Paperwork Writer

a box full of junk

If it’s Wednesday, then it must be time for The Nest to whip out our virtual dartboard to create something from anything in our little feature we call Random Image Inspiration!  Let’s see what unlucky numbers the Randomator spit out this week…

24, 86, 22, 18

The 24th post in my Reader was this one by Phenny (Sorry, River, you were one post too late…)

The 86th word in that post (wrapping around…. twice!) is “a”

The 22nd word in that post is “we”

Did you know there’s some kind of Taiwanese beverage store called “A~we?”  I didn’t until just now.  Two crappy little thumbnail pics of that place were the 18th and 19th search results, which weren’t prominent enough to get pulled.  So….

Putting “a we” into Google Images brought this up as the 20th result….

AGNES: What was your mother’s cousin’s great-aunt’s first grade teacher’s maiden name?

ROGER: Christ, Agnes!  Aren’t we almost done with this paperwork?

AGNES: Applying for a marriage license isn’t easy, Roger.  I warned you.

ROGER: I thought we were in the clear after we gave ten gallons of blood to be tested.  This complicated form is giving me a headache!

AGNES: It isn’t doing me any favors either, dear.  Do you remember what the Gross Domestic Product of New Zealand was the day we became engaged?

ROGER: Why do they need to know that?  We’re getting married, not setting up an embassy!

AGNES: Life’s full of silly red tape.  OK, let’s see…. everything’s answered on Page 957…. I think we’re finally done!

ROGER: Halle-fucking-lujah!  Now let’s get this thing to the county clerk’s office before we both croak!

CLERK: Next.

ROGER: It’s about time!  We were standing in line for six hours!

CLERK: (Looking at watch) I have exactly three minutes and forty-six seconds until my mandatory thirty minute lunch break starts.  Please state your business.

AGNES: We filled out all the necessary paperwork and would like to get our marriage license now.

CLERK: (Thumbing through the thick wad of paper) Hmmmmm…. I see.  Everything seems to be in order.  (The clerk whips out an official looking document, slams a rubber stamp on the seal, and hands it to Agnes)  There you are, congratulations.

ROGER: 900 pages of asinine questions for something to be issued that quick?

CLERK: Sorry sir, but I’m just doing my job as the laws of this state and county so dictate.  I’m sure you’ve been through this before…

AGNES: No sir, this is both of our first times getting married.

CLERK: Oh.  Well, I just assumed that…. well….

ROGER: (Putting his arm around Agnes) We’re high school sweethearts!

CLERK: Interesting.  Most couples who met that way get married not long after they get out of school.

AGNES: But we…

ROGER: Mister, I don’t know what you’re getting at here, but we DID just get out of school!

The clerk gives the couple a baffled look, and despite the fact that his mandatory thirty minute lunch should have already started, he takes a peek inside the license application once again… then he sees something that makes his eyes bulge out as he looks back and forth between the papers and his clients.

CLERK: Th-th-this says you’re both only……….. twenty years old!

ROGER: Damned straight!

AGNES: Are you possibly suggesting that I don’t look my age!?!?

Agnes turns her head towards the mirror on the side wall and then taps on Roger’s shoulder to turn and share her horror…

AGNES: H-h-how did this happen, Roger!?!?

ROGER: I knew filling out all those fucking forms was taking years off our lives!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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16 Responses to Paperwork Writer

  1. awe! they needed longer than my grampy for the tax papers …. so it is better to pay your tax instead to get married right?

  2. HAHAHAHAHA……One day I bet all you will have to do to get married (assuming marriage is still alive and well in the future that is) is swipe your WORLDWIDE ID CARD through some machine with your chosen partner and VOILA – connected for life (or until someone better comes along).


  3. And divorce will give you your youth back, just sayin’…

  4. Aw-SOME!!! I knew that red tape form crap was toxic. You need to send Rainy to fix that right up…her special stealth weapon o’ intense eye watering smelliness should put things right! Still, those poor people look like they’ve had enough trauma to last them a lifetime. I hope they’re not discouraged because the next ‘big’ thing (IF they ever pay off their student loans) is buying a house and the paperwork involved in THAT makes the marriage license look like child’s play. Heh heh heh

    • LOL! That’s what the picture was actually from… some site about selling your home. God, I’ve never signed so many papers and had to fill out so much crap as I did when I bought this place. Home ownership is the first step towards writers cramp…

  5. Rivergirl says:

    One post late? Damn. And I had cursing parrots, crocodile tongues and Frito feet. A veritable random word cornucopia!

  6. draliman says:

    Never mind, they still have… a couple of years of wedded bliss to look forward to.

  7. {Snort} Good one. This just reaffirmed my anti-coupling position. Once again. 😈

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