the history and current status of a brand that I remember quite fondly as a kid.  And I have no idea why Aries is full of shit, but no series of posts ever got me more great search terms than my 2015 series on the zodiac

Oooh la la, right?

#31 through 40…

I’m glad I’m not the only demented mind whose thoughts turned to an infamous tidbit from 1991 Supreme Court confirmation hearings when I first saw that stupid “Share a Coke with ____” feature they were putting on cans a few years ago.  We all know Kool Aid Man is all about that bass since that’s how he can crash through walls the way he does.  And a lot of people like me wonder what in the hell ever happened to Fox Photo, who were made obsolete not by digital photography, but by the very supermarkets whose parking lots their kiosks were located in

And it didn’t help that vans full of Libyans kept crashing into them…

#41 through 50…

May as well include the rest of my search terms that brought me double digit hits…

Alrighty then, enough of that insanity!  As I end this post today, I’ll bring you something even more nutty.  A squirrel playing kazoo…

Much cuter than xxxxxxxxxxxl Man…



About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Random Image Inspiration and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Search And Find

  1. I can not imagine that naked sponge bob is a search term… who in the bane of baby jeesuz wants to see that?

  2. Ally Bean says:

    “Are squirrels active at night” is a good question. I figured the little buggers slept through the night so that they’d be more alert to cause trouble during the day, but I could be wrong.

    • I get, or at least the past couple of years I was getting, a lot of searches for people wondering if squirrels did anything at night… all leading to an old Saturday Squirrel post where I learned of, and shared my knowledge of, the term crepuscular. Squirrels are a crepuscular species who, especially during the summer, are more active around dawn and dusk…

  3. ghostmmnc says:

    haha those were pretty funny! …ladder to oblivion … wonder what that one was about! 🙂

    • Apparently there was a video game by that title that was planned but not released or some such thing. Anyway, I used “The Ladder To Oblivion” as the title of my Dusty Vinyl Archive post for Huey Lewis’ song “Jacob’s Ladder” two years ago. I thought I had just made that term up with the play on the song and the fact that it’s become one of Huey’s forgotten hits… but then all the search hits for “ladder to oblivion” came in and proved me wrong!

  4. Google…AWK…don’t get me started on those guys. They stalk you all over the ‘Net and then make you jump through 10,000 hoops to get to your own content with their two-step authentication process. Talk about about a rigged process! You have some ahem…interesting visitors, don’t you?

    • My employer went to two-step verification for viewing the employee website while not a work. I refuse to sign up for it because I don’t want robots calling me with codes each time I want to check my schedule (Nevermind I don’t text at all… or even turn my cellphone on).

      • While I know that process is supposed to keep you digitally safer, it irritates the dickens outa me when I have to do it, especially repeatedly. And my cell phone plan doesn’t including texting either so it’s a constant frustration. Grrr 👿

  5. The first thing I do in the early morning (before crawling back into bed) is look out and see what’s hanging on the feeders.

    Squirrels. Usually, these days, two, one on each feeder. Unlike the birds who fly away when I take their picture, the squirrels do NOT care. There are always squirrels early in the morning and at twilight, but I have a couple of midday lunchtime squirrels. Nobody told them about their schedule. I’ll have to tell them to read your blog. That will explain what they SHOULD be doing … as opposed to trying to convince the cowbirds to leave so they can get started eating.

  6. Priceless…..and they got wackier as you moved away from the top ten……….LOL…..I’ve never noticed what search terms brought people to our blog but I betcha they don’t come near to being as INTERESTING as yours!


  7. I NEVER got over seeing John Candy in drag. Nor his companion in assless chaps. Um. Some things one can’t unsee….. 😉

    • That was one of those movies we had recorded on our first VCR back in the 80’s and used to play over and over again. It was one of those scenes that got referenced a lot for years in my family…

  8. draliman says:

    “Baldwin crest”? The Baldwins have a crest…?

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