Stairway To Hell

a box full of junk

The Nest likes to put the hump in your Wednesday, and what better way to do that than with anther journey down that blind alley we like to call Random Image Inspiration!  We’re going to fire up the Rivernator Randomator and see what purty picture falls into our lap this week…

30, 78, 66, 34

The 30th 31st 32nd 33rd 34th post in my Reader this morning was this amazingly cute squirrel post by the Photo Finland blog!

I’ve had to fudge the first number a bit in the past to avoid “hijacking” serious posts for this game I play, by geez louise, the Randomator walked right into a four-deep pile of morbidity this time.  Yoinks…

The 78th word in that post (wrapping around) is “yard”

The 66th word in that post is “I”

Putting “yard I” into Google Images brought this up as the 34th result…

Bob winced as he saw the light through the front door from the bottom of the steps.  He knew there was an angry wife behind that door waiting for him to finally come home from work six hours late without so much as an explanation…

“I shoulda called,” Bob thought as he bounced up the first step, “but what was I gonna say?  ‘Honey, I’ve got to work late again!  You know, the Fuzzywig account has got the whole company burning the midnight oil!’  But no… that one’s gotten really old.  Besides, she knows my boss’ wife, and that busybody tells my wife everything that goes on at work.”

Nope, that old yarn wouldn’t cut it, Bob thought, as he clunked up the second and third step.

“I just wanted to go out and have a good time with the guys!  What’s so wrong about that?”

“So we drank a little… (hic!)…. bit.  Big deal!  I only had a few beers.  It’s not like I’m drunk!”  It was at this moment that Bob realized he was now going over the rocks the landscaper had lined the front steps with.  “OK, maybe I’m a little tipsy” Bob thought as he veered back to the fourth step.  “But I can hold my liquor… Sue will never suspect I was at the bar.”

Bob glanced down at his shoulder and saw a few flakes of sparkly glitter, which caused him to miss the fifth and sixth steps entirely.

“OK, so it was a titty bar.”

Bob made every effort to stay out of the rocks and back onto the straight and narrow path towards what appeared to be his doom.

“I need to think of an explanation for where I was…. fast,” Bob muttered with a determined face as he approached the seventh step.

“Dammit, I’m stuck in a huge mess!” Bob grumbled as the eighth step loomed.  “But……..”

“That’s it!!!” Bob squealed as his face lit up with relief.  “I was stuck in the elevator at work all evening!”

“Hey, it happens!  It would explain why I look a little disheveled, trapped in a small space like that for hours…. and I could say there was no cellphone signal in there, so…..”

Bob clapped his hands together and felt quite confident he had come up with the perfect excuse to hide his bad behavior as he cleared the ninth step.

“She’ll never suspect a thing!” Bob said through a wide grin as he topped the tenth step and made it onto the front porch.  “Just gotta lose the smile and act natural…”

“Honey, I’m home!” Bob said as he went through the front door.  “You’ll never guess what happened to me today!”

“I know exactly what happened to you today!  You went out and got shitfaced drunk with those friends of yours!” Sue sneered at him, the curlers in her hair giving Bob’s wife the appearance of Medusa.

Bob opened his mouth to protest…

“Don’t deny it, you louse!” Sue shouted as she pulled a rolling pin out from under he bathrobe.

Bob slumped his shoulders…. defeated.  “But… how do you know I was out drinking, dear?”

“Because you’re still in the fucking car, you idiot!!!!”

Bob undid his seatbelt and surveyed the living room through the window…

“Maybe I had more than a few beers…..”

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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20 Responses to Stairway To Hell

  1. {snarf} Wasn’t expecting that turn! 🤣

  2. Oh, I needed that laugh! I really needed it.

  3. Rivergirl says:

    My fingers were crossed for the Rivernator… but alas, I suppose I have to share the wealth.
    Poor Bob.
    Looks like he’ll have to remodel the living room for the wife after all…

  4. Trisha says:

    LOL! I did not see that ending coming!

  5. Haha, good luck Bob with the remodel!

  6. hahahah that was great!!! and you are right curlers are really the things for the pawfect medusa look… I will keep this in my mind forever and ever… and I probably grin every time I see and use them LOL

  7. Uhoh……something tells me Bob’s wife has heard it all before – I bet that rolling pin has a few dents in it from Bob’s head and other body parts on previous occasions. Yikes.

    Pam

  8. draliman says:

    Oh Bob, you mad, drunk, fool…

  9. Well done (nodding and grinning, and slow-clapping too)! 😉

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