Broken Wings

a box full of junk

Boy, has it been a day.  Speaking of days, since it’s Wednesday, that means I need to throw together the next unpredictable edition of Random Image Inspiration.  I did remember to have the Randomator do its duty this morning… I just haven’t got around to actually writing the post until mid afternoon.  Despite one of the series’ more interesting pair of search words, the resulting prompt image didn’t move me.  And the blah day didn’t help matters.  Oh well, let’s see the official numbers…

19, 51, 82, 39

The 19th post in my Reader was this one by Marilyn.

The 51st word in that post is “probably”

The 82nd word in that post is “imagination”

Wow, that should bring up something really neat, right?  Well, the 39th image was a literal tweet explaining a stupid hashtag that made no sense out of context.  And it didn’t get any better down the line….

Putting “probably imagination” into Google Images brought this up as the 40th result…

Alrighty then… it’s a butterfly magically appearing out of a box of cards while farting glitter.  Who needs to add anything to that?

I’ll take a unique view on this prompt and make this an anti-butterfly post.  Because, really, what’s so great about butterflies?

Especially when they get in your stomach and don’t immediately get digested.

Butterflies are just pretty looking moths.  You know how when you crush a moth, it turns into some weird, slick, powdery kind of substance that looks like a cross between eye makeup and anthrax?  I’ll bet the same thing happens when you crush a butterfly.  Not that I know from experience…

Save your outrage. I’ll bet it’s more fun than frying ants.

Butterflies look pretty stupid when they get stuck underneath your windshield wiper for three miles while you’re driving down the highway at 60 miles per hour.  This I do know from experience…

Oh, that looks cute. Not…

Butterflies look their cutest when they’re little fuzzy caterpillars trying to slowly cross the street, waiting to get run over or picked up by little boys to get fed to the dog.  Except for when they swarm…. like we saw once at a remote Kansas rest stop 20 years ago.  Just. Fucking. Creepy.

I’ll bet they’d help keep you warm at night. Sweet dreams!

And don’t get me started on their little caterpillar fitting rooms, cocoons.  I picked quite a few of them off of trees when I was a kid.  I didn’t know any better, and I don’t think that mattered…

You know what else is wrong with butterflies?  They’re false advertisers.  Sure, they fly… but they contain exactly zero percent butter.  That makes them the critter version of I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter…

Made from real butterflies, but not butter.

I love music.  But every single song that has ever been recorded that has the word “butterfly” in its title is a sappy, horrific piece of shit.  “Dog and the Butterfly,” “Butterfly Kisses,” even a classic like Bob Lind’s “Elusive Butterfly” is unlistenable.  Oh, and let’s not forget Mariah Carey’s “Butterfly” abomination… though it goes without saying that Mariah Carey’s singing is about as enjoyable as chewing on aluminum foil while you scrape your nails down a chalkboard…

I didn’t want to look for a picture of Mariah wailing, so recycled an old image that’s close enough.

And of course, there’s the real reason I have a deep seated hatred of butterflies

Yeah, Amy. We know you disagree…

A butterfly flapped its wings somewhere in Bumfuckistan, and it started a complicated chain of events that led to me writing this shitty post today.  I’ll try to do better next week…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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22 Responses to Broken Wings

  1. All poems with butterflies are sappy, too. My first husband ate a moth. He had a weird sense of humor and died young.

  2. randomlyerin says:

    Bumfuckistan is lovely this time of year…

  3. Wow, you hate butterflies as much as I hate mockingbirds, high five to you my friend, lol.

  4. Wanna listen to some Mariah Carey with me? Just joking. I hate her, too. She’s as dumb as a box of rocks, and she doesn’t have the body to wear the skimpy clothing she thinks suits her. Bimbo.

    • I just can’t stand that voice. Let’s see how many octaves I can soar through in a single note! No. Like in the Stooges, I think someone needs to fire a banana into her mouth…

  5. the moths are creepy…indeed… and we love that you found a space for the fantabulous this is not butter!

  6. Your Randomizer let you down today for sure. The one thing I think of when the word “moth” is mentioned is that our cat before Teddy loved to eat moths. He considered them the ultimate snack. He’d hunt down every one he could find in the trees, in the lawn – AND he chased butterflies like a champ too. As for Mariah Carey – just one of a group of female singers who think the more skin they show, the more people will forget their voices are so cringe-worthy. So there. Oh yes – HAPPY JULY 4th (I hope it’s butterfly-less).


    • Ody used to eat the crickets that invade the premises every late summer, but him and Biskit will just stare at moths and chase them when they fly low enough. If they actually get a moth to the floor, they’ll just look at it disgustingly and walk away…

  7. As a faithful member of the pro-butterfly group, I’m refraining from saying much about your post. I’m suspecting you were bit by a butterfly as a child and have never recovered? It should be noted (and no, it does NOT need to be noted, but I’m gonna. I’m in a mood.) that some people have the same attitude towards squirrels as you have towards butterflies. I like squirrels in case there’s some confusion about which of those camps I’m in. Aside from wasps, flies, gnats, and cockroaches, most everything in nature is beautiful. Except those who go to Wal*Mart at 3 a.m. in their spandex p.j.s and they weigh 350+ pounds. Now THAT is hard to admire…some thing are just WRONG. But not butterflies. Butterflies are FREE… (and I love Heart’s “Dog and Butterfly” but that song has dogs in it too, so of course I love it). ❤

    • Ha! My taste in music and critters will always be suspect! I don’t hate butterflies as much as I let on, I just needed something to post about. Birds are another story entirely…. I despise them the way those people you talk about hate squirrels. And thank heaven my Mecca is closed at 3 AM so I don’t have to see those awful people!

  8. draliman says:

    You… you… butterfly hater, you. I’m reporting you to… oh, there doesn’t appear to be anyone who cares enough about butterflies to create a protection agency.

  9. EEK! If that’s this year’s crop of caterpillars, we’re in for one helluva winter!

  10. Quirky Girl says:

    Maybe butterflies were so named because of buttery-soft wings? No? Well, whatever the case, I know it must be utterly disappointing that they are not at all good sources of butter. 😛

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