Welcome to another fun exercise in entropy as The Nest goes fishing in the really deep end for another picture to write a post from. It’s our Wednesday feature Random Image Inspiration! That’s where we fire up the Randomator and…..
No wait, it’s not the Randomator anymore. It’s now officially the Rivernator.
One of the cool things about randomness is that it can sometimes be accidentally streaky. Flip a coin enough times, and not only will your fingers be really, really filthy… but you’ll eventually end up with a run of heads coming up 100 times in a row. Just take my word for it… don’t actually try this at home. It might take a millennium of two of coin flipping for it to finally happen, and nobody’s got time for that.
And all of that leads to this week’s “totally” “random” “numbers”….
50, 55, 16, 86
The 50th post in my Reader is this one by….. no, you’ll never guess. It’s a River Girl threepeat.
The 55th word in that post is “one”
The 16th word in that post is “I”
Putting “one I” into Google Images brought up a really, really depressing meme as the 86th image. So I fudged it a bit and took the 85th instead. This is somewhat better…
Alex cruised the coastline in his inflatable rescue boat bored out of his mind. Landing a job with the Sonza Beach Search and Rescue Squad wasn’t quite all it was cracked up to be. None of his co-workers looked like they came off the cast of Baywatch. Duty had yet to compel him to administer life saving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a beautiful babe in a bikini. Hell, he hadn’t even had the opportunity to rescue ANYONE in his four months on the job. So much for being a lifeguard…
Alex was just about to turn his oversized innertube around and head back for the shore when he just caught a faint cry being carried his way by the sea breeze. Off to the northeast about a football field away was someone in the water flailing for their life as an upturned surfboard floated farther and farther away from them. This was it! It was time for Alex to finally be a hero!
Alex fired up the motor on his blow up dinghy and quickly closed the distance between himself and the drowning surfer. “Grab on to this!” Alex shouted over the crashing waves as he began to extend the pole towards the victim.
The surfer desperately grabbed at the lifeline that was being extended towards him….. only for it to elude his grasp. Not due to the rocking of the ocean or the saltwater getting into his eyes…. but due to the fact that Alex had inexplicably withdrew the lifesaving instrument back into his boat.
“Errrrrrrrr……. sorry dude!” Alex stammered as he awkwardly crept back towards the captain’s seat in his rescue raft.
“Hey, what the….!?!?” the thrashing drownee sputtered between mouthfuls of water. “HELP ME!!!!!!”
“I….. uhhhh…. it’s quitting time and I’m off duty!” Alex nervously said as he began to steer the inflatable boat back towards the coast. “Don’t worry, I’ll call one of the other guys out to save you! Just you stay put and don’t go anywhere now!”
“Dafuq!?!? You were going to rescue me, then changed your mind when you saw who I am! Is it the fact that I’m a dude? Or wait, it’s my brown skin, right!?!? You Fascist asshole!!!”
But Alex never heard the drowning surfer’s angry accusations over the sound of the motor guiding his rubber raft as fast as it would go back towards the safety of the coast.
When Alex got back to the office he never mentioned the unlucky surfer he refused to save. “Just another boring day on the ocean” was his response to how his day had gone.
The next day, the victim’s lifeless body washed up on the shore. How could this have happened at Sonza Beach with its world class rescue squad, the public wondered. The mayor of the coastal tourist trap demanded answers from the coastal guardians. When the angry official showed a photo of the drowning victim was shown to the rescue team, everyone else’s reaction was just as fearfully negative as Alex’s had been that fateful day. How could these supposed men of honor be so heartless as to refuse to rescue a drowning surfer solely because he was a………..
Maybe the inflatable rescue boats were a bad idea….