Share Your World – Week 20

School’s already out here…. WTF!?!? And when does year round schooling start?

It’s that day when there’s no such thing as TMI!  Yes, Tuesday is when The Nest shares it’s sick and delusional world with those who are unfortunate enough to stumble across my blog.  We do that with the help of Melanie’s weekly SYW questions she posts, which makes her an accessory after the fact to this heinous crime I’m about to perpetrate.  Pick a logo, any logo…

This one. ‘Cause, America!

Is it better to suspect something (bad or hurtful) and not know or to have your worst fears confirmed by sure knowledge?

This question makes my head hurt….. or maybe it’s just the lack of sleep.

Or those Zimas I had last ni…. no, wait, I don’t drink! Really, I don’t!

Hmmmmm, I think rumors/gossip are/is best when unconfirmed.  Isn’t it more fun to think something awful about someone without actually knowing for yourself whether it’s true or not?  Isn’t it a bit of a letdown when you find out you were definitely correct?  I mean, some of you probably suspect I may be a psycho killer.  But if a story about a deranged squirrel who hid the bodies of fifteen of his former followers under his crawlspace ever appeared on the news, you’d probably just say, “Meh” and change the channel over to reruns of Carol Burnett…

RIP Tim Conway.

What makes you laugh aloud?   Crack up?   Laugh until your sides split?   When was the last time you had a great big belly laugh?

Speak of the devil…

It’s hard to say.  I’m so easily amused, and the stupidest things can send me into a laughing fit.  Then something that’s actually supposed to be funny will turn me into a statue of Calvin Coolidge.

Some of the things that can put my funny bone in a splint…

Spread out!

Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh!!!

Hated it!

And of course…

What’s so funny?

Do you suppose Noah had woodpeckers in the ark?  If he did, where did he keep them?   Apologies to the Darwinians in the crowd…this is merely for fun, okay?

Merely for fun?  OK, I think I can handle that….

CHIP: This is Chip Squirrel live on the scene with Noah…… er, wait a minute.  Are you really Noah?

FUZZYWIG: In my state of stonedness, I could be anyone in the world right now, dude!

CHIP: Whatever, it’s not like The Nest has any journalistic standards.  OK, Noah, we’d like to know if you had any woodpeckers on the ark, and if you did, where did you put them?

FUZZYWIG: In my pants, of course!

CHIP: That’s absurd!  Nobody would put woodpeckers in their pants!  While I’ve got you here… something I’ve always wanted to know… why did you not bring any unicorns onto the ark?

FUZZYWIG: The Boss wanted them drowned.  The Big Guy’s a bit jealous of things that are more popular than He is.  He hated John Lennon.

CHIP: That’s an awful reason not to allow any unicorns onto the ark!

FUZZYWIG: Well….. there was one.  You see, my dock security for the ark was pretty bad, and….

TROLL: Alright, squirrels… check!  Foxes… check!  Cockroaches…. check!  Head lice….. um…. (Runs his hand through his hair) check!!!  This should be all the critters!  Time to pull up the gangplank!

Yoooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

MITZI: Like, Can Mitzi go on a cwuise too?

TROLL: Gak!  Sorry, but no unicorns are allowed on board without the expressed written permission of a major deity!  I’m afraid you’ll have to turn arou….

MITZI: YAYAYAYAY!!!!  Mitzi’s gonna, like, get boat rides!!!  Like, where’s Captain Stubing?

TROLL: Aw, shit!  I’m gonna get totally fired for this!  Or maybe sent to Heck!  Fuck it, time to set sail!

BUSTER: I hope I’m not late…

TROLL: Beat it possum!  The world will be a lot better off without you to get run over by automobiles in 5,000 years!

CHIP: So wait a minute… there was a unicorn aboard the ark?  But only ONE?  I guess that’s why unicorns went extinct…

FUZZYWIG: Are you kidding?  That boat was rockin’ for 40 days and 40 nights, and…… well…..

CHIP: Oh my.  That explains all those freaks of nature….

FUZZYWIG: So if the critter upstairs ever decides to send a giant asteroid down this way… blame that unicorn.  It’s bad enough she gave me gonorrhea…

Why is “Charlie” short for “Charles when they are the same number of letters?

After going out of my way to explain why we have a fascination with unicorn horns, I’m going to use that as an excuse to pass on this silly question…

What  happened in your world this past week that made you feel thankful, joyful or grateful?

While walking around the hospital block last Wednesday while my Mom had a doctor appointment, a guy in a pickup truck leaned out his window and called me a “fucking bitch” for absolutely no reason as he turned around the corner.  I am very thankful to live in a loser redneck town where wonderfully pleasant interactions with strangers like that can happen out of the blue!

And just what’s wrong with being a fucking bitch?

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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24 Responses to Share Your World – Week 20

  1. Ally Bean says:

    Charming fellow that one. My goodness, the way people behave! You didn’t tell us what you said back to him.

    • I didn’t have much of a chance for a response since he was gone by the time I could get over the surprise of it all. But I will say it gave me a good laugh, and not many other people would react that way…

  2. I have woodpeckers to spare, but personally, I would be delighted to send a few very evil squirrels! I don’t care what they eat, but whatever it is, something else will go hungry as a result. Sheesh.

  3. Man…question of the week, did Noah have woodpeckers on the Ark? I think I’d ask, did Noah have woodchucks or beavers on the ark? I suppose he did if not he wouldn’t have finished the voyage, right? lol Unless he had them caged up, or in a net…the possibilities are endless.

    • It’s such a goofy story… but probably the best known tale from the Bible and one that everyone regardless of faith has probably referenced at some point. Living in a house with two cats (same sex, NTTAWWT!), I can’t imagine being cramped in a boat with two of everything. And I’d have definitely thrown the cockroaches over (BTW, what poor sap was responsible for checking the “goods” on the critters for quality control?)

  4. BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!!! I may NEVER eat again, but BWAHAHAHHAHHAA…. oh and thanks for, well you know. Now excuse me. I have to go change my Depends (again) because outbursts of hilarity like the one engendered by George Carlin (may he RIP too) cause unseemly seat wetting. *snicker*…..heh heh heh…

  5. Quirky Girl says:

    Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh!!! I am The Great Cornholio! 😝 I used to watch Beavis and Butthead, too. It’s not something I am proud of, but it solidifies my belief that I do indeed find humor in the most unlikely of places…

  6. Trisha says:

    So that explains all the strange, one-horned creatures! We should have guessed one of Mitzi’s slutty ancestors had something to do with that.

    I’ve had people yell random stuff out the window at me too. It’s so obnoxious and stupid. Your description of your town as a redneck loser town cracked me up for some reason. I haven’t been able to condense my opinion of the people in my town down to just two words yet….

    • There’s a whole market out there of toy critters with out of place unicorn horns. That can be the only explanation… Mitzi on the ark!

      My town’s long taken pride in our loser designation. There’s so many ways the people here suck, but at least we’ll admit it…

  7. I don’t know if it is smart to put a wood pecker in a pants, but maybe that can be a good feeling? I’m with you for that guy in the truck, such “compliments” can make our day… LOL

  8. Gosh…..I never hear comments shouted out a car window when I’m walking by……I think I’m too old or too uninteresting for random comments but I’m not complaining – I’d yell something back probably and who knows what that could lead to. As for the ark issue….I do wish that whoever was monitoring the gate had kept snakes off the ship.

    Pam

    • You’d think the snake would have been banned for his hijinks in Genesis… but maybe Noah didn’t read that part. I haven’t seen a snake in years, and fingers crossed, it’ll stay that way!

  9. Noah and woodpeckers is an interesting question, I have been thinking how the animals were in the Arch, but woodpeckers, maybe they had a special steel house. Mitzi was there, of course, if not, it would be a very boring cruise.

  10. Gawd…I sure miss George Carlin’s humor. We could use more of him these days!

  11. draliman says:

    From Noah’s woodpeckers to unicorn horns. Only at the Nest!

  12. ghostmmnc says:

    It is so fun to read your SYW posts! It’s like a SCT bonus!
    I only got 4 minutes into that GC video…I can barely breathe, and my eyes are full of laughter tears…I’ll have to watch the rest later. He never fails to crack me up! 🙂

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